Ottyag - 10 ways to fuck like a conductor on the money (or at least some of the money). The main fault of women. Quiz: "And can you Cyberpunk?". Test "Paint House".

<b>Ottyag</b> - 10 ways to fuck like a conductor on the money (or at least some of the money). The main fault of women. Quiz:
     (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir.


           Fuskin molecules ottyak!


     Hello! Virtual CJ Vovan
starts next OTTYAG! Today, you
expand Dictionary of Russian mat, learn
Who was the first cyberpunk, and of course
with a view to test the involvement
cyberpunk!

     Ostavaytes with me (for ostavaniya
encouraged me to stock up with three
liters of beer and methodically absorb it)!

     After a long break again Vovan
with you and, of course, is pleased to present a few kilos 
steep intoxication (if at Speke could have been done for the 
magazine as a soundtrack for Amiga, then on the idea of 
kolonkah should sound "Vova Vova ... ... ... Vova" - Like 
shouting in the tracks of scooters ... 

     I drove - it's probably beer at Sam
gradually formed. I've only just arrived the day CO
born girlfriend of my wife. Wife left
have friends - let them dance to pop music, and
he bought a beer, and here kerf Rexanthony
write tekstuhu immobilized to you and myself.

     Recently we have begun to rage in the city guard. For 
example, today I have a one-stop shop for travel 2 p. shot - a 
bummer walk home go there, so I imagine a few tips on how to 
save money: 


     (C) Vovan aka Chasm


     I do not know how in your city, and we
in Rybinsk in public transport (in
bass and trolleybasah) rampant conductors, charge 2 rubles per 
trip, therefore I thought up: 


        10 ways how to fuck

          conductor on the money

      (Or at least some of the money)


     1. Zatyritsya into the far corner of the vehicle, make a 
face brick and pretend that you're going from the

beginning of that money already paid and pristovat with silly 
questions to you nehuy (Freebie often rolls).



     2. Try to show a ticket that you bought in another vehicle 
(a freebie rolls, but very rarely). 


     3. Ask for a ticket at the descending
passenger (if the passenger does not miser, the freebie one 
hundred percent). 


     4. If you are a former student, after
graduation, you can "lose" student / student ID card and
successfully pretend to be a student (discount ticket cheaper 
than usual). 

     Personally, I have a couple of years after graduation, he 
pretended to be a student, until one day I have not taken a 
student as I was driving with a hangover and his unshaven mug, 
and the opinion of the conductor, the student was not like, so 
she peeked inside the crusts. 


     5. If you have served in the Army,
You can pretend to be a soldier for some time, showing the 
military card - like you came home on leave (also sometimes 
rolls). 


     6. Pretend to be disabled. For example,
can be represented by CP (cerebral palsy), of course, if you 
have enough acting ability - once I saw this joke, the guard 
did not even demanded a guy to show pension

ID.


     7. If your town still in use composters, it is possible to 
assemble a collection of coupons for each bass or trolleybasa, 
and then get required (problematic because of the fact that

have to carry too many passes).


     8. You can try to shake the law: for example, if you 
violate the rules of carriage (the driver does not announce the 
stop), we can say that you refuse pay, as your rights as a 
passenger, had been violated. 


     9. Carry a 500 rubles a
piece of paper. Usually, the conductor is not
delivery of such amount.


     10. Compassionately asked to pass
free. Sometimes (if caught sympathetic conductor) laminates.


                  *


     I hope these tips will save you a grandmother ... Okay, 
now even a joke. Although it requires an explanation. Now your 
attention will be submitted to the text of Han 'and from the 
Good Guys Hatskers Group, but I am inclined to doubt about the 
authorship of the text. Ordinarily, I publish only the author's 
texts (in recently), but in one of the previous issues had been 
published "The test for Communists, he was cool and I did

put in the "Ottyag. However, about two
months ago I was a friend of mine brought a printout of the 
test (besides my familiar - a notorious pisyuchist and Speck

never seen) and I got to neponyatku:
whether Khan fights texts from the Internet (or
Red Burda) whether the texts from our
the magazine began to spread very widely. Of course, I tend to 
believe the best, so the public and the following text.




     (C) Han / Good Guys H. G.


      The main fault of women


     1) Problem: I refuse to wash, shopping, cooking, food
requires a regular basis.


