Track: "I must win music compo" by EA
Author: Some rmx by Macros
-----------------------------------------
Мы продолжаем публикацию книги Толкиена
"Shit in middle head"
Часть вторая.
Саурон: Пойдем к Бэтмэну ?
Мойша: Нет.
Саурон: Пойдем к Бэтмэну ?
Мойша: Нет.
Саурон: Пойдем к Бэтмэну ?
Мойша: Нет.Sauron: Disk error, track 0, sector 9.
Retreat, ignore, abortion?
Baken: Retry!
Sauron: Shall we go to Batman?
Moishe: No.
Sauron: Shall we go to Frost?
Moishe: Let's go.
Sauron: Shall we go to Frost?
Moishe: Let's go.
Sauron: Shall we go to Frost?
Moishe: Let's go.
Sauron: Disk error, track 1, sector 1.
Retreat, ignore, abortion?
Baken: Ignore!
Sauron: Well then, let's go.
Moishe: Let's go.
Sauron: Well then, let's go.
Moishe: Let's go.Sauron-Baken: Hey, do you have any alcohol?
Beacon, handing a bottle to Sauron: And to you
why?
Sauron, having drunk a third in one breath:
Oh, so... Clean the head.
Frost falls from the sofa and hits his head
howl about a healthy cast iron boiler: Boom!
Sauron: Hey, what are you doing! Do you remember the boiler?
!
Frost, remembering all relatives of Sauro-
on: What is this?...
Sauron: A man came from Mordor and said
if we don't bring the elixir by this evening,
sir, it will be bad.
Baken: Who will feel bad?
Sauron: To the one who drinks it. And if He
if it's bad, it'll definitely be bad for you
very bad.
Moroz: So what are we waiting for?
Sauron: Now, now...
Baken: I don’t understand...
Sauron: Morea little...
Frost: What are you doing?
Sauron: ...Fart! Now let's get down to it
work.
Moishe: Oh, you bastard!... What, are you driving again?
Do you remember how with the detector receiver we
who got it?
Moroz: Exactly, exactly...
Sauron: Don't croak. First of all
we need a dragon's tooth.
Bucken, moving down the pedigree
Sauron: So where can we get it for you?
Sauron, pretending to think: I, ka-
live, I know, but...
Moishe: I knew it, well! I knew it!
What else is there?
Sauron: Wait...
Frost: Oh no!
Beacon approaches Sauron, looks at him
muzzle, opens his mouth, takes in air and
shouting “Don’t you dare” breathes it out at Sauron.
Sauron: ...Fart!Moishe: Well, I don’t know what it is...
Sauron: Let's go!
Moroz: You know, I remembered... I have
There is one little thing here, I would be glad to work with you...
but I can't...
Beacon, taking out the rope: You, as always-
yes, you are being modest, Moroz... As always...
Moishe: Well, where does your dragon live?
Sauron: Opposite Joker?
Bucken, huddled in horror in a corner behind a cat,
timidly from under the TV: Oh, no! Really
there?... Do you really want...
Frost: What's the matter? What kind of dragon is this?
Sauron: His name is "ege".
Frost: So what?
Moishe, occupying the opposite corner:
How come you don’t know about the legend?...
Moroz: What kind of legend is this about?
Moishe: A long time ago, a couple of years ago, thisthe dragon tyrannized the local residents. Those who
managed to escape, like our Sauron, there were still living
you, the rest suffered a terrible thing
fate...
Frost: Look...
Sauron, taking another third from the bottle:
Such things.
Baken: Hey, you have a different dragon
no?
Sauron: No.
Frost: So, shall we go? Extends his hand
ku... Everyone puts their hands together and says
wear:
We, the guardians of courage!
And any troubles
Like five fingers on a hand
They won't detain us anywhere!
Hooray !
Moishe: How shall we go, through Mordor or something?
rez stables?
Baken: Let's go through the stables!
Sauron: Let's go through Mordor.
And brave friendswent to a difficult time
way. The lopsided crosses on the graves,
the destroyed Bravo store - all this is
there was fear and horror. Circling alone in the sky
what a bird, writing out obscene exhaust notes
words.
Frost: Hey, look! Birdie!
He picks up a stick and throws it at the bird. Not-
in the distance the long-awaited “blink” is heard and
friends approach the crash site.
Sauron: What have you done?...
Frost: So it's just a bird...
Sauron: To hell with her, with the bird. It was
magic stick! A long time ago it was used
He himself fell!
“Be hobbits,” said the bird and
finally gave up her horses.
Baken: Maybe you can still use it
?
