---------- Track: BIG PARABOOOM !!! By: KENOTRON / ETC GROUP / RUSH '98 ---------- "Live broadcast on Badun Island." In the middle of the night the phone rang. He woke up Igor, who was sleeping after three-day celebration of his wedding. Oh there was no question of a honeymoon, he flew by unnoticeable in alcoholic vapors. Igor picked up the phone, put it to his ear and began wait, when they start talking on the other end of the line. It was easy for him to utter a word and frankly lazy. For him now every word for a ruble. And even more. When he will understand who is bothering him so much late hour, he personalized it will send and will continue to sleep. - Hello!!! - came from the tube, - Hello!!! Garik, is that you??? I can't evenpublish some sound, Igor only nodded his head weakly. - Hello!!! - the receiver was bursting, - Garik! It's you? Garik!!! Igor nodded more actively, but immediately I regretted it, my head was spinning, The phone almost fell out of my hand. - Garik!!! - the receiver roared, - You made me do you hear? What are you doing there again? Are you drunk?!?! - Yes! - Igor wheezed, - and I’m sleeping, who cares? what do you need, come up and get out! - Well, you are impudent! - The tube choked with rabies. - You're completely crazy, you have broadcast in half an hour!!! - Why me? Play some music some, something quiet, night well... - Igor said these words no longer in phone, and into the pillow, but they heard him. - Are you completely crazy? And who is with the musicians? will he speak? Igor remembered with great difficulty that the boss spent a long time trying to persuade him to do this day to interrupt the celebration briefly weddings, don't get drunk at nightconduct an interview with a fairly famous group live. - Are these, what’s their name, musicians already there? - No, they called and said they would come. fifteen minutes late I'm sending a car for you now, through she will be under yours for ten minutes windows, black Volga number 128. - Listen, you yourself can’t talk with them? - Igor desperately defended himself. - A I feel really bad here... - Could you pull for me? faders and click toggle switches? - mimicked his pipe. - Who's on the air then? will it be released? boss? In short, Sklifosovsky, in ten minutes under your windows car, in fifteen you leave for studio, and so that in twenty-five they will be Already here. Maximum lateness - five minutes, I'll put a couple of screensavers, plug it in some music, but if you're not there will be in half an hour - I call the boss, and he will so fucked up what you think about sex You'll forget for two years.There were short beeps on the phone and Igor barely reached the device, to put it in place. Almost Having fallen asleep again, he stood up, groaning, and stomped on kitchen, took the holy one out of the refrigerator water, popularly referred to as vodka, filled his glass almost to brim and drank it in one gulp, grunting loudly. Consciousness began to gradually clear up, and Igor began to realize how shitty the situation is developing. In ten minutes, before the car arrives, he needs to be in time shower, shave, brush your teeth and put on something, at least remotely reminiscent of a suit, because with musicians, invited by the boss, in torn jeans you won't talk. Shower okay, you can splash more perfume and everything will look great. The main thing is not to reek of fumes, but he'll buy it at some stall chewing gum feel better, and fresh breath will make it easier understanding of what is happening around. Remaining The most important and difficult thing is to shave. How out of spite, the electric razor broke the day before, and only one remained "safety". He lathered his face and several once on the stubble, looked at himself in mirror andI figured the lights were in the studio you can make it smaller and his stubble will be almost invisible. Now - the suit. Where did he go? Igor found it under the bed. It’s okay that it’s wrinkled the main thing is that it is not striped, striped the suits seemed wrinkled to him even when they had just been ironed. He jumped out into the yard, ran, stumbling, got out through the arch onto the street, on the move buttoning his shirt and straightening his tie. A black Volga was already parked nearby, inside of which the driver was sleeping peacefully. Igor broke out in a cold sweat. What if he took too long to collect! did you? If more time has already passed half an hour? He ran to the car and pulled door, plopped down on the seat, pushed the driver yelled “Let’s go!!!” The one from unexpectedly hiccupped, rubbed his eyes and asked: - Where did you come from on my head? What are you screaming? Can't you see I have a shift? ended. Igor was a little stunned by this statements: - What shift, are you crazy or what? Why do you need brought here? So that you take me. And quickly!