Humor - "Milky Way", or A Dozen for a duet.

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Track: TrAnCe'c ... ;)                  
By: Mm    
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 ""Milky Way",                 
    or Dozen for a duet"               
                                        
- Stop, stop! It's no good -      
the director jumped up. . Vasily, maybe with 
such a person can advertise products  
for children?! And then understand, you must    
drink beer and leave, not quickly, but not  
slowly, decisively and with dignity. 
Leave! And not hobble like . - remainder 
phrases contained exclusively            
profanity. He returned to    
armchair                                 
                                        
-Let's try again. Motor!                
                                        
-Excuse me, you are filming a video about      
diapers? - the voice belonged to          
a short, bespectacled man with a huge    
portfolio.                              
                                        
The director frowned.                    
                                        
- I'm trying to the best of my ability. What do I owe?- Allow me to introduce myself. Holotropov   
Zigmund Galileevich. . He tilted it slightly
head. - Assistant to Ivan Ivanovich   
forecasting the future, astrology and  
related sciences.                   
-So, that means the fortune teller of the largest   
diaper tycoon. - thought the director.
- Came to poke your nose in.?              
                                        
- Well, first of all, I’m not a fortune teller, -        
The bespectacled man declared decisively. . A          
reverse extrapolation specialist 
trends of ordinary phenomena into the plane  
event set of the nearest        
the future, and secondly.                  
                                        
- What does this nonsense mean?               
                                        
- Do you really want to know this?    
                                        
- God forbid! . the director waved him off.    
                                        
- That's what I thought. Secondly, I'm here  
to help you. The point is that Ivan  
Ivanovich decided. More precisely, we              
consulted, and In general, our        
diapers will not be called “Tenderness”,
and ?Milky Way?.                       
                                        
- It sounds! . The director praised the bespectacled man. 
- Thank you for informing me. How will they be
be called tomorrow?                      
                                        
-Please don't be angry. In the light        
of the above, new ones have appeared for the video 
requirements. He must, among other things,  
Consider everyone's individual traits     
zodiac signs. This is what I came for.     
Clear?                                   
                                        
“No,” the director admitted honestly.     
                                        
- Each zodiac sign has its own        
features. . continued the bespectacled man. . All 
they, I mean features, should   
clearly manifest in yours, or rather, already    
our video. I will take you                
consult.                        
                                        
- Well, - the director for a few     
thought for a second. . Apparently I need  
relax and have fun.   
What is the first sign?                      
                                        
- First Aries. But this is not necessary.    
We can start with anyone.                  
                                        
- Then, to warm up, let's start with     
the most unpretentious.                  
                                        
- How is this? But... The most unpretentious  
there is no sign... - the bespectacled man realized that he   
you'll have to be patient. - You       
you see, not a single sign is worse or    
better than the other, they are just different. Here,  
for example, Aries. this is energyfiery, Taurus. calmness,        
self-confidence, and Virgo.            
prudence, practicality. It's clear?   
                                        
- I don’t understand anything else, - Director      
he stuck out his lips. “How can you stick all this in?”
in one video? Moreover, even signs    
not three.                                 
                                        
- Oh, it's not as difficult as it seems, -  
The bespectacled man was inspired. - Let's take the first one  
episode. Your man is drinking beer.        
He just drinks. And if we add energy, 
rush...                                
                                        
- That is, he should drink beer          
energetically?                              
                                        
- Well, why so literally? He can either 
personify energy: athletic    
physique, active gestures and   
all that... Or let's put it in the background
something rhythmic, I mean     
music.                                 
                                        
- Or maybe let Vasily drink beer       
dancing? Let's add a disco, girls   
there, or some kind of show ballet? -     
the director gradually began to go into a rage.
                                        
- Why not? - agreed         
astrologer - Let's move on. Taurus. This     
calmness, solidity, confidence in  
to yourself. Ideas?- Maybe let Vasily dance with the lady  
minuet? Let's dress him in a tailcoat with a bow tie.  
                                        
