Room with laughter - The second nasshestvie Martians.

<b>Room with laughter</b> - The second nasshestvie Martians.
Evgeny Nesterenko (Jam), 1997________________________________ 
Just want to warn you, dear readers, that dannoeproizvedenie is 
neither described saniem or computer novelloypo series of 
similar games. The fact that you can read here about what I 
call "antinovelloy. Pochemutak? It's very simple. 
Posledneevremya (it all started with a computer-GOVERNMENTAL 
magazines) became very modnopechatat "computer novel." They 
were even isolated in a "singular-Of special genre." But, 
unfortunately, any-sumers exercise in napisa-Research Institute 
of novellas, "divorced" takmnogo that most of these self-Mykh 
stories of other senses, kromekak nausea, readers no longer 
cause (with rare exceptions). However, whatever the case, and 
judge the right to write novels not for me, so that the purpose 
of my "lyrical digression" is not unleash angry rebukes to let 
himself go "novelists" and simply warn

you that this creation of novels
does not apply, and is something
like parody, novelty vice versa. " So read it, but not
perceive all too seriously, because this whole "antinovella" - 
a big "joke" ... 



    Second Invasion MARSIYAN

 all players in the UFO, UFO-2, UFO-3

      etc. Dedicated ...


          Part One

 Sultry stinking summer 2017
years, slowly but steadily moving toward its minimum ugly 
logical conclusion - obuglevaemoy through countless

ozone hole hard ultraviolet autumn. Expired last
days of such long and at the same time, these short summer 
vacation and leave, being replaced by banal

working days.
 From early morning schoolboy Vasechkin
was in deep depression.
Extraordinarily exciting, with a touch of eroticism Vasechkina 
sleep was interrupted by the angry roar of the damned alarm 
clock and boring Babkin voice: "It's time to really get up, 
Petrusha be in school then idtit! prolonged groan and turn the 
alarm off, Vasechkin tried to revive the clouded Memory fading 
image of a seductive mulatto with chocolate or just to be brown 
leather, but instead, before my eyes

surfaced distorted face istorichki,
Recalling the unlearned topic. In
terrible agony Vasechkin got out of bed and hobbled to the 
bathroom. Course hot there was no water, and when he soaped

swollen face have disappeared and the cold.
More - more. Tea has cooled, and
entire omelet gobbled younger brother,
who had a huge prostotaki pathological appetite.
When Vasechkin that has full
righteous indignation, slapped this monster cuff,
monster yelled heart-rending voice,
Encouraging parents. After hearing from
Ancestral morning portion of morality and
having called the younger brother of Judas
symptoms of bulimia and infamous
provocateur Vasechkin went
the local camp of a particularly strict regime, or more simply 
- in school. Of course, a lesson he

late, received a verbal reprimand
for systematic carelessness, and a diary - complimentary
inscription for the parents. Finally,
came the turn of a history lesson. As
no hiding behind Vasechkin
Petrova, and called him the same. He
tried to otmazatsya:
- Masha, why will always keep
so unfair? When all you learn, never cause it is worth
once forgotten (for good reason!) so right away -
to the board!
- Firstly, Vasechkin, not one
times, and constantly. And secondly, remember, once and for 
all: the most important art teacher is to ask the wrong, Who 
knows, but who knows. Now go to the blackboard and tell

us about the Great Liberation
war, one thousand nine hundred and ninety
Seventh-dash, ninety-ninth
years.
Now, finally Vasechkin
understand that the day is hopelessly corrupt and melancholy 
took possession of his young heart. He tried hard to remember 
what there for such a war, and yes even the Great Liberation.

- We expect Vasechkin - strained
istorichka, carnivorous grin.
Here Vasechkin finally heard
Petrova passionate whisper: "It is with
marsiantsami that ... "and the like
as a something to remember.
- The Great War of
the world's people against the alien aggressors, marsiantsev 
began in 1997 and ended in 1999, when we conquered them. I still

in a game played - he added,
trying as much as possible to stretch the volume of response.
- And that's all you can to us
tell about it? -
shook her head reproachfully
Masha. - Why have not you learned?
The saving idea suddenly flashed into my head Vasechkina 
devastated. - I, the mean ...- he muttered. - Well, my brother 
from prison returned yesterday, so we celebrated.