Moishe, taking off his hat: Not anymore...
Baken: No, I'm talking about the stick.
Sauron: Exactly!
He rushes to the stick, takes it, makes a smart move
look, although his face says "now
Let's figure out how it works" and says:As the legend says,
Who will defeat the dragon...
The wind brought us the smell...
Frost will be a hobbit!
And with all his might he warms Frost with a stick.
A bright flash... A cloud of magical dust-
whether...
Buoy, dispersing the fog with his hand: Oh, look-
you frog!
He takes her by the paw and brings her to his face: Yes-
hey, I’ll kiss you and you’ll become beautiful -
this...
The frog, baring his fangs, grabs Baken by the
nose: I’ll kiss you right now, you goat! Hrum!
Buoy, lifting the frog from his nose: Ugh, let's go -
let's go, you vile creature!
Moishe: Don’t you think she has a voice?
like Frost?
Beacon, looking closer: So this is Mo-
roses! Nevermind!
Sauron, scratching his turnips and looking at
stick: Well, then we will defeat the dragon. Be-
Moroz comes and puts it in his pocket: Then somehow-
let's remake it back, and now - in
way!
ANDfriends moved on. Suddenly on OS-
broadcast by the sun, they saw a clearing
fork. In the middle there was a pillar with a sign
"there", indicating the left road.
Frost: Let's take the left road.
Baken: No, let's take the right one.
Moishe: But according to legend there should be three
roads...
Sauron: Exactly. And it will be necessary to go wrong
left and not right, but straight.
Moroz: But there are only two roads - on-
left and right.
Sauron, taking a hefty one out of his pocket
axe: And we'll go straight. And it's moving forward
in the intended direction.
His friends follow him. Chips are flying and
branches, Sauron’s swearing can be heard.
Moisha-Bakenu: Look, if Sauron does anything
if he wants, he won’t back down.
A day later, friends began to doubt that
they go where they need to go.
Moishe to Sauron: Hey, stop! We're not going there
!
Sauron: Why not there?Moishe: That's why.
Baken: That's it, let's go back.
Frost: Let's get to the fork and go along-
in.
Another day... And now, four brave friends
Zeys are standing at the fork.
Frost: Look, there’s even a sign here
there is - "there". You and your buoy go there, and
Moishe and I will go to the right.
Sauron: No really. Let's all go left.
Moishe: I told you, we had to go through
stables!
The friends took the left road.
Baken: Look, look, that one has developed-
ka, which is spoken of in the legend!
Friends come up and give a kick to Sau-
Ron...
Moishe: So where do you say we should go?
Sauron: Right.
Baken: Okay, we'll go straight because
there is a road there, and not because Sauron
I wanted it that way.
Frost: Look, ahwhat kind of stone is this?
Probably something should be written here
like “you’ll go there, you’ll end up there”
you're talking." Let's go, let's take a look.
Friends approach and see the inscription on the stone:
Here lies a brave warrior who wanted
find the dragon tooth.
Moishe: Look, it also says: “two-
room apartment."
Baken: And here it is written: “there are still places
there is."
Sauron takes out an ax and smashes the tombstones
beat into splinters: So that there is peace in the soul -
lo...
Moroz: Listen, when are you going to get me back?
will you transform a person?
Sauron: And guess the riddle: “Green.
If you press the button, it will turn red."
Frost, baring his fangs: It’s probably Moishe!
Sauron: No. It's a frog in a mixer! Ki-
gives frost to the ground:
I, the great Sauron,
Doomed to be immortal.
So if I'm wrong -
I'm not afraid to die.Raises his hands up...
We lost a friend yesterday
This is my merit
If I am immortal forever...
Become a frog man!
A bright flash... A cloud of magical dust-
whether...
Sauron, dispersing the fog: Damn, I'm already tired of it
Sauron with his magic!
Sauron: How are you? Who is better?
be a frog or a man?
Answer: It’s probably better as a human...
Sauron: Well then let's go...
And the friends went further, towards new
your adventures. Mom jumped after them
a lazy green frog squeaked something
on the topic
"You turned the wrong frog, you bastard!"...
to be continued...
Track: "LIVE AFTER DIE!" BY PANDA 97!
Author: Some rmx by Macros
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SHIT IN MIDDLE HEAD
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The next part.
In the middle of the room stands a huge co-
bodies, Sauron, Moishe, Buoyant, Frost are sitting around
and Tanka... The atmosphere of the mysteries reigns
contentment and magic... Silence and twilight, only
occasionally sparks flying up illuminate
stupidly serious faces...
