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(C) Konstantin LI
__________________________________________
Reprint from the newspaper "Dangerous Bet"
isel caught my attention immediately, barely
he and his accomplice Gvozd were brought into the
there is no Lieutenant Colonel Shimanov. Although appearance
he was the most ordinary, nothing special -
oh, but something seemed to me about him
before he even opened his mouth. Well, when
opened it, there was no longer any doubt
in its originality...
“So, Diesel...” the lieutenant colonel began.
nickname Shimanov, but he immediately interrupted him,
turning to me:
- Diesel is me. Or rather, I’m not diesel, my name is
me like that.
“Sit down, wit,” the lieutenant colonel interrupted him.
nickname Diesel instantlysat down on the first one
chair, then just as instantly moved,
releasing him to the standing Nail.
From Lieutenant Colonel Alexey Shimanov, for-
Deputy Head of the Yasnogorsk District Department of Internal Affairs
Tula region, I already knew that this couple
ka was detained by the guards of the dacha
operative: Diesel and Nail climbed into someone else's
barn The guards thrashed them and handed them over to
police, where it turned out that everything was a coincidence
not so. Or rather, it was like this: and the garden
oh, and they climbed in, but not for the purpose of thieves -
stva.
- We built a dacha for Petrovich and haven’t yet
completed the construction, and I have my bicycle in his barn
ped kept it so that there was always something to go
kind of hit the road, yeah, a bike for the winter and
left it, but Nail found some cabbage somewhere, not
money, no, ordinary cabbage, but that’s not the main thing -
new, and most importantly, he found a purchase for it
body, well, we decided to transport her on my
bike, so we got on, I have the key to
barn...
Diesel spoke quickly, but with some pre-
dignity, without making excuses, without humiliating yourself.
Simply - explaining to people what they themselves are up to
didn't arrive. And cabbage, by the way, too
was “clean”: the nail earned it, the labor
Vaya in the state farm.
But their sides, however, were well bruised.
- UDiesel, apparently, is such a plan, - laughs
Alexey Mikhailovich, - always into something
will get into trouble.
“Well, not forever,” he returned with obvious resentment.
squeezes Diesel, pressing his hand to his right side and
wincing a little. - The bastards hit me in the liver...
- Ours?
- Of course, yours are also bastards, but they weren’t the ones who beat you.
- You better tell your friend how you are
the apartment was robbed.
- I’d better tell you how we build dachas.
- Well, that's not interesting.
- You're offending me, boss. There's only so much interest here
but...
Knowing (the scientist) that the storyteller is better
smoothly lead to the desired topic rather than torture -
trying to impose it, I expressed my keenest curiosity
tion regarding the construction of dachas. "Inter-
su" it really turned out to be full, but about
about this some other time.
And the apartment history (which, by the way, is being investigated)
Shimanov himself said, while still the boss
criminal investigation) Diesel told with
with complete inspiration, with magnificent
details. Here it is.
That day I wandered around the city with the most
great need, overshadowing everything else -
no, - hungover need, because money
I didn’t, but I did have a hangover. But I knew
axiom derivedsome prehistoric
philosopher, fan of free investigation: if somewhere -
then something is missing, it means somewhere
something in excess. Well, I suddenly heard something...
whose voice:
- Oh, Diesel, great!
And that’s how I became Diesel.
A year and a half ago, during the next
heroic impulse of my drowned-
If I have the will to stop drinking, I bought myself
an old diesel Volvo, about which
the very next day, having washed, as he believed,
Oh, wheels, I bitterly regretted it. But this is not the main
new, and most importantly, that being a perfect pro-
fan, I filled the car with diluted gasoline
oil in a ratio of 1:20, and then became pro-
clean the candles. I read about these procedures
in advance in the manual for beginner painting -
gist - the only brochure in my house.
That was enough for me, for a diesel
not really. So my swallow arose
courtyard, offended by the infrequent attention. And mo-
on the contrary, he prays to his omnipotent
to the crank god, so that he doesn’t let me near
to her. In general, after that they nicknamed me
Diesel.
- Listen, Diesel, where have you been, I’ll find you
I searched everywhere, approached taxi drivers,
Ninki from the station almost wiped out his soul -
zero... And you know what’s strange: you’re not-
who hasn't seen...