I wanted to teach lessons, and he says, come on, they say. And 
if, say, in school teachers who are out to molest

with the lessons will tell me ...
- Are you Vasechkin, intimidate me? Sit down, four and a minus. 
A Now, children, listen to how to

reply to this topic in the exam tickets. So Great
Liberation war residents
Communist Planet Earth
against fascist aggressors with capitalist Mars
began on 12 November, when they
mean, without the announcement of the war, began their bloody 
invasion on neobyatnye expanse of our great country being 
deceived by our national heritage, grown calloused peasant

hands on the legacy of Lenin. Bloodthirsty invaders had hoped 
to catch us by surprise, enslave, turned into a silent slaves, 
and Earth has become a hotbed of

capitalist contagion, using non-human technology -
offspring of vice and perversion
drugs and sex Martian mind. They tried to destroy our 
ideological foundations and high morality, which

Soviet man, sucks to
mother's milk, throwing over
towns and villages of their pernicious breath desecrated money, 
bubble gum and pornographic magazines.  At this point Vasechkin 
started and began to listen carefully.

- But all the enemies of developed socialism - continued Mary
Ivanovna, - all their nefarious plans
suffered the most decisive and
outright defeat, which
even in the distant past, the communist clean-predicted the 
great founder of communism - Marx, Lenin Engelsovich. He Even 
then, in his collected works stodvadtsatitomnom "Kama Sutra, 
its roots, the origins and Capital pointed out the various 
postures, the machinations of capitalism and grimaces with

Human face. Mean and
insidious enemy felt the whole
by unrestrained head of our
valiant army, led by the wise leadership represented by the 
permanent secretary general and the great leader of all time - 
fellow Vladlena Brezhnevicha Rabinovich. Its light mind and 
heroic courage forever will serve all the descendants of 
example in the struggle against imperialism, abstract art, 
leyborizmom, fetishism and other masturbate. By extreme effort 
to our heroic people had

rebut this alien
Fascism with hairy arms and
other no less ugly
Martian decaying body parts. Soviet peasant
extended working his calloused hand to, smelling of manure, 
fresh milk and treacle moonshine. Pupils

shoulder to shoulder steel for machine tools,
inscribe indelibly
on the equipment, "Death to the German-Martian invaders!" and 
even Our infantile to impotence

intellectuals took an active
participate in the development of new socialist slogans, 
branding stigma disgusting

Martian invaders. Top
slogans were awarded the Red Banner glass transition and
personal kiss-General
Secretary. But in spite of the 
convulsive-ekzistentsialisticheskie violent attempts of the 
proletariat end unbelted outcasts humanoid community, their 
antisocial weapons (Causing the dark depths of Martian 
hypothalamus excited excessive exercise in masturbation and 
anger management) to continue close to the bloody battles of 
our gallant troops. Leaving the base at the base city for

City and Alaska for America, they
slowly retreated, with concomitant loss of
the enemy. And never would
you, the children could not see the light shimmering in the 
distance horizon the future, if not achieve

genius of Soviet medicine,
made the impossible ...
 Thirty years and three years languishing
He is on the hard hospital bed in
godforsaken psycho-sexually transmitted infection House holiday 
bdya waiting for a miracle, because all these years courageous 
doctors who unsuccessfully struggling with progressive

chronically-congenital pseudo-retikuloparkinsonizmom, time to
just make more and more
inconsolable data in the documents below.


    EXCERPT FROM THE HISTORY OF DISEASE
 PATIENT'S PSYCHO-STI
 MUD clinic on the mineral waters GOVERNMENTAL NOVOURYUPINSKOGO 
Rayo ON RANCH LOHOVENKI "Mushroom"  Doe Ilya Ogloedovicha


Diagnosis: chronic-progressive congenital 
pseudo-retikuloparkinsonizm against the general 
entsefalofallosizma with elements daunizma acute, complicated

purulent placental enuresis.

Symptoms: the patient has an exaggerated mouth opening, Kojima 
eat or drink as opportunities. A characteristic feature: when 
receiving food and water publishes inarticulate sounds.