Sauron (whispering): Tanka, and Tanka? Maybe
but I'll allow myself one small one
liberty?
Tanya closes her eyes in anticipation of a kiss
Luya: Of course...
Sauron, after half a minute: Well, that’s it
no smell!...
Moishe, shouting that there isstrength: Goat, own
lie,......, brute! Shut up !!! You
You'll ruin everything for us! Do you remember that
is it written in the cookbook? Dental Com-
the component for the elixir is prepared in full
silence only those initiated into the sacrament due to
cooking!
Baken leans over and looks into the cauldron:
No, guys, it doesn’t dissolve. Maybe
not enough fire? Frost, and Frost... Sun-ka pa-
dude, look how the temperature is...
Frost, putting his hands in his pockets: Of course!
You haven't made fun of me yet...
They turned the frog, but that's okay. K
they sent it to the dragon, damn it... And
who forgot to give me a stick? (Brows knitted together
looks at Sauron) Who forgot to give a stick
? (Runs over the faces of those present)
Sauron: Oh, poor thing! And me? I, what, neither-
when you didn't sacrifice anything? Remember when
last time people came from Mordor
dil, asked to brew a drink to lift
creative potential? Who's brilliant
did you mine the stone? I almost became disabled!
I got the stone, but this creature is brainless
asks, where should you put it?
No matter where, I say, I’ve suffered so much...
edit this. But he wouldn’t put it in my pocket
live, in a bag, and in a hand, a goat could put
live. So he’s not... In a cup, in a cup-
ku... IIn general, I almost always donate. I -
constant victim! Who's in my Elite?
playing, huh? You see the button - are you too lazy?
hold! They took my magic ball, you bastard
Hey, they put it on this button. Yes, and ourselves
gone. I... I always give everything to everyone, nothing
I never take... in return... I'm tired of
everything. Let's get out! Frost, do you know where the door is?
Get out of here. Moisha, Baken, take yours
harp, so that your spirit is no longer here.
No, leave the harps. Tanka...
There is a faint glow in the boiler...
Baken: Look, look! It's starting!
There you go, here you go, here you go...
Sauron leans over the cauldron, stinking
vapors fly upward, condense and
flow back, but he doesn’t notice it.
His face glows with happiness, brighter than
light from the boiler... Finally, something semi-
it happened - he thinks, rushes to the magical
ball, quietly turns on the filmoscope, nap-
points it at the ball and tries to show everyone
Please note that there is nothing unusual here,
this happens almost every day...
The admiration is interrupted by a terrible scream
Moishi: Lie down!
A deafening explosion is heard and the contents
the boiler evenly covers the walls of the room.Sauron: Damn it! Goats, huh...Who is before-
did you put the whole skull to cook? I told you
there was only one, one single tooth
need!
Baken: So Frost couldn’t withstand it -
Well, I took it with my head...
Sauron distributes scrapers to everyone: Here, scrape-
beat you... Okay. Let's do without tooth-
ba dragon. What's the next component?
Moishe: The next component (makes pau-
zu) - hard water!
Sauron, unable to bear it: Ahhh! Bastards! All
bastards! They couldn’t have salt and dill there
write... What other hard water?
Moishe: For this we will turn...To Frost!
Frost, remember, you played Spiderman...
What did Madame Fidonet say? Solid
? That is, a hint about the state of the water...
Ice, you mean...
Moroz: What does that have to do with me? Are you going to Santa Claus?
Please contact me with this request.
Sauron: I feel in my gut that something is not right here
! No, ice has nothing to do with it. Let's go with
Let's sit down and think. Tanka!...
Where is Tanka?... Tanka!... Hey!... Ush-
la... It's not scary! Do you think it bothers me?no, right? Shit! We are brave and courageous
new guardians of magic! We don't need anyone.
We are eternal. We are everywhere. You can't see us
baby, but we exist and there are many of us. So here it is!
Baken: What, did you watch ZX-Files again yesterday?
Sauron: Yes, I did. Watched. And nothing in
this is not the case. UFOs exist, here.
Moishe-Moroz: Hey, what is “green-
No, press the button..."
Frost, not allowing Moishe to finish: Like this
there's no need. (Takes the bass) No need. (For-
swings) You're in vain. (Turns to
Moishe) Nnnna! Nna! On! NNNNNNA! Get it
! Here ! More ! On!
An hour later...
Sauron and Buchan sit and boil in a cauldron
tea. Frost runs around with the remains of the bass
Moisha's corpse's friend: On! Get it! Here ! NNNa
!
Baken, sipping from a cup and trying to
this is to make as many sounds as possible
the widest spectrum: Ugh, what a poop
! What are you making tea from, Sauron?
