News From Ukraine: Still Enough Haxxors In Smash!

       News From Ukraine: Still Enough Haxxors In Smash!

                            By Raver

We've  got   fresh news   from  the world   famous  group, SMASH
HACKERS BAND. Kewl  name, isn't  it? I  wish I  had one  in mind
when i  was founding my group... though I would replace  HACKERS
with HAXXORZ since  it sounds  more  leet. But  enough  with the
cheap remarks,  these chaps  well  deserve  a place  in  our top
-notch   magazine!   So,   here  we   go  with   their  current
member status:

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Grunge - gfx art, text writer, organizer    grunge_smash@mail.ru
Thrash - coder, hacker                      thrash_smash@mail.ru
Sashulya - hardware repair, swapper           fido: 2:4600/140.5
Desalex - (also active in X-Project) hacker                 none

[end of quote]

As  you  see, they've  got   two brand  name  haxxors. And  it's
called ZX DIVISION. WTF?  I thought  hackers where  these people
from Cult  of The Dead Cow  or Lopht and  they're having like  a
CITIBANK DIVISION  or MICROSOFT DIVISION depending on  what  are
they hacking...  Mebbe these blokes are hacking zx.ru. Oh  well!
Sorry,  I can't  escape stupid   comments  when  talking  about
haxxors. After  all   I am a  haXXor as well  (hi! we are  a new
group  on  scene  from Ogre  city  and  I am  Raversoft/Phantasy
Hackers Group).

Anyway, besides ZX DIVISION  full of haxxors, spiderz  and rats,
they've got an AMIGA DIVISION. Who's in there?

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Grunge - gfx artist, organizer              grunge_smash@mail.ru
AmiGator - swapper, text writter                AmiGator@mail.ru
AVL - coder, hacker                    AVL@ccssu.ccssu.crimea.ua
SCF - coder                                          SCF@mail.ru
DJ RUSH - musician                             rush@bios.iuf.net
[end of quote]

Kewl!!! At least one haxxor in there!! Man I start to love  this
group, can I join? I can haxxor my mum's pantry, so should I get
in to the  MUMS DIVISION or  maybe  the PANTRY  DIVISION or just
plain  HAXXORZ DIVISION?
Anyway,  that's not  all! Some  people have  left the ranks   of
this amazing force. Let's see who...

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Mighty  left  scene  for   trading.   Sevik  left  for    Amiga.
Hawk  moved to Saint-Petersberg and left scene.  Cooper left for
music creation on Amiga.

[end of quote]

MIGHTY LEFT  THE SCENE!!  I  can't  believe it!  Are you talking
about  THAT   Mighty,    about   MIGHTY   HAXXOR/SMASH    HAXXOR
BAND/AMAZING HAXXOR MAKING?  Holy  shit!  What are we   gonna do
now? My   worst nightmare   came true...   It's all   lost, it's
all too  late... Mighty Hacker  is not with us anymore.  He left
for...?  Trading! Should it be  a new platform? Maybe it's  this
new console from Nintendo  I heard rumours about?  Hopefully so,
cuz   old  haxxors  never  die!  And   Sevik,   bloody  asshole,
moving  to  amiga   but  not AMIGA  DIVISION! Stupid you!  AMIGA
DIVISION sounds much more  proud than just amiga.  Plain, small,
stupid amiga.

Amiga.

Prudish bitch!

AMIGA DIVISION!

A.D. RuLEZ!!

Anyways, not only did he leave, but also Cooper left. That's not
a big   loss, since  we can   see he  was a   musician and not a
haxxor. Still,  this bastard  chose  that  bitch  again  instead
of  mighty  AMIGA DIVISION! And you call them sceners! They have
no clue about the scene, sceners never do this,  sceners do like
that (see  page 808 in  the ALMIGHTY  SCENE BIBLE). Break  AMIGA
DIVISION HAXXORS RULE and you  will be deported  for your deadly
sin, out of  the scene forever! LamerZ.

Well, at least I can understand Hawk. If I was moving to   Saint
-Petersburg   aka   Piter,   I   would   leave  the  scene  too.
Imagine, every  year, in  peaceful august,  zillionz of  sceners
rush   into   your   house,   break   the   glass,   empty  your
refrigerator, steal your computers, fuck your parents and repeat
this process for  a week  or  so. And  when  they finally  leave
saying with a  fat smile "Bi  bi fellow scener,  thanks for your
hospitality, see ya  next year for  the party" all you have left
is   a huge   amount of   empty bottles.   It could   be a  bit
stressful and  even regular  sex won't  help there.  Oh no, then
I better choose prudish bitch!

Choose death before death chooses you!