Because of the presence of excessive worm clusters of crural 
arch excretion hampered to some weeks. He walks with 
difficulty, but only for themselves. In this case, on the face 
of the patient attentive observer can detect a grimace joyful, 
downright joy of children. Adequately respond to everything 
that moves, especially on unfamiliar living objects - 
trampling. (Note the KGB: it can be use as a secret weapon

in the fight against antisocial elementami.Vzyat alien 
registration. Absentia rank of senior

Ensign.) Possesses a manic addiction to various types of 
firearms. Seen pathologically increased mobility of his right 
thumb and overdeveloped reaction. (Note

Consultant Air Force: subject-may
be successfully used for
driving a supersonic fighter with computer control personnel 
involved on the joystick. Absentia awarded letchikanavigatora 
Air Force.) Patient exhibits obvious signs of rabies. (Note 
adviser Navy: unfortunately, can not be used in the Navy. In 
absentia rank of boatswain 1 Rank is not assigned.)


OUTLOOK: the further development
disease is assumed moral
expansion card, complete marasmic amnesia, warty
sclerosis, and tropical yohimbe.

Treatment: Clinical
klizmovanie and douching with potassium cyanide, acid, software
coding, lemon-pepper
mustard, TNT with xylitol,
carbide and urea tamponopodguzniki with a unique layer
"Bambi-drive." The result - a partial improvement in test of 
morning urine and stool evening. Recommended to perform an 
emergency, alternative therapies (current therapy, chiropractic 
molototerapiya, anusny massage igloprikalyvanie, ochkovtiranie,

endogenous animation, etc.)

NOTE:, the following
curative interventions: endogenous
animation anusny massage
igloprikalyvanie. The result -
significant improvement
patient.

CONCLUSION: Based on data
obtained by inspection of the patient
and clinical analysis of medical
Commission considers it appropriate
discontinuation of treatment and offers
produce an extract Pupkin IO
for military service
in the armed forces of the motherland.

... So, a miracle happened! In one
day went to Ilya
one uncle in a white coat, thrown over his coat and tarpaulin
boots. Looking at the motionless
Elijah lying through poltorasantimetrovye lens glasses, he 
gently said:  - Get up and go!

 - Would be glad, dear, but I can not -
vzohnul Ilya.
 - Do not be afraid to Ilya, get up yeah
go-went a good uncle. Ilya
tighter, tighter, but it has made
only unpleasant surprise.
 - I can not, sadly he repeated.
 - Come on get up, your mother and
rastak! - Suddenly cried uncle, grabbing the collar Ilya 
hospital pajamas. - From the army kosish, asshole!

Right now you're gonna run with me!
He is very hoarse, stank treacly
brew, garlic and iodoform.
Muzzle he was red and swollen, his hands, twist Elias, finely
trembling. Ilya wanted to get scared,
but the bladder was already empty.
Then he shoved that drunken
medic, jumped out of bed and burst into inhuman insults.
 - Bigot you are dirty, a Jesuit!
May you no bottom, no tires!
Well you see, I'm miserable orphan,
not walk ...
Ilya looked at his feet and
stopped. Feet were dirty,
hairy and curves. But they stood, shivering slightly in the cold
tiled floor. At this time
Chamber entered a bearded doctor.
 - And what did I tell you! "Said
his assistant, wiping sopli.-Goni
bottle, greenhorn!
 - So there is not one - hemmed in
replied the doctor. - That in the ninth
ward and is the sixth.
 - As the sixth? Amazed-paramedic. He took off his spectacles, 
breathed on glasses, rubbed them, then put and

out of the chamber. Some time
He muttered something, looking at
chamber door, then spat on the
floor, rubbed his foot and shrugged.
 - So what? Went into the ninth, I and the feet up.
The bearded doctor agreed and
they went into the ninth, knocking down the hall with his 
boots. Soon there rang out: "Stand up and walk!" And Ilya

still continued to stand, intently looking at their newly born 
of course ...  Now, every schoolboy knows

the name of the perfect Soviet
hero, national hero, a liberator - Comrade Elijah, nicknamed 
"Steel Avenger. At its right fighter "vibrating"

it is less than a year, broken
vast hordes of alien monsters, erasing them, not only from the 
face Earth, but Mars. It is truly

an unprecedented feat, the only
the history of mankind ...". shrill ringing bell interrupted
drawn-out story. Masha licked his lips,
looked at the clock. "The lesson is finished, remove the 
diaries and write down homework ... "

