Retro - Jews.

Track: НеЧТо TaKoe... HenoHqTHoe...      
Author: Macros,feb'2001,Kotlas,Russia    
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    В помощь начинающему ПоWhoEast'у     
         с рок-группой "Jews".           
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 Greetings, dear readers!
Today I, Andriy Khlebnikov and my friends -
Moisha, Sasha-Baken and Moroz will help you
Rat detector receiver.  No problem-
one, but with a bells and whistles: fuzz effect, dis-
torber, impedance converter, bus-
ter-bass and vibrato. If anyone
collect it, bring it to us.                   
                                         
Moishe: Why are you loading again! Yesterday we wanted
assemble a preamplifier... Who said that
20 minutes of work? We sat up all night without
what didn’t you sit through... Wow, I tell you...         
                                         
Andriy: He’s a Jew himself! Look, let Frost be-
collects today.                          
                                         
Baken: Come on, if I collect it, then I’ll have it for myself
and I'll pick it up.                                
                                         
Moishe-Andriu: Shavego!           
                                         
Moroz: Let's convert the BASIC into assembler
drive.                                  
                                         
Moishe: When will you bring your salary, you bastard?!
Who wanted to buy an electric device from us?       
                                         
Moroz: So it has no strings.                
                                         
Baken: What kind of electric power?                 
                                         
Andriy (swallowing greedily): That's it, shut up.
We need to help readers assemble a detector -
ny receiver.                            
                                         
Moishe: Did you even assemble it yourself?   
                                         
Andriy: Collected.  And I'm also a multivibrator
assembled. So symmetrical...             
                                         
Moishe: Yes, you are driving! Go shave!   
                                         
Andriy: I went to the chess club! I know
Joker.                                 
                                         
Frost: Who?                            
                                         
Baken: Let's get out of here.                    
                                         
Moishe: So what? Come on quickly!      
                                         
Andriy: Shut up! Firstneed to be wound
magnetic antenna!                      
                                         
Moishe: Where should I wind it? Well, damn...        
                                         
Frost: There.                             
                                         
Andriy: Where did you think. Is there ferrite? 
                                         
Moishe: Yesterday we went to Variant.
I asked if you need ferrite? He says no
needed.                                   
                                         
Baken: I have ferrite.               
                                         
Frost: With you?                         
                                         
Baken: Yes.                               
Andryusha (snatching ferrite from Baken’s hands):
Now we need to find the wire.             
                                         
Moishe: Let's freeze your brains through your nose -
drag!                              
                                         
Frost: Right now!                             
                                         
Moishe: Let's play chess!                 
                                         
Frost: No!                          
                                         
Andriy: We didn’t rehearse today!     
                                         
Baken: Exactly!Andriy: I wrote a song! Moishe, catch the ak-
cords (throws a cardboard).                 
                                         
Frost: Where is my bass?                  
                                         
Moishe: Why is your amplifier making noise?  
                                         
Andriy (with a smart look, looking at the strings):  
 Tum-titum-titum-titum.                  
 Hobbit, Boggit, Raven, Doom.               
 Gorlum, Goblin and Valhalla.               
                                         
Moisha (sings along):                        
                                         
 There weren't enough of us there!             
                                         
Everyone (in unison):                             
                                         
 We are masters of everything.                 
 We are working until the morning.                    
 Non-standard solutions                   
 Let's bring it to life, hurray!                 
                                         
Baken: Did you compose it yourself?                     
                                         
Andriy: Yes.                              
                                         
Moishe: Yes, you are driving! Yesterday Batman something
hummed something like this. Go and shave.      
                                         
Andriy: I know!!! Let's go visit!Everyone (in unison): Where?                       
                                         
Andriy: Then you'll see!                  
                                         
Baken: No, maybe you don’t care who
go, but I don’t!                     
                                         
Andriy: After an hour of walking you will have everything
equal.                                   
                                         
