Ottyag - A list of useful things about sex.

<b>Ottyag</b> - A list of useful things about sex.

                 101 thing that should not be

                  say during sex

1. You know, I spied at the zoo, the monkeys masturbate

   (Reaching for a banana).
2. As it is not romantic (fucking in the lodge).
3. I can quickly call (trachea in a phone booth).
4. Come on, podmahivay! We left ten minutes!

   (Fucking in a room rented for one hour).
5. Beware, my wife was cleaning the sofa yesterday (when the 
mistress 

   wants to smear your dick chocolate cream, and then

   lick).
6. In my opinion you all it is worth to have cosmetic surgery.
7. Do you know how it hurts when the ignition-eat hair in the 
groin. 8. And do not think that we will go after the restaurant.

9. Actually, I like your boyfriend, he is such a sec
   sualny.
10. Is it finally happened! (Fucking the most beautiful

    University of the calf).
11. Listen, we're not fucking case a year ago?
12. When the last time you brush your teeth?
13. Ha! What are your tits!
14. You should not have to lie down on this mat. My cat

    often pisses on him.
15. Oh, my dick in your shit! (Engaging in anal sex).
16. Listen, switch to the Tele-TV, but then I got bored.
17. Nobody will say that you're in bed like a log?
18. Hey, cutie, your fat belly prevents me to see how

    I go with you.
19. Wait, I can see, not over whether the tape in the camcorder.
20. Wait a minute, and you do not forget to take birth control 
pills? 21. You never said that Zoe Kosmodem'yanskii first


    fucked in a hostel, and then cut out the chest?
22. Well, that's enough. I have finished.
23. Come planted oilcloth that out of you not to nateklo

    sheet.
24. What you accept, Visa or Master Card?
25. Listen, if you snimeshsya in porn, you will earn nehily

    grandmother.
27. I hope you do not tell me in mentovku for rape
    of?
28. Somehow, here smells pizdyatinoy!
29. I hope you do not think that it is an occasion for a close

    dating.
30. Well, I have a dick more than your husband?
31. Come on, I always cut my nails in bed (when circumcised
    LIMITED nail bites her in the ass).
32. Do not worry, my dog never bites the bitch! (When

    she went to wash)
33. Slushaly, you know how to do injections? I missed the 
morning 

    injection of penicillin.
34. You're watching the film "Citizen X"?
35. Listen, since I still will drop two of my friend.
36. Uk ... I'd better beer!
37. Oh, and when I was drunk, you look more attractive.
38. Well long will you lie here? (Referred to after

    trachea).
39. I want you to confess ...
40. Listen, I forgot, if gas is cut off in the kitchen. Do you 
have 

    Lighter?
41. I hate active women.
42. I think that bite you in the buttocks will be very

    romantic.
43. I think you stesnyaeshsya fuck in the ass? Or have you got

    Hemorrhoids?
44. I think you've got the keys to the handcuffs (buttoning

    pants).
45. I told you, it does not work without payment.
46. I have AIDS.
47. Pay no attention to my grandmother if she will pass

    bed, she's only-just need to piss.
48. And let's take off in porn, for this robust design 
bashlyayut! 49. Do not bite my dick, it's not a cucumber!

50. I'll never say that I like very much

    try on lingerie?
51. Listen, I do not like my virgin stain

    sheets.
52. Shit! You're in bed like a log!
53. Do you mind if I smoke breaks.
54. How much do I owe you?
55. You have something of a tit silicone leaked?
56. You love necrophilia? And yes I am! (Heh heh).
57. It smells like rotting cleaning, or you just do not 
substitute for? 58. How nice that you do not have to inflate!

59. Turn on porn, but then I do not come looking for you.
60. Let's be quiet, my mom light sleep.
61. Not sucked my dick, it hurts chancre!
62. Do not worry, we will have sex (after a three-minute

    sticks).
63. After a session in Kashpirovsky 1989'm my bad standing.
64. At my former girlfriends to do is get better.
65. Shit! I wish I otdrochil!
66. Now I ponimyayu why your old man gave you!
67. Switch off the light in the dark you look nicer.
68. Maids on call makes it much cooler.
69. In my opinion, you do not have enough practice.
70. Dude: I think it's in your first time.

