Seven and 1 / 2 - Army marasmus.

SoundTrack: DJ.DARKMAN 'SECTOR OF SERIOUS
__________________________________________


Edition: Dan!! L / PGC / BD

         Ze Pagan / PGC / BD
__________________________________________



            ARMY Marasmus

            ----------------


                 The more the army of oaks,

                 The stronger our defense!


                      ... Old, but always

                              true ...


   You're not here - here you will quickly grow out vodka drunk 
and outrageous to violate. 

   The command "END" comes the dark
time of day.

   Patrol vehicle will be sent forward to
Distance visual memory.

   Signal for the attack - three green whistle.

   Dig a trench from me and before dinner.

   Tanks come in small groups of
two or three people.

   Our work is not worth a damn penny.

   Here, as in war - kill the commander,
took a different machine.

   Live like pigs in the den.

   Sergeant! You are not orderly Swifts,
your ears hang.

   Short dashes away from me until the next oak.

   If you do not like these fees, you will arrange more than 
others. 

   The battalion commander did not go on foot, he
takes a UAZ-469 or zampoteha.

   Groundhog image leads a life fellow students!

   Boots should be cleaned in the evening and morning
put on a fresh mind.

   You are a cadet, or where? You are in the ranks, or what?

   Now I will deal properly and punish
anybody.

   After firing, combat and training ammunition must be brought 
to its original state. 

   Tomorrow we have sessions on VAP.Forma clothes - without 
weapons. 

   Report the presence of people! Who is not everything
to punish.

   Or you stop smoking, or one of
two.

   When a cadet cause, it must
stand up and blush.

   Each student must be either encouraged or punished.

   In the next lesson, there will be some
increase of volume of work.

   What are you mate swearing like little
children.

   You look at me! I where the normal and
where and merciless.

   How do you stroetes! Run one by one.

   We can not always break, it is necessary for something to 
sit. 

   The sine in time of war can
up to four.

   What you as fellow student? Here are a major cost.

   You hope that you put three on the exam? Put, but you will 
from this better not be.


   Shut up! Or I'm going to behave brutally!

   Hey, you three! Go both to me! What
look, I tell you!

   What are you, fellow student, drew a rough square? Are you 
colorblind? 

   What do you for toenails to grow?
Like an eagle, even though the trees manhole.

   All missing to build a single file!

   The head of the soldier to think, and brains, to think.

   Coniferous forest is burning better than woody.

   And do not make a smart person, do not forget
that you are future officers.

   This is not England - need to dig deeper.

   What a pig was here - a cow that
right?

   Take the statutes and rewrite all of them.

   The command "Ale" is performed at a run.

   If you'll wander - Pushcha missile.

   Close your mouth - panties visible.

   Well, how goes, as go! Cow some!
A pig, maybe.

   All our troubles because the top button undone.

   Now I have another child was a child.

   The larger the numbers, so no longer needed.

   It is fraught with you sideways.

   Do not pull the rubber on the back burner.

   Platoon! Backs to each other in a staggered
order along the diagonal become!

   How do you go? The impact must be simultaneous under section 
boot mate. 

   Company! For the garbage in the bath gets!

   Steering is used to rotate
right, left and other parties.

   In the army, all monotonous, everything is cut, painted and 
planted sand. 

   Automatic place on the knee of his left hand.

   What do you sleep while standing on the move?

   Here you will find there.

   Sore throat? Learn the statutes - not to hurt
be.

   In the company of seven slobs, and you hair
parting wear.

   Battle piece battle should be a piece, it's the same battle 
piece. 

   The platoon went to the edge of the trees.

   Home - half the battle, the end - the head of everything!

   Then a comedian came up, asking whether this can be replaced 
by what I said to him - no.


   At first there, then here.

   The commander said - a ferret! And no gophers!

   Stand in the evening, at dawn.

   Fellow student, if you want to say something, you better be 
quiet. 