 Ilya Ogloedovich Pupkin, the legendary Steel Avenger, and now
Chief of State of Neutralization
Imperialist off-planet
Education (GONIVO) thoughtfully
sitting at a central control panel submarine base alkanavtov 
and concentrated tinkering fork in the three-liter pot with

pickles. "Oh, you rascal!" He whispered, a lone cucumber, 
insidiously hiding in the murky brine. "Right now, I love you, 
individual farmer dispossessed and the damned dispose of it! 
"But arrogant individual farmer clearly does not want to 
raskulachivatsya or disposed of, deftly manipulated by a bank 
and escaping of the hairy hand of justice in

Doe's face. "Academician Sakharov
you for this praise is not "- Ilya sighed reproachfully, and 
threw plug. Minute or two he sat

blankly staring, and then
slammed his fist on the table and shouted: "Petrovich ... 
Petrovich, mother thine! "Rusty door creaking

opened slightly and a slit poked disheveled gray head.
 - Well, FAQ yelling for?
 - FAQ, FAQ ... You do not nukaysurovo reprimanded Doe's head, 
buttoning his vest. - I still your commander in chief. If only

saluting or something ...
Head something sluggish barked about arrogant and marazmatik
ready to leave.
 - Okay, wait. Gathered advisers?
 - A-ah, enti ... Come as well.
Sitting in the hallway, waiting.
 - Call of the meeting.
His head disappeared. Doe turned
a cigarette and lit it. Thought gradually cleared, but the head 
insistence vasodilator. Pupkin, frowning, scratch beneath the 
table, rattling the empty housewares, dejectedly sighed, pulled 
out pocket shorts trifle counted.

His face brightened. Then the door
again creaked and chief advisers included GONIVO.
Doe looked at their faces grim and motioned to sit down.
On the right hand sat the Vice
Chief GONIVO, bald
midget wearing sunglasses.
At one time he served at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant and
was a tall, curly hair and beautiful
sex symbol. But after the accident
it is strongly reduced, and bald
become impotent. Nobody knew
behalf of the dwarf (it was
military secret), so everybody called him simply - Potvora. Near
Potvoroy housed Executive Recruiter GONIVO - old
Marine jackal, Anchor Moiseevich
Smoked. He was sitting in a greasy
jacket over his naked body and fins.
Bushy whiskers bristled angrily at his blue-gray by the sun and
muzzle of vodka. At one time he
served as a boatswain on the underwater
boat, but was dismissed for negligence - has opened the window 
at work. Fifteen times, he nearly drowned, perished among the 
sharks, but he managed to deftly impersonate shark imperialism 
and join pack. And finally, to the left of Pupkin

broke two chairs Herbalife victim - a former real
Aryan, and now a permanent consultant GONIVO of rhetorical 
questions, and a correspondent member of the League sexual 
majority, the author of acclaimed book "EAT THIS SHIT", which 
translates as: "Herbalife - is not only mind, but also Honor, 
and conscience of our epoch! "He was too difficult to pronounce

name - Tsugunder, but friends
Under his name was simply. Russian
language he hardly knew
so to all the meetings concentrated on sleep, only occasionally
waking up to shout some nonsense and go back to sleep.
So he practiced his tolstyytolsty layer of chocolate, caramel 
and thick mountain of hazelnuts. Pupkin stood up, cleared his 
throat.  - We are gathered here on this

the basis for an important meeting. On
agenda of the three questions. Question
first: who swim for vodka. The second question: who 
systematically wetted by the toilet (subquery

A: Who is to blame; subquery BE: What
do? ). Question three: the neutralization of the second 
invasion of the Martian invaders. Let's start in order. What 
are the views of the first question?

Doe picked up the glass and impressively knocked them on the 
table. There Anchor Moiseevich silence laced flippers, put the 
money in swimming trunks and headed for the porthole.

 - No-ee-t! - Shouted in unison Pupkin and Potvora. Under woke 
up and supported them.  - Nein, Nein. Hitler Kaput

 - Joke - Anchor grinned. He
walked through the door and clumsily
zashlepal fins along the corridor.
 - Carried the-relieved
Pupkin, wiping his large drops of sweat. You would be so 
carried the thought Potvora, pulling out of his pants 
hopelessly corrupt diapers. Under snoring again. Pupkin

began with a vigorous sweep
table bread crumbs and dead cockroaches.
 - Listen, Ilja, - said he Potvora - do not you think that 
you're with his mania for purity smacks

an idiot?
 - Okay, I'll smack the other side - agreed Pupkin.
But the smack has been nothing.
 - Loans Serving the festive table - he decided.
 - And why the celebration? - Potvora surprised.
 - For me, the meeting always
holiday! - Proudly informed the chief, placing the cut-glass 
tumblers. Have laid thoughtfully stood in front of a 
refrigerator.  - Do you at least eat something

there? - Asked Potvora.
 - I think, I think, working on
this issue - said Doe,
twirling in the hands of the bank marinated
spinach. Finding, at last, expiration date, he curled his lips, 
but put the same jar on the table. Potvora eagerly moved to the 
bank.  - Ta-ah-to, that here we have?