-What were you looking for?
- It's up to youThere is. We are... what's his name...
We're going to rob one sucker, you tell us
needed, money equally, do you agree? Only pain-
Don't say a word to anyone, we don't need tails,
Let’s go and brainstorm,” Kolka winked slyly.
zero, and those staring at us were surprised
passers-by, realizing that this was a joke, were disappointed
we wandered on.
But Kolyukha was not joking. We brainstormed
river river. The seriousness of his intentions is
repeated half a liter. Then another half liter.
Tom again. This is our first meeting of the law -
chilled. I agreed, which I found out later -
This day from Kolyukha.
- Have you really been at home all morning?! -
he was surprised when they met.
- Was. At home.
- I've been waiting for you all morning at the bar.
- What was I supposed to do there?
- At least drink cocktails with whiskey. To the point
We're going after all. All the cool guys do it. Well
ok, now come to my office in a wheelbarrow-
dem, there I will show you the prospectuses and business
I'll explain the plan. Then the boss comes, I’ll tell him
I’ll introduce you and we’ll discuss the details over a cup of coffee
upcoming operation with movable and non-
movable. Any questions?
- Yes. We will buy coffee on the fifth floor
or at Lopatikha?
- They took it from Lopatikha yesterday, it seemed like nothing
soluble.
- So Lopatikha has empty containers?
We tooka liter of moonshine and, after waiting
bus, we went to Kolyukha’s home, in his
a nine-meter room in a red brick
barracks-nursery on the outskirts of the city. His
the secretary, the neighbor Grandma Verka reported on
setting: no one came, no one came out -
Dil, no one asked, no one called. O
I didn't have to talk about the last one, the phone
Kolka didn’t have it.
- Sit down, Diesel, in that chair, near it -
The wheel is stuck, it needs to be lubricated.
I sat down on one of the offered stools -
current, similar to a simulator for astronauts
maintaining balance in emergency conditions
weightlessness.
- By the way, Diesel, what is your name? Although
stop, stop, stop. Don't talk. After all, in our de-
Le, the less you know, the longer you live.
By the way, I should sew something on me too
sort of. My call sign now will be... uh...
Walnut.
- Why Nut?
- It's elementary! Kolya-kol, kol-dere-
in, tree-forest, forest-currency, currency-computer,
computer-printer, printer-paper, paper-
cellulose, cellulose-pine needles, pine needles, pine-
cone, cone-nut!
- It won't work!
- Why won't this work?
- That’s why it won’t work. You figured it out, they’ll figure it out.
and others. You need something that doesn’t
geek nolends itself. For example... Smart guy!
- Perhaps you're right. It will be difficult to guess -
but...
- Okay, smart one, isn’t it time for us to go?
- Some coffee, sir?
- Yes, sir, a glass.
- Okay, let's chew some garlic, the cartridge doesn't smell -
et.
Only the moonshine dropped to the discharge
its place in our stomachs, as in
there was a knock on the door. Three short knocks caught
Kolku in the pose of a milking kangaroo. They knocked
more - three long and one short. Kolka
after that he began to straighten up, calming down
to say: “Ours.”
He opened the unlocked door. On the threshold
Grandma Verka was standing there.
- Nikolai Semenovich, they ask what
some smart guy.
- Tell them to ask them in another month -
“those,” Kolka casually said. But when he
looked at me, then for a moment he was dumbfounded -
said, then abruptly slammed the door, almost
pinching his secretary's nose, he threw on a hook
chock and stretched out along the door, as far as
his curved spine allowed.
- All. Already calculated. Walnut was more reliable.
Hat to us. Diesel, drain the diesel fuel. Sorry about that
dragged you into this, - Kolka was ready to dis-
cry. Then there were loud, horse-like sounds.
the blows of someone's hooves on the wooden flooring
lu of the corridor. Under the same blows it vibratedThe door was soon torn down. In resonance with her
Kolka, who was stuck to her, also vibrated.
- Hey, smart guy, I’ll take you to another place now -
I’ll cram a hundred in. Open up, you idiot!
Kolka began to forcefully pull out the corners
deadly pale lips.
