Business Card - a new electronic humor magazine "SpectrofUn".

<b>Business Card</b> - a new electronic humor magazine

      BUSINESS CARD



   Today we are pleased to
introduce you to a new electronic humor magazine
"SpectrofUn". At first it was conceived as a parody of the 
famous magazine with a similar name, but

then went beyond that. Humor
evaluate themselves, although here we publish are not the most 
ridiculous article. 

   To date, published in March
magazine, and 3 are preparing for the exit. We would be 
interested to know the opinion of readers on prospects in this 
direction. And what if in the creation of the magazine will 
feature all sinkleristy? Wow they also have some fun! 

   The authors of the journal is
a group of programmers from Odintsovo Mosk. reg. So, let's
friends ...


            FANTASY


   A lot of people, even starting the year as from 1994, says
that SPECTRUM is not long for
this world (although we do see
that it is absolutely not true). A
what will happen in twenty years? On
this issue will try to answer people, imagine a world in twenty 
years, as world with a full and final

IBM'a power.

   As far as its representation
be true (and would it be
in general), time will tell, but so far
it's just a fantasy ...


   Ten Byte, which shook
world. Chronicle of events.


    In October 2017 in the chaos and anarchy that afflicted the 
country, the leadership MAC (R) - All-Party Computer 
(programmer) - decided to seize power. The coup was carried out

quickly and almost without bloodshed. Pre-distributed viruses
blocked the work of the General Staff,
post office, bank and Telegraphs, and
detachments of revolutionary player,
trained at secret bases
on the game in the 5 th DOOM, occupied government buildings.

   First decrees new government
proclaimed: "Every programmer has a right to free
computer, free beer and
Free Dream "and" All Software
Must Be Free ". The President of the Supreme Council of hacker 
made an appeal to the population, which included historical

phrase: "Now is no longer necessary
fear of man with hard drive! "

   The next day, the streets lined queue for free beer.

   Rare non-drinking programmers
immediately launched a major
speculation in addition to beer
tried to break the individual,
programmer whose origin was clearly questionable. Arose the 
first riot. 

   Meanwhile, the Supreme Council issued a decree Hacker of 
taxation on the use of computer and software for all 
non-programmers, which led to the formation of the League 
yuzersky sharply opposition to the new regime. In these 
conditions, the WCP (R) is forced was hastily forming armed 
militias to defend the revolution. They consisted of different 
people and therefore have names of different Guard. 

   In parallel, it was a question of
symbolism and visual aids.
On the area of the motherboard
(Formerly Red) was erected
equestrian statue of Wiener and von
Neytmanu. As the flag was
selected white-blue-black, that
symbolized - Windows,
Norton Commander and MS-DOS. On
coat of arms was depicted, of course,
computer (proposal put back a bottle of beer rejected the 
Supreme Council Hacker after the personal intervention

Chairman).

   At this time of hiding out extremist organization
"Even a hundred", which consists mostly of dial-up users,
who immediately arranged a pogrom
personnel exchanges. Hacker Supreme Council did not intervene 
until pogroms have not reached the peak after

which a decree was issued on a free transfer of digital 
information over telephone lines that caused a rapid 
chetnosotentsev delight. 

   However, not all political forces could induce
on their side. Gaining strength yuzersky League has arranged for
Square Hard-Disk (formerly Manege), a powerful demonstration of 
a provocative slogan "user too programmer! ", supported by

programmers of the factions prikladnikov. The demonstration was 
broken up by guards, and managers yuzersky League took refuge 
in representation firm Apple,

where and asked for political
seekers. After that representatives prikladnikov were withdrawn
from the leadership of the Communist Party (P), and new
government was formed
only member of the faction sistemschikov, which subsequently led
to rename the party in the CPPS
(Computer Programmers party 'system).

   In order to secure victory
High above the renegades Hacker Council adopted the law on 
universal introduction of the hexadecimal system. Yuzersky 
League to applied scientists have tried to rebellion, crushed 
by the shock of mutant viruses. Hacker Supreme Council to 
announce a beginning of hacker terror. In data centers were

rallies under the slogan "Death Lamer!" and on the streets 
raznogvardeyskie patrols stopped passers-by and asked them,

how much will be 7 +5. Respondents
"12" immediately taken away in the cache (the former
Lubyanka), because the correct answer -
0C.

   Left Avir (virus writers) have tried to lynch Lozinski, but 
were decisively stopped right Aviram. But in spite of 
everything, provocation did not stop.


   There were denunciations that in
Tower (formerly known as DB), the new Government in full force 
all day playing in the 5 th DOOM. But Check'a Commission found 
that a blatant lie - the government

played in the 12 th Beholder.

   One of the leaders yuzersky League had taken refuge in the 
building of Apple, let the joke about the fact that the 
promised everyone free computer programmer - a computer without 
the fees. In response to this Chairman of the Supreme hacker

Council asked to ban Russian language, as not giving
parsed and the correct translation, but it's a bold decision 
has been blocked that part of the SEC, which has experienced

English.

   Meanwhile, in most of the CPSU (II)
overdue new split. Faction of radical systems people, whose 
position greatly strengthened after the suppression of the 
rebellion applied scientists who launched a campaign to ban

Windows and remove the white band
with the flag.

   But the split has not had time to go deep, because at this 
time country ended beer.


   Simultaneously with this trouble
happened and Other Disasters:
Crushed tax nick were throwing computers and read the accounts. 
The cache was full. Regime on the brink collapse. Hacker 
Supreme Council sat up all night, and then

expelled the representatives of
The Apple and proclaimed NEP -
New Ergonomic programming. What is it, no one
know, but sounded nice.

