---------- Track: IRONMAN: 2DAY DR.RAVE'S PARTY! By: ---------- "Tourist trout" - Sorry, can you tell me where it is? Rod? - And where they catch you, that’s where the rod is. (Shovel, gee-gee-gee) ... The topic of our lesson today is saw the fish... That's what it's called because it looks like a saw... She saws everything... she saws the algae and saws shells... she saws stones... other fish...she cuts down trees... and at night she crawls ashore... and nags people... (almost a joke) There is such a river in the Carpathians - Prut. Small and cold in the upper reaches, it carries its waters from a mountain spring to Upper Moesia, where it flows into the Danube and bottled in Pontus Evskinsky. At the most its origins are hidden tourist Camp "Globus" grateful tourists to good weather Prut in different ways use - swim downstream, upstream the socks are washed... Good river. There is also fish in it. Also good. Only a little. You understand - socks... after mountains... and then the owner socks will definitely fit... However, for the essence of the story this is not important. B I'm an instructor at Globus. I take people around mountains. Sometimes, of course, such calves you get caught, it’s just scary to become. The man spent his whole life in the city, doesn’t understand anything about tourism, all that anything can happen. In general, anyone instructors have a large stock of stories about thenhow he led a group of teapots and “here one will fall into a crevice..." Or - “and lo, he’s hanging up on the cord feet..." Or - “and he’ll laugh, stumbles, and a cow pat with his face - once!" There are hundreds of such events. But my story, I affirm with all my might responsibility, unique. There is such a joke in Globus for newcomers - forced to fish in Prute. A smart head came up with it. It consists of this: a detachment of full teapots explains that in the river full of trout. Moreover, she is spawning, and she she’s bad, so she hates any noise. Duck you need to stand on the shore and shout loudly, and it will float, rake it with your hands. Crowd goes to the river and yells there for a long time, and Satisfied instructors in nearby bushes They laugh for a long time and with pleasure. All simple. However there is one small complexity - I have not heard that Has anyone managed everything correctly and crank effectively. Truly, for this requires being a master of impersonation. Last year this joke didn't work. To the idea of going out at night to scare trout people I was skeptical. What happened in this I I'll tell you now.We are somehow sitting at the base in front of the first hiking and drinking local moonshine with another squad. (Oh, this moonshine... What the drink. Clean as a tear, it pours down your throat balm, like a mother's tender voice pleases the soul like a blow to the face does strength if I were a bourgeois, I would fix it production on an industrial scale, packaged into bastards and sold under brand "Ambrosia. 60 degrees.") We finished the first liter, and then I decided talk about the crazy trout. My the squad is fully aware, know they nod with Looking smart, and I'm going to the second squad hanging it up. About trout, and about what she's spawning now and what she's going on noise that you can rake in with your hands... In detail, in detail - at least six man stands on the shore to create noise, two people standing in water and towels, or pillowcases, or anything, just to worked on the principle of a net, throw it away trout to the shore, and two more at once they stuff it into cauldrons so that it goes into the water didn’t crawl away (mine are starting to choke). I see the reaction is sluggish. Bad reaction. Not believe. One even raised a voice saying, for nonsense, trout in the Prut with your hands? This the moment connected woke up on time Tolyan is an instructor of the second squad. I him last year I tried to stab him, so he I remembered. “Why,” he says, “nonsense? literallythe shift change was two days ago, so Korney and I walked, seven or eight trout were caught. The fish soup was made great, and some were replaced with moonshine." Then I see Lekha from my squad is starting to slowly crawl sideways into the corner, and in the corner he is clearly swelling from the top side, still a little bit and he'll laugh like crazy. The topic of trout somehow became silent, but as we realized later, she settled deeply in fragile teapot minds. The next day in the evening we sit with instructors and, as is our custom, kvasim Drunk chatter is noisy about this seven, and then Tolyan asks me: "Listen, Korney, it’s okay that I in the morning he told his squad that we were yesterday at night after gatherings we went to the Prut, thirteen trout were caught, and then took you to the kitchen?" At first I didn't even I completely understood what he meant. A Tolyan continues: “So they have now gathered, they want to go to the river and fish." I just don't believed. Can a person make a joke? B this moment opens the door to