   Fellow student, if you're a moron, then so
Tell me, and nothing to the gun rack.

   Shut up, I ask you!

   First, will the people, and then we'll go.

   That you approached me with his hands, with your feet!

   Whatever I odnogolichnogo of the barracks ever seen!

   Cadet, pull your hands out of his mouth!

   Would bring you into the open field, put a face to the wall 
and put a bullet in the forehead! 

   Are you stupid? Remember you can not?
Write, I write something.

   I do not know how it should be, but you are doing wrong!

   Nuclear bomb always hits the epicenter.

   Stop there, listen here!

   Bush - a bunch of plants growing from a single point.

   Fellow student! You are like unto the ostrich African birds, 
which from a height his flight did not see the general line

party.

   Particularly sensitive documents before reading burn.

   Do not drink much water, otherwise all the water will make 
you back in the form of salt. 

   What are you? While I was where?

   Landmark: a landmark first - pine with
birch top.

   Fellow student, why you came to
training the military department in the pants the most
alleged enemy?

   Come on we used to with one another through a minefield, it 
is ahead, I'm back. 

   Shut up, I ask you!

   Platoon, today Saturday. Explains the problem: to collect 
all the bricks and burn them. 

   Quieter, and then tea cools.

   I do not understand, comrade students, how much can you 
drink? Well, drank one, well, another Well, per liter, well, 
two. But why get drunk? 

   Here you are mate swearing, and tomorrow
these same hands will take the bread.

   Bullet - a fool, and you - fool. Sorry for the
sharpness, but it is our duty.

   I did not finish the Academy, but the higher education you 
Dadu! 

   Well, what you all say: "RADIATION, RADIATION ...". Here 
sailors by year sail under the water, light, white can not see, 
but this time their wives give birth to normal, healthy 
children! 


         Aphorisms teachers

         ----------------------


   If you have forgotten something, remember, so
that nobody saw.

   Drowning due to nedoplytiya.

   In the three cells can not put four
rabbits so that each cell was sitting
exactly one rabbit. This follows from the principle
Dirichlet.

   Wardrobe for teachers, but can be
and hang coats.

   Take the hippo and the snake and try to connect them 
together ... They will not share, to develop, multiply, because 
They have different formats. 

   Yeltsin won the oath taking, and you do not
know what is the correlation moment.

   Students do not have time to think of any
me, or write ...

   I ask you: here, perhaps like that?
You: "Yes, yes, yes!" And I: "No, not so."

   I will write here so as not to write a three-story 
expression. 

   Hard for me, you know, I have the integral!

   Each time to calculate the derivative, too much fun.

   Even cry, though simple.

   You have a fertile soil, it quickly dries up.

   I do that, T interesting?

   You're already gone, will not you send it.

   In an open lounge, and even gossip.

   Tickets vary. One can get all
easier, and to another - easier.

   I will send you through the dean's office.

   Piece of iron stuck in a pot with butter, and she
There is perverted.

   So back to our sheep, by which we mean the limit cycles.

   See, while today, not tomorrow and the next day.

   There's a broads sitting!

   This is not a 2 - is in the square.

   The operator sits and picks his keyboard.

   A man has appeared wool, meat, bacon, milk ...

   Man - this beast. But what animal? Brought up, so is not an 
animal. 

   The marriage between sisters and between
siblings.

   Girls wrap on their heads.

   And he was watching soccer, where the big bull
small shaybochku chase.

   Fellow student that you just can not find a position that 
would satisfy Comrade Colonel? 

   I Brake provided the impetus ...

   If you close your eyes again, I will
talk to you for you in the military.

   The main object for the student with the binoculars are 
female feet and he accepts them as a basic guideline. 

   It took time for talk - it's time
to gather stones.

   What is written pen - not cut down with an ax, and then 
prove that you are not a camel. 

   There are technicians, officers and myself.

   Member, so to speak, of the equation.

   Before me, the head of the course was a major
Sofiev, but I have the 53rd dimension.

