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Track: BIG PARABOOOM !!!
By: KENOTRON / ETC GROUP / RUSH '98
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"Live broadcast on Badun Island."
In the middle of the night the phone rang.
He woke up Igor, who was sleeping after
three-day celebration of his wedding. Oh
there was no question of a honeymoon, he
flew by
unnoticeable in alcoholic vapors. Igor
picked up the phone, put it to his ear and began
wait,
when they start talking on the other end of the line.
It was easy for him to utter a word and
frankly lazy. For him now every
word for a ruble. And even more. When he
will understand who is bothering him so much
late hour, he personalized it
will send
and will continue to sleep.
- Hello!!! - came from the tube, -
Hello!!! Garik, is that you???
I can't evenpublish some
sound, Igor only nodded his head weakly.
- Hello!!! - the receiver was bursting, - Garik!
It's you? Garik!!!
Igor nodded more actively, but immediately
I regretted it, my head was spinning,
The phone almost fell out of my hand.
- Garik!!! - the receiver roared, - You made me
do you hear? What are you doing there again?
Are you drunk?!?!
- Yes! - Igor wheezed, - and I’m sleeping, who cares?
what do you need, come up and get out!
- Well, you are impudent! - The tube choked with
rabies. - You're completely crazy, you have
broadcast in half an hour!!!
- Why me? Play some music
some, something quiet, night
well...
- Igor said these words no longer in
phone, and into the pillow, but they heard him.
- Are you completely crazy? And who is with the musicians?
will he speak?
Igor remembered with great difficulty that
the boss spent a long time trying to persuade him to do this
day to interrupt the celebration briefly
weddings, don't get drunk at nightconduct an interview with a fairly famous
group live.
- Are these, what’s their name, musicians already there?
- No, they called and said they would come.
fifteen minutes late
I'm sending a car for you now, through
she will be under yours for ten minutes
windows,
black Volga number 128.
- Listen, you yourself can’t talk
with them? - Igor desperately defended himself. - A
I feel really bad here...
- Could you pull for me?
faders and click toggle switches? -
mimicked
his pipe. - Who's on the air then?
will it be released? boss? In short,
Sklifosovsky,
in ten minutes under your windows
car, in fifteen you leave for
studio, and so that in twenty-five they will be
Already here. Maximum lateness - five
minutes, I'll put a couple of screensavers, plug it in
some music, but if you're not
there will be
in half an hour - I call the boss, and he will
so fucked up what you think about sex
You'll forget for two years.There were short beeps on the phone and
Igor barely reached the device,
to
put it in place. Almost
Having fallen asleep again, he stood up, groaning, and
stomped on
kitchen, took the holy one out of the refrigerator
water, popularly referred to as
vodka, filled his glass almost to
brim and drank it in one gulp, grunting loudly.
Consciousness began to gradually clear up, and
Igor began to realize how shitty
the situation is developing. In ten minutes,
before the car arrives, he needs to be in time
shower, shave, brush your teeth and
put on something, at least remotely
reminiscent of a suit, because with musicians,
invited by the boss, in torn jeans
you won't talk.
Shower okay, you can splash more
perfume and everything will look great.
The main thing is not to reek of fumes, but
he'll buy it at some stall
chewing gum
feel better, and fresh breath will make it easier
understanding of what is happening around. Remaining
The most important and difficult thing is to shave. How
out of spite, the electric razor broke
the day before, and only one remained
"safety". He lathered his face and
several
once on the stubble, looked at himself in
mirror andI figured the lights were in the studio
you can
make it smaller and his stubble
will be almost invisible. Now - the suit.
Where did he go? Igor found it
under the bed. It’s okay that it’s wrinkled
the main thing is that it is not striped, striped
the suits seemed wrinkled to him even when
they had just been ironed. He
jumped out into the yard, ran, stumbling,
got out through the arch onto the street, on the move
buttoning his shirt and straightening his tie.
A black Volga was already parked nearby,
inside of which the driver was sleeping peacefully.
Igor broke out in a cold sweat. What if
he took too long to collect!
did you? If more time has already passed
half an hour? He ran to the car and pulled
door, plopped down on the seat, pushed
the driver yelled “Let’s go!!!” The one from
unexpectedly hiccupped, rubbed his eyes and
asked:
- Where did you come from on my head? What
are you screaming? Can't you see I have a shift?
ended.
Igor was a little stunned by this
statements:
- What shift, are you crazy or what? Why do you need
brought here? So that you take me. And
quickly!- Who drove me? - drove sincerely
surprised. - Nobody brought me here.