“Ours,” he whispered barely audibly, and then
but, in the blink of an eye, transformed, rushed
to the table, in a split second removed the items al-
cogular orientation. - The cartridge is
walked - he stretched his mouth to his ears and opened
door.
- What, smart guy, has he become a greyhound? And what is this
mug? I've already seen it somewhere. Moonshine bread
brush? Come on, man, pour it quickly! And you
what are you standing for? Close the door, there's a draft
across the country! Well, for me with me! - healthy-
big guy, orangutan, frostbitten mammoth,
wrapped in a car cover, blurted out everything
it takes three steps from the door to the table. I
during this time he managed to get what was hidden and
pour a glass.
-Who are you, man? - sniffing wet from
sweat under his arm, King stared at me
Kong.
- I'm Diesel.
- What kind of Diesel are you, don’t fool me
Diesel died a year ago. Or are you his brother?
- Whom?
- What, you have several brothers, or what?
- There is not one.
- It's clear,that no, Diesel is dead. You
younger or older?
- Don't know.
- Don’t take me for an idiot, otherwise you’ll end up...
you sound like a brother.
- How did he finish?
- Who?
- Brother.
- Whose?
- My.
- Do you have a brother?
- No.
- Well, smart guy, you can wait with me now!
- I'm not the smart one.
- Who?
- He! - I pointed to the one standing in the corner
Kolka. The talking gorilla stared at the non-
th.
- Why are you standing there, I’m on a guy because of you
I ran into you in vain, and you are on the sidelines? Come on, about-
drift here. And you, man, excuse me, pour yourself a drink,
By the way, how can I shout to you?
- Diesel.
- What are you...
“Junior.Dizelek,” I managed in time.
- May you rest in peace to your brother. Efficient mu-
there was a zhik. In my arms, one might say,
died. Then we went to work with him. Plan
there was, you can’t find fault. Yes, it’s clear that something’s all-
they made a mistake, due to drunkenness. I'm at the window
I was waiting for the first floor, and suddenly it flies to me
straight to the head from the seventh. Flies, "catch"
screams. And IWhat a fool or something, from such a height
catch TV? He held it in his hands. I
I really wanted to shout at him to quit, damn it,
this TV, it's already landed.
dacha. The TV pressed down on him from above
but... And so he died, with a TV in his hands. I
It was only our miscalculation that I realized. We are numbers
apartments were calculated at a rate of three per floor, and
there were five of them in this house. Diesel
found the right apartment, opened it, and did
then everything went according to plan: I opened the window so that I
transfer what you have collected. TV he decided
be the first to let go. Yes... But this time I'm all
calculated as needed. There will be no misfire, but
if anything, the house is three-story, that’s for sure, itself
thought. Okay, go ahead, pour a new one. For
died untimely on the difficult path to
shem.
Then we drank well and, having scored the arrow
for tomorrow - in the same place, at the same hour -
passed out, completing their second meeting.
We chose the right place, but
We woke up a lot earlier. At the same time. From
the same thing: out of great need, described -
Noah is taller than me. The boss really said:
- We won’t drink anymore. Business requires sobriety -
head howling, otherwise it will turn out like with Diesel.
You can get drunk every day, but
if I see someone who drinks idle, I will fire them
state of health.Missed it? Nut, run for
small.
Kolka stared at him in surprise.
with the full gaze of Vitaly Solomin, performing
his role of Doctor Watson.
- Run, run, there’s still time before the arrow.
- Why - Walnut?
- I decided to call you that. Everyone was driving
necessary for secrecy purposes.
- But why - Walnut?
- Is your last name Orekhov?
- No, not Orekhov.
- What if there was Orekhov?
- Then you can have Nut.
- No, that’s when it’s impossible, they’ll figure it out -
zu.
- Ah... Well, I'm off.
By the time of the third meeting we were already in
everything in order. The boss made an opening
speech, after which, after listening to a few
debate, moved on to the main issue. He must
I was looking for something, then, carefully examining
table, scattered the remains from yesterday's
Ice spines and jaws. Turning over
released sheet of paper, relieved
sighed, smoothed it out and with a subtle gesture
the big boss invited us to catch up
move your sedentary places closer to the hundred
lu. There was a plan on that oiled sheet
know-how of the operation.
