Fantasm - applied morphology.

                                          
 APPLIED MURPHILOGY     
         (MURPHY'S LAW).         
                                          
                                          
 PART ONE.         
                                          
                                          
 MURPHY'S LAW                
                                          
 If any trouble may arise
hope it will happen.                   
                                          
                                          
 CONSEQUENCES                 
                                          
 a) Everything is not as easy as it seems.         
 b) Any work takes more time
than it seems.                              
 c) Of all the possible troubles,
the one from which the damage will be greater will come.       
 d) If the reasons for the four possible
in advanceeliminated, then we will always find
the fifth is born.                              
 e) Events left to themselves
tend to develop for the worse.    
 e) As soon as you start doing
some work, there is another one that
needs to be done even earlier.                  
 g) Every solution creates new problems. 
                                          
                                          
 CHISHOLM'S SECOND LAW           
                                          
 When things are going well, something is not good
should happen in the very near future-
shem.                                      
                                          
                                          
 CHISHOLM'S THIRD LAW           
                                          
 People understand any proposals differently than
the one who contributes them.                        
                                          
                                          
 FINAGLE'S FOURTH LAW          
If the work fails, then every
Trying to save her will only make things worse.      
                                          
                                          
PADDER'S LAW               
                                          
 Everything that starts well ends badly
xo.                                       
 Everything that starts bad ends again
worse.                                     
                                          
                                          
 STOCKMYER'S THEOREM             
                                          
 If the job seems easy to do, it is
it will definitely be difficult. If she looks
difficult and absolutely impossible to accomplish. 
                                          
                                          
KLIPSTEIN'S LAWS             
                                          
 a) After the casing has been firmly secured
16 (sixteen) bolts, it turns out that
They forgot to put a gasket inside.         
 b) After assembling the installation on the workbench
there will be unnecessary details. UNIVERSAL LAWS           
                                          
 a) Any device that requires adjustment and
adjustment, usually not amenable to either
to another.                                  
 b) If the error in the calculation is responsible
more than one person, then the culprits cannot be found -
tee.                                       
 c) All sealed connections are at least something
something, but they miss it.                     
 d) A heavy tool lost from the hands
will fall exactly where he can inflict
the greatest damage.                   
 e) There is nothing more durable than modern modern
weapons.                                 
                                          
                                          
JOHNSON AND LAIRD LAW          
                                          
 Toothache usually begins at night
Saturday. LAW OF THE MAGAZINE "HARPERS MAGAZINE"     
                                          
 The item cannot be found until you buy it instead.
her another.                               
                                          
                                          
 RICHARD'S RULES OF INTERDEPENDENCE    
                                          
 a) What you keep for a long time,
you can throw it away.                          
 b) As soon as you throw something away, it will be yours
will be needed.                              
                                          
                                          
 SMAFU EQUATION              
                                          
 Once you have tried everything possible
solutions and you won’t find a suitable one,
immediately there is a simple and obvious solution -
new to all other people.                
                                          
                                          
 GRAHAM'S LAW               
                                          
 Trifleissues are resolved quickly; important
new ones - they never decide.                
                                          
                                          
JUKHENI'S LAW               
                                          
 Compromise always costs more than
any of the alternatives.                     
                                          
                                          
 POTTER'S LAW               
                                          
 The amount of advertising hype around the product
is inversely proportional to its real hundred-
property.                                   
                                          
                                          
 WEILER'S LAW               
                                          
 There is no impossible job for a person who...
who is not obliged to do it himself.            
                                          
                                          
 FORTIN'S LAW OF TWO TRAPS       
                                          
 Optimists invent the airplane, and pessimists
parachute GENERALIZATION OF THE CONSEQUENCES MADE BY SCHNETTERLI 
                                          
 Even if trouble cannot happen -
oh, it happens.                         
                                          
                                          
 SILVERMAN'S PARADOX            
                                          
 If Murphy's law may not work, then it
doesn't work.                           
                                          
                                          
 ADVANCED MURPHY'S LAW          
                                          
 If several bad things happen,
misfortunes, they occur in the most unfavorable
nice sequence.                 
                                          