I came myself. And I sleep, I have a shift
It doesn't start until three hours later.
At that moment she jumped out from under the arch
black Volga. Flashing goodbye
number 128 he rushed forward along
street. Igor cursed furiously, but
do
there was nothing. Incredible but true, he
mixed up the cars, and now he needs
get to the studio yourself. If he doesn't
If he succeeds, he will lose a lot of money
more than he will now spend on a taxi. And
he also understood that he could not
remember where the studio is located, or
on Chernyakhovskaya, or on
Chernyshevskaya...
- Listen, man, let's get that Volga, I
I'll pay you any money.
* * *
The taxi suddenly pulled away and the street
immediately became blurry, the inscriptions on
shop windows
Not only did Igor not have time to read,
and focus his gaze on them
it was difficult. He glanced at the speedometer,
what he saw made him suddenly
sober up, get scared andsqueeze into
seat If the device did not lie, then they
rushed
through the city center at a speed much higher
exceeding even the average taxi driver -
something about one hundred and twenty kilometers in
hour Igor already imagined how they
rush along the embankment, fly out to the bridge,
the taxi does not stay on the road, they
carries to the curb, they break through the railing and
fall straight into the water...
- Listen, what does he owe you, money?
what? Why are we running around like crazy? -
The taxi driver's voice brought him back to
reality.
“No,” Igor shook his head,
once again regretting it, the streets
turned into a complete mess and voice
the driver's voice came as if from a fog. -
Long to explain. That's all there is to it.
- How long will we drive like this? - asked
drove, slowing down, - otherwise I
shift in three hours. I want to sleep.
- What are you doing?! - Igor was alarmed. -
You'll miss it!!! Come on, press!
- Where are we going anyway?
- To Chernyakhovskaya, it seems, or to
Chernyshevskaya. Horseradishknows her somewhere
there.
- Well, you said, Chernyakhovskaya is in the south
city, and Chernyshevskaya - in the north.
- Which direction are we going?
- To the south.
- So, to Chernyakhovskaya, -
Igor said in a murderous voice. -
Now you
can you go faster?
“I can, I can,” he answered calmly
taxi driver - We’ll go straight to the point in a minute, it will be
you and
bath, and poop with tea.
"Volga" flew onto the avenue, Igor
managed to notice that the car with number 128
turned three intersections away from them,
The driver pressed the gas pedal all the way.
The car rushed forward and they almost
missed the required turn.
- GO RIGHT!!! - Igor shouted, and he was here
it was thrown at the driver.
- You should at least fasten your seat belt, suicide bomber. U
my right door sucks closing,
now we would turn left and
would you be going along the avenue. There,look,
your Volga stopped. Go get it.
Igor got out of the car and held out
fifty dollars, and walked, staggering, straight to
doors
studios. At the entrance he remembered that he should
thank the taxi driver, I finally delivered
the one in the highest class, in five minutes, he
turned around and saw a taxi driver sleeping behind
steering wheel and clutching a piece of paper in his hands.
Igor pushed the door and went inside.
At the entrance, as always, the watchman is sleeping
Vasilich, he smelled especially bad today
strong, so even an ordinary joke with
watering Vasilich with cold water from
mugs
had no effect. Igor
cursed, saying he's a fucking security guard, at least
everything
take it out, the watchman won’t wake up. Elevator
Vasilich, of course, turned it off for the night,
you'll have to crawl to the third floor
staircases of Stalinist buildings with
hefty
steps slipping away from under your feet.
Somehow Igor got to the
door leading to the ethereal, and here
towards
Vovchik ran, releasing
the sound engineer who calledhim
in the middle of the night
warn the boss about a possible carpet.
- Well, you're a drunk, Garik, you've been here for three days
got married back! How much can you drink?
- Well, I got married, what next? - Igor
focused his gaze on Vovchik. -
How much you need, how much to celebrate and
I will! You, a teetotaler, will not understand. Go
to
to the helm, let's start now.
- Well, at least chew Dirol, otherwise it’s from you
it sounds like he hasn't brushed his teeth for a week.
“You’re right,” he sighed unexpectedly.
Igor, - a week is not a week, but three days
definitely didn't touch it. Alcohol on teeth
washed. They say it helps. Where
musicians?
Who are they anyway?
- And God knows them. Some kind of "whistling" sounds.
They probably whistle a lot.
- Now we'll see. Come on bye
lights out at three o'clock, and the soul rushed to
paradise
In hundreds of receivers across the country,
tuned to the wave of the studio where he was sitting
Igor, his tired voice sounded:- Good night, dear listeners.