     Solution: Make sure not a man
Does it? If it does not consider
whether you need such a woman. In the extreme
case, replace it.


     2) Problem: Does everything, but
This is no articulate speech.
Occasionally the sound of humming and sighing.


     Remedy: Congratulations! You got a promising development - 
the woman the future!



     3) Problem: Infinite says
by telephone.


     Solution: Tell that to long phone conversations around the 
mouth there are wrinkles. In addition, radiation telephone 
adversely affect the complexion.



     4) Problem: There is no expression on his face and the 
mobility of limbs. 


     Solution: Make sure, maybe
she sleeps.


     5) Problem: Constantly happy with jealousy.


     Remedy: Call her on the phone
and a female voice say "secret",
that of her husband all the crazy and very jealous of her.


     6) Problem: In a speech there
quarrelsome notes, but otherwise all right.


     Solution: Give her a bouquet of flowers, take the duty of 
complement. In extreme cases, Give more money from salary.


     Does not help - Wash dishes (decided the tree).


     7) failure: function normally, but something you do not 
like. 


     Solution: You are the goat! I'm not surprised
if you yourself replaced by a better
model.


                  *


     Last removing too feminist, but okay. Now, a few
cyberpunk anecdotes and promised a mystery about the first 
cyberpunk: 



     (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir


     Get drunk once a Fishburnom Reeves,
and let's argue over who is steeper in the eastern
martial arts. Went out, hopped up, hung, yes, both on assholes 
and fell. 

     - Yes, you can not fucking Nio. - Said Fishburn.

     - Yes, and you do not Morpheus. - Has noticed
Reeves.


                  *


     Went once Maria Shriver at the supermarket, and car keys 
Schwartz picked up by Zapara. And that itch

go to the gym - disappoint. What do I do not know, then 
figured: break side window with his fist, the door opened 
porovoda connected, and the glass is not sorry - a millionaire 
after all. Suitable means to the car, hryas fist on the glass, 
and it did not broke.


     - Yes, I am not a terminator, however. - Thought Schwartz.


                  *


     Bought as a Harrison Ford rubber
Babu, well, have sex a little cry.

     - Do not fucking riplikant - brains enough. - Firmly 
broken off Ford. 


                  *


     Came as something to Pierce Brosnan Lawnmower, he it to 
the computer was dragged pomeryaytes IQ, but in order for the 
200. 

     - Horseradish do I chop serum,
he is so smart. - Broken off Brosnan.


                  *


     Played as a Lambert on the computer, play, play, and the 
NPC behave as it should.


     - Not a game. - Thought Lambert.


                  *


     Decided to somehow Reeves jag phones, steamed himself, 
steamed himself - fucking not obtained.


     - Well, I have no mikruh in the head. - With
Reeves sighed regretfully.


                  *


     And here is a short anecdote:


     Gathered as a Gibson with Clark
novel co-write ...


                  *


     And now!!! Promises of a riddle:


     Q: Who was the first cyberpunk?

     A: Carlson (remember implanted a motor). (C) by Chasm


                  *


     Well, after these jokes is likely to test.



     (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir


         "Or maybe you're a cyberpunk?"


     I was thinking and came up with a small
testik, which will let you know whether you are a cyberpunk. Of 
course, you can be a member of EI, BD, or DR,

but you can be cyberpunk in principle.


     1. How much time per day do you spend on the computer?


     a) # 4000 seconds.

     b) # 8000 seconds.

     a) # 2000 seconds.


     2. Do you have a girlfriend?


     a) Perepihivayus with ottyazhnymi chuvikhi from time to 
time. 

     b) I have a girlfriend / wife.

     c) I have a computer.


     3. What is the wheel?


     a) Small gear, forcing your brain to move.

     b) Tablets, used by some
people.

     c) Detail of the car.


     4. Some of your favorite books:


     a) Assembler for Motorola + Penthouse.

     b) 3'h volume book on assembler for the Z-80
+ Several pornographic magazines.

     c) the "Hacker" + Playboy.


     5. Your favorite movie?


     a) "Hackers".

     b) "Gone With the Wind."

     c) "The Matrix.


     6. Who is Gibson?


     a) mother's father.

     b) The actor from "Mad Max".

     b) A dick knows.