 - Mammals, yayki? Under-awake.
 - E three hundred forty-two, five hundred BE
ninety-seven - read Potvora
on the bank - one hundred and one Mayor, two hundred pe
forty-two, ge ... But then I
already have will not - he was offended,
pushing the bank. - I know it
ge ... From his mouth bacterial virus balance is disturbed.
 - Have you its styrene with mustard gas -
advised Doe, wiping his plate.
 - With the mustard, you say? Hmm ... Well,
Okay, let's try. As if only
after that mustard is not dandruff
appeared ...
 - Yes you are bald!
 - That's the thing! When hair
many, dandruff, though not so clear
well just that - all as
palm.
 - Yes, do not kill you, so let me
you paste from the seaweed
open - invited Doe.
 - It's another matter.
The door flew open with a screech
and on the threshold appeared Anchor Moiseevich filled with a 
string bag.  - And we are already tired of waiting for you!

Potvora nimbly ran up, took
string bag and proceeded to extract from
her bottle.
 - Oh-oh-oh, rusish vodka! -Awake
Under.
 - Hardly find-anchor complained,
sitting at the table. - All booths
obplaval.
 - Do not bodyagi? - Concentration
shake the bottle Potvora.
 - TOUCH! Of course bodyagi!
 - I, I, Natyurlih - confirmed Under, fingernail scratches 
collar President on the label.

 - So - Doe said, pouring the glasses - now, I
I think we can proceed to the second
issue. In the doorway looked
head Petrovich looked around hungry
view table holding attention on the skins from the Ostankino 
pickled sausage and spinach.  -What do you want? Doe-frowned.

 - Can I sing a little, and then on
your abundance look hurt.
 - Eat, eat, not only meeting
bother me - waved Ilya. - On
we stop there? Oh yeah,
Who sows ruin on the toilet?
Under pretended to be asleep, Potvora
crawled under the table with the words "laces to tie, or what?" 
Anchor harvested from the banks the same unfortunate cucumber, 
and P. quietly slipped out the door, taking the empty bottles. 
Commander waited, waited, but wishing to speak clearly was not. 
 - Well, listen carefully and considered all the suggestions, I 
propose the following. Because the perpetrators of crimes still 
not found necessary to strengthen vigilance, but for now 
consider the incident Martian diversion. Who for? Unanimously! 
Then continue the debate ...  - What?

 - Debate - explained the anchor, spilling the glasses third 
bottle.  - A-ah, so would have said - glad Potvora and smeared 
bread pate seaweed.

 - X-X-hu ... Went well!
 - Gut, Sehr Gut!
 - Do not be distracted. Remained
Last question: neutralization
the second is sewn ... that is, the invasion of Martians. As we 
already know it takes place mostly here

under water ...
The porthole clung green
erysipelas, the reason his enormous eyes dull,
bared in a horrible grin hefty teeth.
 - Tsyuryuk, tsyuryuk-started, Under, jabbing his finger into 
it.  - Get thee hence, Satan! - Potvora scared and crawled 
under the table.  - What do you twitch? - A contemptuous 
grimace Anchor Moiseevich. - Ordinary alkanoid. He shook his 
fist and that Roger disappeared. Potvora crawled out from under

table and poured himself a glass of vodka.
 - So, "continued Doe-you
now able to verify that fact
invasions still holds.
And if these frogs frolicking myself only here, under water, so 
we would be finished with them on their own and all. But 
arrived worrying signals out-jabbed Pupkin index finger 
upwards. Therefore, we need to uh-uh ... fulfill its 
international duty and overthrow the odious yoke 
mongolomarsianskih invaders! Word provided to the Responsible