- No, . objected the bespectacled man. - Let's    
We'd better dress up the waiter. Establishment    
should be solid in itself.      
You can, for example, hang a sign for a bar  
hotel "Ritz".                           
                                        
- In my opinion, waiters don’t go anywhere 
tailcoats,” the director doubted. - Come on
Let's do this. Vasily dances energetically, 
The waiter approaches him and takes out a pen 
?Parker?, looks at his gold watch, 
let’s take the watch and pen in large     
plan, and asks: “What do you want?”    
sir??                                   
                                        
- It’s somehow stretched beyond the ears. - The bespectacled boy     
wrinkled his forehead. - I offer a gold watch
put on Vasily. For example: he      
dancing samba, in some moment of his    
a thought strikes him, he looks at his watch,     
calls the waiter and says something to him     
asks. The waiter writes something...    
                                        
- With a Parker pen. the director inserted.  
Let's take a close-up of the handle. The clock too.
Maybe 'Cartier'?                    
                                        
- I don’t mind. And Vasily leaves. Voice  
behind the scenes,as before: 'How are you        
Do you think He made it?                     
                                        
“Not bad,” the director summed up. “Only
one episode out of three is already ready, and we     
Only two signs were used.          
                                        
- What should I add there? - thought about it    
bespectacled. - Maybe Libra? The most beautiful   
sign... Where is Vasily?                  
                                        
- There he is, the red-haired one, third from the right.    
The director pointed.               
                                        
“Hmm,” the astrologer carefully examined 
actor. - Perhaps Libra is not suitable. ABOUT!  
twins! Communication and intelligence! C        
Intellectually, of course, we fly by, but  
communication...                              
                                        
- What problems? - the director clicked    
fingers. - Let Vasily have fun and long
communicates with the waiter.                  
                                        
- About what?                                
                                        
- Who cares, let him chirp     
ten seconds. What about intelligence?      
Let's insert a volume of Shakespeare into Vasily's armpit.
Or Dostoevsky? Say, 'War and Peace'?
                                        
- No, that’s not it... - the bespectacled guy again         
thought about it. - Stop! The book should be    
unusual, occult or something...Yes and   
We'll add some fish at the same time.                  
                                        
- Well, about Zen Buddhism, you know better, 
you are our astrologer.                      
                                        
- I’m not an astrologer here, but in general. Ivan's
Ivanovich. Let the book be, for example, 
?Dreams and dreams?, eh?                  
                                        
- Yes, I need either an accordion or a harp... -       
the director shrugged. - Only        
Must be hard bound.        
                                        
- Why in hard? - surprised        
bespectacled. - Such a book will attract fish   
regardless...                        
                                        
“What does Fish have to do with it,” interrupted         
director. - Think for yourself, if he is with      
the book under your arm will be samba           
dance that                            
after the fifth take from softcover 
will it stay? Toilet paper!            
                                        
- Wow! - The bespectacled man admired. And I even
and didn’t think about it.                           
                                        
- Well, the Master is the Master! -         
the director noted with satisfaction. -      
I suggest we take a break and then we’ll get on with it.    
second episode. He turned into the hall and   
shouted loudly to the assistant - Natasha! Us   
coffee please! And callaccountant,  
here you need to include a clock and a pen in the estimate! 
What? Well, nonsense is not nonsense, but accountants 
call...                               
                                        
The second episode doesn't match the first either. 
was the height of complexity. Woman looking in 
cinema movie, eating popcorn with        
?Coca-Cola?, again, before that
moment as it was just as suddenly as  
the man from the first episode is pierced    
some thought. The woman is forced to quickly
retreat, and the voice-over softly   
asks: “Do you think she made it?”
                                        
- So, there are already four characters left  
eight. Divide into two episodes, we get
on average about 4. - Manifested      
first higher education director     
commercials.                      
                                        
- Not 8, but 7! - the bespectacled man interrupted         
arithmetic research. - I think      
a woman should definitely represent  
Libra. Do you have beautiful women?      
                                        
- Do you want to offend me?                  
                                        
- This can be considered affirmative      
the answer?                                
                                        