    Chuvikhi: Yes, today.
71. And my dog is fun.
72. My dad always said that after his death to

    necessarily hit a woman in the ass (produced above upomya
    nuty act).
73. Road, take it to the kitchen mixer, a vibrator in my desk.
74. Smile! You remove the hidden camera.
75. You have a hole diameter of a glass!
76. You know, tomorrow I'm flying into space. What a pity that 
we no longer 

    never meet again.
77. In white pussy smells nicer (fucking black woman).
78. Sorry to call you to your klikuhoy, I have the names

    bad memory.
79. My motto: "Better to drink a liter of vodka than a suck 
salty 

    clit! "
80. Honey, you locked the door?
81. They say sperm is useful as a facial mask (ending with a 
woman in 

    ebach).
82. Do not be alarmed, this rash on my penis for a long time.
83. Group sex, in my opinion, much more fun.
84. Try to breathe through your nose.
85. Shit! You stained me with their lousy lipstick.
86. What other complexes are preserved in your childhood?
87. That we have for breakfast?
88. Oops! I have a leaky Gandon.
89. Do you think I feel good?
90. You want to meet my mom? She is waiting in a nearby

    room.
91. Last week I was tempted not (going to give a blowjob).
92. And your sister fucking cool.
93. You're with me this is the tenth.
94. Your younger brother will not interfere with us. I locked 
him in 

    toilet.
95. A tutorial in sex-it looked like fun.
96. And friends I have not lied, that you nishtyakovo 
trahaeshsya. 97. Shit! I have a heap of shit (fucking in public


    WC).
98. Shit! Something I do not get into a rhythm (a hardcore 
fucking 160 

    bpm)
99. And in the club You look much younger.
100. We postpone it for the morning.
101. Hrrrrr ... Hrrrrr ... Hrrrrr ....



            20 things that women need to know

1. No need to ask whether you look fat this dress. If you have

   fat ass, it is noticeable in any outfit.
2. Learn to work with the toilet seat bowl. If it is raised -

   Dip, but do not forget to pick up again, or do not complain 
that he 

   mess.
3. Do not make a trifle out of tragedy when a man forgets

   Promotional Gifts for Valentine's Day.
4. If you ask a question, do not expect that the answer is

   will be the one that you want to hear.
5. Sometimes we completely forget about you. Live with it.
6. Remember, a trip with friends on a fishing trip - is sacred, 
and to 

   your mom can go and at other times.
7. Walking to the shops men do not attach.
8. There is an ancient proverb: "Listen to the woman and did 
everything 

   vice versa. "
9. All that you dress, you go. True.
10. You have already shmotok.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Say directly what you want. Hints only zaparivayut

    head.
13. No, we do not remember what day it is. Mark the memorable

    date on the calendar.
14. Remember that your opinion during a conversation between 
two men 

    it does not matter.
15. Most of the men two or three pairs of shoes, do you

    think we are in the process of pin uchastvovvat

    choice of shoes in the color of your dress, if you have them

    thirty pieces.
16. "Yes" and "No", the most preferred responses.
17. Remember, call the wife's mother - "Mom" does not give us

    pleasure.
18. "Offside" - a term from physics, indicating the subatomic

    processes of elementary particles.
19. If we say something six months ago is inadmissible

    result as an argument.
20. Critical remarks are not accepted and considered

    invalid after a week.