Buken: What's the walking hour?              
                                         
Andriy: What, are you going to take the bus?
Fucking intellectual! Let's all walk!!! 
                                         
 ...40 minutes later...           
                                         
Moisha (crying): Oh my! There wouldn't be anyone closer
found it!  The bolt isn't that close
ko, it turns out.                          
                                         
Baken (putting his hands in his hair): That's it, I'm...
walked.                                     
                                         
Moishe: Over there, in that house!                  
                                         
 ...another 40 minutes...            
                                         
Frost: I'm going.                          
       Turns around andleaves.         
                                         
Moishe: Lonely hobbit...                
                                         
Andryusha (pressing the call button): Not ra-
nerds. Knock-knock-knock! I'm your friend!      
                                         
The door opens and a little guy looks out
latch in a vest: How old, how old
winter, Gleb!                               
                                         
Andriy: Hello, Vokhmyasha! Meet: Vo-
van Sidorovich Vokhmyanin.                  
                                         
Everyone (looking at Andria in surprise): Damn!  
                                         
Vovan (kissing Andryusha on the cheek): Smack!      
                                         
Andriy (rubbing his cheek): Listen, you have strings
is there? Silver...                     
                                         
Vovan: Yes, even gold ones! (Hugging Andria,
moves him into the apartment). And you guys-
wait here (closes the door).    
                                         
Moishe (slowly descending): Let's go.        
                                         
Baken: No! Let's sit on the bench.     
                                         
 ...and another 40 minutes...            
                                         
Andriy comes out and sees them finishing their beer.
shuand Bakena!                            
                                         
Andriy: And me!                          
                                         
Moishe: You bastard, why did you cheat us?             
                                         
Buchan (taking out an ax from under the bench):
Did you pray at night, DisDemon?         
                                         
Andriy: Oh, shshshshshshhhhhit!           
                                         
Frost approaches: and I know what “or-
gasm" !                                  
                                         
Baken: What are you talking about?...                    
                                         
Moroz: Yes. This is an assembler directive!  
                                         
Andriy (swallowing greedily): How is this?       
                                         
Frost: How-how... Org Asm! It's clear ?    
                                         
Moisha (rolling on the ground): A-ha-ha-ha....  
                                         
Andriy takes out a notepad: Joker later
I'll clarify.                                  
                                         
 ...40 minutes after...          
                                         
Frost: Soldered?                           
                                         
Andriy: Soldered!Moishe: Where is his local oscillator?          
                                         
Andriy: Hey, you! Where is your local oscillator?   
                                         
Voice from the speaker: Where-where-where-where?     
                   In Karaganda!         
                                         
Frost: this is Tsoi!                         
                                         
Baken: We didn’t rehearse for the second time! 
                                         
Moishe: Exactly!                           
                                         
Andriy: Well, then give us our favorite.      
                                         
Moishe: One... Two... One, two, three, four! 
                                         
Andriy:                                  
        When I was eight years old       
        I dreamed of getting a moped!        
        Give it to me               
        I will immediately fall in love with him...       
        Tydy-tydy...                     
        Ural biker blues!               
                                         
Moishe: Sol-fa-mi, sol-fa-mi,           
 Sol-fa-mi-re-do!               
                                         
Frost: Boom-boom-boom...                
                                         
Andriy: I will do itclutch,         
        And you get into the stroller.         
        And I'll make a damn dance           
        And I’ll sit on the seat myself!          
        There are really no brakes here,         
        You will say that this is a plus...     
        Tydy-tydy...                     
        Ural biker blues!               
                                         
Frost: Boom-boom-boom!                 
                                         
Moisha: Awww, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!           
                                         
                                         
Track: Call to... Author unknown  
Author: Some rmx by Macros  
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 To help the novice programmer    
 with the rock band Jews.             
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 Sauron: Frost, and frost... We are with you
alone left!                          
                                         
 Frost, without taking his eyes off the guitar: A?  
                                         