                                          
FARNDICK COROLLARY FROM THE FIFTH COROLLARY 
               MURPHY'S LAW               
                                          
 After a turn of events from bad to bad,
then the cycle will repeat.                     
                                          
 EXPANSION OF MURPHY'S LAW,         
            MADE BY GATTUSO             
                                          
 There is no situation so bad that it couldn't-
It could get even worse.                     
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF LYNCH                 
                                          
 As soon as events take a turn for the worse,
mouth, everything is washed away.                        
                                          
                                          
 EVANS AND BJERN'S LAW           
                                          
 No matter what trouble happens, there is always
there will be someone who knew that this would happen.    
                                          
                                          
 HERLANG'S LAW               
                                          
 Wait - and all the bad things will disappear by themselves -
no...                                    
                                          
                                          
 EXTENSION PROPOSED BY SHAVELSON                                          
 ...causing the necessary damage.              
                                          
                                          
 GRILL ADDENDUM             
                                          
 If the situation was unfavorable, then it
will happen again.                               
                                          
                                          
 INCORRECT QUOTE BY GROSSMAN   
            LAW H.L.MEHKEHA            
                                          
 Complex problems always have simple ones,
easy to understand wrong decisions.
                                          
                                          
 THE LAW OF UNREASONABLE PRESERVATION OF DIRT    
                                          
 To clean one thing, you need to seal another
roll...                                   
                                          
                                          
 FREEMAN EXPANSION            
                                          
 ...but you can get everything dirty without cleaning anything-
Tiv. BOUB'S LAW                
                                          
 You will find what you are looking for only by searching everything. 
                                          
                                          
 SEARCH LAW               
                                          
 You need to start your search from the most inappropriate
good place.                               
                                          
                                          
 MARIANNE'S LAW              
                                          
 You always find what you weren't looking for.         
                                          
                                          
RUNE RULE              
                                          
 If you don't care where you are, you know...
Cheat you are not lost.                    
                                          
                                          
COYOTE-MURPHY THESIS REGARDING STRENGTH   
           NEGATIVE THINKING           
You won't surprise an optimist with good news.     
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF NO REVERSE ACTION   
                  LAW                  
                                          
 You can't make it rain by starting to wash your car.  
                                          
                                          
 THE MAIN PARADOX             
                                          
 An optimist believes that we live in the best of
worlds.  The pessimist is afraid that this is so
yes.                                     
                                          
                                          
 KASER'S LAW               
                                          
 You can make foolproof, but only
from the uninventive.                    
                                          
                                          
 ETTORE'S OBSERVATION OPTION, PROPOSED  
                O'BRIEN                
                                          
 As soon as you move to another queue,
yoursyour ex will start moving faster.     
                                          
                                          
 KENTON'S COROLLARY            
                                          
 Your throwing back and forth inflates both
queues.                                  
                                          
                                          
 QUEUE PRINCIPLE             
                                          
 The longer the wait, the more likely it is
It's possible that you're standing in the wrong line.     
                                          
                                          
 HUTCHINSON'S LAW             
                                          
 The need for concentrated attention
always accompanied by an irresistible desire
get distracted.                                
                                          
                                          
 RULES FOR DRAWING WOOD          
                                          
 a) Never draw something that can be copied
lay. b) Never copy what you can
lead.                                    
 c) Never trace something that can be cut out
crease and stick.                          
                                          
                                          
 LAWS OF PHOTOGRAPHY            
                                          
 a) The opportunity for the best shot in
appears exactly when used
the last frame of the film.                    
 b) Good pictures are usually taken when
covered lens.                         
 c) Good frames are lost when the
the phenomenon of someone carelessly opening the door
and the film is exposed.                   
                                          
                                          
 SIR WALTER'S LAW           
                                          
 The likelihood of getting smoke in the face from the
garettes or from the fire is directly proportional
your sensitivity to smoke. ROGERS' LAW             
                                          
 As soon as the flight attendant delivers food to the passengers,
wow, the plane starts to vibrate.      
                                          
                                          
 EXPLANATION OF ROGERS' LAW PROPOSED  
                 DAVIS                  
                                          
 Serving coffee on an airplane causes vibration.
                                          
