Ottyag - How to PROPERLY kill Windows'95.

<b>Ottyag</b> - How to PROPERLY kill Windows'95.

     Surely, you had to deal with pC? Well, if you had
work with "wonderful" and "very robust" operating system 
wINDOWS. I personally, have sex with her regularly since then, 
when my brother I got me this great calculator.

So when I came across this
text, simply wrote boiling water with laughter
and pleasure. Of course there is a "but"
This material was taken from the publication of "CR".
We really tried to publish original material, but in this case 
I decided to make an exception. Well, enough chatter. 


     (C) Maximum / INTEGER

     Original Source - "CR" N6 for 1998.


     How to PROPERLY kill Windows'95



     For the third year is a severe, sometimes
bitter struggle between the human mind and the creations of the 
human mind. Between us and Windows'95. And with that, and with

On the other hand there are some losses
But the confrontation is still ongoing, and we can not yet say 
for sure - which one the parties will prevail. Initially, of 
course, advantage was entirely on the side

Windows'95. This "operating system"
We drove all known her ways so that the epithets which we 
bestowed upon it, it can be released in book form. However, 
during the years of brutal struggle, we were smarter, more 
cautious, and now she's just so we do not take it. More We have 
already learned themselves mock over it, turning against it, 
what she tried to beat us. So, how do

the right to torment us Windows'95?

     The process itself can be divided into several stages:

     1. Harassment during installation.

     2. Izmyvatelstva in the boot process.

     3. Sadistic actions during
work.

     4. Torture, the use of technology
Plug and Play.


     Now, about every detail:


     Harassment during installation


     Slowly remove the CD, on which
provides distribution Windows'95 (pan-European version).

     Pick up a razor (you can take a blade of Freddy Krueger), 
and gently bring the blade to the sectors with the 
distribution. Take a few smooth moves blade without touching 
the surface disk, and then we do not something to be fun ... 
Changes in surface color drive from yellow to red will show you

Win that has already realized that he was dealing with a 
professional. Next turn on "computer" Bring the disk to monitor 
its working party. Make sure that the Win already admits

salivating with desire intimacy with this
"Computer", then slowly put the disk next to the monitor (the 
monitor may be). Remove the disk from the OS / 2 and let Win it 
clear that you want to install just the OS / 2, but not her. 
Wait change the color of the disk (Win) on the green

(In Win it means that it is beside himself
anger) and then quickly remove the
OS in the table drawer, Win should calm down.
Remove DOS 3. 0 (preferably "firm"
IBM) pretending that you want to install it, after which a few 
minutes you can enjoy the change of a rainbow on the drive Win.


     Well, like everything, although more can be done
kind of like a disc with Win does not climb into your
CD-ROM, that it is also very annoying.

     Next, insert the disk with Win in the CD-ROM,
erase all configuration files are DOS-Driver CD-ROM drive and 
restart your "Computer." Further you need a few times

loudly enough to say:

     "Where is my logical drive
CD-ROM go? Well! One has only to
CD with these windows to deliver, as soon
CD-ROM disappeared! Well, her! I'm not going to put it! I'd 
rather the OS / 2 put! She, on the At least, CD-ROM does not 
lose! ". If say it enough mocking

tone, then after a few minutes of CD-ROM
itself appears in the system ... If,
This look at the disk with Win, he
should be black. Next, run all files on the CD, but "setup. Exe"
, Saying thus: "Ah! Even the installer is not!" .

     Wait, so you have a command
line itself appeared "setup. exe", and then maliciously drive 
in its Back-space 'Th and continue their izmyvatelstva More

Ten minutes before the moment to CD
became purple. Then you can begin immediately the process of 
installation. Wait for the window with the license

agreement and press the "NO" to
the moment after the button, Win
she will continue the installation process. Then
tick boxes with a list of
"CD-ROM", "Network adapter", "Sound
card ", then click" Next ", open the case your computer" and 
pull all of this, of course if all this is a you, then enjoy 
the reaction Win , Encouraging its bombing mocking

laughter!

     When the list appears dvayverov, immediately replace the 
"S3" to "Matrox Millennium ", saying:" Nothing

I know - I have a bill on the computer -
Matrox says. "Immediately after the installation is very little 
good to play with the language: try first to place all 
languages at once, then remove them all, then deliver only 
the Japanese, then try to get "interface" in Hebrew, after 
which will require from her Eskimo regional settings. If in the 
"currency" will be "a frozen fish - this stage you were 
successful. As background is best to use a mosaic of shashechek 
with the words "Windows'95 must die! ". The best would be if 
these shashechki you have made with the "help" vindousovskogo 
"Paint". This will give a special atmosphere of bullying. 
"Logo. Sys" should be replaced immediately on the picture with

labeled "OS / 2 loading the most hated
system - Windoze'95 ", after which the process
Installation is now complete ...


     Izmyvatelstva during boot


     To competently anger in Windows
boot process, should be "autoexec.
bat "cram as many resident programs such as" Calc "," Side Kick 
"and etc. It is also desirable to have all these

programs have been writing in Pascal. For
swap - files, try to leave about
50Kb - this is somewhat entertained Windows
... Write a small rezidentik that every two minutes will remove 
swap - Files and all files in the "TEMP" directory.