Recruiters GONIVO Anchor Moiseevich smoking.
Anchor Moiseevich rose. Holding
glass in his right hand and a bottle of
left, he began a speech.
 - Well, let's! ... Um-um ... I want to
say the following ... Held
a lot of work to recruit recruits ... I personally zarekrucheno
the seven heads of recruits. Well done both
the selection, with them are uncle ... but
it seems to be another story. So
Now, these heroes are ready to defend
native open spaces from the bottom, top and
even at the side ... I propose to allocate
they battle for maize "Stash" and
Award "is a computer
brand G. .. Robic-3000 "with a button
compatibility.
Anchor Moiseevich fumbled in his pockets and took out of heats
crumpled paper.
 - Give the Chief a list of recruits ... Well, let's!
Drank zanyuhal collar jacket
and sat down. Doe opened the paper,
began to read.
 Locomotive smoke-weary sooty chimney. Machinist pochuhal ...
hairy arm. ... those in the ...
thought angrily, digging with the poker.
For such coal will deal ... vy
I'm with the ... What is it? - He stared. Anchor Moiseevich
embarrassed.
 - This ... Well, in general, I was writing, when a fireman was 
moonlighting on a steam train ... Right now ...

Digging in the swimsuit again
Anchor Moiseevich drew another
a piece of paper and handed Pupkin. Those with
wary glance at the poet, looked over a new leaf.
 - Yeah, like it ... A list of recruits in alkanavty
antimarsianskoy squads GONIVO with
brief characteristics. Number
one. George Zhbanov, nationality - Great Russian, the nature of 
an indicative, not married, devoted to the party and home, 
ruthless to the enemy. This for us. Number two. Nina

Chernukha, nationality - velikorosska, modest nature, not 
married, devoted to the party and country, not loves 
vraga.Stranno not married ... Well, okay. Number three. Gorislav

Gus, nationality - beloross,
perky character, not married, betrayed
Party and country, despised enemy.
That's good ... Number four. Sergei Hohlenko, nationality -
Little Russian, secretive nature, not
married, sort of loyal to the Party and the motherland, 
ohmuryaet enemy. Um, ohmuryaet ... It seems to put ... But even 
if not Married! Number five. Vano Poposhvili, nationality - 
gruzinoross, bad character, married, very

loyal to the Party and the motherland, bends
enemy. What does it mean bends? Yes
still married! But times are very loyal, good at all. Number 
six. Ali Dolbuhasan, nationality - uzbekoross, the nature of 
the brave, married many times (the harem), loyal to the Party

and home, reveals the enemy. Disgusting! Married many times! 
And how it opens?

 -Pathologist, said anchor.
 - Ah, well, it changes everything ... Number seven. 
Mayzenshtayn Eva (nee - Sionovich), a national ... What?! Well 
this is quite ... For such language and does not turn ... Thus, 
the nature of mean-spirited, is married (!), Loyal to the Party 
and home (when necessary), causes

loathing of the enemy. You are what you like, but I'm not that 
candidate agree! She and I have a cause

disgusted ...
 - That's the way it is, but no longer
of whom had to choose - vzohnul
Anchor Moiseevich.
 -Here's how ... Well, hell with it, "waved Pupkin - come! To 
summarize: most of the current issues decided positively and

I propose to take a meeting
closed. What are opinions?
 - Their Gabe ... niht fershteyn!
 - When we gathered after the accident, the graphite rods ...
 - Shorter!
 - ... And our commander, Sergeant
Polishchuk, told us ...
 - Brief!
 -... No, he said that the wreckage of capitalism will write our
names ...
 - So what?
 - ... So I want to wish
the same with our young heroes! - And
Potvora trembling hand filled
glasses.
 - Well, that all ... - Doe did not
contracts and fell under the table.
Potvora quietly asleep, plunging
tired face in a plate with salad
of sea urchins. The anchor was still drinking from Under, but 
after twelfth bottle was sick

directly on the table. At the headquarters of alkanavtov 
silence, broken only Aryan snoring scientific

Consultant ...


        the end of the first part of
________________________________
Second Invasion of MARSIYAN 
vtoraya________________________________ Battle for maize 
"Stash" with completes its first shock you-years. George 
Zhbanov included boron-quantum computer. On the screen 
singing-wound inscription "1999 Silicon Re-search Ltd", there 
was a low-gu-dock and began receiving information. "Attention! 
The American port Gonolupa" raided NLO.Razmer enough. OK.OB. " 
- We will take - decided Zhbanov. - A mozhe ne treba? - 
Doubted-Xia Hohlenko. - How so "ne treba? - Well, yak, then 
they seem, none of my business zkrayu ...  - Do these slogans 
kulak down! - Chastised him George. - We fight for the 
Transitional honorary for maize and must be a socialist 
consciousness, to comply with international duty, setting an 
example to others. Available?  - Ne zovsim. I do not mozhu 
vtoropaty, navischo we budemo vyzvolyaty otih Moskalev, yakscho 
won about us CE and NE prohaly?