                                          
 PERKINS POSTULATE            
                                          
 The lower you sit, the harder they hit you.        
                                          
                                          
 CONWAY'S LAW               
                                          
 In any organization there will always be people
a century that knows what's really going on there
dit.                                      
 He should be fired.                   
                                          
                                          
 REVERSE LAWSTEWART'S ACTIONS     
                                          
 It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.  
                                          
                                          
 FIRST RULE OF INCOMPLETEITY      
                BOARDS                
                                          
 Don't let your boss know that
you are smarter.                               
                                          
                                          
WHISTLER'S LAW              
                                          
 They never know who is right, but always because
we know who is in charge.                      
                                          
                                          
 FIRST RULE OF NEGATIVE FORECASTING  
                                          
 You will save yourself from many unnecessary
trouble if you burn your bridges right away, as if
you will reach them.                            
                                          
                                          
 ORIGINAL PRINCIPLE OF SOCIO-ECONOMY     
In a hierarchical system, remuneration is direct
mo is proportional to attractiveness and
ease of work performed.              
                                          
                                          
DREW PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE ACT   
                                          
 Who pays the least, complains the most?
Yes.                                     
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF CON                 
                                          
 The bureaucrats' flow of papers is all the more abundant,
the more time spent on reporting
less and less work... Sustainable
the state is achieved when you are all yours
You waste time reporting on doing nothing. 
                                          
                                          
MACDONALD'S SECOND LAW         
                                          
 Consultants are mysterious people. They asked
they sew some indicator from the company,
and then give it out in a report.              
                                          
                                          
 DINGLE'S LAW                                          
 If someone drops something, it will be kicked, but
they won't pick it up.                              
                                          
                                          
 KUSHNER'S LAW               
                                          
 The chances of getting the job done are back
proportional to the number of persons, according to duty
obliged to do this.                    
                                          
                                          
 PFEIFFER PRINCIPLE             
                                          
 Never make a decision yourself if
You can get someone else to decide.   
                                          
                                          
 LAWS OF BODY CARE FOR THE SICK     
                                          
 a) All TVs are in a different con-
tse chambers.                                
 b) The talent of a doctor is inversely proportional
opportunity to see him.      
 c) There are two types of adhesive plaster: the one that
which cannot be glued, and which
can't be removed.                   
 d) All patients require a simultaneous injection
but...                                       
 e) Who did not allow it to be done as planned?
new time, requires injection when distributed
sleeping pills                               
                                          
                                          
BARACH'S RULE              
                                          
 An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his own...
th doctor.                                 
                                          
                                          
 HARDIN'S LAW               
                                          
 You can never do just one thing.  
                                          
                                          
 HATCH'S FOURTH LAW           
                                          
 There is no better time than the present to...
put down what you don’t want to do. GROSSMAN'S LEMMA              
                                          
 Any work worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
                                          
                                          
 DERIVATIVE OF MURPHY'S LAW,      
            PROPOSED BY NAGG           
                                          
 The more complex and grandiose the plan, the more painful
there is a greater chance that it will fail.              
                                          
                                          
DEHAI'S AXIOM               
                                          
 People put off simple work, thinking that
there will always be time to do it later.   
                                          
                                          
 FIRST RULE OF SMART REPAIR       
                                          
 Don't throw anything away                     
                                          
                                          
 FOUR PRINCIPLES OF TECHNIQUE          
 a) There are not enough names in the toolbox
but the key or drill that is needed.   
 b) To perform most operations
three hands required.                       
 c) The remaining nuts never fit
the remaining bolts.                        
 d) The more carefully the project is compiled, the
there will be more confusion if something is misunderstood
children are not like that.                               
                                          
                                          
 FIRST LAW OF REPAIR           
                                          
 You can't fix what isn't broken.       
                                          
                                          
SMITH'S LAW OF COMPUTER REPAIR      
                                          
 Holes or slots for a screwdriver are always
half a millimeter less than necessary.         
                                          
                                          
 IMPLICATION:                
Holes of the appropriate size will be in
inaccessible place.                        
                                          
