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Adventurer #12
31 января 2001 |
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Ottyag - Why did the sheep better than women.
(C) by Coyot
(C) Translation by Chasm
WHY HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX?
1. Hockey partners are easier.
2. If you're tired, you can always sit on the bench.
3. You might be stopped, without regret and feelings
guilt.
4. Scoring the puck, you can not drive, that you did not do it
first.
5. Have some coffee, and you can do it all night.
6. If you do not get to play, then you will not earn
reputation impotent.
7. If you want, you can do it again and again without
break.
8. You will not be embarrassed if my parents would do this with
you together.
9. You're not going to think about whether to drink beer in
front of it. 10. If you feel tired, you can always ask
other end (although if you fuckin 'whores, then
invite a friend - no problem).
WHY FIGHT IS BETTER THAN SEX?
1. In my opinion, stuff somebody eblo much better than a poke
end of purulent hole.
2. If you hit eblo any bull, it's better than you
planting of any heifer.
3. You can fight on-oh-oh-ry long time.
4. If you come to another city, it can be punched
earn money faster than the hole.
5. When the wave, it is much less risk of catching
some garbage.
6. You can do this with my grandmother or with my son and not
be at
This pervert.
7. A good workout for the entire body.
8. It's always cool when you're in the ass drunk.
9. "Drochuny" can rest.
10. It will never cause the effect of global overpopulation.
WHY IT IS BETTER THAN SEX KARAOKE?
1. When you sing karaoke, you always know that there are
anyone who mess cooler than you.
2. You do not need to buy flowers to whom you're singing
karaoke. 3. Not necessarily offer breakfast to who you're
singing
Karaoke.
4. Karaoke can be engaged with multiple partners! (Ja,
Ja!!!)
5. Sheath to do this with her sister.
6. If you oblazhaeshsya, it is needless to say "sorry".
7. Get drunk in the ass, fuck problematic, and sing karaoke
- At the time.
8. When you sing karaoke, no one thinks about the size of your
microphone.
9. You can sing karaoke in public.
10. Nobody will be embarrassed if it is to perform a karaoke 3
minutes.
WHY COFFEE IS BETTER THAN SEX?
1. Morning cup of coffee is much more fun (if you have lived
with
partner more than a year).
2. You do not go to sleep after the coffee mugs.
3. Would you be able to finish as many times as a cup of coffee?
4. Coffee is always nice.
5. You can always pour a cup of bad coffee.
6. Coffee does not care where you go.
7. Coffee is always ready in 15 minutes or less.
8. Coffee never takes half of your bed.
9. Coffee'll never jealous.
10. Coffee nikgda will not mind if you stand at 3.00 and
poimeesh cup of coffee.
WHY FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX?
1. Big fat worm always excites the fish.
2. Fish will never say that she suffocated and need to
fresh air.
3. Fish knows when to keep your mouth shut.
4. What would you have not pulled in front of the fish, it is
necessary
swallow.
5. Fish will be really happy if you pull up
rods.
6. Fish equally biting in 60-year-old and 20-year-old.
7. Fish never compare you to other fishermen and to her
shed, how many have you had other fish.
8. Fish never resents, if you light up a cigarette?
after being caught.
9. Fish will not treat you badly if you fall asleep during
while fishing.
10. Ready for fishing is much easier than to fuck ...
Before trachoma need to take a shower, shave, brush your
teeth,
Although fishing rather dig up worms.
11. If the length of rod you are not satisfied, you can always
buy
longer.
12. The fisherman tells stories about how many fish escaped, and
womanizer stretching the truth about how many peasant women
raped. 13. You can always cook fish to your liking.
14. While fishing at any time to sip a beer and
scratch my balls.
15. If you are fishing and anything podtseplyaesh - it was good.
If you trahaeshsya and anything podtseplyaesh - is bad.
16. You can catch fish on a totally khalyavnykh worm, and
in order to seal the woman must be at least
splurge on a ticket to a night club and drinks for her.
17. You can catch fish and if you want, release it, and
woman has to lie and promise that tomorrow you
Be sure to call.
