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(C) JASON KRUEGER
------------------------------------------
cheers, dear readers. You, of course
you will laugh very hard, but this again
I am your odious editor Kruger. Here
I'm sitting here in my dirty, damp basement,
I sharpen the knives on the glove, I excite
I give myself, so to speak, mentally - no matter what...
enough to write. And in the depths of my patho-
logical and antisocial brain steel
various tricky thoughts arise
whether...
Okay, enough fairy tales, let's get down to business,
and although FUNERAL is not "Cotcupx Susii" (who
knows, he will understand what I mean), but he will get it
everyone today.
PART I
Through the pages of fraternal publications.
You read our electronic magazines and,
honestly, you're horrified. Let's take...
example: cool Kemerovo edition
DEJA VU. Everything seems to be fine - and the articles
it's interesting, and the app is good,
but... Two (three) comrades - I have in
respected DI-ALL and LONE WOLF -
alreadywhat month has the whole country been brainwashed?
on the topic: "Which is cooler - Amiga or PC." Guys,
you yourself are not tired of this feces
swear? I, of course, understand that every
is afraid to protect its platform - no one
I want to admit: “Yes, my computer is a Saxophone, and I
lamer...", but if you are so militant -
cool, then meet and chat in person.
Punch each other in the face, or with knives
poke around. Anything is more useful than littering your
They disassemble disk space.
VADER had a similar story with
ALLEN, and again in the same DEJA VU. To me
for some reason it seems that if Ze Pagan is not
changes policy and will not stop printing
everyone is clearly provocative sux, then soon
this magazine will turn into a collection
articles where various kinds of people are quoted
each other and sign their evil com-
comments under these quotes. The main one
The funny thing about the situation is that in the country
comrades are fighting in this magazine, living
living in the same cities. No, well, I
I understand if it were - one of Vladivostok
ka, the other from Kaliningrad, and both bombs
chew. So no, they need their local Rams
show the whole country - like, here we are...
wow, how cool we are with pirates (lamers, hack-
ceramics) we fight...
People, you will certainly laugh a lot,
but the next funny material is me
dug... again from DEJA VU. How int-fresh magazine! There is only him left in
NATIONAL INQUIRER rename. So, some
a very controversial comrade called
none other than S. Veremeenko placed in en-
that publication his super useful article under
entitled "My choice is PC". The text itself, yes
the same as the name, obviously there will be interest -
we not only ncuxuatpam, but also simple SPEC-
CY user, so, below you will find the most
cretinous fragments of this very article.C
my comments, of coz.
“Destruction is happening before our eyes.
unique subculture of spektrumists, tear-
Without connections, creativity fades. This pro-
the process is aggravated by the position of some stubborn
spektrumists, especially manufacturers
tels of Spectrum-compatible computers, which
who insist on the need to preserve
of the hopelessly outdated Spect platform
rum. They don't understand or pretend that
do not understand that they need to take care of the preservation
the opinion of spektrumists, and not the survivor of his
age of Spectrum.>"
Firstly, if there is no Spectrum, then not
there will be spektrumists - by definition.
secondly, “to take care of preserving the spectrum
mistov" - how is that? Are they going to die out or maybe...
perhaps they are like crocodiles on briefcases because
are they leading? People will remain. No, I’m not arguing why-
ressome time they will all die, one-
However, no pussy will help here.
“Delay and hesitation threaten complete destruction
disappearance of the very concept - amateur
programming. Continued work on
a computer that has lost its users, so
as futile as attempts to consolidate it
improvement. No improvements
tions will no longer return the former popularity of Spec-
trum. The user chose PC...”
I should note that Spectrum is currently
moment is an underground platform and
Here, apparently, we can draw analogies with some
other "underground" movements.
example, groups GORGOROTH or SATYRICON by
MTV is not shown because the listener is
took SPICE GIRLS, but because of this they
didn’t play rave or techo. We need to stay
to be true to your heart, as if to
It didn’t sound puppyish.
“For example, you can take the best of
existing Spectrum-compatible - ZX-
Scorpion Turbo and outdated, exceeding
Scorpion in all respects is only on-
row, 38bDX-40. With comparable equipment
(it is impossible to consider the same - yes -
the minimum value for a “three ruble” is
significantly exceeds the maximum possible
Scorpionovskaya) the price of "three rubles" is one and a half -two times less!
Yeah, buy a 386, you'll catch the owner
"Scorpa", and you will read out the configuration to him -
walkie-talkie and technical characteristics of its
cars. Because there is no need for anything else "three-
ku" cannot be used. As for the price -
that's right, the 38bDX-40 has less because
It’s impossible for someone to get rid of such a “computer”.