     7. Your favorite din:


     a) Target Renegade.

     b) Elite.

     a) Quake.


     8. Favorite pastime:


     a) To sit with a glass of milk and
Izvestia in his hand.

     b) Sit vpertym (*) in the network.

     c) To sit vpertym at the club.


     (*) - Vpertost: nishtyakovoe state, achieved by using 
drugs, alcohol or sex, very rarely happens

just like that, without external stimulants.


     9. What are you doing online?


     a) Glumlyus.

     b) Ebus / masturbate (camping).

     c) to receive the information needed
to my boss and if I did not find it, then
He vyebet me for the full program, ie,
on the tonsils.


     10. Bill Gates ...


     a) Cool gay.

     b) Cool guy.

     a) Must die.


                  *


                  Score:


  1. a) 5 points 6. a) 10 points

     b) 10 - - b) 5 - -

     a) 1 - - c) 1 - "-


  2. a) 5 - - 7. a) 5 - "-

     b) 1 - - b) 10 - "-

     a) 10 - - c) 1 - "-


  3. a) 10 - - 8. a) 1 - "-

     b) 5 - - b) 10 - "-

     a) 1 - - c) 5 - -


  4. a) 5 - - 9. a) 10 - "-

     b) 10 - - b) 5 - -

     a) 1 - - c) 1 - "-


  5. a) 5 - - 10. a) 5 - "-

     b) 1 - - b) 1 - "-

     a) 10 - - a) 10 - "-


                 90-100


     Yeahhh!!! Hello brother by blood!
Come to Rybinsk or CC'000
cool, pull, buhnem, Cournot and fuck local girls (if you'll be 
able to). And, of course, pobatsaem at Speke, let's see the new 
demos. 


                  60-89


     Of course you're a big fan of computers,
but probably not until the end of kerf in cyberpunk ideology 
(drink + fuck = ottqkk), so my advice to you: Come

at CC, there would (cyberpunk) will be a lot.


                  30-59


     pC + pEPSI = rULES??? I am personally so
I think not. Poroday his big calculator, buy Speck, a lot of 
beer, a lot plan Add several numbers of psychosis, Heresy, 
stillbirth, and may Adventurer End Hawa big fan!



                  10-29


     You, young man, probably for the cake and milk to the 
store late, yet responded to this test?




     P. S. While I wrote, at least at least six tests, I think
all these tests - a complete shit, as
almost every respondent imagines himself
steep and therefore considers it beneath my dignity to answer 
questions outside the mainstream (like if he Fingering, then 
the answer the question in any test, "you masturbate or

No "always written" no "), so all
Tests are not written for a person to
checked asshole or not, but in order
that he was gay. Don't worry, be
happy!!!

     Okay, something I once drove. For
discharge will extend for a three-storey Russian mat! I love 
edreny mate! In principle, this text is choppy on my scratch 
disk for about three years, but as one time the magazine ran 
the popsyuk Ray, then, accordingly, IT in magazine he would not

missed, but now I'm sovereign OTTYAGA editor and publish what I 
want (ebtyt, fuck, what are you?. No problem!. - Ed.), so be 
pinned: 


     Stoebuchee strahopizdische, confound
in their own pidarasticheskoy zloebuchesti.

     Semigolovy vosmihuy with four
pizdoproebinami.

     Oblyamudevshaya strapizdihuyulina.

     Pidaristichesky mudablyadin.

     Promudohueblyadskaya pizdoproebina,
nevebenno be befuddled by his own oblyadipizdenelosti.

     Tripizdoblyadskoe mudoproebnoe tripizdie, eboblyadische be 
befuddled by his own zloebuchesti. 

     Oblyamudenny strongly needed or desirous of sex 
strahopizdnuty trihuemandablyadsky ebakvaknuty raspizdaeb ... 
(Said the boatswain and dirty cursed). 

     Yes razebis you triebuchim proebom,
huepupolo zalupoglazoe, promondoblyadskoe.

     Hueblyadskaya pizdoproebina.

     Yes razebis you trizloebuchim probizdom, 
trimandablyadskaya pizdoproushina, damned good on their own 
goddamned nevebeniya! 


     I would say that this nevebatelno
ohuepizditelno! (Something I am weak in terms, compared with 
the above). 