             60 things not to say

               If you find that your

                 new guy short term

                 moreover, to make him stand

                    a very big problem

1. My cigarette is much longer ...
2. But you are very clever.
3. Enough to poke a finger at me, zasun something thicker.
4. Sorry.
5. You have failed circumcision?
6. Cuddle - it's all you can?
7. You know, this problem can be solved by surgery.
8. And so it looks like fun.
9. Though, would be twisted them.
10. He reminds me of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
11. Can I draw funny faces on the head?
12. He looks like a caterpillar.
13. Wow! Your foot is so-and-large.
14. My old guy he was ten centimeters

    longer.
15. Do not suffer, let's walk.
16. And it will squeak when if it squeeze?
17. What a headache ... (while quietly chuckle
    Camping in a fist)
18. Oh, it just nalezet dress from my first Barbie.
19. My eight brothers about this, though.
20. Oh what is it? Give me a pair of tweezers.
21. You're about trying to tell me when we were going for you?
22. You, in my opinion, has not grown for this purpose.
23. Maybe if we go to the bath, it will pop up.
24. Thank you, I do not need a toothpick.
25. You do not happen to one of the pygmies?
26. You are not required to work in stripshou?
27. Never heard of Klerasile?
28. I should not have dragged you to bed.
29. I was told that you have a small, but I did not think that

    so.
30. For what sin to punish you God?
31. And it can not be just a little longer in?
32. Raise it though, would be at hand.
33. Can tie up a stick from the popsicle?
34. How interesting! I have never seen such results!
35. And how is it called?
36. And it still works?
37. Uh ... I hate to talk with their children.
38. Looks like you have never used them.
39. You took steroids?
40. I've heard it happens on a constant masturbation.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Take away from me this pencil.
43. And why am I not gone home after dinner?
44. Call me when you'll be fine.
45. Oh, it impacts the production of injury?
46. You thought that was received by a nun?
47. Is he afraid of me?
48. Are you cold?
49. And do not say you're too drunk!
50. It's an optical illusion?
51. What is it?
52. That you have inherited?
53. You're gay?
54. You must have many other talents?
55. Let's try podkachat pump.
56. This is the first term, which completely put me in

    mouth.
57. Oh, he was a little more of my clitoris.
58. You have a case there is not a vibrator?
59. Really I'm not exciting?
60. Shit, I have no luck with lovers!



                   20 things that should not be

                    tell his pregnant wife

1. Honey, when I look at you, I want a beer, you're

   so much like a beer keg!
2. Stop to eat so much! We always empty the refrigerator
   nick!
3. Fuck you again eaten all the pickles! I wonder what now

   us with all the guys have a snack.
4. Something you look a little swollen.
5. Milk is not there?
6. When you're done barf, bring me a beer.
7. Honey, come here, show the lads how to do belly

   their wives.
8. No, I bought you ice cream, I missed the third

   bottle of beer!
9. They say now again come into fashion diaper gauze -

   three pieces of fabric will last for a year, you only need 
to wash 

   more often!
10. I hope that someday your saggy ass will come in

    norm?
11. I envy you! I wonder why men can not

    experience the joy of childbirth?
12. Keys on the fridge, honey. I get to a hospital for

    week.
13. Can we name our child after my secretary -

    Genia?
14. No, I do not know where the lazy! Look under his breasts.
15. I certainly do not want to say, but I somehow did not

    believe that the child weighed twenty pounds.
16. Hey, zhirnyaga! You block the telly!
17. Water breaks? Wow, it looks like the water discharge from 
the Bratsk 

    HPP!
18. If you're hoping to recover their shape, you need

    travel back to a time machine back ten years!
19. I know that the doctor said you're now going to have a

    two, but I think he was referring to people, not pigs.
20. Honey, where did you put my MEMBERS magazines?



                    101 Ways to give

I love you too, but ...

