01 апреля 2001

    How To Become The Best PC Swapper In The World ... EVER!

                      by LaesQ / Raww Arse

Many Speccy owners  have been deciding  to check out  the "other
side" Scene - namely, the PC scene. Therefore they more or  less
moved over  to Intel  Inside machines  and tried  their luck. In
case you would like to do  the same, I have decided to  give you
several pointers which might help  you a bit to attract  as many
PC Sceners as possible to obtain them for your contact list. 

Follow these instructions and await the success: 

1.) Write a letter using M$  Word at first. Use both Italic  and
    bold fonts, Gothic  is  the best  choice available.  Express
    that Word is the best  text editor ever. State that  Word'ed
    texts are longer to fill out free disk space. 

2.) Write "Hallo you out there  in the fucking PC Scene" as  the
    first sentence of your letter. 

3.) Do not include FILE_ID.DIZ in every single archive you send.
    They will love you. They hate order. 

4.) Use  some old  packer  for archiving  diskettes,  e.g.  ZOO.
    Encrypt the archive with  a bug ridden version  of UUENCODE.
    This  will  not  only   make  the  files   larger,  but damn
    annoying to get back to their original state.

5.) If you  plan to send  songs, do not  forget to save  them as
    compiled ones. Ofcoz they should be compiled at #0000.

6.) Put E.S.I.'s Lyra II onto the diskette and say "It must be a
    problem  with  your gfx  card  if you  have  trouble running
    it successfully". Rest assured they will believe it. 

7.) Format  your disks  as any  Speccy format,  BS-DOS, +D, etc.
    Include a  hand written  note "If  your drive  is unable  to
    read this, YOU SUCK!". 

8.) Say you love Bill Gates  (I know this maybe hard, but  trust
    me on this one). Say you hate Linux ("coz it suxx") and that
    you love Windows  98 because you  have been one  of the beta
    testers. 

9.) Say you  don't know how  the fuck you  ever came to  write a
    letter  to somebody  on the  PC Scene,  but you  don't care 
    either.

10.) Say Speccy suxx because the OS doesn't force people to  buy
     faster CPU's and bigger hard drives, etc. 

11.) Say  you'd finally  like to  check out  the most  so-talked
     -about  hardware ever.  State you  love the  most advanced 
     machines ever, therefore you bought a PC.

12.) Be arrogant.  Say you rock  and they suck.  They will think
     you're hard enough for them to accept.