18. While fishing at any time to go piss.
19. It is much easier to put on rubber feet, than dick.
20. You never hear a harsh word, if the throw
ugly fish.
WHY SEX IS BETTER THAN THE SCHOOL?
1. Everyone loves sex and nobody likes school, well, can develop
only virgins are afraid the first time.
2. Sex - it Zapara, fumes and general nishtyak, and the school
- just
Zapara.
3. After sex you feel like smoked a joint. A
after school, as if poisoned shitty mohorkoy.
4. In sex you can not follow the rules of conduct.
5. If you drink, you want to fuck, but if you come from
School - you want to drink.
6. Sex relieves stress, and school is stressful.
7. Before having sex you should, and usually before school
falls.
8. An inexperienced student after sex feels that something
learned and after-school feels that the Jam.
9. If during sex fuck you, then a teacher at school
fuck you.
10. And finally, if you do not want to fuck you no one
will keep at it.
WHY THE MACHINE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN?
1. Your car will never be offended if you forget when it
birthday.
2. Not necessarily to talk with their car, when you tell her
control.
3. You can always drown out the car.
4. You never hear the hysteria of the car if you do not
I use it more than a month.
5. The machine will never be jealous if you approach a
it with the grease under the fingernails.
6. Machines do not snore.
7. The machine will never wake you in three nights to
ask, do you love her.
8. Your car will never abandon you for the sake of another
driver. 9. You'll never pay alimony the former car.
10. If you swear at your car, it will never be offended.
11. If the look of your car you do not like you in any
time you can repaint it, or change any details.
12. If your car blabbed, you can always tighten it.
13. If the machine slizhkom tough, you can always change the
springs. 14. If the machine produces a lot of noise, you can
always buy
muffler.
15. If the machine smokes too much, you can install converter.
16. The machine will never give up a ride with you on the bars.
17. Car anyway, how many machines you have to it.
18. Machine does not care if you go to another machine.
19. Machine does not care if you are late.
20. Machines do not get pregnant.
21. Machines do not have parents.
22. The machine will not be mocked you, if you are bad
driver.
23. The machine will not grumble if you look at other
machine and buy car magazines.
24. The machine will not whine, if a tire puncture.
25. Machine needs to change his "perfume" only after 2000
kilometers.
26. Tits machine never hung.
27. You decide for himself, to bind your life with this machine
or not. 28. Machine always visit places that you like.
29. You can choose any color car and calmly represented
vit her to his parents.
30. You can kick the machine if it does not start, and it is not
will be against.
31. You can travel by car as far as you like for a long time and
never to hurt her.
32. You can drive a car any day of the month.
33. You can easily let your friends ride on
your car.
34. You'll never catch AIDS from a car, even if little
familiar with it.
35. Rash and spots that appear on your skin when communicating
with the internal organs of the machine, wash off with
gasoline and in Doi, not treated with painful injections
penitsilina. 36. You'll never be jealous of his friend if he
sit behind the wheel of your car.
37. You never have to convince the machine that you
machinist, and recognizes the equality of you and your car.
38. It is not necessary to be married with a car in the church.
39. You'll never regret it, if you bind your life with
machine, after all ...
40. If you change the machine, it will never bother
your calls.
41. It is not necessary to take a shower before
climb into the car.
42. You buy new tires for the car only if
when they are really worn out.
43. Your car will never go to night without a party
you.
44. Car care how you dress.
45. If you dress four new reziki, then a car ride
only nicer.
46. You do not have any problems with the cops, if you will
keep parts of the former machine in the basement.
47. You will not be called a serial killer, if you love to
disassemble
machine.
48. Grunt machine is always nice.
49. The machine will never leave you without a party, and if you
nazhreshsya, you can fall asleep right there.
50. If the machine is of foreign origin, she never
will remember their homeland.
WHY guitar better than women?
1. The guitar has a volume control.
2. You can always pull out the jack from the guitar amp.
3. You can finger the strings for hours and she never
not say that he wants more.
4. From clothing guitar only top box.
5. You can always give your friends to play on his guitar.
6. You can play in public, and cops do not arrest you for
it.