Sauron, proudly: From urine!Baken: What?
Sauron: The cycle of substances, do you understand?
Sideburn, rolling his eyes and puffing out his cheeks with
facial expression “I’ll rip it out! You won’t rip it out!
woo! You won't throw it up! Baeeee... I told you, I'll vomit
!": What are you doing, you asshole?
Sauron: Stop! What is this? (Does up
that smart facial expression that fatty
deposits begin to squeeze out through the pores
skin) This is what she is! (Takes out
some nasty stuff in my mouth...)
Baken, with disgust: Ugh... What are you talking about?
Sauron: Well, of course! Hard water! This
she! Here, here again...
Buoy showing the maximum possible
misunderstanding: Are you crazy?
Sauron: You yourself are a Jew! Hard water...
This is scale!!!!!!!!!!! (Strikes a pose
Felix's N2: Legs cross-stitched, arms cross-crossed
com, eyes narrowed, face says “and I
I always knew it") How could I not immediately
remember?
Baken: Do you know who you are? You slanting schmuck!
Mister foot! Colortram, external
tatted drinking buddy of smoked cassettes -
nicks! Did you know that?!...
Sauron, rolling his eyes: Knew! Knew it!
Baken: Hey, Frost, did you hear?
Frost, without looking up from his work: On
! Get it! Here you go! More ! Nnna!
Sauron, beginning to understand what happened
something terrible: Frost, TV#$ #'(@ ! What are you
did ?
Frost: Eh? Oh... (Kicks Moishe's corpse)
Hey... What are you doing?
Sauron approaches, kicks Moishe's corpse, pokes
with his finger (decomposed, not decomposed
?), takes you by the legs and drags you to the cauldron:
The guardians need something to feed,
Then they will begin to bring benefits.
No, we didn't do it on purpose...
And I want to eat...
This is how difficult our work is.
Baken: I won’t eat it!
Frost: And I won’t...
Sauron: What am I going to do?... Hmm... Well
and okay, I will... and I won’teat.
Baken, exchanging glances with Moroz: Well, how
Are you going to eat it alone?... Help
zhem. Go and bring some salt for the dill, and
we'll cut it up for now... That is... shortly
what... Why are you standing there?! Go get some salt!
Sauron sits on the sofa: What are we doing?
- then?
Moroz: What are we doing?
Sauron: So I’m asking, what are we-
Shall we make borscht or broth out of it?
Baken: Let's have cutlets! I haven't eaten for a long time
cutlets.
Another hour later...
Sauron, laying out some kind of ri-
sunok: You know... There is a proverb:
Where you were born, that’s where you came in handy!
Baken, sucking on a bone: Mmmm... Yum...
What are you talking about?
Sauron: Here, Frost, for example...
Frost, looking at someone standing nearby
guitar: Well, for example?...Sauron: Uh... Well, you grew up here...
I was wondering, right? That came in handy! What would we
They did it without you, huh?
Beacon, descending the bloodline of Sauron
before Adam and Eve: We forgot about the elixir
!
Frost: Exactly!
Sauron, rushing from his seat, runs to the hanging
ke, hits his forehead on the door frame, falls -
yes, pulls on his felt boots, throws on his sweatshirt
Moishi: My, my sweatshirt. Hey brave souls
threads! It's time to show what we're capable of
really capable! (Checks for
Is the hard drive in the right place?
Frost approaches: As you say, Sauron...
Baken: We'll show them all what it's like
a real keeper!
Sauron, not understanding what they mean-
duh, but, feeling that they will go with him: I
I always knew that you are real guardians
!
Baken: Where are we going?
Sauron: Beyond solid water!
Frost: Where??
Sauron: Who is our specialist in this matter?...
And the brave guardians went to the very
a rare dangerous journey.
Moroz: How about we go?
Buchan, without hesitation: Through the stables!
Sauron: But you know what...
Baken: We don’t know and we don’t want to know!
Sauron: But that path, to the right...
Frost: Is this at the fork?
Sauron: That's it, she's the one. According to legend
yeah, if you go there...
Baken: That's it, "if"! And we'll go
through the stables!
An hour later the friends were already standing at the fork...
Frost, looking like not freshly cut millet
ku: Remember, Sauron?...
Sauron: I remember. Do you remember the bird?...
The buoy, turning on the fifth generation of the genealogy,
Noah of Sauronmale line: I'm not with you
I'll go.
Sauron: Well, where will you go?
Moroz: So, according to legend, what if
go right?