“When upgrading to Pentium, you will have to replace
thread several blocks that will have to
just throw them away because they are already sold
it won't work. But their total price is only
20...30 dollars! And with "upgrade" in
Pentium Scorpio will have to be thrown away
entirely. And this is already 200...300 $.>"
Well, either you're completely lame, or I'm doing something
I don’t understand. The Pentium processor is elementary
won't fit into the 386 connector, so throw it away
you will also need a motherboard. Memory blocks,
Of course, you can leave it if you really want
I want to have "Intel Pentium 233 Mhz, WHIM
Ram". The screw, I believe, will also have to be placed
nope - a normal "stump" game is simply not
will fit on some 200 MB HDD. Moni-
tor... well, I would still recommend for-
change. No, well, if you buy a "stump" for
comfortable game in Lode Runner - then not
necessary. But the computer case has emissions -
it's not necessary - it's bettercarefully pro-
saw a hole in it with a jigsaw. This is for
CD-ROM. By the way, it will also have to be bought
fall, just like the graphics accelerator and
a normal sound card. Here.
“It turns out that the three-ruble note will cost you
ten times cheaper than Scorpio, having ten
times the best parameters! "
These parameters have been given to you! What are you doing with ni-
what are you going to do? Write on the walls
or recite in the toilet at night?
"Troika" at the moment is a solid
inferiority complex.
“Firstly, the popularity of the game determines-
not due to the complexity of programming and colli-
the number of megabytes it occupies on
disc, but the entertainingness of the plot, the quality
graphics and sound. In our
conditions, the decisive factor may be
Russian language. Good "quest" or "hell-
venture" with good graphics and in Russian
language are simply doomed to success."
To begin with, by quantity, and not “quantity”
vom". Next. The quality of the graphics is what it is
the very stumbling block. In branded games
the main roles are played by specially hired
actors, dubbing is also done by people
with a professionally trained voice.Sorry, but no programmer can
compete with large firms. What about
If you want to speak Russian - go to any store
zine where they sell pirated CDs and look for
there is a non-Russian language game.
"Additional levels for DOOM and Heretic
humanities students write in a couple of minutes
del."
Somehow I haven’t seen such smart students
comrade in the humanities. In our country, for example, they study
They look forward to the History of Culture, Old Russian Literature -
tour and Theory of Language.
“If you look at the lists of authors of the most
popular three-dimensional toys, then the program-
there are no more than two or three comrades there, the rest are mu-
poets, artists, managers, even photographers
roughs."
That's the whole joke - it requires some
cha artists, musicians, specialists in
special effects and so on. I don't think there are three
a dimensional game without graphics and music will conquer
great popularity.
"If these arguments do not convince you, then
I'll give you another one. Program on PC
NICE! All the efforts of programmers at Spec-
trum are nullified by primitive graphics
and low productivity. On PCmaybe
any, the most sophisticated
fantasy. The same "demonstrations" on Spectrum
demonstrate the virtuosity of programming
nia, and on the PC - the author’s imagination, because
no, even the most cunning, scrolling
You won’t surprise the audience.”
And what does the programming actually have to do with it?
nie??? Any lamer can upload an animation
torus and make any cartoon. In such a case
tea, all professional musicians can
considered cool coders - the sound is in the stud-
diy is digitized.
Here. And finish walking through the pages
fraternal publications, I would like local electronic
throne magazine ZX-CLUB, or rather its 9th
number. I won’t go into details -
I’ll just say one thing: tear up articles from NICRON and
FIDOnet is not rulez.
PART TWO
AMIGA - RULEZ!
I have already made my choice!
I chose Amiga!!!
(C) Amizhniki
No, I choose Tide!
(C) Advertising
There are three scourges in Russia today - cockroaches,
gaskets and... Amizhniki. Moreover, the latter
are more annoying than the first two
taken together. Wherever you turn, it’s the same everywhere
and the same: “This computer is unusually friendly.”
dear...", "He will give you an unusually high
freedom of creativity..." etc. Tired of it, honestly
word! And explain to me, pls, how
the computer can be "friendly" - with it
Is it good to drink vodka? Well, I prefer-
I’m melting with a bottle of tete-a-tete to communicate...
And with freedom of creativity in general, total
count - if you listen to respected Amizhniks,
then it becomes unclear how people are
Amig's inventions did anything at all?
I won't talk about the computer itself -
I have never seen him and, accordingly,
I can’t form an objective opinion. But
about comrades screaming so loudly at everyone
corners is the saying that is pronounced in
section heads I have something to say. And
there are a lot.
Firstly, why so much screaming, moaning and
screams that literally force us simple
people, urgently run andbuy an Amiga?