Today in our program there will be
super fashionable group present
"Whistling." Now listen a little
music...
Igor looked at Vovchik through the glass,
separating the broadcast from the camera room, and
I realized from his face that he was hiccupping on the air
still managed...
* * *
- Well, you're a monster. And the boss is sure
Now he’s listening to us, waiting for his own
beloved
"Whistling" - Vovchik winked. -
I wonder what he'll think?
- What difference does it make, it’s already late anyway,
hic, oh, something is making me hiccup
it struck. Is there any water?
- Yes, in the tap. big, cold.
A lot.
- Is there anything more civilized? Radik
left nothing?
- Radik left half an hour before the end
transfers. Here I am again taking the rap for him,
screensavers every five minutes, advertising and
tede andtepe.
- Bastard. There are no words. - Igor it’s hard
sank into a chair, everything was before my eyes
floated. - Hey, Vovchik! Where are you going?
- The poor fellow has finished drinking. Here I am, nowhere
I'm leaving. What are we going to do? minute
thirty
before the broadcast.
- I don’t know, I should probably promise
these whistlers in ten minutes and
feed them all sorts of pop music. What the hell
group?
- I already asked. Don't know. Not before
heard. Newfangled stars, probably
They play like everyone else, they get along in all sorts of ways.
- Well then you can safely play pop music, -
defined by Igor, - like, ask
transmission of rhythm. Something doesn’t bother me on the air
enough. Look now, if anything,
turn off the microphone, let's start the screensaver
and some kind of music, like Pugacheva
or something else. Then something funnier
and so on in increasing order.
- You have a good plan, Comrade Zhyukov, -
Vovchik quipped, turning up the equalizer,
- get back to your place, broadcast through
thirty seconds.“I’m already crawling,” Igor responded.
In the ethereal he stumbled and almost
stretched out in front of the microphone. Damn
I would take this stupid studio with everyone
with its antique bells and whistles. On normal
at the joy stations everything is like with people,
camera and broadcast rooms are combined in one
room and
the broadcast is provided by one person who
selects a program on the fly, sets the tone and
the mood of the listeners, there is a computer,
which has a complete database of
all discs available in the music library,
the mixer is at hand, only
engines
pull, and here - sit and Vovchik
explain what you want and why. Although,
on the other hand
On the other hand, this also has its advantages. Here
he sits, neither in the ear nor in the snout, head
crackles, the microphone doubles, the light bulb looks like
the sun, only on Vovchik broadcast and
holding on, sitting there, poring over
remote control. But this is a special case, in
in general
the state of affairs does not particularly change, in
all other times the broadcast could well have
hold one person.
- Five, four, three, two, one, broadcast! -
Vovchik’s voice seemed to emerge from the fog.- So, today is the fifth of May, the clock is
studio fifteen minutes past four, but
our guests are in no hurry. Just in
The studio phone was ringing, "Whistling" was already
on
approach. Until they arrive I will entertain
you with the latest news from the world
dance music. - he looked at
running line hung in the air -
Alla's latest work is now on air
Pugacheva "A Million Scarlet Roses".
He looked proudly at Vovchik, rejoicing,
what he said so clearly, without hiccups
these words, but I read them in his eyes
horror and realized that I had said something wrong.
He stood up, cursing everything in the world,
trudged into the camera room, but Vovchik was already
jumped out to meet him.
- Have you gone completely crazy? Me to you and
Should I issue comments per line? At least you
Did you understand what I said? How many are these roses?
years? What's new in the ass? boss
us
He'll fucking fire you for flowers like that!
- Okay, if he fires you, it won’t be too much,
when will these arrive?
- These will come, you will have to use the microphone
Do you think you can talk a lot?
-We’ll have to,” Igor sighed, “or maybe
they won't come, then don't even talk
will you have to?
At that moment there was a loud knock on the door and
an overgrown guy burst into the studio
leather jacket:
- Is there a radio here? Meet us
we've arrived!
* * *
Igor froze for a few seconds, then
looked at Vovchik, he stood there
moving. The whole broadcast went to hell, these
bearded thirty-year-old guys with
they obviously didn’t play with Heineken bottles
pop music
And at the door stood three strong
long-haired guys, unsure
holding on to
legs. They walked with an unsteady gait to
the middle of the studio, simultaneously hooking your feet
and tearing out the microphone cord. Igor on
I was even glad for a second, there won’t be any need
nothing to say, but then he rushed headlong,
as far as those who were weakening allowed him
legs, rushed to Vovchik. He burst into
operator's room and exhaled noisily:
- F$%kids!!!“I liked it too,” he replied.