After each drop Windows will not let
it loaded in the Safe - mode, and select
mode Logged (\ BOOTLOG. TXT), to make herself write down all 
stages of their disgrace in this file. Good results are 
obtained as the mode of Step-by-step confirmation, which should 
prohibit the loading of the most important drivers. Especially 
Picante bullying is pulling out the memory of the computer. " 
Leave this part there are 4 megabytes, Lift to read "War and 
Peace" and sit a week or two next to the computer, waiting for 
the start WinWord 'and, periodically cheering

Windows gentle words: "Well, Daniel, do not go stone flower?" .


   Sadistic actions in the process


     Here is the easiest way - DOS -
session. Do not hesitate to run in these
windows of any program! Collect only
products, which when running Windows
hangs perfectly still and try to cut in
at least once a day. Good results
also gives periodically run a special version of "aidstest" 
(you can write it yourself), which after loading wrote: "Your 
computer detected a virus wINDOWOZ'95. Proizvozhu treatment?. 
You can also rename the "win. com" in the "dos.

com "and run it. The result will be
Windows tries to give birth to itself
Windows. Outwardly, it looks very
attractive and very persuasive. Particularly painful Windows 
reacts to attempts to use it that MircoSoft / is not a mistake 
/ For some reason called "multitasking" (even though 
"dvuhzadachnostyu" call it something difficult). Start the 
heels of Norton Commander 's and Each of them set up 70 
megabytes to one logical disk to another. It is necessary to 
shout loudly: "Come on!" Hurry! "Higher! Stronger!

Puck! Cool! Ver! Copies! ", Which Windows starts to frantically 
rushing from one task to another, from swallowing the emotion 
memory, comes to himself heels and elbows, and then one by 
norton others fall out, shouting that "this

version of the NC is not designed to work with 8088
processor, "...


     Torture is using the technology

             Plug and Play


     As I said earlier - this method is very sophisticated, 
with the aid of his You can dobitsya fantastic results.

Windows can start with simple ones screaming
type discovered a strange and incomprehensible
error "," What the hell? Such errors
generally can not be! "and reach the phenomenal" I voobshe do 
not understand what poishodit here's home phone number of Bill 
Gates razberaytes to him yourself! "You all know the way 
Windows itself to detect various external and internal devices, 
and, if the device is found wrong, then explain to Windows, 
which is actually found there may

only a technical specialist who
for many years worked in MircoSoft and fully assimilated the 
spirit of a kind look of things that prevails in this firm. But 
we Thin torturers of this "system", let

this manner for their own benefit ...

     To begin to insert the ISA-slot LIMITED
some shawl from a Japanese TV.
Turn on the "computer". The reaction of Windows
usually unpredictable. I ran into
phrase: "Your computer was found
unknown device, but I'm currently connected to their drivers, 
the device worked fine, "then on" computer "discover the new 
logical drive, when trying to write to which appears the 
phrase: "This type of media is not supported in this version 
Windows'95. Ask your dealer to get the drivers for this device. 
" Sometimes Windows pleased me a message

that "You have discovered video blaster brands
Sony, but the resolution of your monitor is not enough to work 
with him! ". Once flashed message: "Your device is not Plug and 
Play! To make it so, just remove it and reinsert. "However, for 
a fee from TV's "Ruby" Windows has always reacted the same way, 
saying: "In your the computer detected the starter

from Soviet intercontinental ballistic missile
air-to-earth, eternal rest! If you
law-abiding citizen, then turn
modem so that I could squeal on you
CIA! ". But with the standard devices, computer peripherals 
Windows acted very peculiar.


     Interested in their reaction to some more or less modern 
computer motherboard, such as Sound Blaster AWE64. For the 
first time I have it all to see any sound card (despite the 
fact that the AWE64 - Plug and Play) for re-installation

she first tentatively found Sound
Blaster AWE32, then ran into Tsiferki 64, after which proudly 
declared that: "Do you have a computer found two boards SB 
AWE32". Well, with math MircoSoft have always been well ... 

Installing an external CD-ROM, which connects via printerovsky 
port, Windows has caused a lot of any moral torment. First, it 
surely is going to to identify it as a printer (clear

stump - what else can hang on
printerovskom port other than the printer!)
provides a majestic phrase: "On your
Setup has detected a new printer
CD-ROM ", trying to install it under a single slave to her 
soft, then hypocritically says that" This device can 
significantly slow down the speed of your computer (although 
actual speed of my computer "slows down only itself Window 
'oza), then begins to interrogate the device,

getting back kicks on CD-ROM, which obviously does not want it 
printed, and then issues a catchphrase: "I am here that is 
trying to illegally give way, but I'm still fighting," the 
result of which is the original hanging "the system": do not 
run, except task list. I understand that this is her

jobs at home to ponder
their behavior.

     This concludes my article,
I think that anyone would find Windows
for such flourishes, and I'm not alone in
the world those "people" who at the sight of the window
System Error call the company and cause
Specialist ...



     Well, got udvoletvorenie?
And now look at a screen on this topic: