01 января 1995

                          THEORY SHIT!                          
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                         BY DA GANGSTER                         
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So I sit here thinking of what to write as an article. Perhaps  
I should do one on different types of fruit. Or maybe not.      
After just re-reading through the whole of SUB. XTC #0 I should 
have plenty of ideas but not me!! Maybe I should write my weird 
story here, it's a bit long though so maybe next time!          
                                                                
Nope, there really is nothing I can think of writing... (Tut.ED)
(Sorry, told not to put dots in like that.) Wonder how much of  
this shit will be edited?? (Very little actually.ED) Who gives a
toss!! Fuck! I've got no intresting things to talk about (I'm 14
and I live in the most boring place ever, Pakenham) so my social
life amounts to the odd conversation with grapefruits before I  
have to put the cow out. (Pardon??)                            
                                                                
 Perhaps I could give some theories to really fuck people off    
with! That's it! First, a crap one... (Shit! Sorry!)            
                                                                
Why call the first Subliminal Extacy number '0'. What about     
one? How can anything be a nought? (Well you see, this first    
S.E. was only a preview version and not a real one!! Get it? And
if you have 5 pound and I nick it off you how much do you have??
Naught, there you can have naught!!ED) There, told you the first
one was crap, but here we go with the real one... (ARGH!)       
                                                                
The Adam and Eve story will now be proved to be a complete load 
of shit for all the bible bashers out there. Surely if the      
world had been started by just two people, there would have been
loads of deformities so the human race would have never taken   
off. Or maybe we would have ended up like sheep or something.   
                                                                
It is impossible for anything to be infinate as everything has a
limit and as infinaty is not a number nothing can be infinate.  
(Now get as pissed as possible and read through that again)     
                                                                
Here's a good one: To say that nothing's impossible would       
create a paradox. You see, if nothing's impossible then it      
means that it's possible to prove something impossible which    
proves the statement that nothing's impossible wrong. There.    
                                                                
I was watching Star Trek today (don't ask why) and found a thing
wrong. At the beginning when you see the Enterprise flying      
across the screen with the credits popping up it makes a noise  
as it flies past. Why? Isn't space a vacumn so you wouldn't     
hear any noise from anything so how a space ship could rumble   
past is beyond me!                                              
                                                                
Hold on, not sure if I explained the Adam and Eve theroy well   
enough; if the world had been started by just two people then   
there would have been loads of inter-breeding and as we all     
know, in nearly all cases this will lead to some sort of        
deformities. (Yes, there's a tribe in Brazil where              
inter-breeding is only aloud, and now most people are being born
with extra or missing limbs, fingers, toes, etc..ED.)           
                                                                
Well, that's all I can think of for now. Perhaps if there's     
enough demand or even if there isn't, I might be back next time 
with more words of wisdom to get you thinking! (Provided I can  
think of more words of wisdom that is)                          
                                                                
                          Er, erm, bye.                         
                                                                
                            Address,                            
                                                                
                           DA GANGSTER                          
                            TRELAWNE                            
                            FEN ROAD                            
                            PAKENHAM                            
                        BURY ST. EDMUNDS                        
                             SUFFOLK                            
                            IPЗ1 2LS                            
                             ENGLAND