Sauron: Well, there's supposed to be a magical lake there...
ro. Taking a swim in it can change everything!
Baken: How is everything?
Sauron: And that's it - that's it!
Frost: And even...
Sauron, nodding: We need to go there...
Beacon: No! You need to go there. And I
I'll go get some solid water for now.
Sauron: Why would you take such a risk? Come on
It's better the other way around! You go and swim in
lake, and we go, deal with the enemy -
Come on, let's take some hard water...
Beacon, interrupting: Okay, as long as it’s from you
away!
And Baken went to the magic lake, and
Sauron and Frost went to extract the component
for a magic potion...Sauron knocks on the door: Knock. (Remembers
last visit to Alena Rakkom)
The door opens.
Sauron: Hello, old woman... Old
Witch, don’t you want to do a good deed?
Help brave wanderers, we came from
far from you...
....: Excuse me, but who do you need?
Frost: Yes, we (looks at Sauron) like you
did you tell him to call him?
Sauron: We need a Teapot!
...., embarrassed: Excuse me, what are you on?
question?...
Baken: For the elixir we need solid
water!
....: Are you idiots or what? Which one
damn, do you need water?
Sauron: Don't get angry, witch! Call us
Kettle, we need scale!
....: Ah, you need scale... (walks away to
kitchen, comes back with a boiling pan
water) Nuka, bend over a little...
Sauron, suspicious: Why?....: Well, bend over...
Frost: How about back to the forest?
....: No, back to me, to the forest the hare is
to her.
Sauron: Whatever you say, you decrepit rat!
...., splashing ki-
drinking water: This is for the Teapot! (Close
knocks the door)
Sauron-Frost: Listen, you don’t have it with you
chewing gum?
Frost: No, why do you need it?
Sauron: What's wrong with Moishe's boiled
smells, maybe from the mouth?...
Moroz: No, it’s from somewhere behind... (med-
slowly turns his head and sees something
smoking, similar to a plucked chicken
ka) Mmmma... ma...
Sauron: Ma... Ma... AAAAAAAAAA!
Frost: AAAAAAAAAA!
They rush like a bullet into the street and plop down in a standing position.
a barrel nearby...Frost: Okay...
Sauron: That's it... It just smells something
strange. What kind of barrel is that?
Frost leans out and looks at the inscription on
barrel, plops back: Yes, nonsense...
Some kind of turpentine...
Friends silently look at each other and with acceleration
eat, allowing you to easily overcome earthly
attraction, fly into the sky...
And at this time their brave friend Baken was crying
floating in a magical lake...
Baken: My problem is solvable. Thousands
guardians... (cries) oh... hmmmm... Ka-
some beautiful flowers in the spring at Perducrioli-
sa... (smiles) How funny Moishe was -
noah... Oh, what's that whistle?
Suddenly, a few meters away, he hears thunder
"bubuh" and "bultykh", turns, vi-
dit of Sauron emerging and lying un-
far away on the small island of Frost...
Sauron: Well, look, huh! The person is unlucky
century and that's it!
Buoy, calmly, looking at the sky: Well, how are you?
? Found scale?Sauron: I don’t know, I haven’t watched it yet... At home
Let's check, maybe something has boiled... And you
like, did you change anything?
Baken: I don’t know... It’s all somehow to me
equal...
Sauron: How come you don't care? Oh well
come here... Do you have ferrite?
Buoy, slowly sailing away: No, no...
Sauron, rolling his eyes: That is, how is it?
no?...
Baken: Or maybe there is... I somehow
anyway...
Sauron, completely freaked out: To Tanka
will you go?
Baken: Nope...
Sauron, taking Felix's pose N3 (legs on
shoulder width, thumb and ring finger
the right hand picks the thumbnail
finger of the left hand, upper teeth set
on the lower ones, on the face it is written “now sing-
meme, how the teletext module works"):
Listen, aren’t you sick? Maybe he's too cold
here?
Baken: I'm fine... Go and friend
take yours with you... I may have-
I'll contact you later...
Sauron: How did you come to us, it’s interesting,
will you connect?
Buken: Through the centronix port...
Sauron, making sure that Baken was completely
moved, took an ax out of his pocket: Goodbye
! You fought bravely! And fell in battle,#!'(
tv@$...
He comes out of the water, dragging Ba's corpse with his left hand.
Ken, and with the right one - the corpse of Frost:
There are fewer of us every day,
But we won't leave you...
We will be reborn from the ashes
And we will also be useful to you.
Track: Chicherina!
Author: Macros, 02/06/2001.Hello to Joker
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Shit in middle head.
-------------------------------------------------------
Last part.