 Sauron: On (stretches a string), why without
strings to play...                       
                                         
 Frost, moving his bulging eyes: This is
what, me? Really?...                     
                                         
 Sauron, staring at the black dot on
ceiling: It's time to clean the chimney.           
                                         
 Frost, winding the string: Yes, weightless -
lol, really.  I'll go to the factory and try
raise the welding transformer...       
                                         
 Sauron: Come, come...                    
                                         
 The doorbell rings. Sauron, losing his mind -
she runs and looks through the peephole. In a minute
Frost approaches and sees the pale Sau-
Ron, tearing off the one stuck to the peephole
eye...Frost, sarcastically: Why is Moishe back?      
                                         
 Sauron: e!# @'($... Looks dumbfounded
eyes on Frost... Look...         
                                         
 A minute later Frost peels off the sticky
peephole the right half of the face: e!# @'($ !  
                                         
 Voice from behind the door: I don’t understand, yes
Is anyone home or not? Close the pa-
sorry...                                
                                         
 Frost looks at Sau with crazy eyes
rona: tv'( #$!@... Stupid!!!!!!.....    
                                         
 Sauron, with shaking hands, removing the chain from
doors, trying to say something about
the current situation, but, understanding that it
useless, continues the opening procedure -
combination lock: 2,4,6,8,... oh, for-
was...                                   
                                         
 Frost: 16!                             
                                         
 Sauron: Yes, exactly. 16!                  
                                         
 Voice from behind the door: So, I went. Pass-
those are a stalemate to Sauron, that an old friend came
and brought him a sound card for 16
bit, if he needs it, then let him come, I
I'll be home all evening tonight and tomorrow
fourth half of the day.Sauron, opening the door, looks out:?... 
                                         
 Stupid, thrusting into the resulting 6
a centimeter gap and a dirty hand:
Oh, hello Sauron. How do you live, what do you have
Is anyone new here?                   
                                         
 Sauron, putting a rubber glove on his hand
ku: Hey, why are you here?               
                                         
 Stupid: Yes, I just saw Kisa yesterday
and so I decided to visit you here in passing. U
I have a sound card here for 16
bit, maybe you need it? If so, I can
cheap, right now I don’t know how much it’s a hundred
Well, I can calm you down for 400 rubles. Pros-
I'm from Parsec right now, I bought myself a car-
a more powerful car.  How is it, by the way, Moishe and
everyone else? (Notices Frost) Oh, Frost
(holding out the second, even more exhausted
hand), how is life? Normal? Hey, you
Don't need a sound card on the cheap?  
                                         
 Frost: What, there’s not enough for a bottle?       
                                         
 Stupid: No, I have enough for a bottle -
it's not even in hell, I'm just just about
I bought a scholarship card...              
                                         
 Frost, interrupting: Come on, clown, we know-
I mean... you don't have any scholarship.      
 Stupid, obviously not expectingsuch a turn
events: No events. In the upschaga, is there really
children? There are such neighbors there, I don’t know... Estonian
ain's worth it. (Trying to change the subject):
You don’t know how things are going with your defense
volume of cash?                     
                                         
 Moroz: As always, there is no salary. (It's a pity)
strokes his head with a kind look) Basukhu ku-
nothing to drink.                          
                                         
 Stupid: You know what, don't worry, I'll help you
I’ll bring bass from St. Petersburg, it’s calm there
can you give...                         
                                         
 Sauron: Listen, why don't you get away from here?
yes, huh?  (Puts his hand into his pants and walks-
Rive, takes out a shiny vintar, cocks it
and so, by the way, turns to the side
Stupid) Or maybe you’ll come in?            
                                         
 Stupid: No, thank you, I’m already a couple, it’s time-
Me-money, but no money... (embarrassed) then
I have, I have money, I don’t have time.  Well, okay-
na, paka (holds out his greasy hands-
ki)...                                   
                                         