   You do not sit, I'll mention you.

   Afraid to say what a 500 megaton - oo-oo-oo!

   Some still speak in the presence of glasses.

   Tear it from its neighbor.

   Here the views of forks.

   The survey will be writing, but verbally.

   The Earth has a convex surface, in this case.

   As part of topootdeleniya a computer based on the ZIL-131.

   Collect hats and scarves and carry on (?)
back to Colonel Yunusov.

   In the same way as the money is flowing time.

   I also love to dress nicely, but here
dress decently.

   I took off his jacket - so there will be no cold.

   Sitting'll talk my guest and visit me you will not call you.

   Honour a lot. Need to know where gonorrhea!

   Let yonder yellow cube is to
visibility of the blue ball.

   Cup of my patience snapped with a bang.

   Languages skip senior bad, this
taught even in kindergarten.

   The people simply write: C-moll.

   Someone take a year, someone - a day
who - a month, someone - an hour, and someone other
period.

   The wind direction changed by 360
degrees.

   Crocodile can also fly, only a very
low and close.


      Excerpts from letters sent in

            journal "Health"

      -----------------------------

1. Magazine-perfect textbook of life and death.
2. Send the form to the nose.
3. I was told that we can get rid of freckles, if you omit a 
person in an anthill for 5-6 minutes.

4. We want to know more about sex
relations: how, where and with whom it can be done.
5. What should I do to it was the right
speech defect.
6. I will write directly, and by nationality I am Georgian.
7. Show me a doctor on TV - nevropotologa.
8. How to withdraw hairiness on the face.
9. Your journal does not respond to my call, which I no longer 
emit the first time. 10. Since I am not a clever fellow, 
decided to go to 'Health'.

11. Your article on sex education contribute to the 
strengthening of military discipline. 12. For the good work I 
was awarded the honor roll. 13. I suffer from impotence at the 
place residence.

14. What is a dietary egg? Is every
fresh chicken or demolished without a rooster?
15. I'm from childhood until her marriage did not know
what illness: a healthy inside and out.
16. Where they treat glaucoma beam 'laser'.
17. Why, when I drink soda,
knocks me to the very top, but not in the nose.
18. I'm afloat in the sex issue on horseback,
as knowledge in the institute has not received.
19. I got sick, went into their disease entirely, even 
profvznosy stopped paying. 20. I can not bear children. If 
there is an artificial embryos of good quality and germinated 
if we could bring them to the pharmacy Penza?

21. Write her grief with great pleasure.
22. I have a wife, if I may say so.
23. I was treated for 10 years, 7 of them in prison.
24. It offends me verbal adjectives of a sexual nature.
25. Whether the fruit is not harmful to the cemetery?
26. I feel great, but bad.
27. I'm with anybody in the anatomical proximity does not
was.
28. My husband is unconscious, that I am
allergen.
29. What will happen to me with science - a popular point of 
view? 30. Visitors have separate apartments, and

root - the pipes.
31. They said that this summer is bad for sunbathing, but also 
said that in Moscow the meeting. 32. What should I do with a 
weak sex? 33. I am 25 years old, I'm not married (in the native

Russian sense of the word).
34. If I was a full man, as
It would be nice to me and others.
35. Could be a cause of infertility dimensionless melting?
36. In Yerevan, long time no condoms.
How can "work" without them?
37. My age - 56 years of age, gender - masculine,
profession - working day, two resting.
38. Address: Journal 'Health', Department of intercourse, and 
menopause. 39. No safety in sexual intercourse will not manage.

40. My daughter is registered with a doctor -
nosoglota.
41. I work as a teacher, but strongly gnusavlyu. But you would 
not want to son taught teacher - midges.

