Let's get drunk - army insanity (part 1).

ARMY INSANE             
                                          
            Copyleft M.M.A'96             
                                          
Hello my little warrant officers and
majors!  Today I want to teach you a lesson
communication with subordinates under your supervision
santas, privates and other military students
departments. In addition to the usual vocabulary of Russian-
language, obscene and unprintable expressions
ny, every officer is entitled
use special techniques in the communication process
lexical units - "Army Insanity"!
                                          
For the first time, collecting and printing "Army
Marasmov" (hereinafter referred to as AM) was taken up by students of the
kind N-sk, who at that distant time had
stupid to the most modern system to this day
ES COMPUTER. As we infiltrate our ranks,
hard technology under an incomprehensible abbreviation
IBM, text files, files and merged files
were formed into a single stream and constantly supplemented
being reprinted and reprinted, they went via electronic
networks of our country. Due to the emergency
fragmentation, and partly repetition
the power of the information contained in these files
tion, commander of the training platoon of the SK53-54 in-
Department of the Volga Region Institute of Information
Mathematics of Radio Engineering and Communications - M.M.A, pro-
produced a global work on generalization and completion
completing this information.  Currently
time you read the first, most complete set
AM, which includes 370 expressions and high
utterances that are immediately ready for
use in training and combat units
Armed Forces of the Russian Federation.                       
                                          
The structure of the text requires some explanation
opinions and comments. All text is divided
into three main fields: serial number
calculus, and the text itself. Order-
The code number is written in hexadecimal
form, which excludes its use
national enemy. The text is filled with Russians
letters using the signs: , - ". 
                                          
                                          
BRIEF WARRANT OFFICER'S TRANSLATION NOTE  
     NUMBERS AND3 10- in HEX SYSTEM     
                                          
                                          
1) Enable household (not to be confused with on-board
network - there is only 24 volts!) electrical
networkby screwing in the plugs.     
                                          
2) Plug in a household calculator
"ELECTRONICS 001 SP" (SP - senior warrant officer)
box) into the power outlet.               
                                          
3) Remove the battery from the battery compartment
burnt batteries.                  
                                          
4) Turn on the calculator with the ON toggle switch. and
wait for the capital Russian letter to appear
"Oh".                                      
                                          
5) Cross out the first four points.      
                                          
6) Remember which number should be translated
into the hexadecimal system and write it on bur-
mazhke.  The number must not exceed 65535,
otherwise the calculator's capacity won't allow it
translate it and have to use it
abacus.                                  
                                          
7) Divide the original number by 4096.       
                                          
8) Write down the whole part of the answer on paper
ge.  (The integer part is those numbers on
calculator displays, which are located next
wa to the decimal point).                     
                                          
9) We subtract the whole part from the original number
response, multiplied by 4096.               
                                          
10) The answer of the previous operation is divided by 256
and write down the whole part on paper. (like
define the whole part, described in paragraph
number 8)                                  
                                          
11)  Subtract a whole number from the answer in point 9
part of point 10 multiplied by 256.       
                                          
12) Divide the resulting number by 16, and write-
we write the whole part on paper. (how to find, where
find the whole part, described in paragraph 10).13)  If in paragraph 12, except for the whole part
there is also a fractional part (numbers after the sign-
ka comma and to the right edge of the screen cal-
ulator), this means that the calculation method
an error has crept in and needs to be repeated
all calculations from point 1.                
                                          
                                          
14)  If after step 12 the remainder is not detected
ruzhen, then all the numbers written on
paper, encode in a special way:     
                                          
                                          
                                          
original digit: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
                                          
encoded digit:  0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
                                          
original number:  10 11 12 13 14 15  
                                          
encoded digit:  A B C D EF  
                                          
                                          
Encoding is required in order to
confuse a potential enemy and disorientate
improve his coordination of movements.          
                                          
                                          
15)  If reverse translation is necessary
numbers repeat all steps from 14 to 1 in rotation
in reverse order (the number of the next step is
is calculated from the number of the previous one by calculating
reading unit).                         
                                          
                                          
Well, now that you are familiar with the rules
lami and text organization system, you can
start reading, or better yet take notes immediately
learn by heart.                            
                                          
 Good luck and see you again, my little ones
warrant officers and majors!                      
                                          
   M.M.A ? SPEED CO.'96 
#0000 This is not the place for you - here you will quickly
 get out of the habit of drinking vodka and
 to break.                     
                                          
#0001 Darkness comes at the command "END"
 time of day.                        
                                          
