01 апреля 2001

                Your Horoscopes by Mystic Bogie

Aries 21 March - 20 April

There is fast approaching a period of financial difficulty  that
can be easily  avoided if you   rob a bank  or knock off  a rich
relative. You need  to consider whether  diseases that you  have
been giving to  other people, are  really doing as  much good as
you  hope.  If  you  look  carefully,  you  may  find  that your
generosity is merely making others hate you.

Taurus 21 April - 21 May

You will have the tendency  to get carried away with  the moment
and rape a small  child, but you should  try to put all  more of
your energies and  emotions into something  furry. Take time  to
consider the feelings of those you have raped and left for dead,
are they likely  to feel rejected  and left out?  If so, perhaps
you really are simply being led astray by LaesQ at the moment

Gemini 22 May - 21 June

You will be highly motivated to succeed and there will be little
that will be capable of distracting you from the bar and  booze.
However, you  are in  no mood  for halfs,  only go  for pints or
spirits. You will expect and demand that people buy you  drinks,
you will be unwilling  to buy a round  but maybe forced to  if a
friend smashes a glass over your head. Bewarned.

Cancer 22 June - 23 July

You may  start feeling  that you  have lost  control of your own
reality  and that  others may  appear to  be a  varied range  of
mystical characters, but don't worry, this will just be the  LSD
that you have taken. Try to accept that others will be  laughing
uncontrollably at you.  Perhaps they are  not even aware  of the
worries they are causing you.

Leo 24 July - 23 August

If you are single, avoid being too nicey nicey with a member  of
the opposite  sex this  week, just  bash them  over the head and
drag them by the  hair to your house  (you will be able  to take
advantage of them there). You run the risk of being arrested and
miss out on the chance to contract an infectious disease from  a
work colleague.

Virgo 24 August - 23 September

You will have fucked everyone you know this week. This will be a
good week to get blow jobs from your friends parents, mother and
father so don't be shy. Let everyone know what you have done and
even more sex could follow

Libra 23 September - 23 October

You will need to try very  hard to account for you where  abouts
when asked where you have  been for the last 3  months. Whatever
you do don't tell the  truth about being in prison  for touching
up mice. Everyone else's  needs and feelings should  be ignored,
if you don't, all your carefully made plans could end in  death.
You  will also  find that  you easily  get bored,  try to  stick
things up your arse for entertainment. Your life is likely to be
ruined in the future, act surprised when in does.

Scorpio 24 October - 22 November

You will have the tendency to stick your nose in any bodily hole
you can find. Where it is not welcome, a surprise awaits. People
are very likely to simply think  that you need help and you  may
find that as  a result you  get taken away  by the men  in white
coats. This should be easily avoided by you remembering that you
shouldn't penetrate unless you are invited to.

Sagittarius 23 November - 21 December

You could  find that  you act  on impulse  a great  deal, if you
don't take  care to  consider the  options, you  may easily find
that you are unexpectedly in  bed with someone of the  same sex.
However,  you  should be  in  the mood  for  a great  homosexual
relationship, and  are unlikely  to take  much notice  of rules,
regulations and insults that will follow from others. 

Capricorn 22 December - 20 January

All around you  will people trying  to kill you,  they will have
knives and guns. These people should be avoided at all costs. If
you find it impossible not to avoid them your happy life may  be
ended prematurely. 

Aquarius 21 January - 19 February

Recently, you  have been  anally violated  and you  are probably
still feeling a little confused  about this. You will find  that
there is an  over used condom  smouldering away inside  you, and
although you  are really  angry with  yourself, you  like it! At
work,  you  will  probably find  that  there  are numerous  anal
gangbangs - join in!

Pisces 20 February - 20 March
A cock could  find it's way  into your arse  and your life  will
involve a change, mainly due to the fact that you contract  HIV.
This could be passed around  where you work. If the  opportunity
arises for you to commit  suicide you should jump at  it because
you are a no good worthless piece of shit.    FUCK OFF!

Bogie^RA ra ra