Vovchik, - especially what we just
they stuffed thousands of people with pop music, that's it
the heavy ones fell away from the receivers and we
now
Let's kill the last ones with these "musicians".
“No, Vovchik,” Igor began noticeably
to be nervous - I liked it too
there are no words, but I didn’t like that they
The microphone has already been damaged. They walked through
studio...
Vovchik no longer listened, but flew into the
ethereal, running in, stopped as
rooted to the spot. On his favorite couch
two young lions in leather jackets were reclining,
third
I was already turning the sophisticated tuning dial with all my might
block, unknown behind which longboat
put on air. Young
the sound engineer didn't care at all,
who are these
people and why they came here, the main thing
was - to prevent everything
settings,
born over the years, were knocked down by a drunk
by the hand of a stupid big man.
- Get out of there! Don't touch who you told!
- Vovchik forcefully pushed the guy away from
block. - Don’t go where you’re not asked. Sit down and
shut up, -he shouted, noticing that
comrade of the unlucky mechanic
gets up from the sofa.
- Well, why are you running into me? - rang out
a drawn-out voice from the sofa. - Calm down,
everything
will be fine. Now let's take a little more bread and
we'll talk. Tell me where to go
talk?
- You’ve already broken off the talker, talk
nowhere yet.
- Who broke it off? Eldar, did you break it off? Oh well
put it in its place!
Eldar turned and said something
unflattering remarks about everyone's mothers
those present and fell silent in the chair where
Vovchik pushed him. Igor all this time
sat in the operator's room. He was shaking, he didn't
I could move my hand, my body was paralyzed
a premonition, then he overcame himself and
moved into the ether.
“Oh, dad has come,” Eldar drawled,
raising a bottle of beer - now
will begin
talking shop
- Is the microphone ready? - without paying attention to him
attention, Igor asked Vovchik, “there
onThe timer has one and a half minutes left.
- Another half a minute and you can do it again
break,” Vovchik responded, “so
we will
play cat and mouse? Come on,
take your seats, I'm almost finished.
Seating the musicians in places
studio, absolutely not intended for
the interview resembled a mouse fuss with
swearing, poking, grunting. Finally everything
We sat down, one of the musicians burped,
Igor hiccupped, heard from the control room
voice
Vovchik:
- Five, four, three, two, one, broadcast!
* * *
The tension in the studio reached its limit.
Looking at the “musicians” Igor is wonderful
understood what kind of disrupted broadcast the boss was
will unscrew his reproductive organ.
Vovchik,
looking at Igor through the glass, I felt
about the same as the unfortunate one
Igor. When the boss was debriefing
flights, everyone suffered, including absolutely
not involved in what happened, but
found themselves under a hot hand. And even though
guilt
Vovchik has a hangoverIgor is gone, the boss is his
It will be arranged that Hiroshima will appear
just a children's sandbox. Well, what?
the boss had top-class skills.
The musicians, apparently, were
absolutely give a damn about everything that worried me so much
radio station employees. They were called
they said that we need to talk about ourselves in
microphone, they will give you money for it.
- Well, let's get acquainted, -
said Igor, moving it just in case
microphone away from the wild-looking
Eldara.
“Come on,” Eldar readily agreed.
There was an awkward pause as
to which both Vovchik and Igor thought obscenely
one
and the same.
- What is your name? - decided to go straight
Igor.
- Eldar. - the musician answered proudly,
leaning over and touching the microphone, which is why
right away
signal levels jumped and got alarmed
Vovchik. - How are you?
“Igor,” Igor answered him in tone and
pushed it aside - imagine yours
comrades?- Why introduce them? Everything is here
simple, shoe and Diesel.
Igor and Vovchik looked at each other.
- Where do these names come from? - asked Igor.
- Have you left your nicknames since childhood?
“You offend me,” the musician took a sip from
bottles and loudly burped into the microphone, -
shoe
before I was engaged in shoe repair,
a pro in this matter. Do you want your crosses
They'll have fun, they'll be like Adidas?
- No, thank you, I’m already wearing Nikes,
- Igor looked at Vovchik, and then
there was no face, turn off the microphone in
moment of a star's stomach solo
He didn’t have time for the stage, but what about Diesel?
- And Diesel, a first-rate mechanic, -
Eldar perked up, everything turned out
quite simple - sailed on military ships
cruisers.
“I see,” Igor also cheered up, “and
what can you tell us about yourself?