42. Read your article in the magazine, but did not understand 
what the cervix - uterus. 43. Where to find a job girl - 
Persons with Disabilities, suffers 2-3 months, but other times 
very witty and looking for work. 44. I'm female, but I somehow

grow a mustache.
45. What is the role of hypnosis in the socialist
society?
46. I have already contacted the kozhevny clinic.
I represent the bag with the disease.
47. Just do not call my name, at once
die.
48. In the Ministry by post.
49. What is abortion? My friends think
one, and I'm completely different. Who is right?
50. After removing the skull, I went to the doctor.
51. Woman without intercourse fades.
52. Hellish pain in the human personality.
53. Whether from intercourse feet
become crooked?
54. I am 38 years old, working to spearhead the production.
55. I'm cheshus, not a hand and a fork.
56. I respect the Moscow because she Tambov.
57. I have a complex and beautiful figure.
58. In Moscow there is a professor in the main
brain.
59. I was discharged from the hospital on a voluntary basis.
60. On his own patients did not go to the doctor - seksualistu.
61. Send at least something comforting.
62. How can I correct the wrong features of the feet?
63. 1,5 years ago I stopped working sexual apparatus. Now he is 
in a lethargic sleep. 64. How to engage in sexual intercourse 
so as not to offend women? 65. In my youth I have long engaged 
in self-service, now I am 40 years of age and marriage I'm 
unfit. 66. As in that case: I very quickly

in the life of a woman?
67. How can I correct the wrong eyes?
68. Getting rid of snoring? Tried to sleep
the respirator and treated in san.chast -
nothing works.
69. In the train the woman fell and it became
beat. When has broken - she stood up.
70. I do not work, but I run to the toilet
no time to take off his pants.
71. I myself can guess what the teacher second
mother.
72. Head of looking at my face, muzzle
- Beautiful.
73. Drinker, I have never been and will not,
if not podohnu.
74. And why my mother gave birth to cattle,
would long ago have killed!


     VALUABLE THOUGHTS WHILE Preference

     -------------------------------


   Maps closer to the orders.

   Would know prikup - so age would not have worked
(Not to be served in the Army and would have lived only in
Sochi).

   Worst enemies preference: a woman, tablecloth, and noise.

   Intellect is powerless against luck.

   No money - do not sit down.

   Bullet - not a date, to the top do not be late.

   Hold yourself in hand, angry after reckoning.

   Cel play - do not be offended.

   Hand over from beginning, and then smoke.

   Dymi more - partner dureet.

   See workshop cards neighbor - in his always
have time.

   Under the player - with Semak.

   Under vistuza - with an ace.

   No progress - no whist.

   Xoda no - go with the of diamonds.

   Before whist luggage without thinking.

   Cry more - like a tear card.

   Bzyatka - not beauty, back to return.

   Overacted partner, otherwise you will replay.

   Better without one of two than the one without.

   Bypustil gaming - reached into his pocket.

   Make haste slowly.

   Covest and fear in the maps are not counselors.

   Risk - a noble cause, especially when
Bringing a.

   Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

   One hundred grams to a thief-that roach to the beer.

   At raspasah grab your - or not give.

   Invited to play in a dark-to-shore long suit.

   If someone else on the course and the minuscule figure of 
eight enemy.


   Three pass - in the community cards are miracles.

   Protection Each time did not win-lose partners.

   Torguysya without restraint, but the play of meaning.

   Nedozakazyvay less, not sooner zakazhesh
prostheses.

   Map is not a horse - in the morning we're lucky.

   You climb the mountain, taking a partner, together
fun.

   Bitomu itching, amnisteru not wait.

   Write legibly, the crocodile.

   No luck in the cards - lucky in love.

   Krutaya Hill - that the wife-cheat, has a gloomy thoughts.

   Ot card debt there are only three
savior: tight purse, and his beautiful wife and
nice colt.


             Lozungofikatsiya

             -------------


   If you have red health one, hands off
to shake hands!

   All the gains of October registered at
Secretary!

   The enemy is working on recording a country
wall!

   Do not turn off the light in the work toilet
There is no place!

