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01 января 1995 |
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WEIRD GAME CORNER
by FUDGEPACKER
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This series is dedicated to the more odd programs available from
all sleazy junk shops and car boot sales. If you're lucky...
LITTLE COMPUTER PEOPLE by ACTIVISION
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Could this be the sim to top all sims? Originally released on
the C64, LCP was a 128k only 'game' that came into being during
that strange year of 1986. Most of the major software houses had
now embraced the extra memory of the 128's, even if it was only
with enhanced three channel music.
The plot was sheer nightmare. Inside every computer there lives
a little 'person'. Upon loading the program (which takes bloody
ages) you are invited as a researcher to sign on and to enter
the current time and date. There is a very good graphic of an
open notebook if anyone out there wants to rip it out! Might
come in useful as a Personal organizer type proggy.
Then up comes a representation of a three storey 'house', a lot
like the shitty dolls house your sister used to have that your
mum used to play with when the kids were at school. After a
short while your little computer person will appear and start to
inspect the house to see if he wants to move in. So far so
interesting. It's rather a nice house, fitted kitchen, lounge,
phone, hi-fi, telly, computer and a typewriter that he might
write you a letter on.
After about 5 minutes of fucking about he goes away again only
to return with his suitcase and a dog... There are a number of
hot keys available to leave him things at the front door like
food (for 'it' and it's dog), records and books. Your LCP has
the ability to fefeehappy or pissed off and it is up to you to
keep him from taking the bottle of aspirin.
Entering anglo-saxon terms via the keyboard gains no response at
all, but a request to play a tune on the piano or to answer the
phone usually goes down well. The most remarkable aspect of the
'game' is the ability to lure him into a chair so you can pat
him on the head... is this his sex life?
I've explored every angle to this sim; I've tried starving him,
I've tried starving the dog, I've told him to brew his own beer
but he doesn't seem to mind too much. My greatest victory has
been seeing him in bed with a right mood on and a downward
turned mouth. There are no functions available to make him
explode or be sick.
WEIRDO RATING: 9/10
STARRING CHARLIE CHAPLIN by US GOLD
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Charlie Chaplin films are not funny. The best bits are when he
smacks people in the gob, people fall over or when someone falls
over attempting to smack him in the gob. The only reason I watch
his films is because there is usually a fit bird to look at.
If you want FUNNY then I suggest a Laurel & Hardy Double bill.
This program, released by the American bullshit artists, is a
film-directing sim! The only trouble is you can't actually
direct very interesting films.
First off you choose which famous title you want to shoot. You
are then in control of the trampy one using direction movements
and /or the ability to smack someone in the mouth. This, as you
might imagine, is a little bit limiting, you will not become the
next Hitchcock very quickly using this as experience.
When the shooting is finished you get to edit the scenes and
then screen it to the general public. Apart from a nice 1920's
style font and a lovely cimematic curtain effect, this game is
somewhat bizarre in the extreme...
WEIRDO RATING: 9/10
FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD by OCEAN
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The above named was of course a band, who sprang to infamy by
having their first single banned by national radio, as a result
going straight to the top of the charts. The band themselves
were fronted by two gingers when outlandish 'gay' behaviour in
the media was still viewed as risque.
The band were a hype (even though some of the members came from
a top cult indie outfit called Big in Japan) and the game was
intended either to add to it or to be proclaimed as an original
new concept in computer gaming.
The game itself is a mystery. Do you have to discover the
identity of a murderer or just snigger at the references to
drugs and under-aged sex? The screen layout is confusing and
very surreal, based as it is on a small row of terraced houses
with various doors leading in and out of kitchens and lounges.
The supplied instructions are designed to be mysterious.
Denton Designs really should have known better than to put this
shit out. Mind you, in those days you could earn alot of money
from a big selling Speccy game so should we slag them for that?
No, I'll slag them for putting out a crap idea that just tried
to be oh so weird but failed miserably.
WEIRDO RATING: 2/10
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