- Who drove me? - drove sincerely surprised. - Nobody brought me here. I came myself. And I sleep, I have a shift It doesn't start until three hours later. At that moment she jumped out from under the arch black Volga. Flashing goodbye number 128 he rushed forward along street. Igor cursed furiously, but do there was nothing. Incredible but true, he mixed up the cars, and now he needs get to the studio yourself. If he doesn't If he succeeds, he will lose a lot of money more than he will now spend on a taxi. And he also understood that he could not remember where the studio is located, or on Chernyakhovskaya, or on Chernyshevskaya... - Listen, man, let's get that Volga, I I'll pay you any money. * * * The taxi suddenly pulled away and the street immediately became blurry, the inscriptions on shop windows Not only did Igor not have time to read, and focus his gaze on them it was difficult. He glanced at the speedometer, what he saw made him suddenly sober up, get scared andsqueeze into seat If the device did not lie, then they rushed through the city center at a speed much higher exceeding even the average taxi driver - something about one hundred and twenty kilometers in hour Igor already imagined how they rush along the embankment, fly out to the bridge, the taxi does not stay on the road, they carries to the curb, they break through the railing and fall straight into the water... - Listen, what does he owe you, money? what? Why are we running around like crazy? - The taxi driver's voice brought him back to reality. “No,” Igor shook his head, once again regretting it, the streets turned into a complete mess and voice the driver's voice came as if from a fog. - Long to explain. That's all there is to it. - How long will we drive like this? - asked drove, slowing down, - otherwise I shift in three hours. I want to sleep. - What are you doing?! - Igor was alarmed. - You'll miss it!!! Come on, press! - Where are we going anyway? - To Chernyakhovskaya, it seems, or to Chernyshevskaya. Horseradishknows her somewhere there. - Well, you said, Chernyakhovskaya is in the south city, and Chernyshevskaya - in the north. - Which direction are we going? - To the south. - So, to Chernyakhovskaya, - Igor said in a murderous voice. - Now you can you go faster? “I can, I can,” he answered calmly taxi driver - We’ll go straight to the point in a minute, it will be you and bath, and poop with tea. "Volga" flew onto the avenue, Igor managed to notice that the car with number 128 turned three intersections away from them, The driver pressed the gas pedal all the way. The car rushed forward and they almost missed the required turn. - GO RIGHT!!! - Igor shouted, and he was here it was thrown at the driver. - You should at least fasten your seat belt, suicide bomber. U my right door sucks closing, now we would turn left and would you be going along the avenue. There,look, your Volga stopped. Go get it. Igor got out of the car and held out fifty dollars, and walked, staggering, straight to doors studios. At the entrance he remembered that he should thank the taxi driver, I finally delivered the one in the highest class, in five minutes, he turned around and saw a taxi driver sleeping behind steering wheel and clutching a piece of paper in his hands. Igor pushed the door and went inside. At the entrance, as always, the watchman is sleeping Vasilich, he smelled especially bad today strong, so even an ordinary joke with watering Vasilich with cold water from mugs had no effect. Igor cursed, saying he's a fucking security guard, at least everything take it out, the watchman won’t wake up. Elevator Vasilich, of course, turned it off for the night, you'll have to crawl to the third floor staircases of Stalinist buildings with hefty steps slipping away from under your feet. Somehow Igor got to the door leading to the ethereal, and here towards Vovchik ran, releasing the sound engineer who calledhim in the middle of the night warn the boss about a possible carpet. - Well, you're a drunk, Garik, you've been here for three days got married back! How much can you drink? - Well, I got married, what next? - Igor focused his gaze on Vovchik. - How much you need, how much to celebrate and I will! You, a teetotaler, will not understand. Go to to the helm, let's start now. - Well, at least chew Dirol, otherwise it’s from you it sounds like he hasn't brushed his teeth for a week. “You’re right,” he sighed unexpectedly. Igor, - a week is not a week, but three days definitely didn't touch it. Alcohol on teeth washed. They say it helps. Where musicians? Who are they anyway? - And God knows them. Some kind of "whistling" sounds. They probably whistle a lot. - Now we'll see. Come on bye lights out at three o'clock, and the soul rushed to paradise In hundreds of receivers across the country, tuned to the wave of the studio where he was sitting Igor, his tired voice sounded:- Good night, dear listeners. Today in our program there will be super fashionable