- What do you want to hear? - answered
Eldar question for question.- Well, for example, how old are you, what
are you doing, what songs have you written,
what
Are any of them on the radio?
- We wrote eight songs.
“Nine,” said the shoe, “Voice
wind" I forgot.
- There are no solos yet, so we have songs
We wrote eight pieces, now we’re putting them together
album. But we are not on the radio yet.
- I see, what can you tell me about your
life, what do you do in your free time?
creativity time?
- Yes, we don’t do anything. That's yesterday
They drank beer until they dropped, the shoe was finished,
crawled onto the balcony and yelled at the whole yard
“I can fly, I can fly!”, began
Already climb through the balcony. We
they held and held, and then they took and
released. He
Half an hour later there was a knock on the door.
- Well, I think we can do a small one.
break, - Igor was already sweating from
heard - and listen a little
music.
The "Ether" sign on thewall in
ethereal, Igor rushed headlong into
camera room, ran in and grabbed Vovchik
for the breasts.
- Do whatever you want, but kill the air
necessary! The boss will devour us for people like this
musicians!
- And if we disrupt the broadcast now, the boss from
will make boots from our skins.
“In short, both here and there are ass,” summed up
result Igor. - So you have to choose
least evil. Come on, let's cut the air
technical problems and all that...
“Oh, they’ll fire us,” Vovchik sadly
turned on the screensaver, and then took out the cassette
with
labeled "Interference", inserted it into the deck and
aired. In control dynamics
there was a hiss through which
occasionally the announcer's voice slipped through, and
hoarsely
music sounded.
* * *
Igor and Vovchik stood at the counter
stand at attention, boss, spewing curses,
rushed around
around the office.
- Howyou could! Break the broadcast, motherfucker,
this doesn't fit into any corner!!!
Couldn't they really hold out?!!
- No way, Mr. Chief! -
Vovchik did the impossible, even more
straightened up. - There is no other way out
left!
- Stop acting like a fool! - boss for a second
stopped and immediately continued
cruise around the office, demolishing everything
your way. papers flew from the table to
the floor is like autumn leaves in a storm.
- Alexey Vladimirovich, don’t be nervous,
- Igor said quietly, but
the enraged boss didn't even notice him
a modest remark.
- You motherfuckers couldn't
keep the air on such a trifle! Well then
Do you want me to understand this?! After all, he asked
nothing at all, put three on air
guys who make art!
- These three guys fit in quite well.
rehabilitation program for the insane, -
Igor became bolder - what to talk about with them in
air if they have a vocabulary like
at Ellochka the Ogress, and they only remember
how did one of them fly off the balcony?- You could compare them with paratroopers,
"get out of it somehow," he said
boss, - well, guys, how long have you been with you?
we are working, we have never seen such excesses before
it was!
- Previously, people with a certificate did not come to us
came. Remember, Kobzon came,
spoke exactly according to the script, everything was
ok, here they come, sit down, microphone
broke off,” Vovchik complained, “now
two days to restore!
About the fact that the microphone has already been repaired, Vovchik
kept silent.
- And what do you want me to do now? -
exclaimed the boss.
- Nothing, in the morning, at seven o’clock,
let's start the broadcast, apologize for the technical
problems, we promise that there will be more of this
won’t happen again,” Igor suggested, “and
everything will go like clockwork.
“Yeah, like clockwork,” he mimicked
boss, - and who will explain to the sponsors why
was the broadcast disrupted?
Igor decided not to pour salt on the already
angry boss, and did not express
Who exactly is to blame for the failure of the program?
- Let's tell them thatI'm really screwed
transmitter, already replaced with our own
with their strength, they will look at Igor and believe,
- Vovchik suggested.
Igor really looked terrible
circles under the eyes, shaking hands,
red eyes, all this is eloquent
talked about their active lifestyle
owner.
- Okay, you are free for today, Volodya.
Stanislav will replace you, tell him
broadcast, instead of Igor - Sergey, -
the boss ordered.
- What about “Cup of Tea”? - surprised
Igor, remembering that according to his schedule
the program should have come out exactly
today at two o'clock local time.
“Go, sleep it off,” in a warmer voice
said the boss, “tomorrow at eight in the morning,”
so that you are sober. And your cup tomorrow
spend, Stanislav will explain about the transfer
programs.
- You, as always, are incredibly kind,
boss, - Igor, clowning, bowed.
Arriving home, Igor fell asleep, he
slept, turning from side to side, he
slept and had wonderful dreams, but he knew
what's throughtwo o'clock he will wake up and
will continue his difficult work as a leader on
one of the local radio stations
appointments.
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