1. today met all my relatives, and picked up my wife.
2. we were a bit rushed. In my opinion, I do not fit you.
3. you know, yesterday I picked up ringworm.
4. I changed the lock on the door and I can not leave the house.
5. you know, I completely forgot that I have a business meeting,

   I can not undo.
6. I do not want to leave my comfort zone.
7. NOW I'm writing a song and not tear myself away.
8. I feel that life is short and can not hold it in

   hectic.
9. I decided to become a monk.
10. I'm here doing an urgent transfer to our magazine.
11. I came up with a lot of letters, and I'll answer them.
12. an hour later I'm going to Cyprus.
13. I'm here osvetvlyayu hair.
14. I received a summons from mentovki.
15. my cat pissing all angles, and I'll clean up after them.
16. I was at the institute were asked to draw a wall newspaper.
17. I bathe a cat.
18. I have broken through the tap.
19. I have a ruptured radiator.
20. I received notice that my grandmother should call me

    from the village at any moment.
21. I got a call from work - where Abraham.
22. I have amnesia. Podskazhesh not, what's your name?
23. I'm knitting soft toys for a charity bazaar.
24. I lost the key to the front door.
25. I need to go dig potatoes.
26. my brother got sick, I need to sit with him.
27. You know, I have to go get tested for AIDS.
28. I have a fire!
29. I need to wash / dry / trim / braid / my hair.
30. but I am feeling tormented by guilt.
31. I hope you herself razvlechesh ... No?
32. I poured the "Super Glue" on the floor and stuck tightly.
33. I forgot to pick up clothes from dry cleaners.
34. came to me from the service of gas.
35. I can not hear! I guess I need to clean the ears.
36. I need to even walk the dog.
37. I am interested to finish reading the book. There are only 
three hundred 

    pages.
38. came to see me classmate. I need help with kursovikom.
39. I realized that I - a homosexual (heterosexual).
40. You got a wedding tomorrow.
41. I need a dentist. I have a sharp pain!
42. I'm looking for where to park in (talking on Mobile).
43. I forgot your address.
44. I'd better look out their sexual energy.
45. I stuck the garage door.
46. I water the flowers.
47. I am engaged cleaning.
48. I translate my calendar from Julian system grigorian
    skuyu.
49. I repaired the front door.
50. I wash.
51. I need to go for bread.
52. glut oneself, and I can not get up.
53. I am trying to count the hairs on my toothbrush.
54. I'm going to go on the transfer of "Wait for me" to

    meet with his first girlfriend.
55. I should mention at mental hospital.
57. my baby matinee in kindergarten.
58. I collect the Rubik's Cube.
59. I make a candle out of earwax.
60. I have not finished the run "Dizzy 1
61. I take home a movie entitled: "My little fluffy

    green friend, who lives in the fridge. "
62. I have depression.
63. Full Moon today. Is not it? Why do I have grown up

    fangs?
64. I was going into the woods for mushrooms.
65. I enlisted in Yugoslavia.
66. I clean the toilet silted.
67. I was going to do re-planning my garden.
68. I teach my parrot to talk.
69. you know, I realized that we have a very big difference in 
the 

    age.
70. I'm leaving on tour to China.
71. I jumped on the nose pimple.
72. I feel uncomfortable with me when someone nearby.
73. I have diarrhea.
74. I'm drunk ass!
75. I'm sorry, but I have not otdrochil afternoon.
76. I'm writing a love letter to Sharon Stone.
77. You interrupted my meditation.
78. I lost my dentures.
79. I believe in Christ, I need a house of prayer.
80. Today on TV game "Spartacus."
81. Life is too short to be wasted on such nonsense.
82. my cat had just been born.
83. I need a break from the form of your face.
84. I need to go for a check gerycha.
85. my mom does not allow a walk later.
86. I can not find my socks.
87. me the aliens came to visit.
88. I reinstalled Vind.
89. my subconscious says no.
90. Doctor says I can not drink booze and fuck.
91. I broke my arms, legs and spine.
92. I already paid for this evening at the provider.
93. my teddy bear does not like to sleep alone.
94. I was taken hostage.
95. died my aquarium fish, today's funeral.
96. for me to hunt the killer!
97. we are with all the guys gathered puff.
98. my constant girl's birthday today.
99. Tomorrow I pick up the army.
100. let's meet at another time.
101. ... Well, maybe