- Let me explain the data: lonely rich new
Russian, that is, an old Jew, has a bunch
money, gold,expensive equipment, clothes,
zero foreign car. Talking on the radio
phone, drinks Absolut every day, pro-
falls all day in the company, the door is closed
works with an English double-turn lock.
he rarely takes it. I pose a general task:
deprive the subject of ten percent
his capital in favor of those well known to us
three individuals.
- Why only ten percent? -me-
I'm seriously excited about this little one
number.
- And to whom do we owe such three individuals?
do you want to give everything away? - get really nervous -
Kolka began to cry.
- What, have you had too much to drink, idiots? Car and everything
him in the apartment, according to experts,
makes up ten percent of its total
cash and non-cash. And under the individual
by thoughts I meant the three of us, but apparently
but I was wrong. I set individual tasks for
plan "A"
- Can you resolve the question? - interrupted excitedly
cheerful Kolka.
- I allow it.
- How many plans are there in total?
- One. Any other questions? No. I continue.
Agent "X" - the boss pointed with the point of a pencil
into a bold cross on a piece of paper, breaking
not only the stylus, but also its wooden
braid, - that is, I open the car door -
We, Agent "Y", it's you, Diesel, get in it
and launchengine. At this time the agent
"Z", Nut, it's you, along with agent "X" under-
are taken to the third floor, where I release
access to our facility. We carry out
moving valuables into a means of transport
porting cargo and moving personal
composition, after which all three of us retreat
on it from a field of harvested crops in the north
in a western direction, towards the Finnish gra-
prostrate.
- Boss, I don’t have a passport, and besides
We did not agree on Finland. My mother
sick, - whispered with his swollen lips -
Bami Kolka.
- Blockhead. In this direction, relatively
object, your hut is located, this cone is
ra. I checked it myself using the compass. Almost foreign
You're a nut, Finnish Nut, compared to me.
- Come on, you can say the same, foreigner, -
Kolka was expressively shy about something,
showing his color through the skin on his cheeks
blood, - then, it turns out, you’re going to China
closer, too, it turns out, a foreigner, -
he styled it.
- I’ll show you the Chinese now, Scandinavian
blond!
“Calm down, companions,” I managed to get up.
make a conciliatory recapitulation. - I have a-
just born. What should I do in that ma-
tire?
- Just one more... Don’t you read books?
Don't you watch movies?!You sit down, start the car, we
We're loading, you're on the gas.
- By gas - this means leaving, doing
legs on wheels?
- According to Dahl, something like this happened
would.
- Then one nuance haunts me, who
will control this unit? - be careful -
but, anticipating the answer, I asked.
- Donkey!
My worst suspicions were confirmed
quite convincing.
- But this donkey doesn’t know how to drive a car-
noah, chief.
- What kind of donkey?!
- I.
- Ha! Yes, you're an ass, brother, - the cartridge turned -
rushed to Kolka. - Why the hell was it drying out my brain -
gi, what can he do?
Kolka turned purple.
“Give me a week, boss,” I rushed at him.
salvation - and I will become the second Schumacher.
- I give. Take.
- Boss, I thought... he's Diesel... sho-
he was a freak, he thought... Sorry, boss, I don't do it anymore
I will,” Kolka twitched his nose, examining
dead cockroach on the floor.
- Du-u-mal! Senior Diesel is also blowing
It's small, it's the first floor... That's it, let's leave.
Meeting in exactly a week, here.
Exactly inweek, exactly appointed
hour, I stood at the safe house. From it
came the deep, hoarse thunder of the patro-
hobckux volleys and barely audible shell
Nut crunch. Everyone was assembled. They were waiting for me, and
I rolled in, drove in, as it should be real-
mu asu, with spins on the threshold, with skidding on
turning and braked at a red light
boss eyes.
- Diesel, you're drunk! - he roared.
- No way, commander! I'm in the middle of nowhere
I am in good health and in a clear mind I can
answer the lingering in your impatience
question on your lips: yes, I did it, I overcame it
this piece of iron, it’s mine, and I’m yours!
It should have made an impression
and produced.
- You crazy, what did you swallow, what waste?