-Are you kidding me?                       
                                        
-Can you answer the question directly?- Yes.                                   
                                        
- So?                                 
                                        
- Yes!                                   
                                        
- What yes?                               
                                        
- I have beautiful women.         
The bespectacled boy winced.                     
                                        
- Understand, ruler of Libra.       
Venus, respectively, Libra. not just
beautiful, and THE MOST beautiful.             
                                        
- Well, everything without exception?           
                                        
- Of course, not all! But our case.      
exaggerated, therefore the specified quality 
actresses should be clearly expressed.    
                                        
- Okay, - the director is tired            
bicker. - We will do everything as it should:    
We exaggerate, tint, smear, twist and
express.                                
The bespectacled boy looked doubtfully at        
Masters.                                
                                        
- I hope it will be so. Very important     
choose the right movie. Yes, Capricorn. 
determination and strength, Scorpio     
secretive yet passionate, Aquarius.unusual...                          
                                        
- There are problems with goal-oriented films  
it won’t happen,” the director noted confidently.  
-Any fight. Can we do ?blade 2? or    
?Die Hard?.                       
                                        
- I'm afraid they won't understand us: a beautiful woman
comes to watch an action movie, and then   
runs away in the middle of the film. What,          
you ask? Scared?               
                                        
- Then we’ll make a film for Scorpio.    
Hidden passion, you say? -        
The director turned towards the assistant.
                                        
- Natasha! Please bring it          
TV program for this week!            
A few minutes later they both           
immersed in reading.                   
                                        
- ABOUT! - The director exclaimed joyfully and   
recited: “Iago is a dark passion!?”
Great!                                
                                        
“I don’t argue,” agreed the astrologer. - But  
Is it shown in cinemas?          
Mexican TV series?                   
                                        
- Firstly, not Mexican, but         
Argentinean, and secondly, I need   
only the name. Let's take a close-up 
screen, show the name of the film, let   
it will be just ?Darkpassion?, and        
then...                                
                                        
- Why will the credits be shown in     
middle of the movie? - the bespectacled man did not let up. 
                                        
- How why? - the director thought. -   
Well, I don’t know... - He scratched the back of his head - Yes 
because the film is a two-part film!        
Does it fit?                               
                                        
“It fits,” agreed the astrologer.      
                                        
- So here it is. Our beauty is sitting with       
corn and Coca-Cola, she's pierced   
thought and it is extremely purposeful      
leaves. It might even knock down the watchman. 
Or let all the spectators shout: “Stop, don’t 
go away!?, and she doesn’t care. Let's take      
close-up: determined look,     
iron steadfastness. Real     
Capricorn. Capricorn. Capricorn. So how? 
                                        
- In principle, not bad. Just need     
dilute with one more sign. Let's say     
let's hang a sign in the background:       
'free session'.                     
                                        
- For what? - the director did not understand.           
                                        
- Why? You have no idea how   
Virgos are practical!                         
                                        
- Well,free, so free. -     
The director turned to his assistant again. - 
Natasha! You can pick up the newspaper. And        
organize lunch. the second episode is ready!   
                                        
Third and final episode            
the original plan was called upon     
summarize the storyline of the first two.  
A family gathered around the TV consisting of
fathers, mothers and their young children,       
drank according to age and    
occasion drinks, looking blissfully    
at each other. Still the same vote     
the framer asked: “What do you think,      
why is this family not pierced by any    
thoughts? Why do they drink quietly?    
then he answered himself: “Because
they made it! Managed to buy diapers      
?Milky Way?! Then dad kissed     
mother, they both hugged the child and        
the final phrase was given: ?Diapers 
?Milky Way? . another degree of yours 
freedom!?                               
                                        
- Four signs left. - rubbed his hands   
director.                               
                                        
“Yeah,” confirmed the astrologer. - Leo,    
Cancer, Sagittarius and Aquarius.                 
                                        
- Let's talk about each in a nutshell, and    
Let's choose a TV show for our family.
                                        