                                          
 LAWS OF ENGINEERING DESIGN,    
            PROPOSED BY THE CITY            
                                          
 a) The main function of the developer is to create
produce things that are difficult to produce and not
possible to service.                     
 b) The circuit component that has the most
short service life, fits in the least
accessible place.                          
 c) Any scheme must contain:
at least one obsolete part, two
scarce and three - at the stage
development.                               
                                          
                                          
 CONSEQUENCES                 
                                          
 a) The installation engineer will lead the project to
compliance with the existing level of technology
ki.                                       
 b) In the operating instructions these changes
Opinions will not be indicated.                   
                                          
                                          
 THE FIRST LAW OF WORK IN THE LABORATORY     
                                          
 The hot flask looks exactly the same as
cold.                                 
                                          
                                          
 LABORATORY TEAM RULE            
                                          
 When you don’t know what exactly you’re doing,
barking is thorough.                        
                                          
                                          
 EIGHTH FINAGLE RULE         
                                          
 Teamwork is very important. It allows
It is impossible to place the blame on someone else.               
                                          
                                          
 BRIEF DEFINITION OF MODERN SCIENCES  
                                          
 a) If it is green or twitches, it isbiology.                                 
 b) If it smells bad, it's chemicals.            
 c) If it doesn't work - physics.            
                                          
                                          
MUENCH'S LAW               
                                          
Nothing matches a successful foreign 
innovation as a lack of testing.  
                                          
                                          
 ROLLING ERROR LAW           
                                          
 For any sequence of calculations
errors will begin to appear at the other end
which opposes the start of the check.       
                                          
                                          
 RULER RULE              
                                          
 There are no straight lines.                  
                                          
                                          
 ROBERTS AXIOM             
There are only mistakes.                
                                          
                                          
 BERMAN'S COROLLARY FROM ROBERTS' AXIOM  
                                          
 What is a mistake for one is a mistake for another
initial data.                          
                                          
                                          
 THE FIFTH LAW OF UNRELIABILITY         
                                          
 It is human nature to make mistakes, but ultimately
Only a computer can really confuse everything.
ter.                                      
                                          
                                          
 THE THIRD LAW OF THE GRID            
                                          
 A computer program does what
you ordered her to do, not what you would
wanted her to do it.                 
                                          
                                          
 STEINBACH'S GUIDE TO SYSTEM   
             PROGRAMMING             
                                          
 Never reveal in the programmistakes,
if you don’t know what’s next for them
light.                                     
                                          
                                          
 LIEBERMAN'S LAW              
                                          
 Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter because
that no one is listening.                     
                                          
                                          
TODD'S FIRST TWO POLITICAL PRINCIPLES  
                                          
 a) No matter what they tell you, they tell you
not the whole truth.                            
 b) No matter what they talk about, there is always talk
is about money.                           
                                          
                                          
 MILES' LAW               
                                          
 The viewing angle depends on the space occupied.
                                          
                                          
 EVANS' LAW               
If you keep your head on your shoulders when
everyone around is losing theirs, which means you just don’t
understand the situation.                       
                                          
                                          
HORNGREN'S OBSERVATION           
                                          
 Among economists, the real world is often
considered a special case.                
                                          
                                          
 O'BRIEN'S LAW                          
                                          
 For reasonable reasons, nothing is done. 
                                          
                                          
 SCHRÖDER'S LAW                            
                                          
 Indecision is the basis of flexibility.       
                                          
                                          
BERKE'S RULE                            
                                          
 Never set a problem whose solution
you don't know. CONSEQUENCE                                
                                          
 Set problems for which there is a solution   
only for you.                             
                                          
                                          
 APHORISM OF MATZ                            
                                          
 Conclusion is the place in the text where you are tired  
think.                                   
                                          
                                          
 MAXIMA MERKINA                          
                                          
 If you doubt the forecast, say that
this trend will also take place in    
next period.                        
                                          
                                          
 HALGREN'S SOLUTION                         
                                          
 If you are in trouble, let in the fog.
                                          
                                          
 HAWKINS THEORY OF PROGRESS                 
Progress does not consist in replacing the wrong
theory to the correct one, and in replacement of the incorrect one
theory to an incorrect one, but clarified 
no.                                      
                                          