In Sauron's room there is a chalk mark on the floor -
on a magical pentagram, at the ends of which
Sauron, Moishe, Baken, Frost and Ksyu are sitting in a swarm
ha. In the center sits a cat and with stunned eyes
Zami looks at Sauron.
Beacon: Hey, Sauron, are you sure that your-
his magical experience is enough to
How to turn a cat into a human?
Sauron, cheerfully: Don't be afraid, brother! Hobbits
never... uh... well, what about him... co-
Rather, everything is in a bunch.
Moishe (baptized): And thou art in heaven-
si, save us from the hobbits...
Frost sits and mutters under his breath:
And two thousand years of war,
War for no particular reason.
Not like those tires from Kamaz -
Some kind of green infection
I don’t remember which time
He wants to destroy the entire human race.Ksyukha sits and reads Tolkien aloud:
Unfair, unfair. Isssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
you don't have...
Sauron, with such an expression on his face, as if
now he will press the red button and
will turn off the power to someone standing in the next room
Felix's computer: Well, is everyone ready?
Moishe: Hey, no, no! Stop! And if you're a
you’ll turn me into a person, who’s behind you?
he'll finish the soup, huh? Who ?
And, looking at Sauron, he understands that
he won’t specifically point a finger, but
the one he has in mind will clearly be in
coat.
Baken: Hey, Sauron... Well, let's not boo-
dem. Please, I beg you. Well, if you want, I'm in front of you
Will I get on my knees?...Huh?...
Sauron: Well, you seem to be standing on
knees...
Baken: And... this? This is nonsense... I haven't yet
so I’ll get up, but let’s not do it, eh... Well
let's not...
Sauron, firmly: No. We will!
Moishe takes out a gas mask and puts it onhim on his head: Yours, Sauron, @#'($, I have
I'm already allergic to your magic, so you...
Ksyukha: Oh, boys, you’re often like that
Keeping busy, huh?
Sauron: Well, how can I tell you...
Ksyukha: Tell the truth, otherwise I’ll do it myself
I'll find out.
Sauron: Well... how would you like it... we don't
abused, so to speak, ma-
gee...
Buchan, tugging at Sauron's sleeve: Well, Sau-
ron, well, dear, let's go to the ple-
brother's friend's cousin's cousin
Moishi, huh? Let's ask him
PlayStation...
Sauron, surprised: Why?... I already
He gave Segu a vohmyasha... (Shyly) And
gave it like that...
Meanwhile, the cat, unable to bear it (that’s for you)
not just any hobbit. This is a living su-
society...), runs under the bed.
Moisha: You see, this is a sign from above for us!
Baken: Listen to Moisha, listen!Frost continues to mutter:
But if there is a pack in your pocket
Three-inch floppy disks
So it's not so bad,
So we'll drink.
And a plane ticket
It'll be good for a snack.
You search to search
And live to live!
Sauron: Frost, aren’t you confusing anything?
Moishe: Why can Frost confuse? He
He doesn't even know how to tie his shoelaces. Castle
hanging hangs.
Ksyukha: Well, probably without a cat you and I
can't do it, so you, Sauron, go and sing-
May it and hurry up, we still like it today
go to the market, buy slippers and felt boots
ki...
Sauron: What? What the hell are these slippers?
ki ? I already have two pairs of felt boots from my guy
I'll take the plows for the winter.
Ksyukha: What other uncle Pashka?
Moroz: Yes, he is delirious, he is delirious.
Meanwhile, Sauron tries to catch the co-
something that can be understood bycharacteristic
ze, in which all hobbits stand when captured
ke cats.
Sauron: Oh, look, there’s a hokey lying here!
Moroz: Which hockey player?
Sauron takes out from under the bed a large me-
metal plate with attached to
her little men... Looks around in search
kah ball.
Frost: Oh, what funny little people! How
play with them? (Touches with finger)
Baken: Now I’ll bring you a ball. (Nap-
refers to the magic ball of Sauron).
Sauron jumps up to the ceiling, hits
top of the head and falls down with a displacement along
diagonal: Hands, hands away from my sha-
ra,#$&' yours!
Frost puts his finger in his nose and pulls it out
from there (sorry, censorship from -
is present) and lubricates (I ask again
forgiveness) snot two halves of the broken
gosya little man, connects them together, convinces
it seems that he glued them together in the wrong place, tore-
washes, renews the adhesive coating, re-
unites, makes sure that excess “glue” is removed
flowed and could then ruin everything by collecting
eats them (the excess) with his finger and puts them backbut to the place where they are produced.