I've stuffed myself into myself, now I'm all that I can get out of you
Darwin hit you, I'll shake you out.
Things were starting to get irreversible
processes.
“Eh, patron,” I fussed, “I’m still
nyal, I translate: I learned to drive a car. How
and agreed.
- So what, were you fooling around?
- I was fooling around.
- In vain. Consider that I was fooling around too.
- In vain.
- Don’t be insolent, I’m far from humanism. Tackles-
build your bridges to the parking lot.
Rejoicing that everythingit worked out, I went to
table. Discussing the details of our plan for
lasted three hours and was accompanied by emptying
I eat three bottles of the purest moonshine. Opera-
tion was scheduled for the next day.
I got a bad feeling
already upon approaching the place of residence
object. We moved along very familiar to me
dark corners. We were moving in the direction
my kennel. Finally stopped
around the corner of the neighboring house. Agent "X" is ours
boss - left, according to pre-arranged -
my plan, to open the car of the new Russian
sky. Agent "Z" and I stayed with him
wait, hiding behind the bushes. I built the most
different guesses regarding the identity of the
project, but absolutely nothing came to
head. Who could it be? I know, like
all its neighbors... There is no similarity among them
Live up to the new Russian! A cartridge appeared
showing a conventional sign meaning a whole
text: everything is fine, the car is open, standing
around the corner, how to start it, I’ll tell you, Diesel,
I made it clear, go and wait for Nut and me in it. I'm
walked. I’m walking, covering my rumpled face with my palm -
hey, I try to seem unnoticed by my own people
neighbors, looking through the gap between
fingers, the car I need. I can’t find it. Mine is standing,
but there is nothing else. The gap, through the
movements of the index and middle fingers,
I make it wider, I turn my head. But where is the car?
I walk around my house, looking behind all its features.
three corners,I greet Seryoga openly
from the twelfth apartment... Nothing was found
Having fired, I suddenly come across Nut with a cartridge.
They had already entered my entrance, but when they saw
me, stopped and began to vigorously circle
touch with your fingers at your temples. Then these
they began to point their fingers in my direction
"wolves". “As you wish,” I thought
then. It’s even more convenient for me on mine. Calm down -
sitting slightly in the driver's seat, I
started the engine. Half a turn. The seat is
vibrated pleasantly, massaging and soothing
knocking down scattered thoughts into a ball, in re-
as a result of which the final
disgusting: the object drove off in his car until
the boss was returning with me and the patron on the move
The idea came to hit the road on mine. Everything is logical
but everything is in its place.
Soon colleagues appeared. Their hands would
are busy with a huge bag and two drawers
from under the TVs.
- Drive away, Diesel, the neighbors knocked on us, business
rubbish, get everything out of this jalopy
it has it! - the boss shouted.
- You're offending me, it's not a jalopy, I don't have a ma-
tire, and mountain eagle, jet trolley, braid
mi...
- Press, dunce!
We jumped out onto the highway, and only I wanted
switch to second gear as before
We saw a police car.
“That’s all,” he exhaled.cartridge.
“We’re stuck,” Nut breathed to him.
“And I don’t even have a driver’s license,”
I remembered.
***************************************************
Patron and Nut were convicted, fortunately they are behind them
There were other sins too. Diesel got off
two months in a pre-trial detention center, then
stop the case against him after all
lee: on the one hand, he, of course, was in
a gang of burglar thieves, on the other - accepted
participation in a single operation,
cleaning out your own apartment. "Cartridge"
I was never able to explain how I mixed him up
"hut" with the intended object. But still love
What’s more interesting is that Kolyukha-Nut had been to Di-
I remembered.
***************************************************
Patron and Nut were convicted, fortunately they are behind them
There were other sins too. Diesel got off
two months in a pre-trial detention center, then
stop the case against him after all
whether:on the one hand, he, of course, consisted of
a gang of burglar thieves, on the other - accepted
participation in a single operation,
cleaning out your own apartment. "Cartridge"
I was never able to explain how I mixed him up
"hut" with the intended object. But still love
What’s more interesting is that Kolyukha-Nut had been to Di-
Zelya, however, he, having climbed into his friend’s place, did not
I suspected nothing special...
Drunkenness does no good.
________________________________________________DIE!
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