group present "Whistling." Now listen a little music... Igor looked at Vovchik through the glass, separating the broadcast from the camera room, and I realized from his face that he was hiccupping on the air still managed... * * * - Well, you're a monster. And the boss is sure Now he’s listening to us, waiting for his own beloved "Whistling" - Vovchik winked. - I wonder what he'll think? - What difference does it make, it’s already late anyway, hic, oh, something is making me hiccup it struck. Is there any water? - Yes, in the tap. big, cold. A lot. - Is there anything more civilized? Radik left nothing? - Radik left half an hour before the end transfers. Here I am again taking the rap for him, screensavers every five minutes, advertising and tede andtepe. - Bastard. There are no words. - Igor it’s hard sank into a chair, everything was before my eyes floated. - Hey, Vovchik! Where are you going? - The poor fellow has finished drinking. Here I am, nowhere I'm leaving. What are we going to do? minute thirty before the broadcast. - I don’t know, I should probably promise these whistlers in ten minutes and feed them all sorts of pop music. What the hell group? - I already asked. Don't know. Not before heard. Newfangled stars, probably They play like everyone else, they get along in all sorts of ways. - Well then you can safely play pop music, - defined by Igor, - like, ask transmission of rhythm. Something doesn’t bother me on the air enough. Look now, if anything, turn off the microphone, let's start the screensaver and some kind of music, like Pugacheva or something else. Then something funnier and so on in increasing order. - You have a good plan, Comrade Zhyukov, - Vovchik quipped, turning up the equalizer, - get back to your place, broadcast through thirty seconds.“I’m already crawling,” Igor responded. In the ethereal he stumbled and almost stretched out in front of the microphone. Damn I would take this stupid studio with everyone with its antique bells and whistles. On normal at the joy stations everything is like with people, camera and broadcast rooms are combined in one room and the broadcast is provided by one person who selects a program on the fly, sets the tone and the mood of the listeners, there is a computer, which has a complete database of all discs available in the music library, the mixer is at hand, only engines pull, and here - sit and Vovchik explain what you want and why. Although, on the other hand On the other hand, this also has its advantages. Here he sits, neither in the ear nor in the snout, head crackles, the microphone doubles, the light bulb looks like the sun, only on Vovchik broadcast and holding on, sitting there, poring over remote control. But this is a special case, in in general the state of affairs does not particularly change, in all other times the broadcast could well have hold one person. - Five, four, three, two, one, broadcast! - Vovchik’s voice seemed to emerge from the fog.- So, today is the fifth of May, the clock is studio fifteen minutes past four, but our guests are in no hurry. Just in The studio phone was ringing, "Whistling" was already on approach. Until they arrive I will entertain you with the latest news from the world dance music. - he looked at running line hung in the air - Alla's latest work is now on air Pugacheva "A Million Scarlet Roses". He looked proudly at Vovchik, rejoicing, what he said so clearly, without hiccups these words, but I read them in his eyes horror and realized that I had said something wrong. He stood up, cursing everything in the world, trudged into the camera room, but Vovchik was already jumped out to meet him. - Have you gone completely crazy? Me to you and Should I issue comments per line? At least you Did you understand what I said? How many are these roses? years? What's new in the ass? boss us He'll fucking fire you for flowers like that! - Okay, if he fires you, it won’t be too much, when will these arrive? - These will come, you will have to use the microphone Do you think you can talk a lot? -We’ll have to,” Igor sighed, “or maybe they won't come, then don't even talk will you have to? At that moment there was a loud knock on the door and an overgrown guy burst into the studio leather jacket: - Is there a radio here? Meet us we've arrived! * * * Igor froze for a few seconds, then looked at Vovchik, he stood there moving. The whole broadcast went to hell, these bearded thirty-year-old guys with they obviously didn’t play with Heineken bottles pop music And at the door stood three strong long-haired guys, unsure holding on to legs. They walked with an unsteady gait to the middle of the studio, simultaneously hooking your feet and tearing out the microphone cord. Igor on I was even glad for a second, there won’t be any need nothing to say, but then he rushed headlong, as far as those who were weakening allowed him legs, rushed to Vovchik. He burst into operator's room and exhaled noisily: - F$%kids!!!