Moishe: No, Sauron, you and I will not be in
hockey play. Look for your cat.
Sauron, taking away the magic ball from Baken:
As you wish, tv$' #'@_), Buoyant, tv$' #'@_).
Unhook, you brainless creature. Ugh !
Now everyone turns their attention to Frost,
because he looks very smart, which for
It's more than out of character for him. He sits and
stretches with his fingers a lump of some kind of life
wow, very, very nasty.
Moishe: Hey, Moroz, what’s wrong with you?
Frost, with understanding: This is kazyuli!
Baken: What kind of kazyuli are they?
Moroz: But these are simple kazyuli.
Sauron, taking out a notebook: Then clarify
him... Do you have anything besides cassulas?
is there?
Frost: What about! Of course there is!
Moishe, foreseeing something wrong: This is what
Are you of organic origin?Frost: What origin?
Moishe: Well, like kasyuli?
Frost, clearly figuring something out in his mind:
Hmm... Well, how to say, you know... How
say...
Sauron continues the procedure of capturing the co-
ta, meanwhile, Frost demonstrates honorable
something about what
they asked.
Finally, Sauron catches the cat and lifts him up
by the hind legs, carries it to friends, but, seeing
disgusting procedure, drops the cat, he
hits his head on the floor and runs away again
under the bed.
Sauron: Hey, Frost, what else do you have?
Frost: These are delicious!
Sauron: Wait, wait, what other tasty treats?
?
Moroz: Well, kind of like kazyuli...
Sauron: Let me smell it... (Sniffs and
runs to the side) So this is feces!
Baken: What kind of feces?Sauron: Like what? It's poop!
Baken and Moisha perform the ritual together
cleansing, desecrating sacred territory
pentagrams.
Ksyukha gets up and leaves. You can hear it from the kitchen
strange sounds, but Sauron understands that she
I agree with the others, just culturally-
her. This makes him happy, but it’s not against nature
you go, and he joins his friends
yam.
A minute later the friends are sitting on the sofa and
holding their stomachs, trying not to worry about anything
thinking and understanding that the slightest reminder
what Frost did will lead to a repeat
unpleasant procedure.
Frost, without changing his position, with
with an outstretched hand: Well, do you feel better?
Friends bend over the sofa together. frost
understands: they feel very bad. And that's why they
it’s so bad - he doesn’t understand, and so, between
business, mixes its contents with his finger
handfuls. Comrades decide that they will have to
carry out an intensified cleansing process and
produce it.
After a while...
Moishe: Frost, huhFrost... How are you?
Frost: Mmmmmm... Mmmmmm...
Baken: Maybe we can at least give away a gag?
Sauron, confident: No. Otherwise we won't
But... we won’t finish the transformation process.
Moisha, pulling on a gas mask: Well, let's get started!
Sauron, standing up, looks up and says
Sith spell:
Transformato variable
Constantly impulsive
Thunder is heard through the open window
damage strikes lightning on the ass.
Sauron, screaming, rubs his butt: Oh, no,
this is not it... Or maybe this:
Transformer, flora, fauna
Winter has come
Nothing happens.
Sauron: Hmm...How can he (wrinkles his forehead)...
Ah, I remembered!
Transmutto cotutto
It's like a lotgross!
The cat's fur stands on end and he pounces -
falls on Sauron. The room begins
hurricane, books fly off the shelves, sparkle
lightning, glass breaking in the windows... Sau-
Ron continues:
A hobbit is not a Jew
Damn, I got it, let's hurry.
A bright flash... A cloud of sparkling dust...
whether...
Frost: It seems like it passed...
Friends are convinced that against nature
yes, you really won’t go, and they continue
cleansing rituals, and some don’t even
having managed to take off the gas mask...
Beacon (in the process of purification): Hear, for-
Did you notice how fresh it was?...
Moishe, bent in half, standing on
last stage of the process: Hmm... And you're right-
yes, fresh...
Frost (stands on all fours, leaning
head to the floor):
Wish me luck in battle
Wish me-e...Sauron (being in the above-described position Mo-
rose, raises her head and squints from the bright
sunlight): What a blue sky!
... ... ... (Takes his head back, makes
looks like he’s thinking, moves his head forward)...
... Your mother, what is this?!
Friends have not finished the ritual yet, so
simply do not react to Sauron's words.
Sauron: What the fuck, huh?! That's right, mother
yours, huh!...
Frost, raising his head: What are you, Sauron?
? (Looking around, he makes square eyes -
for).... ... ... Your mother, eh! (With misunderstanding
nimium looks around)
Baken and Moisha after some time de-
They bark about the same thing.