Where does such zeal to enlighten us, the dark ones, come from?
about the true possibilities of "this
great computer"? I'm a man, in general
I’m not suspicious and I won’t dis-
expand on the topic of "alleged
Jewish-Amiga conspiracy", but why this pa-
key phrase: “I have already made my choice!”
Well, you made your choice - well done, flag te-
Get your hands on it and go for a walk.
In general, amigators have a certain
weird about the 486th computer for some reason
exactly with 8 MB of memory. I don’t know what he is to them
I liked it so much, but when they start to dis-
judge which is cooler - PC or Ammy,
then they compare their computers with the "four-
coy." In this case, the Amiga configuration is usually:
64 MB RAM, 24x CD`ROM, Power PC Accelerator,
but the poor "pisyuk" remained in con-
knowledge of amigo-like people, owner
486 DX and 8 MB of memory. Some shift in
temporary phase, as the Taiwanese say, on
face. This fact is especially pronounced
in some bazaars it is particularly advanced
tykh people. You all probably had to
read something like: “But in 1985-
duh, on the Amiga..." or "THIS was on the Amiga
implemented 7 (8,9,10 - optional) years
back!" In response to such laggards
in the time of application one can say: yes yours
Amiga was not yet in the plans when
EC's neck was implemented... (substitute
desired) p.s. Dear computer users
Amiga! Please don't be offended
at the evil me. Just cloned st-
I'm sick and tired of you in different ESMIs. I
I'm not running into a computer or using it
telians, but on those who write completely alone -
texts that are unique in form and content for
magazines/newspapers.
PART 3
PIZ-DOS page
Look closely at your SPEC-
TRUM! If it has the possibility
The difficulty of connecting a drive on a flexible
magnetic disk (disk drive) and printing
device (printer), then tomorrow you
you can become the owner of a computer
system that will solve most of your
home problems, will help with study and work
those, will allow in a calm home environment
new to join such a mysterious and
such an interesting world of real computers
thorny technologies! This little miracle has happened
barks for you and your SPECTRUM-compatible
new computerdisk operating system
IS-DOS system!
ZX-REWIEV N 9-10 1993
This is how beautifully presented five years ago
they gave us a “new, superior to all analogues”
logs" operating system. Now look at
trim, what was this sa-
May IS-DOS, quickly, by the way, renamed
to what you saw in the title. For comparison,
let's take... well, for example, the good old
TR-Dosin.
The first collision, which is usually presented
ut TR-DOS is slowness.
Of course, turbo drivers load faster, but!
IS-DOS loads using #3D13 (checked it myself)
ryal) and, accordingly, it loads faster
can't.
TR-Dos has only one entry point.
Indeed, "officially" can be used
only the above entry point. In isdos
the situation is better - restarts are allowed there
it is quite flexible to work with the ramdisk and
windows, however, one thing creeps in here too
a small and nasty “but”. Entry points to
IS-Dos systems have not yet been globally
but documented. What was in the ZX-Re-
vu - is unfinished material
and, it seems to me, far from complete. And in
in any case, restarts to work with the diskrepresent only special cases of use
use #3D13. In TR-DOS, no need
read a bunch of literature to write about
the oldest VG-loader (if only 15635
"not rushing") - it’s enough to know the entry points
in ROM and commands, let alone organize simple-
the shadowy cycle of labor, it seems to me, does not correspond
puts.
The following presentation usually sounds like this:
TR-DOS service functions are poorly developed. C
it’s hard to disagree with this - slowed down -
nal operation COPY and overbrutal MOVE
really give the impression of being light-
some underdevelopment and immeasurable rudimentary
sti, while IS-DOS has quite
convenient implementation of working with disk (not using
Let's remember where we got the concept from). But
let's see what they achieve
all these bells and whistles. That's right, due to this
that the system itself takes up half a disk, and so
thanks to the ferocious greenness of the head
floppy disk. It would be useful to note that after
This factor suits the disk (especially
5`25) complete madness, after which from-
It doesn’t seem possible to restore anything
possible. The only useful utility in
isdosse is a text idiot. But I would
I did not recommend that you store texts on that
the same disk as the editor, since it is
death is more than likely. (I remember when I
yes, I studied at school, an essay on geography on-
wrote.AI didn't have time to print it.)
Game fans don't complain about IS-DOS either.
ut. Although at one time there was a wave of articles about
how to screw up some fucking thread
PACMAN under the creation of Iskrasoft (also for me
they came up with bullshit - spoil the games), however
It’s unlikely that anyone will tamper with games and de-
to fire from a normally running program with
turbo driver is a buggy product that
God knows how to load. Moreover, if
remember the system boot speed, compare
only with loading MS-DOS from the flexible
who drives, it becomes clear that toys
It’s still better to store it on a regular TR-DOS di-
ske and run them through boot. Argument about
that now "every toy can have
your directory and you won't mix up the files"
can only please the weak-minded
go. For example, I can understand even without a catalog
that there is no batship.C file for the game EXOLON
has no relation.