#0002 I don't do my work for you     
                                I'm going!
                                          
                                          
#0003 You need to put a barrier here or
 an intelligent major.             
                                          
           
                   
                   
                   
                   
                   
                   
                   
                   
                   
                                          
#0004 Товарищи студенты,прибывшие на воен-
      ную  кафедру, поставьте дипломаты на
      пол, а у кого не стоит,зажмите между
      ног.                                
                                          
#0005 Дозорная машина высылается вперёд на
      расстояние зрительной памяти.       
                                          
#0006   Signal   for attack - three green
 whistle.                            
                                          
#0007 Dig a trench from me until lunchtime.    
                                          
#0008 Tanks advance in small groups
 two or three people.                
                                          
#0009 Our business is not worth a damn
 worth it.                              
                                          
#000A It’s like in war - the commander was killed
 ra, I took another machine gun.           
                                          
#000B You live like pigs in a den.      
                                          
#000C Sergeant!  Your orderly doesn’t have a haircut
 wives, hanging on the ears.                 
                                          
#000D Short dashes from me to
 the next oak tree.                   
                                          
#000E If you don't like these fees,
 we will arrange more others for you.           
                                          
#000F  The battalion commander does not walk,
 he takes with him a GAZ-66 or a deputy
 ha.                                 
                                          
#0010  You lead a life like a marmot, comrades
 cadets!                           
                                          
#0011Boots should be cleaned in the evening and in the morning
 put on a fresh head.          
                                          
#0012  Are you a cadet or where, are you in the ranks or
 who?                               
                                          
#0013 Now I'll figure it out properly and
 I'll show just anyone.                   
                                          
#0014  After the shooting is completed, combat and
 training cartridges must be
 returned to its original state.            
                                          
#0015 Welded to the bottom of the device      
                                hole.
                                          
#0016  Reportabout the presence of people! Who doesn't
 that's it, we'll punish him.                  
                                          
#0017  Either you stop smoking or one
 of the two.                            
                                          
#0018  When a cadet is called, he must
 stand up and blush.              
                                          
#0019  Each cadet must be either
 rewarded or punished.                
                                          
#001A  In the next lesson there will be some
 increasing the content of the scope of work.
                                          
#001B  Why are you swearing like a mother?
 lazy children.                      
                                          
#001C Look at me! Where am I normal?
 and where and merciless.                
                ,                         
#001D How do you build! Run one by one
 nom.                               
                                          
#001E  You can’t break everything, you have to do something
 sit.                             
                                          
#001F  The value of the sine in wartime can be
 can reach four.              
                                          
            
                        
#0020 What form are you in, comrade cadet?
 The whole major is standing in front of you.       
                                          
#0021 You hope that you will pass the exam
 will they give it a three? They will deliver, but you won't
 It won't be any easier.               
                                          
#0022  Be silent! Or I'll be atrocious now -
 come on!                               
                                          
#0023  Hey you three, come to me, I'll
 I'm telling you!                          
                                          
#0024 What are you, comrade cadet, so un-
 Did you draw an even square? What are you,
 colorblind?                          
                                          
#0025 What kind of toenails did you grow?
 Like an eagle, even climb trees.
                                          
#0026 Build all missing ones into one
 line!                            
                                          
#0027 A soldier has a head to think, but
 brains - to think.           
                                          
#0028 Coniferous forest burns better than forested
 ty.                                
                                          
#0029 And don’t make a smart face, don’t forget-
 those that you are a future officer.          
                                          
#002A This is not England - you have to dig deep
 same.                                 
                                          
#002B What kind of pig passed here - a cow,
 what?                             
                                          
#002C  Take the regulations and rewrite everything
 by heart.                           
                                          
#002D The "ALLE" command is executed by running.  
                                          
#002E If you fornicate, I'll fire a rocket.
                                          
#002F Close your mouth - you can see your panties.        
                                          
#0030 Well, how is it going, how is it going!             
      Some kind of cow! A pig, probably.  
                                          
#0031  All your troubles come from the fact that
 The top button is undone.       
                                          
#0032  I have had a child since childhood
 has appeared.                           
                                          
#0033 The more numbers, the more you don’t need.
                                          
#0034 This is fraught with side effects for you.             
                                          
#0035 Don't wait too long.    
                                          
#0036  Platoon! Backs to each other in chess
 stand in diagonal order! 
                                          
#0037 How do you walk? The blow must be one
 modern under the cut of a friend's boot
                                          