     Yes, there a doctor who John prikoryachil tekstik (testik) 
in his style. And John is known to be obtained always

very peculiar.


     (C) dr. John


     Ha-a, who do I see? YOU, my young
friend! I know you want to test again with a rotten cabbage 
maggots, called you a head ... Well times Since you both want 
... then so be it, zaychenok. 

                          OK. Let'S Do It


                "Well, well, draw, Mozart ..."

                           (Of conversation)


               Draw HOUSE


     This test is one of the easiest that
met you in your worthless zhituhe. There are no questions, just 
draw that you will come to your chips in

mention of the word house ... Stop ... Stop ...
I see that some harmful assholes are already stretched to the 
'rezet "to turn off my comp ... they certainly thought

that once again someone wants them to wear a cap with
four visors ... I hear someone asks: "why four?" - "Yes for
In order to better noodles held up "...
Well, this asshole, I advise you to stay at the screens of 
their monitors, no one is going to feed you (even more so in 
our time!), but I warn and other unenlightened 
peasants-mudachkov who are going to tear down the house of any 
"hodilki-rpg. So why be like this? Boys (PATSANY! ?)..? It's you

test! And not the man who designed the game, and even though we 
did not Competition "The hitrovyebanny hacker to

the light. "This is because the test only you
to discover himself and his character more closely
(Ie, make friends with the head). Yes, I certainly understand 
that you are not Rembrandt, and, of course, Raphael, and that 
the school above the triple 

  drawing you did not stand ... (see
very much a bolt scored: -)), but
better than his, though inferior, crooked
and oblique, but still his home draw.
After all, I then will not you make a
live there. Those who understood it all, can take
piece of paper, pen or pick up and load the good old "art 
studio" and embody on screen or on paper his a masterpiece .. 
Well, have drawn? Thus, so ... we'll see ... ha haaaaaa, well, 
ugly then have you turned, it would be better not try, Mozart: 
-) 


     CITY multi-storey building - is
the image says that you're a typical city dweller who leaves in
village to the grandmother once in a century-and-forget
have probably ironed like a cow. Or
is it painted a man whose badly
with imagination. Do not know what he was doing at SPECCY, 
although he may still young USER, bears are still out of habit 
"Libbiro" or "Haggis" ... and playing only hodilki-shooters.



     LITTLE LOG HOUSE - Oh! Yes, I
I see you're a fan of "Dizzy"! That even
in his sleep at his plays. And when his mother
(Father, friend) says we should go
for the bread to the store, he thinks, what should be in front 
of this thing to collect. 


     CASTLE - a man who painted
his imagination, is it
something childish, not serious .. although
for those of us who sit on the computer, as
on the needle, this is normal. If we
too serious and in my heart to feel
a uncle and grandparents, the program
that we do need to be only
accountants.


     SPACIOUS COUNTRY HOUSE - here are a few versions (as 
always). Or before the person is an acute problem of housing 
(Certainly not a bum you know?). Or you do not have their a 
separate room where you can put in the middle of your computer, 
and the rest is free space to fill up disks. 


     WINDOWS - well, here only a couple of options
if a little window, then that's fine, but if
a lot .. then you might want to exchange their old, good SPECCY 
to rC and already in the mind working in a very

buggy tormozznnnooooy shell of the same name (WINDOWS, of 
couze). 


     Fences - than a fence (shown) below, the greater the 
tendency to communicate, while one who has it all there may be 
a "language without bones" and he's ready squandered on his 
sexual relationship with a girlfriend the first comer. But 
those who place fence painted stone wall height

3 meters, so I can only say: "Be
simpler, and you reach for humans (animals,
roaches and rats).


     DOORS:

     A. In the middle or open - people friendly, 
gostepriimchiv. And if you tell me your address, I am, doing

covenants of a wise bear, I'll go to
you to visit and only in the morning.

     B. No - a sign of callousness. You, certainly, looking at 
the reviews as a wolf. And hold your refrigerator (away) only 
at the castle, and hiding away his maker, citing that it took 
away the neighbor and will only return on Thursday, and be sure 
to after the rain. No, this Maine, I do not go.



     PIPE:

     A. No - not on the court and not (briefly
and it is not clear).

     B. Yes, but without smoke - this person
experienced many disappointments in life ...
I hope you're not hiding under the pillow with a rope soap ... 
so ... just in case. 