BRIEF SUMMARY.
So, what do we see after this
brief autopsy. The IS-DOS system has no
debatable advantages in service, text-
in the editor and the clarity of the presented
information. But thanks to the fact that the prototype
this system (NC+MS Dos) wasdeveloped
for RS, i.e. for a car where the screw is
a vital part of IS-DOS working with
a disk converter is nothing more than
like a big software glitch that is very
the floppy disks and user nerves are crashing.
a completely acceptable option for working with pi-
Dosom may be to use it on a machine
not with a screw and/or 800 KB ramdisk. Here.
I said everything.
FOUR PART
Unloading.
After such cool bazaars, they offered
I bring to your attention two stories that happened
stay with me. The first one is kind and cheerful, but
with a sad ending. The second is gloomy, one-
but there is a certain semblance of happy in it
end (for me). So...
FEATURES OF NATIONAL SUX
It happened about two weeks ago. We
got ready to turn off the hot water and
promptly notified all residents (kind
what...) Well, in short, Idecided to take a van
well. Accepted. Successful. But that's when it came
before washing xaepa, some pro-
problem - complete lack of shampoo on the floor
ke.Turning my dirty head, I was surprised
I noticed that the item I was looking for was on
mezzanines. Mentally asking: what-
what a bastard shoved it THERE, I'm pissed-
looked at the washing machine and started the
deep into the mezzanine in the hope of pulling out
from there the promised object.
It turned out to be not so simple - to grasp
with wet fingers the desired Pantene is not successful
it happened - even on the contrary, bottles of shampoo you-
slipping from the hand went further and further into
depth. Having stretched the limb so far,
I pushed myself as hard as possible
and... fell down. Finding yourself in the ho-
the floor, the first thing I did was examine the
limbs for fractures. Visible
There was no (as well as invisible) damage.
Having stated this joyful fact, I
made a firm decision - if I suffered the same...
such suffering, then a bottle of this disgusting
I'll get the liquid no matter what.
Armed with some kind of stick lying around
in the corner, I climbed onto the washing machine again -
ku. By moving the desired object to the very edge
mezzanine, your humble martyr extended
hand and... In general, there was a lampshade there -
py. And there was no shampoo at all. I had to
wash with soap. Second story.
Happened today. I'm sitting, in short, next to
computer, I’m typing this very article (about
Amizhniks, it seems, there was a market), and suddenly they heard
shu - the neighbors were running in the entrance. Is heard
The doorbell rings. I open it. The neighbor is standing, ba-
Bulka is about 60 years old and right from the door you ask
says:
- Do you have a nerve?
I didn’t expect such impudence and mechanically
but I answer:
- No.
- Then give me the axe.
Then I started to slowly but surely oh...th.
But there is nothing to do. I dig it out from under the bench
a hefty ax for shoes. Grandma, yes-
without thanking me, he grabs the gun
labor and leaves. Closed the door. I hear
about two minutes later there is another fuss in the corridor
it started - someone is breaking the door. Well, I think
Pensioners have a hard life - the house has become
I decided to go. After some time to
A fire truck arrives at home. Fuss in
entrance intensifies - the door begins to lo-
mother professionally. In a couple of minutes to
two cars drive up to the house at once - cops -
gas and emergency gas. I'm confused
gave up on the article - I look out the window and am paralyzed
I'm really listening to what's going onat the entrance it happens.
About five minutes later the emergency room arrives and
"Ambulance"! I couldn't stand it here. I'm leaving. Oka-
it seemed that in the next house there was a bent
hand. Everything would be fine, but it’s too painful for her to-
ment unsuitable for this matter chosen
la - between turning on the gas stove and
burning gas. It's good that the neighbors have big noses
got caught - smelled a propane-butane mixture
and called the firefighters, cops and gas workers.
I forgot about the article - I looked out the window and paralyzed
I listen carefully to what is happening in the entrance.
About five minutes later the emergency room arrives and
"Ambulance"! I couldn't stand it here. I'm leaving. Oka-
it seemed that in the next house there was a bent
hand. Everything would be fine, but it’s too painful for her to-
ment unsuitable for this matter chosen
la - between turning on the gas stove and
burning gas. It's good that the neighbors have big noses
got caught - smelled a propane-butane mixture
and called the firefighters, cops and gas workers.
What does a happy ending have to do with it, you ask? And when
that thanks to the idiotic layout
apartments in our house, this granny's kitchen
is located just across the wall from mine
rooms. And if there was an explosion at night,
then the wall would collapse right on your
favorite editor. EVERYTHING.
THE UND
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