#0038  Company! Go to the bathhouse to clean up!
                                          
#0039 The steering controls
 company to the right, left and in other directions
 rons.                               
                                          
#003A  In the army everything is monotonous, everything is washed out
 washed, painted and sifted with sand.  
                                          
#003B Put the machine gun on your knee with your left hand
 ki.                                 
                                          
#003C Why do you sleep standing while walking? #003D Here you will find it.              
                                          
#003E  Does your throat hurt? Learn the rules - to get sick
 will not.                           
                                          
#003F  There are seven slobs in the company, and you are hair
 You wear it in your parting.                   
                                          
#0040  The combat sheet must be combat
 a leaf, because this is a combat leaf.
                                          
#0041  The platoon reached the edge of the trees.    
                                          
#0042 The beginning is half the battle,                  
                   end - everything is over!  
                                          
#0043  Then one comedian came up and asked,
 can this be replaced with that, I tell him
 he said no.  First there, then
 here.                              
                                          
#0044  The radio station must be in
 head of the column leader.          
                                          
#0045  We perform in the evening at dawn.     
                                          
#0046 Comrade cadet, if you want
 to say something, it’s better to say something
 read.                               
                                          
#0047 Comrade cadet, if you are a moron, then
 say so, and there’s nothinggun lo-
 mother.                               
                                          
#0048 Be quiet, I ask you!          
                                          
#0049  First people will pass, and then we will go
 we.                                 
                                          
#004A  Why are you coming to me with such
 hands, with such legs!            
                                          
#004B So that I have no personnel in
 I didn’t see the barracks!                   
                                          
#004C Cadet, take your hands out of your mouth!      
                                          
#004D  It would take you to an open field,
 face the wall and shoot a bullet at
 forehead to be remembered for a lifetime!  
                                          
#004E Landmark: pine with birch top
 koi is a lonely tree in the forest.       
                                          
                                          
                                          
#004F I don't know how it should be, but you
 you're doing it wrong!                
                                          
#0050  A nuclear bomb always hits
 epicenter.                           
                                          
#0051  Stay there, listen here!             
                                          
#0052  A bush is a bunch of plants that grow
melting from one point.              
                                          
#0053  Comrade cadet!  You become like
 the African bird ostrich, which
 the gene does not see the altitude of its flight
 ral party line.               
                                          
#0054 The radio is on an armored personnel carrier, not on
 semiconductors.                    
                                          
#0055 Top secret  documents before
 burn by reading!                   
                                          
#0056  Comrade student, why did you come
 to the military department classes in pants
 armies of the most expected pro-
 tivnik?                           
                                          
#0057 My friend and I used to walk through mines
 field, then he is in front, then I am behind.    
                                          
#0058 Give a crystal dick to such a cadet,
 so he will break it too.              
                                          
#0059  If you are a fool and in your head, how
 in the old  [......] toilet, nothing
 does not linger, then get yourself
 a notebook, or better yet two, like you have
 me.                               
                                          
#005A  At the institute you cango to at least
 bras, but in front of the military department
 you must remove them.             
                                          
                                          
#005B  Our task is to make you, young
 breath and inexperienced female students,
 skillful and knowledgeable women
 signalman.  I'll do this first
 me, and then all the other officers
 shay department.                        
                                          
#005C  You may not shine with your mind, but your boots
 God must shine!                
                                          
#005D  A tank is a strong anti-tank
 means.                           
                                
#005E  Эллипс - это  круг,      
      вписанный  в квадрат      
      со сторонами 3 на 4.      
                                
                                
                                          
#005F  Что вы молчите, как рыба об лёд?   
                                          
                                          
#0060  Вам  здесь  тут или что ? Вам здесь
      как  или  где  ? И не делайте умного
      лица, ведь вы же будущий офицер!    
                                          
#0061Left big toe.          
                                          
#0062  After the war, Germany was calculated
 rotated into three equal halves.   
                                          
#0063  You dig around like a pig in oranges,
 you don’t know where the edge is and where the end is!  
                                          
#0064 And laboratory work begins
 games: one looks at the oscilloscope, and
 the other side scratches.                  
                                          
#0065 You have Stone Age humor: it’s gone,
 stepped, fell, broke, and he
 stands and holds his stomach!         
                                          
#0066 A wheel - it is a wheel, and there is nothing
 twist it!                       
                                          
#0067 They saw me - and came back?! Be able to
 maybe you'd better put a scarecrow?!  
                                          