   Active element of whether, and the gas close
Do not forget!

   Taking the pan without permission, of course, not of 
proletarian origin! 

   Slop bucket do not get out - in the back of the revolution 
once the knife! 


            ---------------


   1. Adolf Wolfowitz Santa Claus.

   2. "The Soviet people knew: where there is a voucher, there 
is success, there is a victory!" 

   3. "... We have in stock - 12 tons of software ..."

   4. Firs-wei, a stick-wei (New lumps and tenderness).

   5. Vidal, sucker?

   6. Meeting two americans.

   - Budy! Do you know how this f.. G ukrainiens call our BEER?

   - How?

   - PYYvo!

   - Kill them all!!!

   7. Ride in a hotel elevator in February Chinese.
Comes to Russian, rides with them a couple of floors and exits.

   - Lee! You notice that all these Russian
for one person?

   8. Dynamite brand M'M's. Melts at the airport ...

   9. Connect 19200/Bank_Imperial ...

   10. Opal Fruits. You drown your own saliva.

   11. in the movie "Porter fufaek", in movie "Moo kids."

               de

   WF "---- rminator III. Supny stump. "

               those

   12. Bounty. Incredibly beautiful wrapper.

   13. StakaNUTS.

   14. Luba: No buzz, guys, no buzz !!!.." Epson is dedicated 
to! 

   15. Candy "Tick-TaktHQ".

   16. Bitter taste of tea give the remnants of firewood from 
our samovar. 

   17. Opal-ping, opal-pong.

   18. Cancer, the best remedy against smokers.

   19. Of all human vices, the most
disgusting is prudence.

   20. Fasten pants Okhlamanov, you hid behind a spy!

   21. Ideal gas only happens, and then
textbook on physics.

   22. No one will marry her, suicide is not now in vogue.

   23. I am a young man, no other country
I know where a person breathes so freely. And you
do not know. And no one knows and does not know
should.

-------------------------------------------------- 
-------------------------------- 


           Nonfictional STORIES



          (From the collection of Lenin)

          =====================



   A policeman from one American city, was elected, the 
gentleman, because fined himself for parking car in the wrong 
place. 


   British divers are lifted from the seabed
submarine created in about 1880,
the battery is still giving a spark.


   Columbia University Teachers staged a very peculiar contest:
Whose essay on a scientific paper will be the most
concise. Won student - naturalist
John Smith, a sense of humor that the jury appreciated. Smith's 
essay consisted of just one word: "Nonsense!" 


   Lived were two brothers, lived not bemoaned, but
Here are just a popularity they lacked. And
Guinness book of records accessed (after all, they weighed two 
hundred kilos on his brother), and in the newspapers, all in 
vain. They were upset and robbed a bank, then that he and lucky

- They came in the newspaper. And it came to what they
were the only robbers, who
at first they could not take away from the crime scene, because 
they do not climb through the police machine, and then had to 
let go on bail - prison beds were broken under them, such as 
paper. 


   December 5, 1664 near Cape Calais sank the British ship 
"Meney. Of all crew managed to save only one sailor Hugh 
Williams. Exactly 121 years, December 5, 1785 near Cape Calais 
in a storm wrecked British ship. AND

once again survived a single man, whose name was ... Hugh 
Williams. 


   The original method of punishment applies
Traffic police in Rio de Janeiro to those
who violate the rules of parking.
If the machine is left in the wrong place at the tag on the 
windshield banner reading: "Here, parking is prohibited !!!",

are the same punishment that this kleyut
poster such glue, scrape it that only after 3-4 hours of 
intensive work. 


   Once, in a small African country
lived a hapless golfer. And once the ball was sent to them, 
broke the glass light jet aircraft that carried out

run-up prior to takeoff. The pilot lost and
car crashed into the four fighters who stood at the airport ... 
The culprit escaped slight shock, lost the ball and a small 
fine and an African country left without the Air Force, which 
accounted for these four fighters.