7. You can have a guitar any color and not worry about
racial prejudice.
8. You can always adjust the tone of his guitar.
9. If you are in a fit of anger, smashed his guitar, then you
do not go to jail. 10. If the sound of the guitar you are not
satisfied, you can always
return it to the store.
11. The guitar can play at once its four toes, and she did not
will be considered depraved.
12. You can make a guitar on order, according to your needs.
13. If you pulled the guitar is not necessarily her
marry.
14. You could go to the music store for free
play on all guitars.
15. Good to have already stretched the guitar.
16. You can take guitar lessons and thus will not
feel full and chode sucker.
17. You can take the guitar from the hands, and the former
owner is not
will get you.
18. You can play guitar with your bare fingers and not be afraid
pick up some garbage.
19. You can only get rich by playing the guitar, rather than
razzoritsya.
20. The guitar does not require half your property if you
sell it.
WHY ARE WOMEN BETTER THAN GUITAR?
1. Since women are much more fun if turned off
electricity.
2. You can not swim in the bathtub with his guitar.
3. Have you ever tried otebat guitar?
4. Entrance hole in a guitar with a diameter of 7.3 millimeters.
5. The guitar will never ask to her to play.
6. If you put a guitar into his bed and to struhaesh
it, it's a good reason to apply to a psychiatrist.
7. To demonstrate mastery of the guitar can distort
Xia and play with his teeth, and a woman can use more and
language.
8. The guitar will not suck you.
9. The guitar will not be able otdrochit you.
10. You need two hands to make a guitar scream.
11. The guitar will not be able to take you home if you get
drunk. 12. The guitar will not be able otmazatsya you from
trezvyaka, if you
get drunk.
13. Guitar does not care who plays on it.
14. You can not play two guitars simultaneously.
15. You can not simultaneously play the guitar four-piece.
16. If you tear hymen, it's much nicer (at least
case for self-esteem) than to break the string.
17. Guitar lessons are usually not free and boring.
18. Movie-Tutorials guitar playing is much more boring porn.
19. You can never marry a rich guitar.
20. The guitar will never be able to give birth to your
children.
Why Christmas Trees BETTER THAN WOMEN?
1. Tree fuck, how many trees you have had before.
2. Tree will never be against you if you use
exotic electrical devices.
3. Tree will fuck if you got under the bed is
Artificial Christmas tree.
4. Tree will fuck if you razobesh one of the Christmas tree
toys.
5. Christmas tree anyway, what do you wear it.
6. Christmas tree your neighbor will not care if you're going
to look
with its lower branches.
7. Christmas tree never want to have decorations like Christmas
trees
thy neighbor.
8. Tree fuck if you're sitting behind a computer all day.
9. Tree fuck if you get drunk on New Year's night.
10. Tree fuck, if you eventually throw it in the trash.
WHY SHEEP IS BETTER THAN WOMEN?
1. Sheep do not necessarily buy the flowers.
2. Sheep does not necessarily invite to dinner.
3. Sheep does not necessarily persuade.
4. Sheep runs slower person.
5. Sheep do not have to undress.
6. Sheep does not require foreplay.
7. A sheep is already on the four bones.
8. Guaranteed bleating.
9. Easy to fall into a hole.
10. Sheep does not require a petting after sex.
And here are a couple things for females ... Hmm ... Cool ...
WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN COOKIES?
1. It is equally well a firm and soft.
2. You can call the man at night, but the cookies will cost
cheaper.
3. Liver do not care if you vent anger on him.
4. Cookies can be eaten any day, and it's nice.
5. It will not be angry if you're invited six
friends, though all six of her friends will enjoy the
evening. 6. You can buy a lot of cookies, and it will be enough
for the whole night. 7. It is already in protective packaging.
8. You can bake it so much, what you need.
9. If you're eating a cookie, it can eat up later.
10. It is much easier to pick up pastries to his liking.
11. Cookies are easier to find and easier to store.
12. If the cookies did not like, you can always be easily
discard.
13. You were always sure that no cookies before you have not
eaten. 14. From the liver can not catch a venereal disease
of.