#0068 Every fold on a soldier's blanket
  - this is a loophole for the world's spies
 imperialism!                      
                                          
#0069 After meningitis they either die or
 become fools. My brother died
 I was lucky.                      
                                          
#006A Why are you so small, you don’t shave again
 lis !#006B  Fight is the only means
 achieving victory in battle.            
                                          
#006C  Take a rake and mark!          
                                          
                                          
                                          
#006D  The fence fell for two days, and it still does
 it's worth it.                        
                                          
#006E  Boiling point of water in the tank -
 90 degrees. No, 90 degrees is
 right angle.                        
                                          
#006F Tank mass - M tons. No, these are
 lights are heavy, better K.#0070 You have to get things done.                 
                                          
                                          
#0071  A billion is a huge amount, like
 one hundred million.                      
                                          
#0072 Your responsibilities in the operational department
 preciseness  is  in a clear and
 quickly maneuvering between buckets
 with water, electric kettle and
 officer.                           
                                          
#0073 What interests you more: what I
 I say, or a dead pigeon, which
 flies over the dining room?!              
                                          
#0074 At the command "Equal!" the kettle turns
 turns to the right.                  
                                          
#0075 Do not point weapons at people, even
 if it is charged.                  
                                          
#0076  Girls who do not know how to salute,
 two steps forward!                    
                                          
#0077 Don't shake your face!           
                                          
#0078 Are you limping?! Give birth, or something?
 are you ready?!                         
                                          
#0079 Hearing the barking of a guard dog,
howl duplicates his voice.          
                                          
                                          
#007A  Everyone in the trenches, the rest follow me!   
                                          
#007B  Don't spit in the well, it will fly out - you won't understand -
 you're waving!                             
                                          
#007C  Who am I telling you!                 
                                          
#007D Now you are wearing plaid shirts, and
 when the time comes, change them to protective
 the color of the cap.                   
                                          
#007E  A goose is not a hindrance to a pig.             
                                          
#007F I said ferret - that means ferret and nothing
 what gophers!                    
                                          
#0080 The cadet's face should express grief
 and thoughtfulness.                     
                                          
#0081  What are you writing, comrade soldier? you
 what, smart or what?!               
                                          
#0082  Don't spit in the well until you jump over-
 no.                               
                                          
#0083 When I was a cadet and wanted to
 Well, I got up half an hour after
 lights out, took the book and went with it to the room
 years!                                
                                          
#0084 - Comrade cadets, what are your last names?
                                          
       - Ivanov, Petrov, Sidorov!        
                                          
       - What are you, brothers?                 
                                          
       - No, namesakes.               
                                          
#0085  Mines are tank and anti-tank
 kovye.                              
                                          
#0086 Strategy is the desire for how
 probable anti-
 nickname.                                
                                          
#0087 Now you are looking out of the audio window
 torii, and the time will come, and you will look out
 those through the window of the tank entrusted to you.     
                                          
#0088 That's where the dog rummaged!           
                                          
#0089 What fell from the cart, you can’t knock it out
 with an axe.                            
                                          
#008A Why do you have rats and
 other insects?                   
                                          
#008B Sighting  machine gun Kalashnikov
 produced according to the target, representing
 black plywood square
 paper measuring 20 by 30 centimeters
                                          
#008C Let us inscribe the ellipse into a square and draw
 tangent at an angle of 45 degrees to
 diameter. Why are you laughing?! This method
 wild has been used in the States for a long time!
                                          
                                          
#008D Our department purchased a computer. Now
 up to 500 officers of the department are planned
 thousands of strategic operations in the
 kundu.                              
                                          
#008E Comrade students, do not be afraid of work
 with radiation sources.  This
 quite safe. For example, not-
 which sailor officers constantly
 3-4 years on nuclear submarines
 they are sitting andat this time their wives give birth
 perfectly healthy children!         
                                          
#008F Comrade cadets! When found
 flashes of a nuclear explosion are the most important
 new - this is to turn your back to him,
 so that the steel from the bayonet does not drip onto
 reproductive or government bodies
 boots.                             
                                          
#0090  If a person sings, he is either drunk or
 either an idiot or a drunken idiot!  
                                          
#0091 One day I went into the nightstand. -
 I look,  there are slippers there
 standing knee-deep in mud
 zi. Well, I think these are the...
 my kidneys are in tomorrow
 the outfit will go! I go to
 another - naked woman
 hanging!  Well then I
 he tore it off and threw it into the toilet
 threw - who doesn’t believe,
 maybe go have a look
 and wash it off!              
                       