- Well, in a nutshell,- bespectacled man  
I thought for a second. then Leo loves it very much 
show off                          
Cancer. homebody, Sagittarius is cheerful and      
traveler, and Aquarius loves everything     
new and unusual. That's just...        
                                        
- What?                                  
                                        
- Don’t you think that TV is a topic?  
somewhat hackneyed even in our video.  
Also this woman in the cinema...         
                                        
- I agree. What are your suggestions?           
                                        
- Let them play something            
non-trivial to close Aquarius.   
                                        
- What? Cards, lotto? Or hide and seek?  
Maybe in "Monopoly"?                   
                                        
- No, I suggest Go.                  
                                        
- What 'Go'?                             
                                        
- Not 'What Go', but simply Go. This is a game.   
Japanese chess.                       
                                        
- Do you want a one-year-old child    
played with my dad, who was sleepy from beer, on   
in the eyes of my mother in Japanese chess?!      
Maybe it would be better in an atomic drawing    
do they understand the stations?- And what? - the bespectacled man suddenly caught fire,
but immediately went out. - No, nuclear power plant 
. this is classified information. Let       
Go remains. What's wrong with that? Let's show   
that our diapers make children faster     
develop, and dads slowly grow dumber!    
                                        
- Dashing! - the director praised the bespectacled man. - 
By the way, regarding Cancer, I suggest    
just hang a sign 'Home, honey'    
house'.                                   
                                        
- Maybe it’s better to lay out the ‘Home’ rug    
sweet home', so as in the original?     
                                        
- Well, you bent it! I think polyglots
There's no need for diapers. So the inscription     
let it be in Russian. What about the rug? 
I propose a compromise. Mom has nothing to do       
stare at busy men! Let 
slowly cross-stitches 'House,     
sweet home'. Any objections?            
                                        
- I agree 100 percent. - Astrologer       
looked at my notes. - Left Lev 
with Sagittarius. Well, everything is clear with Leo:    
the family should be beautiful at the very end      
show off your clothes       
diapers, but...                      
                                        
- How is it to demonstrate diapers? 
- the director interrupted. Are you crazy?! So what
what do you think the audience will think when mom is withwill daddy begin to undress?!              
                                        
- How do we insert Leo then?          
                                        
- I don’t know, maybe throw it away altogether?
                                        
- Yeah, throw it away, but how about eight with 
half percent of buyers?! -     
objected the astrologer.                      
                                        
- Listen, we have a voice-over.
Let's instead: Why do they drink quietly??
say: 'Why do they bathe in the rays    
glory on top of the world'?                 
                                        
The astrologer adjusted his glasses.                 
                                        
- Perhaps the rays of glory are too much.    
I think the top of the world will be enough.   
                                        
- Well, here you go, undress the whole family right away 
wanted. Naughty! - the director threatened       
finger to the astrologer.                    
                                        
- Exactly! Naughty! - it dawned on the bespectacled man. -   
Let the child at some point         
turns over the board, and then the parents      
they will start throwing figures around, 
huh?! Here we have Sagittarius! Here's a funny guy! 
It's funny, isn't it?                  
                                        
“Crazy,” the director agreed wearily.
The astrologer jumped up and pulled out his cell phone.and   
He began to dial the number, pacing.      
                                        
- Ivan Ivanovich! Didn't I distract you? No,  
everything is just wonderful. This video     
It will be simply stunning!          
Phenomenal! Yes, see for yourself.      
Certainly! I'm leaving.                       
                                        
The bespectacled man turned to the director.         
                                        
- It was a pleasure to work with you. On      
surprise.                              
                                        
                                        
- Mutually. Farewell!                    
                                        
“Well,” the astrologer hesitated, “I think we 
see you very soon. Ivan Ivanovich with  
release starts next month       
toilet paper. As you understand, without 
A good advertising company is indispensable. 
The director closed his eyes and leaned back    
the back of the chair.                          
                                        
- Alpha Centauri? - he asked.         
                                        
- What? - the bespectacled man didn’t understand.              
                                        
- What will it be called?             
                                        
- Its name will be simple, but      
beautiful. 'Orbit'.                    

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