01 апреля 2001

            Chocasutra - A Chocoholics Guide To Sex

                          By Icabod^RA

Picture,  if  you will,  Sarah  Michelle Gellar lying spread out  
on a bed.  Naked. Completely. Wearing only a  smile. And perhaps
a spiderman costume (note to self: you're giving too much away).
Forget  the  spiderman  costume.   Naked.    Completely.   She's  
waiting for  you, her  mouth slightly   open   in   anticipation   
of   the  forthcoming  sexual   gymnastics.   She's  in  a  daze 
from the previous 17 rounds. Her eyes look towards you. You know
she wants more, and  you're ready to give  it to her. She  parts
her  legs,  and  slowly  [censored]  and  wet.  You  move slowly
forward, and begin to make passionate love to her.

Now, add to this scenario the lovely SMG being covered in melted
chocolate, and  you pretty  much have  a chocoholics  fantasy on
your hands. or in your head. or on the sheets.

Of course, it doesn't need to SMG herself. Any of the Buffy cast
will do. Well, any of the female Buffy cast. Except for  Buffy's
mum  (too  old). And  Drusilla  (too dead).  Hmm.  Actually, put
Drusilla back in. If  we're being kinky, we  may as well go  the
whole hog.

Where was I? Oh yes, chocolate. The point of this article is  to
describe  the many  wonderful (sexual)  things you  can do  with
chocolate. I'm the ideal person to guide you in this area, being
an over-indulger  in both  chocolate and  sex. But  with perhaps
less sex. And more chocolate.

There are  two main  ways that  chocolate can  improve your  sex
-life.  The  first is  in  "wooing" a  partner  to be.  Buy  her
chocolates. It's  impressive, but  can ultimately  end in  a fat
girlfriend. Know where to stop!

The second is to use chocolate in your bedroom gymnastics.  This
includes the  use of  melted chocolate,  and finding interesting
ways  to melt  the chocolate.  Look in  your history  books for
information on Marianne Faithful and Mick Jagger.

Hmm. I think that's it  actually. There's not much more  you can
do with it.

If all else  fails, chocolate releases  the same chemicals  into
the  body  as  sex.  So, if  you're  "going  without",  eat some
chocolate, and stop yourself going blind, you dirty thing.