                                          
 CHLEIDS LAW                             
                                          
 Give the solution to a complex problem to a lazy person
employee - he will find an easier way. 
                                          
                                          
HANLON'S RAZOR                           
                                          
 Do not see any malicious intent in the fact that   
quite explainable by stupidity.               
                                          
                                          
 SAVINANO'S LAW FOR                      
"GOODS - BY MAIL"                        
                                          
 If you don't complain, you'll never 
you will receive what you ordered. If you still...
complain, you will receive your order before   
your angry letter will reach the right place.    
                                          
                                          
 THREEPRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS               
                                          
 a) If the doctor knows the name of your 
malaise, this does not mean that he 
knows what it is.                      
                                          
 b) On the last day of taking the medicine,
counted for a full course of treatment, pills   
either it won't remain at all, or it will remain     
too much.                            
                                          
 c) Medicine that must be taken in- 
ste with food, it will be the most unpleasant on     
taste.                                     
                                          
                                          
 CONSEQUENCE                                
                                          
 It’s even unpleasant to drink water if it’s prescribed
doctor                                     
                                          
                                          
 MATZ'S RULE REGARDING DRUGS      
                                          
 A medicine is a substance that, being  
injected into a rat, gives a scientific report orarticle.                                   
                                          
                                          
COCHRANE'S APHORISM               
                                          
 When receiving a referral for analysis, think about 
what will you do if the result is - 
xia: a) negative b) positive.   
If the answers are the same, analysis is needed  
will disappear.                                  
                                          
                                          
 COMMENT BY LORD COHEN           
                                          
 Availability of surgery is not yet an indicator 
that it needs to be done.                  
                                          
                                          
 THE FIRST LAW OF CONSUMPTION CUHETO      
                                          
 The 60-day guarantee means that the product   
will fall apart on the 61st day.                  
                                          
                                          
 O'REILLY'S LAW OF KITCHEN             
                                          
 Cleanliness is something of an impossibility.nogo.                                     
                                          
                                          
 KOVAK'S RIDDLE                
                                          
 If you dial a number incorrectly, never
there will be a busy tone                      
                                          
                                          
 SHIRLEY'S LAW                 
                                          
 Most people deserve each other.   
                                          
                                          
ROOM NEIGHBORHOOD RULE       
                                          
 Those who snore fall asleep earlier.          
                                          
                                          
DENNISTON'S LAW               
                                          
 Virtue is its own punishment.    
                                          
                                          
 CONSEQUENCE                  
                                          
 If you one daydid something right
then someone will definitely ask you    
do it again.                      
                                          
                                          
                                          
 FLEA COMMENT             
                                          
 The consequence is absolutely consistent with the following:
general statement: virtue does not remain 
impunity. Denniston's law has more
wide scope of application.               
                                          
                                          
 CHATES' COMPLAINT               
                                          
 If you helped a friend in need, he will probably
will remember you when he is back in prison 
de.                                       
                                          
                                          
 FIRST POSTULATE OF PARDO           
                                          
 Everything that is good in life, or not 
horse-riding, or immoral, or leads to obesity-  
nu.                                      
                                          
                                          
EDELSTEIN'S ADVICE                                          
 Don't care what other people think about you
think. They are too worried that  
will you think about huxm                       
                                          
                                          
MEADER'S LAW                      
                                          
 Whatever happens to you, it's all already   
happened to someone you know, just...
but it was even worse.                         
                                          
                                          
 BOCKLEDGE'S LAW                    
                                          
 He who laughs last may not be right
I got the jokes.                                
                                          
                                          
 WALKER'S HOUSEKEEPING LAW     
                FARMS                 
                                          
 There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.
                                          
                                          
 REFUTATION OF WALKER'S LAW,      
             EXTENDED CLEAK                                          
                                          
 If it's clean, it's not laundry.            
                                          
                                          
 SCOFF'S LAW                      
                                          
 Nothing will happen to a child on a dirty floor   
pour and scatter.                    
                                          
