01 января 1995

               40 Things To Do With A Duff Floppy               
                                                                
                        By K-oS and L.A.                        
                                                                
Oh dear, another floppy finally snuffs it after a years faithful
service.  What do YOU usually do with them?  Throw them away?   
Dissect them?  Here's a List of forty different things you can  
do with a duff floppy.                                          
                                                                
01) Use it as a BeerMat.                                        
02) Split it in half and use the halves as earrings.            
03) Bend the metal bits, and then slam it into your worst       
    enemies drive.                                              
04) Replace the floppy bit with sandpaper, and then slam it into
    your worst enemies drive.                                   
05) Throw it at a wall, and count how many pieces it breaks into
    (my record is eight).                                       
06) Use it as a frisbee.                                        
07) Take the floppy bit out and use it as a better frisbee.     
08) Jump up and down on it, then use it as a jigsaw puzzle.     
09) Roll it up and smoke it.                                    
10) Drop it out the window, then run down the stairs and try to 
    catch it in time.                                           
11) Boil it with some cabbage, and make a nice stew.            
12) Start a duff floppy collection.                             
13) Sell it to some 7-year-old games mad kid as the latest game.
14) Use it as a sex toy.                                        
15) Puncture it with a pin, and use it as a sieve.              
16) Get several, stick 'em together and use 'em for a door stop.
17) Get even more, stick 'em together and use 'em as a paper    
    weight.                                                     
18) Bury it for some stupid archeologist to find in 300 years   
    time.                                                       
19) Give it to the dog to chew, then count the teeth-marks.     
20) Split in half, cut a large hole in each, and use as a pair  
    of designer glasses.                                        
21) If it's one of those coloured transparent ones, use it for  
    sunglasses.                                                 
22) Put it through a shredder and use it as compost.            
23) Plaster it with glue, and hang it in a greenhouse.  Instant 
    flypaper!                                                   
24) Stick it to a ruler, and use it as a fly-swat.              
25) Use the tissue bits inside as an emergency Kleenex.         
26) Keep it 'til you're 80, and then sell it as an antique.     
27) Pickle it.                                                  
28) Open it up, insert cheese or other filling, and eat as a    
    sandwich.                                                   
29) Cut triangles out of the floppy bit and attach a motor.  Hey
    presto, instant circular saw.                               
30) Drop it of a bridge, and watch it float away into the       
    distance.                                                   
31) Plant it, and wait 'til it sprouts new disks.               
32) "Simply immerse in McBollox's Disk Repair Solution for a    
     disk as good as new!" Yeah, right mate.                    
33) Stick something pointy through it, and use it as a sundial. 
34) Swap the floppy bit with one from your brand new game, then 
    take said new game back to the shop, whining "It doesn't    
    work".                                                      
35) Stick it on the wall, and use it as a dartboard.            
36) Stick it on a hook, and use it as bait.                     
37) Use it as an ice-scraper.                                   
38) Glue on razor-blades, and use it as a shuriken.             
39) Plug it into the mains, and use it as a night-light.        
40) Simply burn it (for pyromaniacs out there).                 
                                                                
Oh, and what about...                                           
                                                                
              5 Things NOT To Do With A Duff Floppy             
                                                                
01) Send it to Bogie, asking for the next issue of S.E.         
02) Use it as a condom.                                         
03) Use it for backing up your new demos (unless they're crap). 
04) Send it to a contact claiming it has the latest demos on it.
05) Market it as a new type of medium for storing data.         
                                                                
Thank you and good night!!!