     B. There is a smoke - yes ... I love you
really understand ... we too cold and the battery is not warm. 
And warming ourselves exclusively only in refrigerators with a 
dream of warmth. 

     G. on the tube bricks and other minor details - indicate 
optimism, maybe you gave warmth, and you dream about Canaries. 


     Attic window - before the draw, figure it out on his 
"attic" ... possible shifts, and you cry nuthouse (Joke).



         "That's all and you're afraid

         even the diaper is not changed "


                  *


     Dass ... such tests on the graphics capabilities of their 
subsequent use in the interpretation of the Durkee to identify 
schizophrenia. Therefore, to return to habitual channel 
Spectrum Life offer the following (most of all I

pinned in this test nick -= NGW =- - type
inscriptions on the fence -= KING =- or -= Vasya
From the mountain coolest CITY =-):



     (C) -= NGW =

                   Yad SPECTRUM 'a is

                    entered into me,

                    Poisoned my tongue,

                    changed my way of thinking "


            2000 N. er. revelation -= NGW =

      Determine the dose of adoption of the "poison"


     1. Who is (what) CLAVA?


     a) A neighbor in the stairwell

     b) One of input devices

     c) Guidance system

     d) A box with buttons

     e) Antique harpsichord


     2. Who is (what) KRYSODROM?


     a) Underground spaceport

     b) Organic poison

     c) Mouse Pad

     r) slippers cat

     e) f_y knows


     3. Who is (what) FLOP?


     a) A floppy disk

     b) Hard Disk Drive

     c) a loud bang

     d) Light cotton

     d) Home bedbug


     4. Who is (what) CODER?


     a) The variety of tomato

     b) River in Algiers

     a) The Republic of Cote de Voir

     r) Programmer

     e) One of my friend man


     5. Who is (what) SOFT?


     a) Soft Toy

     b) Software

     c) the American car

     d) Any mu_nya diskette

     d) The Soviet ophthalmologist


     6. Who is (what) cancer?


     a) Fe (Ferrum)

     b) In a rocking chair his many

     a) Hardware

     d) The fact that the inside of the box

     d) HEAVY METAL


     7. Who is (what) USER?


     a) modification of the well-known machine

     b) My Sidekick

     c) Cool Jeep

     d) The plant family of cereals

     g) User


     8. Who is (what) prog?


     a) Well, very cool program

     b) High threshold

     c) Nirvana blacks

     d) a mythical beast

     e) I ona Apartment belongs


     9. Who is (what) bug?


     a) hatch in the garage

     b) Criminal activity

     c) Unexplained phenomenon

     d) Failed

     e) Malicious rodent


     10. Who is (what) DEMO?


     a) A kind of pop music

     b) What type of cartoon

     c) Tajik counterintelligence

     d) Compilation of various effects

     e) Multi-channel audio


                *


     Table to calculate the results:

1. a) 0 2. a) 0 3. a) 5 4. a) 0

    b) 5 b) 0 b) 1 b) 0

    c) 0) 5) 0) 0

    g) 3 d) 0 d) 0 d) 5

    d) 0 d) 1 e) 0 d) 2

5. a) 0 6. a) 0 7. a) 0 8. a) 5

    b) 5 b) 0 b) 4 b) 0

    c) 0) 5) 0) 0

    d) 4 g) 3 d) 0 g) 0

    d) 0 d) 0 d) 5 e) 2


       9. a) 0 10. a) 0

           b) 1 b) 3

           c) 3) 0

           d) 5 d) 4

           d) 0 d) 0



            Test Results:


     50 and above - either you're a bad mathematician, or blind.


     from 45 to 49 - your body is completely
completely poisoned SPECTRUM 'a-you
hopeless.


     from 35 to 45 - there is still hope
healing, although very small.


     from 20 to 35 - if you do not firmly believe wring from 
this path until there is More opportunity.



     from 1 to 20 - you are not infected (and
that you are happy with that?)


     from 0 to 1 - you are a complete moron and you
nothing is safe.


                  *


     Well, another ottyazhnaya halophyte
came to an end (you finished? "; +) - is
dude who ebnuli on the nose). I hope
it was fun. Next awaits revelation Piatak and Winnie, and 
another cool thing (what - do not tell). 


          Press ehit "pleaze