   At this time the famous foreign writer has visited Moscow 
viruses (still not renamed), and has been impressed by all 
seen, wrote a new virus. Thanks

a wide range of new teams
CPU Decium, it is appropriate
its only 10 bytes. Virus stirred up the world community,
For now samovozniknovenie viruses as a result of random
failures become the impossible
just unlikely. Ideologues
WCP (Q) saw it as a broad
perspective: the time will come
when programs are written
themselves, but programmers will just play DOOM and
Beholder, drink beer and sleep.

   In Minitauere (formerly known as the Kremlin)
passed sezd programmer youth, which the chairman
Supreme Council of the hacker said the historic phrase: "The 
current generation of programmers will live!" 


           *


       SHOP on the couch


   The store on the couch today we will explain to girls why
the best option for them -
programmer.


       LOT 1. PROGRAMMER.

   WHY IS YOUR CHOICE - BEST.


   Dear girls and women, you
decided to marry a programmer? You made the right choice, 
indicating the presence of your sharp intellect and subtle 
taste. Let us try to substantiate this clear idea on several

examples.

1. Programmer combines the best features of a person with Down 
syndrome and sea captains. Every evening (for except evenings 
when he Intelligently to communicate with other programmers), 
he is home for computer, but at the same time

thoughts so far.

2. If he came home at the
While you're communicating with their
(Or someone else's) lover, suffice it to say: "Honey, this is my
colleague. He does not understand
computers. "The only inconvenience you have experienced,
is that the lover will offer
next time you meet him.

3. If you suddenly want to smoke or drink, he will not
You deny this, as he
he does it constantly.

4. It will never irritate you that when you are tired, cooking 
dinner, he is on the couch, staring at the newspaper

or TV. Programmer knows
its place is better than any trained dogs. It - the computer.

5. You will never have to wonder what to give him
holiday. In any event, he
would be insanely happy simple box of diskettes of his beloved 
company. 

6. You do not have to suffer for
evenings, from what to cook
him for dinner. Programmers are omnivorous.


   HOW TO MAKE YOUR DREAM


   If your elected representative stand
all your checks on the usefulness of (some of the checks
below), we get
it will be easy. But we dare to give you some advice.

1. Arriving to visit him, ask him to show you their archive. If 
he has less than 128 floppy disks, it is still too young to 
marriage. If the disk has more 512, then it is either married 
or have already Divorced (applies to

exponentially. Owner of 1024 disks can be
divorced twice, and the owner of 2048
- Thrice). If he will show you
a streamer (a device
is), then, in principle, it
You can hunt, but be aware that
it - major. Well, if he will
mumble that he devoured the archive
viruses, gophers or moles, or
say that his archive at work, CAREFULLY read the following 
items chap. 

2. Find out when the mail-time at
his favorite bibieskah. Then you
will not suffer from the fact that
he did not call time. You will always know when he you
call (usually - in the fifth hour
am).

3. The night before the wedding unplug his estate. Nothing
do not worry that if he
the wedding will be grim. Main -
He will be at the wedding.


4. Try to spend their honeymoon in a place where there is no 
power. And then try not be sad all the life, remembering that 
month. 


    HOW TO DISTINGUISH Fakes


   In recent years, Chinese
underground pirate companies produce a lot of imitations of our
products. Some of these
fakes are not even visible
external defects and have a normal shape of the eyes and quite
system of red, as
nose. Without revealing all the secrets of our company, we 
describe several tests to distinguish our product from the 
fake. 

1. Girls without complexes may
take a test for rejection of the most serious counterfeiting. 
Ask the person who claims that he programmer to show you your 
pisyuk. If he shows you something different from the PC, can 
give slaps him and drive him out.


2. Being alone with a verifiable
Say the phrase: "Mother dear!" or "Native Mom!". This 
programmer immediately say: "Where?" .. " and begin to look 
around in search fees.


3. Invite your elected representative
somewhere where there is a computer
and put it next to a computer
floppy disk. If the disk will not appear immediately in the 
drive in your pocket or your partner, or if He did not even ask 
what this diskette, it is a fake.


4. In the worst possible moment
ask him a question like: "Yesterday, while Hai floppy - good or 
bad?" or "Honey, what would you do if you

given by Frech?. "This
programmer to answer such
questions in any state.

5. If the answer to your phrase:
"Honey, I want you to remember me for life!" he
drags you do not have a bed, and the scanner - it is a real 
programmer. 

6. Somehow, being alone with him, ask him somewhere
scribble the word of three letters -
Int. If he wrote INT - it
systems analyst, if you write int -
an applied. And if you ask:
"Do you have those initials?" -
chase away.


   INSTRUCTIONS


   Recent study from researchers found that the programmers - 
the creative nature, so they are tender, thin-skinned, and 
treat them to a large caution. Otherwise, you can spoil our 
product, or be battered itself, or may be dissolution of the 
Union (family and not republics).


1. Never put your interests ahead of his interests. If
Do you want a mink coat, and he
collected the money to buy
expensive peripherals that are not scandals - he will not 
succumb. It is better to say: "My dear, let me buy a coat, and 
then I I wear this coat, and you do

I've had a wonderful SIFCO!

2. Census programmer show Dendy, but the hands do not let us. 
Now he has become better but do not let him break

Dendy - it still is useful in
next time.

3. Try to learn it
language. For example, in programming the phrase: "Are you for 
ohrenel my computer? How long can you wait in bed? "Sounds 
like:" What are you on break not react? I have now

IRQ0 bed the whole system will hang! "

4. If it works, try not to include both in
one outlet iron, electric kettle, electric crimper, TV, washing 
machine etc.. The programmer who did not keep their

program is terrible!