 -This is a logical trend ... They
Of course, rot and soon zagniyut quite, but it is our duty - to 
give them at least some chance for the best.

 - Well scho Well, nehay Boudet Hoch so.
 - Comrade George - pulled Nina Chernukha Zhbanov sleeve - I
I think that the message of an invasion
need to keep the logbook for the report.
 - So we want to do - he decided Zhbanov by pressing some 
buttons on keyboard. On the screen ran

colorful stripes, accompanied by an unpleasant squeak. Maize; 
continued its flight. Below, under air stretched boundless

sea space. Blue waves
nezhilis languidly in the rays of the midday sun.
 - Ah, now, would swim!-Zhbanov said dreamily.
Yes, tan in the sun!-Picked Nina.
 Yes, Nina, and the evening garilochki - Gorislav smiled.
 - From the salsa! - Added Sergei.
 - Apricot, raisin, persimmon, hashish - listed oriental snacks 
Ali.  - And on dyskoteke zagorelye The girls! - Glanced at Nina 
Vano.  - Look, dreaming! - Hemmed

Eve. - Here's fly now
port, and there - corpses stink
in the sun, the streets in the smoke all around
crap, rubbish, according to him here Taken rats climb, and the 
Martians catch people and the blood of them drink!

All grim. Nina threw up.
 - And what kind of person is she? -
Ali shook his head. - Do you
Dad, Mom beat?
 - Beat, beat, and how!
 -Pachimu you tagda evil as Sabaki?
 - It's me that ye should not miss.
 - Zachim bored, let me play the balalaika - suggested Ali.
 - Adnan stick, three strings, and be merry, May our country!
 - The Best I would Sopilka posluhav.
 - I - International.
 - "Comrades, comrades, let's keep gravity! We
perform the crucial task,
besides, this is our debut. Therefore,
we should try to perform
it as best we can.
 - What is there to try, anyway
a damn do not perform.
 -But this remark, Comrade Mayzenshtayn, I strongly reject
how irresponsible! Communist
must ...
 - Who told you that I am a Communist?
 - Even so? In this case, after the assignment I gave the
management report to your exclusion from the ranks of 
alkanavtov.  - You need not bother. I have already

filed such a report, as well as
officially leave the country I
failed, had to be temporarily
join your gang. In America
I'll join the temperance society, and lady's finger and get the 
Green Card.

 - Well, I'm very sad
to realize that capitalism managed to recruit to your side more
one victim. But at least I can hope for your help in the 
liberation of the port?  - Can.

 - Thank you, and on this one.
In the airplane ensued an awkward
molchanie.Vse engaged in their own affairs. George Zhbanov 
programmed computer, quietly snapping keys. Ali did Dolbuhasan

pray on the rug. Nina Chernukha
changed the damaged gasket.
Vano Poposhvili concentration,
trying not to miss the slightest
details to monitor this process. Eva Mayzenshtayn he studied
Russian-American swearing
dictionary, and Sergei Hohlenko with Gorislava Goose dinner, 
sitting at small portable table.

 - You're mine, Nezalezhnosti chastynu table ne chip - demanded 
Sergey.  - Come on, FAQ Tama, I thine - and

you - my, come at once.
 - We stranger ne treba, STE th nashogo ne Torquay! He 
napryklad, Auteuil nehrescheny forehead uzyav Intuition

kovryk and work on nomu, scho hoche. Win Nezalezhnosti. Ali, Do 
you hear numbers neither? You're fat hochesh?

 - May lard is not possible.
 - So I know there STE yak schiry hazyayin povynen Toby 
zaproponuvaty. Yakscho you'd yiv, I'd tebe ne tried!

 - Attention, flies to the target!
Fasten your seat belts!
"Stash" hard grumbling, sit on
runway. His whole body was trembling feverishly, and when,
Finally, the chassis hooked land
rusted metal could not resist
and the plane left without a chassis. For a while he crawled on 
his belly, then stopped. The crew of hard to get out.