 Sauron, swinging, closes the door,
shakes the circuit and dials the code: 16,8,4...      
                                         
 Frost: And then I’ll go too. With a sharp move-
Zhenya opens the door, breaking the chain and expelling
tearing open the lock...Sauron: Damn it!                       
                                         
 After 45 minutes of doing nothing...   
                                         
 Sauron: Macarena-macarena, Grew a ba-
ba Lena... Oh, no, not that... now...
(plays Em chord):                      
                                         
What is autumn - this is LERE!             
Crying Vokhmyasha underfoot...           
Muzzles with fists fly silently,      
Ustyug, how long have I not been there...       
                                         
Autumn, LERE,                              
Bay, ships...                         
I would send everyone                           
Away from the earth...                        
Where the beer is                             
They give for free                              
I                                        
I'll find a shelter!...                     
                                         
What is Spectrum is a box,             
Supported by rusty chains...          
This is my real personal computer 
Christmas trees, what will happen to us tomorrow?...     
                                         
I would send everyone                          
They won't go...                          
Well, what about me?                                 
Not bad here either.Us Jews                              
Will be accepted everywhere...                          
In LERE and even                            
Oh, eeeee....                             
                                         
 The room has an atmosphere of loneliness and
indescribable hopeless boredom.         
 Sauron: I know!!!!! I'll go to Tanya! And
I'll bring her here! And I'll show her the Hobbit!
And then the frost will come... No, it won’t. A
why frost? I'll go to Tanya!           
 Sauron jumps and throws on his jacket, pulling
bends his felt boots and, upon landing, hits
about the door frame: Awww! damn... It turns out
from the house, runs across the road. On the rest
standing in the new building is a healthy man with red
knitted on both sleeves. Catches I run-
passing Sauron by the scruff of the neck: Ahh! Jews
!... You see what is written on my headband -
but?!...                                 
                                         
 Sauron: Warrior.                      
                                         
 Man: And on the other?!...                
                                         
 Sauron, noticing that his feet are getting cold
and your hands begin to shake: And there you, uncle-
day, cross...                        
                                         
 Man (with rage): Cross?! (Poking at
viscous in Sauron's face) This is a cross! Heil
Hitler! Jew kaput!Sauron: You are confused, Hitler is...
put, heil... oh...                       
                                         
 A man lifting Sauron by the scruff of the neck and un-
swinging your leg:                         
                                         
 I went digging for worms                  
 Once he dug, (gives Sauron a kick)         
             and there is a Jew!              
                                         
 Sauron, flying to Tanka's house:
ZZhzhzhzhzhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... 
Knocks on the door: knock!                    
                                         
 Tanya opening the door: There is a bell, somehow
Why the hell are you knocking?  (Seeing Sauron and
shuddering) And it’s you... What do you want?       
                                         
 Sauron (without preparing in advance):
Well, how should I put it? Let me smoke for you
I'll clean the move!                             
And, realizing that he said something wrong, they rolled out -
puts balls on the forehead.                        
                                         
 Tanka, awesome: Mmmmmm... I wouldn’t go
you, huh? Reaches his hand into a deep pocket
pants and fumbles around there.                      
                                         
 Sauron: Ah! You have a vintar there! I have
there is also...                         
And begins the procedure described above
removing the screw...Tanka, sharply changing the angle between the left and
right foot from 0 to 90 degrees: Nnnna!  
                                         
Sauron, falling down the stairs: what is she doing?
suddenly?...                               
He gets up, shakes himself off and walks, simultaneously sucking
howling the hard drive into place. People with horror and
they walk around it 100 meters in surprise.  
                                         
 Sauron: Where should I go? And don’t accept
May the answer suggest itself, deciding -
don't go to Batman.                      
                                         
 Batman: How are you, digger?            
                                         
 Саурон,не расслышав: Какой еще нигер ?  
                                         