Or, choose the scene which is much more exciting than life.  But
hey, we've got something to write about there, don't we? And not
about these  stinky demoparties  but NEWS  HOT HOT  ETC and  the
subject is

(let me remind you and myself):

SMASH HAXERS BAND!

Yes! That's it.

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Now  we  working on  the Зrd  issue of  RU(S)H diskmag.  Also we
planning to  release near   10  classic  adventure games  for TR
-DOS.  They are last products for Speccy from  such  great firms
like Level9, etc.  In may we have released ThrashGiFT on  Amiga.
It works on any Amiga with 1 mb of RAM.

[end of quote]

Aha, so they're also  walking  the slippery way   of journalism.
Let's unite  bros! We  are the  scene, we  are the  children, we
fuck the scene, we  fuck the children!  Btw dudes, you're   from
this  speccywise really  strong country  Ukraine (nukes!  nukes!
phear!), so you should know  what Rst#7 is currently  up to?  As
far  as I can remember, he  was the most famous kid fucker  back
then, in golden times.

Oh no! Once again, excuse me, but singing always creates  little
confusion in my  little head, so  I got carried  away again. No,
this article ain't about pedophiles or drugs!

DRUX!!!

Music is  a drug.  Gimme some  drugZ!  If  you ask  me, I  would
rather have drugs and not  a pedophile. Drummer Travis smokes  4
stix!  So do  I. You  know, this  summer was  really shitty  in
Europe. Out  of 50 seeds I got from Emma (thanks honey!) only  1
(one!) grew! It's a real pity, I have no stix to smoke now. Hope
my bros from  KT will help   me out, or   maybe Relict -   nooo!
Relict is  crazy bezerk! I nearly got  my throat cut because  of
him in  Saint-Petersburg. He  asked the  wrong  person  where to
buy ganja - so  the mighty gypsy king  got  some shit  made  out
of  razor(1911)blades   and looked   as dangerous  as the  31337
haxxorz!!  RIGHT! Haxxorz! Thank gOd,  we are back to the  rOOtz
and that happened naturally! It's a sign!

So, SMASH HACKERS BAND. Once again please, because it's  already
out of my mind.

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Now  we  working on  the Зrd  issue of  RU(S)H diskmag.  Also we
planning to  release near   10  classic  adventure games  for TR
-DOS.  They are last products for Speccy from  such  great firms
like Level9, etc.  In may we have released ThrashGiFT on  Amiga.
It works on any Amiga with 1 mb of RAM.

[end of quote]

Ah, yeah. As  we commented on  journalism, pedophiles and  drugz
already, we got  adventure games and  prudish bitch with  1mb of
RAM  left. That's  good, that's  good, adventure  games are  for
haxxors! They evolve your mind, especially gems from Level9. No,
honestly,  I  used  to  play a  lot  of  adventure  games in  my
childhood, that's why I'm so smart. I strongly recommend you  to
check out the new game  "Quest For VRONJI" which was  released a
while ago by   Rekeysoft. It's  a  good  example of   what a top
adventure should look  like!  It's  like Level16  or  sommit,  a
bit better than yours, so there! :P

And,  finally,  the bitch!  Imagine,  she's only  got  1mb! What
program  would  you   load  into   her memory   each  time   you
turn  her   on? Ofcourse!   Fucking   program,  bloody   fucking
program,  fucking bloody program! Lai pisaas!

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

We are  looking for  a new  members (especially  for Speccy  and
Amiga  musicians)!  Contact  us  at  inv@bios.iuf.net   or fido:
2:4600/140.30

[end of quote]

Yes! So you see  they  need more  haxxors! Err, musicians.   Why
did they let that damn  Cooper go? Shit  happens... Support 'em,
imho they more  than deserve it   and you'll be  able to proudly
wear the name of SMASH HACKERS BAND!

Eureka! I just remembered  something Grunge didn't write  about!
He joined the mighty team of SCENET writing NEWZ in  ENGLISH!!!!
Not only  that, in  a veeeeeeeeery  shitty english,  keep up the
good   work   and  for   our   dear  reader   here's   the  url:
http://scenet.de

[quote from Grunge/SHB]

Support  FRU(S)H Speccy  and Amiga  diskmag with  your articles,
news,  etc  Send  your stuff  at  grunge_smash@mail.ru  or fido:
2:4600/140.30

[end of quote]

And this too.  I'll be  your  good example -  hey guys,   here's
some news -  RAWW ARSE HAXXORS  and PHANTASTIC HAXXORS  released
HAXXORZ zine named SUBLIMINAL HAXTACY! Bringing you the best  of
the  best in   haxxoring and   intelligent journalism,   we  are
here to  stay.  And  we  wont  go  away   as  long  as  there is
LAST HAXXOR STANDING. Who? Me ofcuz!!

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