Adventurer #13 31 марта 2002

Юмор

Ottyag - intro: We will not pull the cat by the balls and start with the run ...

     I greet you in the first part <OTTYAGA>! Will not pull the 
cat by the balls and start with the run:


70 reasons why a peasant to be better than a woman

1. For telephone bills, the man pays less.
2. In erotic movies, naked women are generally higher.
3. We no longer are investigated in machines, weapons and 
fishing. 4. In a seven-day vacation you can take just one suit.

5. Friends do not crawl into your sex life.
7. Put himself in order, before leaving, taking much

   less time.
8. At the hairdresser's money is spent much less.
9. TV wears less, without these roundnose series.
10. The beauty of your ass, is not a factor in hiring

    (Well, except that the agency model to the head - Pedi
    ku).
11. The peasant orgasm is much more real.
12. Perverts in nylon masks at the men do not attack.
13. Peasants did not have to carry around a handbag with all 
junk 

    without which a woman simply can not do without.
14. The toilet guys go without .
15. Your name will always be with you.
16. A guy can leave the bed at the hotel and not tucked

    the maid will not look at you askance.
17. Head will not be watching longingly as you eat a banana.
18. Quickly jump to marry - a purely Babskii run.
19. Set of men's underwear costs only 200 rubles.
20. None of your co-workers do not make you cry.
21. Peasant is not necessarily to shave below your neck.
22. Peasants did not have to smudge the night these smelly 
creams. 23. If you are in 34 years live alone - no one will 
tell you 

    <Old maid>.
24. Lipstick, shadows, etc. used only by women and fag.
25. Chocolate - it's just another reason to eat.
26. With a strong desire can become Patriarch of All Russia.
27. If you're sitting in the passenger seat, then you can 
silence us     lazhdatsya trip.

28. Flowers, Baubles, vyshivochki - only stupid Babs
    Kie gadgets.
29. Guys think about sex 90% of the daytime.
30. Peasant usually do not care what people think about him by 
others. 40. Peasant in the barn on what to wear when he was 
dressed white 

    T-shirt.
41. Three pairs of shoes - more than enough.
42. Kirill, Olezhka and Andrei from  - never on
    settle in the male heart.
43. Foreplay in sex for a man is not required.
44. Nobody stops telling a vulgar anecdote, if you

    entered the room.
45. You can always remove the shirt when outdoors unbearable

    heat.
46. Peasant is not necessarily clean up the apartment,

    if tomorrow will come to him his sidekick.
47. Mechanics in the service station will not hang noodles on 
your ears. 48. A man will not mind if his friends did not 
notice that he does not     long hair cut.

49. Peasants did not have to suffer <Happiness> hair removal 
from legs, 

    using hot wax.
50. The peasant does not spoil the mood before menstruation.
51. A guy can look at Leo DiCaprio without fading CERD
    sample.
52. A man will never go to another gas station because this

    too dirty.
53. A man knows 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
54. A guy can sit aside the knees, without fear that someone
    some will Cut, the color of his pants.
55. Gray hair and wrinkles around the eyes give stylish.
56. Rent wedding dress - 2000P, costume - 500r.
57. A man will never run out of the room, if he sees a 
cockroach. 58. Peasant fuck what are whispering behind his back.

59. When 400'ah millions of sperm in one death, you

    can be fifteen-fold increase in world population (Theorem
    cally, of course).
60. Lazy on the TV for you and yours alone.
61. Buy a chocolate bar, if you are going to Druganov - perfect
    but not necessarily.
62. A guy can piss without taking off his pants.
63. A man can buy a pack by a condom while the seller

    will not represent him naked.
64. Burp after a beer - quite naturally.
65. Men's sexual desire does not depend on the mood.
66. A man never feels pangs of walking on a high Cubley
    Re.
67. The women usually do not like porn movies.
68. If a peasant is not something to talk about with a woman, 
it does not mean 

    that they can not be rough sex.
69. Usually, women can not limit your 200 gr. vodka, polish
    vat its three beers and it does not run to puke.
70. The peasant is a PRICK!


     Now you understand why being a peasant is much better than 
a woman or painted pedriloy? And now a little funny at the 
women: 

Chemical Analysis: A woman ...

Element: Woman.

Symbol: J.

Relative atomic mass: accepted as
53, but it can vary from 45
150.

Discoverer: Adam.

Deposits: The most common
in large cities, at least in the province. Contents of the 
village - is minimal. Possible Seasonal fluctuation of the 
element. 