our room and the guy from the 2nd comes into waders, powder coat and meningitis cap. “Tolya,” he says, “you are you coming? We've already gathered, just you We're waiting." For me and those around me, it starts flatten, because everyone knows about me yesterday's monologue on fishing techniquecatching Tolya replies that yes, I’m coming, I'll just finish the moonshine. The door is behind the guy closes. Everyone is hysterical. Tolyan: "Korney, they want you with us I went like a top professional." It’s clear that I can simply miss THIS I don’t have the right, but I want to see it sides. I’ll get away with it somehow, I decide and I go out with Tolyan onto the porch. I'm seeing the light. Almost one o'clock in the morning. Central entrance to sports and recreational tourism Camp "Globus" In front of the porch a compact crowd of 15 people stands in full equipment - windbreakers, with mugs and bowls (to hit the mugs with bowls), pillowcases and cauldrons. On granite faces - determination to go catch trout to the bitter end. At night. B Prute. I'm starting to get sick. I (me sausages). So, are you ready yet? Uh... ah... A voice from the crowd... Korney, and you will you come with us? Me. Well... uh... (damn, I want to look from the outside) I can’t, I agreed with my squad to drink beer. What you decide to go is ok. (full rush) Only I see that you took eight-liter boilers - this in vain. Take ten-liter ones, otherwise the trout will jump out. The crowd is moving pours. Yes, yes... exactly... Seryoga, run...The guy in camouflage grabs the boilers and rushes to the kitchen. I (sausage on black). So that's it. Not on the shore stand in a crowd, stretch out in a chain of meters by ten. You have to shout loudly, level noise level should be no lower than 100 - 120 decibel... ... dumb mode on ... (sudden insight) And keep in mind that they can the foresters will come. Here guys almost once caught, so be careful, for this fined. The authorities will also later troubles. V o l o s k n a t o v p u. And a big fine? I (full rut). Yes, decently. For every trout seventy eight hryvnia, forty-five kopecks. By receipts. So do this like this: stretch out on the shore, and on the right and to the left about ten meters from the main group put one person at a time, let them be on Nice. Tolyan, you will stand on the left, at the descent from KP. And if anything, voices in the forest, or flashlights, run immediately. Because The camp authorities don't need any trouble. The crowd leaves. Creaks repeatedly gate, cigarette lights flash, concentrated faces, quiet conversations. Well, just a partisan detachment. The public represented by two instructors and Lehi The flat one slides down the jambs. Minutes laterhigh-fiving the crowd of trout fishermen move about forty meters along the road, we go out and scratch in the wake without turning on flashlights. The road from the base leads straight to reserve. At the entrance to the reserve there is barrier, there is a "booth" type gearbox and several huts. There is a road right next to the booth bifurcates. You will go right - to you'll end up in a nature reserve (and you'll be there for a long time get lost, with a squad, an instructor, walking with a heavy backpack, go up, go down and also ride on your ass, you'll kill yourself feet, you'll step in a goat's ram and cut yourself ax finger). To the left - steep descent through the forest to the rocky shore. The crowd turns, disappears from sight, we quicken our pace, and completely unexpectedly we see that they have turned back and are walking towards us. Eh, mother, probably someone split. It's a shame this joke is gone... Our sabotage group technically breaks, technically jumps over a low fence standing by the road and lays down technically, without a single sound. The crowd approaches, passes us by, and we understand that this does not appear to be ours. Oh damn! Ours are already on the shore Prut! We'll miss this circus! And here we are hit me running, directly, through the forest, not sorting out the roads, bumping intotrees, stumbling over stones, and after a minute with acceleration flew ashore. Thank God higher upstream than necessary for our dark targets. The crowd stands meters away twenty from us and is conferring about something. We move a little to the left, occupy comfortable position in the bushes... and then they how they gave... A-A-A-A-A!!! AA!A!A!A!AAAAAA!!!!!AAAH!!! (IMPOSSIBLE scream) AAAA-RRR-R-RG-G-H-HHAA-A-A!!! (you saw how the crowd roared at the stadium when score a goal?) AAAAAAA!!! AHHH!!!! AHHH!!! (you know how lungs vomit when decompression??) AAA-AMMMMMAAA!!!!MMM-MMAAA-AAAH!!!! (you ever fucked with all your might aluminum mug on iron bowl???) In general, IT WAS P#$% C!!! To say that we are torn apart is nothing say. We rolled on the ground, fought heads on trees and chewed on stones. I have never laughed so hard in my life. I thought I would throw back my hooves laughing. I I saw how to the left of me on the ground he was