Frost, clutching his head with shaking hands -
kami: Listen, ah... where are we?...
Baken: Sun...
Moishe: Sea...
Sauron: The natives...
At that very moment the frost receives a blow from
grown coconutkumpola and
is disabled. Friends surrounded by half naked
natives with spears, pointing the latter towards
Sauron's throat.
Sauron, trying, as it were, between de-
crowbar, move the spears a little (to the side
Bakena): ...Hello, guys... How are you...
And then, having received an even more overgrown co-
falls slantwise to the ground.
The natives make way and approach their friends
the most important native with a feather in his hair:
Abikh san hayya...
Buken looks at Moisha with hope...
Moishe: Uh, hi, man! Oh, most beautiful
of the beautiful, God's favorite messenger
gov, chosen one! Spare the lost ones
Zhezemtsev!
The tribe leader exchanges glances with his
close associates, then says something to them.
After a while the hairy one comes
person and speaks with an Estonian accent: Add-
ry vechsher, tarragie comrades! Paftaritte
Please welcome your greetings.
Moishe: Oh, fellow countryman! (Looks at each other with Ba-
ken) Countryman!
The translator, after thinking, beginstranslate
to the leader: They are saying something about the land, probably
No, they want to buy part of your island.
Leader: Tell them that we’ll talk about business later
we steal. Tell me, let them tell you about how they
got here.
Translator: Tarragie tafarishchi! Mow-
how did you get there...
Moishe: What are you talking about, brother! Countryman!
You are our dear! Let me kiss you!
The translator translates to the leader: They insist
ut on the purchase of your land, they also hint
for family ties with us and offer
yet, excuse me, commit matatupa.
Leader, surprised: Hmm... tell them that the earth-
won't they get mine and what today
in the evening they will be sacrificed.
Translator: Taa, not a joke fam...
At the same second, Baken and Moishe send -
to Sauron and Frost. Visible on the sand
four holes, four overgrown coconuts and
long tracks leading to the center of the island.
It's getting dark.
Sauron comes to his senses and realizes that he has
tied to the post and, with all his strength, yells: Ah!Out of fright at the guard standing nearby,
caries falls and he falls dead on
land.
Sauron, trying to assess the situation and
Realizing that nothing will work out, he looks at
sides, notices those approximately
in the same position of their friends: Hey, friend-
ya! Brave guardians! We're stuck...
Baken: Look, there’s a fire burning here.
Maybe you need to take some coal and apply it
him to the rope?...
A voice is heard from somewhere above: You are not
you can do it.
Moishe: Well done... How can you take it?
?...
Suddenly a voice is heard from the bushes: Sau-
ron... Sauron...
Sauron, joyfully: Ksyukha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ksyukha comes up and looks at Sauron:
Hello... hee hee hee...
Sauron, decisively: So, grab the firebrand
and apply it to the rope.
Ksyukha did just that.From somewhere above
los said: Since the rope was made
from a vine and impregnated with potassium nitrate, and
considering that everyone was tied to her without
exceptions... In short, you are free and dial-
whether 50 units of account.
After that the sky became white, it immediately became
light, and everyone understood that a system had occurred -
new restart, in short, it reset.
Sauron: Let's run to the shore, I think
I know what to do!
Friends take off and run after Sau-
ron.
Sauron: Frost, draw a pentagram (Frost
draws). Everyone sit down (Everyone sit down). This-
we'll go back an hour:
Constant-variable
Increasingly transformative!
Right there between Sauron's ass and the earth
an awesome spark jumps out, causing Sau-
Ron jumps 5 meters, but lands -
Having poured out, he continues:
I want to go home soon.
Let it be. Agree. I am Jewish !
A bright flash... The cry of Sauron... Is heard
the sound of falling buckets... Someone is coming...
Includeslight... Sauron recognizes Moishe in
nightgown.
Moishe: What are you, you bastard, yelling?
Sauron sighed heavily, but with relief:
...I had a nightmare...
Suitable sideburn in pantaloons: Nightmare
I had a dream, I had a nightmare... Again on-
were you drinking?...
Sauron: What a drunk, #$'( wa-
shu...
Moishe: That's it, shut up and sleep... (leaves)
Sauron, after: And turn off the light!
Buken leaves, turning off the light at the same time: Sleep
with peace...
The door closes and Sauron is left alone
in a dark room, only occasionally illuminated
through the smallest cracks in the wall with a light bulb
located on the other side of this very
toilet walls. Tomorrow I'll throw away these dros-
tics - thinks Sauron and, yawning sweetly,
pours...
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