“I liked it too,” he replied. Vovchik, - especially what we just they stuffed thousands of people with pop music, that's it the heavy ones fell away from the receivers and we now Let's kill the last ones with these "musicians". “No, Vovchik,” Igor began noticeably to be nervous - I liked it too there are no words, but I didn’t like that they The microphone has already been damaged. They walked through studio... Vovchik no longer listened, but flew into the ethereal, running in, stopped as rooted to the spot. On his favorite couch two young lions in leather jackets were reclining, third I was already turning the sophisticated tuning dial with all my might block, unknown behind which longboat put on air. Young the sound engineer didn't care at all, who are these people and why they came here, the main thing was - to prevent everything settings, born over the years, were knocked down by a drunk by the hand of a stupid big man. - Get out of there! Don't touch who you told! - Vovchik forcefully pushed the guy away from block. - Don’t go where you’re not asked. Sit down and shut up, -he shouted, noticing that comrade of the unlucky mechanic gets up from the sofa. - Well, why are you running into me? - rang out a drawn-out voice from the sofa. - Calm down, everything will be fine. Now let's take a little more bread and we'll talk. Tell me where to go talk? - You’ve already broken off the talker, talk nowhere yet. - Who broke it off? Eldar, did you break it off? Oh well put it in its place! Eldar turned and said something unflattering remarks about everyone's mothers those present and fell silent in the chair where Vovchik pushed him. Igor all this time sat in the operator's room. He was shaking, he didn't I could move my hand, my body was paralyzed a premonition, then he overcame himself and moved into the ether. “Oh, dad has come,” Eldar drawled, raising a bottle of beer - now will begin talking shop - Is the microphone ready? - without paying attention to him attention, Igor asked Vovchik, “there onThe timer has one and a half minutes left. - Another half a minute and you can do it again break,” Vovchik responded, “so we will play cat and mouse? Come on, take your seats, I'm almost finished. Seating the musicians in places studio, absolutely not intended for the interview resembled a mouse fuss with swearing, poking, grunting. Finally everything We sat down, one of the musicians burped, Igor hiccupped, heard from the control room voice Vovchik: - Five, four, three, two, one, broadcast! * * * The tension in the studio reached its limit. Looking at the “musicians” Igor is wonderful understood what kind of disrupted broadcast the boss was will unscrew his reproductive organ. Vovchik, looking at Igor through the glass, I felt about the same as the unfortunate one Igor. When the boss was debriefing flights, everyone suffered, including absolutely not involved in what happened, but found themselves under a hot hand. And even though guilt Vovchik has a hangoverIgor is gone, the boss is his It will be arranged that Hiroshima will appear just a children's sandbox. Well, what? the boss had top-class skills. The musicians, apparently, were absolutely give a damn about everything that worried me so much radio station employees. They were called they said that we need to talk about ourselves in microphone, they will give you money for it. - Well, let's get acquainted, - said Igor, moving it just in case microphone away from the wild-looking Eldara. “Come on,” Eldar readily agreed. There was an awkward pause as to which both Vovchik and Igor thought obscenely one and the same. - What is your name? - decided to go straight Igor. - Eldar. - the musician answered proudly, leaning over and touching the microphone, which is why right away signal levels jumped and got alarmed Vovchik. - How are you? “Igor,” Igor answered him in tone and pushed it aside - imagine yours comrades?- Why introduce them? Everything is here simple, shoe and Diesel. Igor and Vovchik looked at each other. - Where do these names come from? - asked Igor. - Have you left your nicknames since childhood? “You offend me,” the musician took a sip from bottles and loudly burped into the microphone, - shoe before I was engaged in shoe repair, a pro in this matter. Do you want your crosses They'll have fun, they'll be like Adidas? - No, thank you, I’m already wearing Nikes, - Igor looked at Vovchik, and then there was no face, turn off the microphone in moment of a star's stomach solo He didn’t have time for the stage, but what about Diesel? - And Diesel, a first-rate mechanic, - Eldar perked up, everything turned out quite simple - sailed on military ships cruisers. “I see,” Igor also cheered up, “and what can you tell us about yourself? - What do you want to hear? - answered Eldar question for question.