                                          
 VAN ROY'S LAW                     
                                          
 An unbreakable toy is useful for: 
would smash others with it.                   
                                          
                                          
 LAWS OF OFFERING BEHAVIOR,       
        OFFERED BY WITZLIG            
                                          
 a) A child chatting at home without a break, in 
will categorically refuse to say anything to guests 
at least a word.                               
                                          
 b) Any shy child will choose manya crowded place to loudly demonstrate
develop newly acquired vocabulary
(“damn it”, etc.)                    
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF ANIMAL BEHAVIOR          
                                          
 The probability that the cat will eat the offer-  
wife food, has no connection with price
the last one.                               
                                          
                                          
BALLANCE'S LAW OF RELATIVITY      
                                          
 The length of a minute depends on
on which side of the door to the toilet cubicle? 
you are.                            
                                          
                                          
 JAFFA STATEMENT              
                                          
 There are things we can't know, but   
it is impossible to find out what these things are.        
                                          
                                          
 LAST LAW               
If non-    
so many troubles, but this didn’t happen -  
In the end, it would have been better if they had not pro-
gone.                                   
                                          
                                          
 COMPUTER LAW BY BLUE              
                                          
 An inaccurately planned training program    
takes three times longer than before  
supposed; carefully planned -     
only at two.                             
                                          
                                          
 SHOW PRINCIPLE                   
                                          
 Create a system that can be used
Even a fool will fight, and only a fool will want to  
use it. (WINDOWS`98 CHEVER! ;))   
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY       
                                          
 The object will fall in such a way that 
the greatest damage.                     
                                          
                                          
KLIPSTEIN'S COROLLARY            
                                          
 They will drop the most fragile part.             
                                          
                                          
 ANTHONY'S WORKSHOP LAW              
                                          
 Any instrument, if dropped, sunsets - 
is placed in the most inaccessible corner.          
                                          
                                          
 CONSEQUENCE:                  
                                          
 Rolling into a corner, it hurts a lot at first  
will hit you in the legs.                      
                                          
                                          
 VYSHKOVSKY'S SECOND LAW          
                                          
 Everything can be adjusted if you twirl it in your hands  
long enough.                         
                                          
                                          
 SCHMIDT'S LAW                 
                                          
 If you damage a car long enough, it will 
will break.KANA'S AXIOM                
                                          
 If nothing else helps, read:  
finally, instructions.                       
                                          
                                          
 PRECISION RULE              
                                          
 When working on solving a problem, it is always useful
but know the answer.                           
                                          
                                          
 FIRST LAW OF DISPUTE             
                                          
 Never argue with a fool - people don't   
may notice differences between you.        
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF H.L. MEHKEHA             
                                          
 Those who can - do, those who cannot - teach.  
                                          
                                          
 MARTIN'S ADDENDUM             
Those who cannot teach control.          
                                          
                                          
 LAW OF VOLUNTARY LABOR         
                                          
 People always agree to do the work when
there was no longer any need for this.              
                                          
                                          
 ARMY AXIOM              
                                          
 Any order that may be wrong   
misunderstood, misunderstood.      
                                          
                                          
 SCOTT'S FIRST LAW            
                                          
 It doesn't matter if something goes wrong, 
Yes, it looks good.                
                                          
                                          
 FINAGLE'S FIRST LAW            
                                          
 If the experiment is a success, something is wrong here  
yes. MILLER'S LAW                
                                          
 Nothing can be said about the depth of the puddle until
you won't fall into it.                        
                                          
                                          
 JONES' MOTTO                
                                          
 Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
are changing.                                   
                                          
                                          
 FIFTH RULE                
                                          
 You take yourself too seriously.      
                                          
                                          
COLE'S AXIOM                
                                          
 JONES' MOTTO                
                                          
 Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
are changing.                                   
                                          
                                          
 FIFTH RULE                
                                          
 You take yourself too seriously.      
                                          
                                          
COLE'S AXIOM                
                                          
 The total amount of intelligence on the planet is the magnitude
constant, but the population is growing...          
                                          
                                          
 TRISHMAN'S PARADOX              
                                          
 The pipe gives a smart person the opportunity
to think, but for a fool to hold something in
mouth