 Batman, not recognizing the questioning tone:
A Jew, and a colored one at that! Hmm... You look...
ri... Okay.  You said here that you would
dig something...                         
                                         
 Sauron, expressing deep understanding on his face,
nie: Ahh, so I wanted to find out who is on me
knocks                                  
                                         
 Batman, taking Felix's pose (lower face)
love comes to the top, absent
look, it’s written on your face “what are you all like?
chmory and how smart I am"), asks: Well
how did you dig it up?Sauron: No.  You know what, expand it
My memory is up to 25bkb.                     
                                         
 Batman: You know, we were taught in Aum Shinriki:
Abhya uahan sam meya ho!               
 Sauron, moving his neck to the right and left a couple of times
Q: Well, what does this mean?             
                                         
 Batman: That means if you want to kill
your enemy...                          
                                         
 Sauron, interrupting: ...this cannot be de-
bark, huh?                                
                                         
 Batman: Why not? Can. for you
why be afraid, you are Sauron - immortal
wizard!                              
                                         
 Sauron: Well, that was a long time ago. Who knows what
What is the guarantee of the spell...             
                                         
 Batman: Let's check! (Runs up to the door
toilet, creates an expression on the face
“surprise” and opens it sharply) Nnnna! U
Sauron's jaw falls to the floor, his eyes disappear
they stick to the forehead, peel off around the head and
return to their place.                   
                                         
 Sauron, in a trembling voice: ...Oh my...ibm
stupid...                                
                                         
 Stupid: Oh, hi! You don't need it yet
card?                               
                                         
Sauron runs down the stairs screaming.
tse, runs out onto the road, looks to the left -
right, runs across it, runs, runs, runs, for-
runs to the market, buys a pie with lu-
com, runs to Alena Rakkom’s house, gets up
to the fifth floor, knocking on the door (all this is on
in one breath)...                        
                                         
 The door opens and a healthy man comes out...
Zhik: What?                             
                                         
 Sauron, speaking to his uncle right in the mug: To me
Alena!                                  
Takes a breath, drops the pie, picks it up
he drops it again and says to his uncle, rubbing
ass: I haven’t seen you before, huh?         
                                         
 A man, turning to Sauron with his right bo-
com: Do you see this?                      
 Sauron, seeing red on the man’s hand,
mating: The Jews are kaput, right?...               
                                         
 Man: Have you moved, you damn Nazi?
I'm from the private security service,
part-time partner of the above-mentioned
Alena.  And you know what... She loves people like that
unshaven schmucks like you, but... she can stand it
can't bow!                           
                                         
 Sauron with relief: Oh, yes! Do you want
giveI need stimorol about zet!              
                                         
 Man: No, I want to punch you in the face and
in the ass! Nnna!                         
                                         
 Andryusha, dividing the height of the house by the speed
falling and getting a number greater than one
tsy, reflects: Wow, I’m unlucky today-
nya...                                    
                                         
 Falls to the ground, gets up, shakes himself off,
rubs his butt and decides to go home. Goes for-
walks into the entrance and sees someone sleeping next to him
homeless door.                            
                                         
 Sauron, kicking a homeless man in the ass and getting un-
described satisfaction: Went, went from
here... Oh... Frost! Why are you here, huh?      
                                         
 Frost, taking out a welding app from his pocket,
parat: I picked it up.  Here, now you lift it up.
He hands over the device to Sauron, the one with the smart vi-
the house extends its hands, after a second it grows
the expression of his face with a “grunt” is replaced by
"Who are you going to mess with" and he is in a jack position with
acceleration 100 times higher than normal
mu, falls into the basement... sand...
clay... warm... hot... ah, damn... already
better... ore... coal... hello, Moishe...
clay... sand... Flies to the surface
and, looking around: I hate diggers.        
                                         
 Blacks, not understanding the meaning of his words, butуловив
в  интонации  "да пошли вы все" и услышав
слово,очень похожее на "нигер": Добро по-
жаловать.