- Well, for example, how old are you, what are you doing, what songs have you written, what Are any of them on the radio? - We wrote eight songs. “Nine,” said the shoe, “Voice wind" I forgot. - There are no solos yet, so we have songs We wrote eight pieces, now we’re putting them together album. But we are not on the radio yet. - I see, what can you tell me about your life, what do you do in your free time? creativity time? - Yes, we don’t do anything. That's yesterday They drank beer until they dropped, the shoe was finished, crawled onto the balcony and yelled at the whole yard “I can fly, I can fly!”, began Already climb through the balcony. We they held and held, and then they took and released. He Half an hour later there was a knock on the door. - Well, I think we can do a small one. break, - Igor was already sweating from heard - and listen a little music. The "Ether" sign on thewall in ethereal, Igor rushed headlong into camera room, ran in and grabbed Vovchik for the breasts. - Do whatever you want, but kill the air necessary! The boss will devour us for people like this musicians! - And if we disrupt the broadcast now, the boss from will make boots from our skins. “In short, both here and there are ass,” summed up result Igor. - So you have to choose least evil. Come on, let's cut the air technical problems and all that... “Oh, they’ll fire us,” Vovchik sadly turned on the screensaver, and then took out the cassette with labeled "Interference", inserted it into the deck and aired. In control dynamics there was a hiss through which occasionally the announcer's voice slipped through, and hoarsely music sounded. * * * Igor and Vovchik stood at the counter stand at attention, boss, spewing curses, rushed around around the office. - Howyou could! Break the broadcast, motherfucker, this doesn't fit into any corner!!! Couldn't they really hold out?!! - No way, Mr. Chief! - Vovchik did the impossible, even more straightened up. - There is no other way out left! - Stop acting like a fool! - boss for a second stopped and immediately continued cruise around the office, demolishing everything your way. papers flew from the table to the floor is like autumn leaves in a storm. - Alexey Vladimirovich, don’t be nervous, - Igor said quietly, but the enraged boss didn't even notice him a modest remark. - You motherfuckers couldn't keep the air on such a trifle! Well then Do you want me to understand this?! After all, he asked nothing at all, put three on air guys who make art! - These three guys fit in quite well. rehabilitation program for the insane, - Igor became bolder - what to talk about with them in air if they have a vocabulary like at Ellochka the Ogress, and they only remember how did one of them fly off the balcony?- You could compare them with paratroopers, "get out of it somehow," he said boss, - well, guys, how long have you been with you? we are working, we have never seen such excesses before it was! - Previously, people with a certificate did not come to us came. Remember, Kobzon came, spoke exactly according to the script, everything was ok, here they come, sit down, microphone broke off,” Vovchik complained, “now two days to restore! About the fact that the microphone has already been repaired, Vovchik kept silent. - And what do you want me to do now? - exclaimed the boss. - Nothing, in the morning, at seven o’clock, let's start the broadcast, apologize for the technical problems, we promise that there will be more of this won’t happen again,” Igor suggested, “and everything will go like clockwork. “Yeah, like clockwork,” he mimicked boss, - and who will explain to the sponsors why was the broadcast disrupted? Igor decided not to pour salt on the already angry boss, and did not express Who exactly is to blame for the failure of the program? - Let's tell them thatI'm really screwed transmitter, already replaced with our own with their strength, they will look at Igor and believe, - Vovchik suggested. Igor really looked terrible circles under the eyes, shaking hands, red eyes, all this is eloquent talked about their active lifestyle owner. - Okay, you are free for today, Volodya. Stanislav will replace you, tell him broadcast, instead of Igor - Sergey, - the boss ordered. - What about “Cup of Tea”? - surprised Igor, remembering that according to his schedule the program should have come out exactly today at two o'clock local time. “Go, sleep it off,” in a warmer voice said the boss, “tomorrow at eight in the morning,” so that you are sober. And your cup tomorrow spend, Stanislav will explain about the transfer programs. - You, as always, are incredibly kind, boss, - Igor, clowning, bowed. Arriving home, Igor fell asleep, he slept, turning from side to side, he slept and had wonderful dreams, but he knew what's throughtwo o'clock he will wake up and will continue his difficult work as a leader on one of the local radio stations appointments.
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