Physical properties:

1) Surface usually covered with shell different colors.

2) boil over nothing, freezes without
apparent reason.

3) Melts with gentle handling.

4) Toxic! If not handled properly
can cause headaches. Contact
carefully.

5) Found in various states: from
pristine metal nuggets,
to waste ore.

6) Very flexible, if you exert pressure on certain points.

Chemical properties:

1) Excellent srodnyaetsya with gold, silver, platinum and all 
kinds of precious stones. 

2) Excellent absorb costly
substance.

3) Explosive, if left alone, without a regular inspection.

4) Usually, it is not soluble in liquids,
but if you add alcohol, exhibits unusual properties.

5) Not included in the reaction with the materials of the lower 
groups, preferring the higher elements. 

6) Special actively reacts with the element
<Rich Man>.


Usage:

1) Can be used as a decoration for
sports cars, especially the <Ferrari>
or .

2) For occasional use, can be used as a relaxant.

3) A warm and pleasant at a tender application.

4) Can be used as an insulator in hot situations.

Signs of the element.

1) is red, with the primary lifting the upper and lower 
protective layer. 

2) turn green if the closer is better
specimen of the breed.

Warning:

1) If the item is subjected to the use of
without regard to its physical and chemical
properties, it can be dangerous for health and life test.

2) People are not Muslim contraindicated use two portions of 
the element at a time. 


     If you closely communicated with the women, then
probably noticed that these fools like to ask stupid questions.

The five most common Babskii stupid questions:

1 - <What do you think?>
2 - 
3 - 
4 - 
5 - <What would you do if I die?>


     These questions are so stupid that
them sick to respond, though a woman waiting for a positive 
response in advance. Moreover, If she does not get it inflates

lip, turns away, calls you a goat, asshole, bastard, and finally
goes in the direction of a more gentle and soft-spoken pedrily, 
so you yourself decide what to respond to such runs:


1 - <What do you think?>


     Desired response to this nonsense, of course, should sound 
like this:  


     It is quite clear that much dude
nicer and more accustomed to thinking about ...

and - Computers
b - Football
in - <What are you thick cow!>
r - <How cool is grazed beef wok
    RUG!>
g - <Rather be rid of her, and sweat
    to meddle with the lads>


     The remaining questions, of course, too
have  answer and a bunch of .

2 - 


     The correct answer to this question -
<Yes>, and for very advanced dudes
<Yes, dear>. Incorrect answers:

A - Probably.
b - You will feel better if I say <Yes>?
in - What do you mean by ?
r - Did it matter?
D - Who am I??

3 - 


     <The correct> answer should sound
unique: <No, certainly not!> Incorrect:

and - Shit! I fuck on your figure, only

    hole would not overgrown.
b - Looking to compare.
in - the Fullness you to face.
r - Vidal and thicker!
e - could eat less ice cream.

4 - 


     Under  mean your ex-girlfriend, a pretty passerby or
worst, the sexy actress.
Correct answer: <You steeper it is a thousand
times, and generally you like Venus!>
Incorrect answers:

A - Every woman zest.
b - I think the comparison is not acceptable
    us.
in - Yes, but you have still a lot of nedos
    balance.
g - Well, if you were postroynee and
    younger ...
g -  obviously would not be interested in

    your body.

5 - <What would you do if I die?>


     Women think that after their death,
you to commit suicide as Romeo, or
extreme case, leave the monastery. But you
know that when you're not dependent on
the women, only then can you get nishtyaki
of life in full.

and - I would guzzle vodka for a month, impregnated
    curve your insurance.
b - Finally, you can safely get fucked

    with your sister.
in - Fulfilling all your desires that you

    considered vile and stupid.
r - At last I can sleep in the output
    Noi day and not get up at 8:00

    morning to take out the trash
    Noe bucket.
d - finally my TV stop

    show these roundnose serials.


     You probably heard of runs, type <Why beer is better than 
women> apparently have Run on <Why women are better than beer>. 
And now: 


    -= WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN CUCUMBERS =
(I always  chip type
=- -= PRICK - well, these type =- -= MOST .......
=- -= Bullshit ... drove again ... )


     So


      pochemu pivo klewee ogurcov?