15. Liver would not care if you will chew it.
16. Cookies always smells good.
17. If your cookies are not satisfied, you can get it back
the seller.
18. It is always ready to eat.
19. You do not arrest you if you eat it in public
place.
20. Not necessarily change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
21. It will never wake you up, if it is solid.
22. You do not need to apologize if you do not want to eat it.
23. You can tell her friends how much you ate a cookie for
night without any ostentation.
24. It does not take place in your bed.
25. Its easy to raise.
26. You know exactly from what cookies you have a growing belly.
27. It is not jealous, if you bought another type of cookie.
28. Cookies do not care that you're fat, ugly and bow-legged.
29. You can always be sure of its size.
30. Cookies can easily break.
WHY PUPPIES BETTER GUYS?
1. The puppy will never be asked if he shenok best of all,
that you had.
2. Puppy always resorts to you if you call me it.
3. If you lisp with a puppy, it will be fun to wag
tail, and not grumble about that, "he does not need these
calf tenderness. "
4. To a puppy love you all my life, fairly
regularly feed it and do not hit with heavy blunt objects.
5. Puppy love devotedly and unselfishly.
6. There is nothing wrong if your dog picks up fleas from
another puppy.
7. If the puppy does not listen to you and flirts with other
puppies, you can always drive it on a short leash.
8. Your puppy will never give you on their hobbies and
friends or to any bitch that has more
Bust / more money / more pleasant person / slimmer figure,
etc. 9. If a puppy pissing on the front lawn - this is normal.
10. If your dog sniffs other puppies pissed walls -
this is normal.
11. If your puppy varnish from the toilet - it's okay.
12. The puppy never obossyt seat.
13. Easier to train a puppy to do the simplest things.
14. Puppies are never "on the uptake of three."
15. Puppies do not dream to fuck all the women.
16. If you went on vacation alone, then the puppy will never be
call you at night and wondering who is snoring next to
with you.
17. Puppy will not nag at you for no apparent reason.
18. You can train your puppy to run the command
"Die" vtechenie whole day.
19. If you disliked neighbor, then you will not be embarrassed
If your puppy zasret his entire front lawn.
20. The puppy will not try to find out who drove you out
shop.
21. The puppy will never be jealous of you to your friends.
22. If you walk around with a puppy, he suddenly meets
old lover, you can sweet talk about what
between you.
23. The puppy will never be shown to others puppies that he
"Master of the house and demand to bring the cold beer
refrigerator.
24. A puppy can not cook to eat, but, at least
always licking his bowl.
25. The puppy will never say: "Why do not you look like
is she? ", pointing at the TV screen.
26. If hair covers the puppy in full, then it looks
attractive.
27. The puppy will never give up watch the kids.
28. Since a puppy can not talk and has no hours, then
it can not be angry if he is late or lost.
29. Puppies are not duplicitous.
30. And finally, if you trahaeshsya with your puppy, you will
never do not get pregnant.
WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX?
1. Chocolate you can eat whenever you want it.
2. "If you love me, then swallow it," - you can literally
apply to chocolate.
3. Chocolate is a tasty, even if it is mild.
4. Behind the wheel is safer to eat chocolate.
5. You can buy chocolate that long, what you need.
6. You can eat chocolate in front of your mother.
7. If you are bitten nuts too much chocolate anyway.
8. Two persons of the same sex can have chocolate without
fearing
that they will be called pervert.
9. You can have chocolate on your desktop, and at the same time
Your colleagues will not hesitate.
10. You can ask any passers-by: "No, there is a
you chocolate, "and it does not shlopotat slap.
11. After the chocolate in the mouth is not the hair.
12. To eat chocolate is not necessarily to wash.
13. If you eat chocolate, do not need to simulate an orgasm.
14. Of chocolate is not pregnant.
15. You can eat chocolate any day of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easier to find.
17. You can fuck as many varieties of chocolate, as in
able to carry.
18. Chocolate you can eat and little girls and old women, and
it will not look funny.
19. If you eat chocolate, you never wake the neighbors
bang bed in the wall.
20. Chocolate is always good, regardless of size
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