                       
#0092 Why are there people in the storeroom and no one   
                                      no?
                                          
                                          
#0093 Order, what's that stench in the barracks?!
                                          
   - Comrade Colonel, you didn’t stink!
                                          
#0094 In the army everything is parallel and perpendicular
 cular.                            
                                          
#0095 My last name is Colonel KORKIN!   
                                          
#0096  And from 17 o'clock we will clear the snow
 communists.                       
                                          
#0097  Don't make me deprive you of yours
 father's future children!                 
                                          
#0098  We crawl in a zigzag to this height.    
                                          
- Not a zigzag, but a zigzag, comrade major!
                                          
- As I say, you will crawl!!         
                                          
                                          
#0099  The major does not run, because in peacetime
 time the running major causes laughter, and
 in the military - panic.                 
                                          
#009A I was late for work - stood in the tram-
 yeah, like on fried nails.        
                                          
#009B What?! Where have you been? In the toilet? you
 I wish we could go to the theater!            
                                          
#009C  Orderly! Why in your hallway
 boots dangling?!                 
                                          
#009D  So, I give you a "three". I won't allow it
 terrorize yourself!              
                                          
#009E  At your age I was wearing boots
 I erased my legs to my ass!               
                                          
#009F  They don't make fools in the army, that's why I
 and here!                           

                                          
#00A0  Comrade cadet! What's your last name?
 Polovinkin? That's when you'll be whole,
 then submit a report.     
                                          
#00A1  This device remains operational
 ability at temperatures up to -500
 degrees Celsius.                
                                          
     - Comrade major, but absolute zero
 this is -273 degrees!                
                                          
     - We inform you of the newest, sec-
 more details!                  
                                          
#00A2  What difference does it make to me?    
                                          
#00A3 Close your tongue, comrade cadet!
                                          
#00A4If you're on layoff, don't get to know each other
 with strangers.               
                                          
#00A5  If you are a slob, write this  
      on my forehead, I'll read it, and that's all for me    
      it will become clear immediately.                  
                                          
#00A6 The car jumped and crushed the soldier.
                                          
#00A7 A new bullet was invented in the States - without
 sleeves, now they are inventing auto-
 tomato.                              
                                          
#00A8  No matter how you violate discipline, but
 the matter should not suffer from this.   
                                          
#00A9 It is necessary to eliminate everyone, not
 registered with the Komsomol.     
                                          
#OOAA In a week, identify the best
 gandists.                          
                                          
#OOAB These problems, unfortunately, cannot be solved
 there are some problems, but in general they can be solved. 
                                          
                                          
#OOAC  There are no more people willing to speak, so
 then you will have to resort to force.    
                                          
#OOAD  I'm telling you in the most Russian language!
                                          
#OOAE  You don’t need to wash the floors every day, but although
 you need it every day!               
                                          
#OOAF Hey, you're late! Will you accept
 food through the anus.           
                                          
#00B0  Now you are swearing, and then
 with these hands you will eat bread.      
                                          
#00B1 Yes, I'm principled, but I'm not a moron. 
                                          
#00B2 There are two opinions on this issue -
 niations: one is wrong, the other is mine. 
                                          
#00B3  Whoever quits smoking puts off smoking
 it's the end, whoever smokes ends up with cancer.   
                                          
#00B4 The gun fires first in a parabola,
and then by inertia.                 
                                          
#00B5 Only exemplary
 new bedside tables.                       
                                          
#00B6 Collection at 10 o'clock.  Who has a watch? 
 electronic - in 1000.              
                                          
#00B7 How does this headache hurt? This is the same one
 bone, it can’t hurt!        
                                          
#00B8  Are your boots too tight? There are no narrow boots
 there are wrong legs!          
                                          
#00B9 You are as useful as
 glass hammer! #OOBA What to write on the cover of a political book
 notebooks?  Come up with some
 quote Lenin and write !          
                                          
#OOBB It’s not my bald spot, it’s just about
 The borer is so wide!                  
                                          
#OOBC Don't insult me! I was os-
 korbleli  highly qualified
 specialists!                      
                                          
#OOBD You think that since I am a lieutenant colonel,
 then I don’t understand anything? Me too, between
 otherwise, I studied at school! #OOBE Cadet! Strengthen your moral and political
 technical readiness for the future
 camp term!                   
                                          
#OOBF Who are you sleeping with?