   She graduated from the existence League extravagant because 
of the inability to comply with its own statute: "full members 
of the league must go on street dressed in such a way as to 
"shock the" decent public Gentlemen ...". from the league 
hazhivali in ancient Greek tunic, in the form of Nicaraguan 
generals, and the Austro-Hungarian gendarmes, and the president 
of the league from time to time walked into a tattoo Zulu 
leader. Everything went fine, public indignation, the newspaper 
printed the photos, and members of the league conspired to new 
feats ... But over time, and in connection with fashion, 
onlookers stopped paying attention to the enthusiasts of the 
league. The league had to disband, to be reborn as "guardians 
of the League of Victorian taste." 


   Ethel Bersuord heard a loud noise with
the left side of his car, stopped and asked police to help her
understand whence comes crashing. A quick glance was enough to 
find reason: the car was not a single wheel.

Eighty Ethel drove Bersuord
more than ten miles on three wheels,
including loud radio, not to
interfered with noise. On a question, asking if she
signs of oncoming drivers, she said that
served. But she believed that to her it is not
applies, as it always goes very
carefully.


   First vsebritanskie competitions
luring earthworms attracted
one hundred participants. The essence of the new species
sports (hunting, or as some call it) is that each party to cut 
the lawn plot exactly nine square meters, and from this

plot should be collected within half an hour
maximum number of worms. Interesting
fact that the winner of the last two competitions no one wants 
to be in neighboring areas, since there are rumors

that he was luring his neighbors' hearts.
This year he again became a champion, collecting
85 worms.


   In 1986, the Hong Kong Philharmonic
received a letter from the Tax Office, with
reminder of the need to pay taxes to those who participated
in the concerts given by the Philharmonic, namely: Johann 
Sebastian Bach and Camille SentSansu. As it turned out, 
officials Offices written off the names of these "taxpayers" 
with posters who reported that they would run their

best works.


   Every state and even city in the U.S. has
its own set of laws and regulations, among which is pretty 
funny. For example -  - In Ohio forbidden to carry passengers 
on the roof of a taxi.  - In Cleveland, you can shoot in the 
neighborhood chickens, provided that all neighbors within a 
radius of 15 meters do not mind.  - In Washington, are allowed 
in public transport aquarium fish

but only if "they behaved very calmly."
 - In New York, is strictly prohibited
wash your ass in the bathtub.
 - In New Jersey, is prohibited dozing in a chair while shaving 
at barber. 


   In New York City is the original club -
Club sluggish. " The club members are firmly
adhere to two rules: do not hurry up and
"Better late than never." They are actively
uchasvstvuyut in public life, but do
this is long overdue. Recently, members of
Club protested against the war in 1812.
After the closure of the world exhibition EXPO
they organized a trip there. And always
eat the cake, lying on the shelves
longer laid them time.


   Toe Italian Joe Carducci
has the property to predict earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. 
Living at the foot of Mount Etna, he once saved the inhabitants 
of the city from its vagaries.



   46-year-old painter Arnie Bern is
a long beard. But if it serves other
for decoration, then it is - a working
tool. Whether it is for this reason, whether
because Bern is really a good artist, his paintings are selling 
like hot cakes. 


   Charles Pryor, while in the hospital
bed in Hampton, read in a newspaper description of her funeral. 
City officials did not could give him a satisfactory 
explanation and, more importantly, find out who is still 
buried. 


   93-year-old farmer Charles Osborne from the state
Iowa hiccups for 65 years, with the frequency, on average, 3 
times per second. 


   In 1975 the film "Earthquake" received an Oscar. So what? A
that watching the film there is
most earthquake. Special electron-acoustic devices emit 
infrasound waves that cause sensations jolting. At the same 
time on screen begins to break down, twitch, blurred and the 
viewer gets the full effect of presence. Later, they took a few 
more "Prisutstvennyh" films, in particular: "Cold" "Sahara", 
"Jungle."