1. You never <nazhreshsya> with cucumbers. (But you can sblevat
: ()
2. Peel of cucumber does not take into glass collection points.
3. Beer bottles have never sprayed with pesticides.
4. Beer bottles never shrink or dry up, if

   they put on the month in the refrigerator.
5. Fresh beer is always the same at any time of year.
6. Beer always cheer up (unless of course they pump

   in sufficient numbers :-)
7. If two potsa eat cucumbers in the bar, it looks like 
something 

   strange.
8. During the fight, a cucumber will never replace the Battle 
of beer. 9. If you come to his friend with a cucumber, I'm 
afraid he will not 

   understand (of course if you are not blue and not using 
cucumbers 

   as dildos :-).
10. Finally, in the summer heat, drink a beer is always better 
than 

    zahavat cucumber.


     And now a full-antagonism masturbation
(Such as rhymes; #) - this is the way smiling
Niger ... Something to me today and accelerates
Topics ... Duc:


      Why Cucumbers steeper than beer

      (Especially for Macros'a :-)

1. After eating the cucumbers, there is never a hangover.
2. In the cucumber is much lower in calories.
3. Your wife will never gundet about: <You're always
   but sit all day in front of a drawer and zhresh cucumber>
4. You can put your own cucumbers without buying

   expensive equipment.
5. Baba will never say that to you reeks of cucumbers.
6. If a bank of vodka you buy two cucumber - you will have more
   more easy othodnyak.
7. You can eat all you want and cucumbers have no problems

   with DPS'nikami.
8. Unlike beer cucumber can eat straight from the shell.
9. No matter how much you do not shake a cucumber, he never 
will pour you 

   on the pants.
10. Cucumber will never be broken if you drop it on the asphalt.


     I've been passing drink beer ... Went piss. And now:

21 types of people you can meet in the men's room

1. Looking forward: Obossyvayut all around, can not get into Pts
   to.
2. Sociable: inciting friends piss with them.
3. Strabismus: the impression vuaeristov.
4. Shy: shy when someone looks like they

   ssut.
5. POHUISTY: If all the urinals and toilets are busy ssut in 
Raco    guilt.

6. Dodger: Trying to get to the point, is not holding his dick, 
but 

   usually fall to the floor.
7. CONCERNS: They are trying to reach the end quickly so as not 
to 

   wet pants.
8. Untied: Trying to shoot down a jet flies.
9. FLYING IN CLOUDS: undo the jacket, untied tack
   fat ssut pants.
10. Infantile: ssut exactly the point, laughing at the bubbles 
on 

    water.
11. Sneaky: podperdyvayut quietly while urinating, hoping

    that all will think naperdel his neighbor.
12. Patient: If all the urinals are occupied, waiting for their 
turn 

    pochityvaya newspaper.
13. BROUGHT to exhaustion: a long wait in line, squeak

    teeth, piss in your pants.
14. Bum: shake dick, tapping it on the urinal.
15. Rational: If the double is a urinal, ssut

    both together, not zhdya each other.
16. Bold: Do not see where to enter, so ssut on shoes.
17. Liliput: Stand up on the toilet seat to fall into the 
toilet, sink. 18. Irritation: While waiting in line, lose the 
desire to piss. 19. Conceited: Handle pyatisantimetrovym by a 
dick like a 

    baseball bat.
20. RADICALS: Paintings on the walls of a jet of the .
21. Drunk: Keep the right thumb on the left, ssut pants.


     By the way, you have not heard joke about the three
degree of intoxication? For those who have not heard:

1. Fed up, piss, forgot to shake.
2. Dostal shook forgot to piss.
3. Piss, shook, I forgot to get it.


     Macros probably thought that all cyberpunks come, 
following the third paragraph: - [] 


     In the past, <OTTYAGE> you know why
Sex is better than studying, and now:


       WHY STUDYING IS BETTER THAN SEX

1. To study learning partner is much easier.
2. If you're tired, you can simply stop the process, pop
   rosit nobody take your place and go for a smoke.
3. If you are a very fast finish school, you do not there is 
sensitivity    proof of guilt, rather the opposite - a good 
mood. 4. If you open a book, you absolutely do not care who TCI

   discontinuity it to you.
5. Bank of coffee - and it can do overnight.
6. If you're used to engage in learning alone, never

   earn the nickname <Masturbate>!
7. You can easily combine with study smoking, eating, watching

   box, etc.
8. You Do not hesitate, if the parents will drop you to your 
room, in the 

   the lesson study.
9. You can engage in learning with her younger sister and no one

   calls you a pervert.
10. If you do something wrong, you can at any

    drugana moment to ask her to help you.


     Then I recently watched the last
Bond ... Yes ... Something recently
I have little steel pin up these monotonous spy jokes. And now 
some fun stats: 

For all his espionage career in numerous films Bond: