01 января 1995

                    THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE                    
           DR.FUDGEPACKER TALKS IT LIKE HE WALKS IT            
             (Looking over his shoulder mostly...)              
                                                               
Isn't it typical eh? Soon as the sun comes out everyone rushes  
into the garden, drinking iced drinks and acting like a total   
cunt. Well if they want to sit in the sun all day doing fuck all
then why don't they all just fuck off to Spain right now!       
I'll tell you why not, cos' the fuckers wouldn't be able to sign
on and get money off the government for doing fuck all. They'd  
soon all come flooding back mate!                               
                                                                
Students eh? What a bunch of fucking cunts! Back in the sixties 
I remember when students demonstrated against governments over  
important issues like Vietnam and racial segregation. And now   
what do they do? Go on endless whining marches over having no   
money. Honestly, it's all fucking self self self with those     
puffs. Next week they are having a rally at Hyde Park Corner in 
London demonstrating about the high price of second hand records
by The Cure. (In October I'm gonna be a student and I'm gonna   
sit outside your house protesting about the packing of         
fudge.ED)                                                       
                                                               
Dog shit on the pavements, it's a cunting outrage! Our councils 
should put video cameras on every street corner and catch these 
thoughtless canine owners in the act. Then the police should    
follow them home and dump a pile of dog shit through their front
windows. That'd fucking stop 'em!                               
                                                                
Isn't it funny how everytime you go to a car boot sale,8there is
always some big red faced fat bastard selling boxes full of     
pirate Amiga software. Next time you see one, go fetch a copper 
and shop the wanker.                                            
                                                                
Old people! What a waste of space they are! Why is it that they 
always push to the front of the queue when waiting for a        
National Express coach? Have they lived such shallow lives that 
a front seat on a coach is the most important goal for them to  
achieve? Next time you see some old bag looking shifty at the   
front of the queue, push the fucker into the gutter and spit on 
her packet of boiled sweets. Who do these people think they are?
                                                                
People in bands, why do you fucking bother? You save up your    
money from working in the Wimpy to buy some shitty guitar then  
you join a band and copy every other band since 1957. We've     
heard it all before you shitheads. Then you go on Top of the    
Pops, jumping around like gorillas and wearing dark glasses.    
You big bunch of useless cunts! Why don't you do something a bit
more useful like sweeping the streets to keep our great country 
clean?                                                          
                                                                
Scottish people!  (Oi! I'm half Scottish you know!ED)  What a    
bunch of tight arsed fuckers they are! They think they are so   
great with their stupid voices and freezing cold country. well  
fuck you! And as for the French, don't make me angry! They burn 
our sheep, sell us shitty green apples that glow in the dark and
then talk in that fucking slow greasy manner. If I had a gun I'd
shoot the fucking lot of 'em.                                   
                                                                
And Germans? Well, they try to fucking bomb us to bits not once 
but twice, and now they're trying to take over Europe with their
fucking DM jackboots. Well you won't goose step over this proud 
Tommy you humourless square headed sausage eating bastards!     
The Queen is on my money, not fucking Hitler! The shrapnel in my
leg tells me this every day!                                    
                                                                
Shirt-lifters eh? Who needs 'em! Dressing up as American        
policemen and growing stupid Jimmy Edwards mousetaches. All they
do is hang-out in bars, shag anything that moves and listen to  
Classical music and that cunt who looks like ET. Send 'em all   
back to ancient Rome that's what I say!