fighting in convulsions Max, and to the right and slightly behind covering his face with his hands, smearing his tears Seryoga. Then the wild screaming began sounds mix intensely water splashing onto the shore. Here I am I regretted not taking a knife with me, make hara-kiri. Friends first, so that alleviate suffering andthen to myself. For it was impossible to endure such torment. This it was just painful. My stomach hurt wildly, we moaning, coughing, spitting, it seemed pieces of lungs... Here the crowd fell silent, waited a little and moved towards us. Inhuman With an effort of will we tried to calm down. It wasn't easy. Is it really our turnout? failed? The crowd stopped right there opposite our shelter and began confer. From the coming fragments conversation we realized that they had decided change location by moving it to the side narrowing of the channel, thus expecting more trout per unit volume of water. Here we could no longer hold back and the joke would go to waste the most interesting place... if at the same moment the crowd... ...didn't SCREAM AHHHH!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!! IN TWO!!! ONCE!!! LOUDER!!! AHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Alas, using standard means to convey this mating roar of a thousand-headed herd mammoths are completely impossible. INThe Russian alphabet simply does not have such letters. I thought that now the whole command post would come running... They say it's a seismological station registered nearby earthquake... I don't know how we could not notice... We dragged ourselves so that It seemed like we were about to turn inside out. Imagine yourself in three minutes smoked a dump truck of the finest, the most seasoned, most magnificent drape. Then perhaps you will understand me. Belly... it cannot be brought under sensation usually described by the word "pain". People with an open ulcer duodenum and rupture kidneys felt better than us. My throat was sore, as if someone had chimneyed he tore out his tonsils with forceps and at the same time thyroid gland. From a mad scream my head was pounding. And work was going on on the shore. To the shore pillowcases of water splashed out and greedy hands rummaged over the rocks in search of trout. poor Tolyan, standing on the skiff below flow, I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was scary to look at him. On the spot crowds I could only doone The assumption is that Tolyan has epilepsy. Since childhood. And now just another one seizure Then we realized that it was time to call it quits, otherwise our cold corpses will only be picked up in the morning. And everyone will wonder why four healthy idiots died and what they did it at night in the forest. And tourist teaching staff the Globus camp will suffer irreparable losses. And in the end it's time move on to the second act of our performance - "The Appearance of Foresters". We rose to our full height, came out from behind bushes and turned on the flashlights. Crowd froze. The seconds fell slowly and crashed on the rocky shore. "Why are they not running? - I thought - “after all, I’m I clearly instructed them..." But then Tolyan shouts: “Nice! Foresters!!!" And when Max turns on the howler on the barge: “Who Can you catch fish here? Stay!" ... Dear friend! Has it ever happened to you when you went out in the morning in his shorts on his balcony a warm apartment in a nine-story building, observe,as convenient the asphalt road rushes into the distance from you a herd of mammoths??? I didn't have to... Okay. Let's move on to an example that is more suitable for your averse to excess abstractions of the mind. Have you ever seen folk Spanish fun when on peaceful streets release bulls? Even if TV? Did you have to? Great! Now we remove the bulls, turn off the sun and We put a river as a decoration. How they rushed!.. how they got lost... Wild tramp running downstream the crowd could be heard from afar for another two minutes. The battlefield is behind us. On the field battle we discovered: boilers ten-liter - two pieces, pillowcases - 3 pieces, Nike sneakers, singed - two couples (one of those wielding the pillowcase went into the water up to my knees)... And now would be the time to mercifully lower curtain, if Tolyan had not appeared. U his hand was torn to blood, his whole head in the ground, and instead of laughter from it lungsonly the powerless came out hissing. Simply by disposition, Tolyan stood on ten meters downstream. And run he had to be ahead of everyone. But laugh He wanted to be with us too. And he decided to jump and lie down in the bushes on the left. And there it turned out to be a ditch, about a meter and a half long depth. Exhausted, we fell on the stones and for a long time they sat like that, listened to the sound of the river, smoked, and then we got up and went to the base. What happened after? there was something. But this is already a completely different story.
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