 - Rotten Dilo - shook his head
Hohlenko, looking for maize.
 - At least both got!
 - Shaw ukrayintsyu Garneau, the Muscovite - smert! - Said 
Sergei, pointing to protruding from under the wreckage with 
green paw perepokami fingers. George

carefully examined the legs.
 - One - Zero!
 - It's a pity, May does not work - said
Ali, I regret putting the scalpel
bosom.
 - Here is the air of freedom! -Sniffed Eve. All sniffed.
There was a smell of burnt rubber and popcorn.
 - CE won gumku cooking!
Surveyed the surroundings. Small
airfield airport building, ryadompristan on small waves rocking 
boat.  - They live very well, capitalists!

Eve looked at her with regret
form - a khaki sweater,
hat with ear-flaps, cotton trousers, tarpaulin fins (it was 
assumed that detachment will conduct combat operations on the 
water). From building otehala red car.

 - It seems here going.
 - And this is not the Martians?
 - Do you think, the Martians are able to
car drive?
Car podehal to the order and
stopped. From it emerged two of them:
fat black and leggy
blonde girl with a belt slung over his shoulder, on which shone 
with the inscription "Miss Gonolupa-2017. The driver stayed in 
the car.  - Scho tse for potvora? - Grimace

Hohlenko, looking at her.
 - Pachimu patvora? - Shrugged Vano, smoothing his hand 
mustache.  - Ta Hiba are tse maiden? Yiyi,

Mabuchi, zovsim ne goduyut - and
uhopyty not for scho! Thu!
Miss Gonolupa dazzling smile and handed Vano tray
on which lay a loaf of black bread, and on bread - salt shaker.
Ebony, smiling, made a speech.
 - Zdorovenki buly, roads panove! I'll be mayor tsogo Misty, 
and tse you hlib that strong. You ne divuytes, scho I'm so good 
Balakay poukrayinski, bo I taky PVCs garni hlopets, yak, and 
you.  - Ta yaky PVCs you garni hlopets,

Niger gubaty! Sergey-offended,
however, he took bread, and put the salt shaker
in his pocket. Vano went to the blonde and introduced himself.
 - Vano Poposhvili, nastayaschy brave. Iron in your eyes I 
bezdonnye vspaminayu old Georgian abychay ... Adyn sharpen 
garachy Georgian muzhchyna vstretyl on a mountain trape 
prekrasnuyu The girls. We nee beat such bezdonnye eyes, and all 
he ostalnoe mesh mymo pass. And zasmotrevshis on

These bezdonnye eyes he ne uderzhalsya and fell into the abyss.
 - Tu Sick!
 - Ne mesh ... The girls went
dalshe and its doroge voznyk More
adyn garachy Georgian muzhchyna.
But he tozhe ne uderzhalsya and fell into the
abyss. The girls then went
dalshe and vstretyla tretego garachigo muzhchynu. But he hit ne 
tolko garachy muzhchyna but nastayaschy

jig. Paetamu he ne rasteralsya
and dove into these bezdonnye eyes.
But he beat hot and umely plavets, but
tanut started. The girls then reshyla save him and he sdelala
iskustvennoe breath. So there was a pervy patsyluy. So vipem
PVCs per nastayaschih dzhigits Cator
nykogda ne drown!
And Vano pressed his ardent lips to ... chalice of wine,
which he had at the time of the story quietly drew from his 
pocket. Hohlenko wiped his sleeve sweatshirt lonely tear.  - 
Takyh lads thrown away, Sutch daughter! Okay, kazhy, hlopche - 
he turned to the mayor - de Oti here klyati Muscovites?

 - Yaqui Muscovites?
 - Ta Oti Well, yak yih there ... Marsiyany, hi Yim grets!
 - A-ah, zrozumilo. You bazhaete
podyvytys for Chiu dykovynu poblyzhche! Todi form Iman mayors I
grant you a car from the Qu vodiy.
Win oznayomyt you is nashym garni Misty.
And courtesy of saying goodbye, the mayor of
blonde drove off at podehavshem luxurious limousine. Eva 
Mayzenshtayn with envy pursued their look. Vano, too. Sergei 
decisive step toward the car. Others are confused glances from 
side to side, adjusting behind harpoons and abundantly not 
sweating from the heat, not from embarrassment. Sergei looked 
at the car, "Oh-oh-oh, dzhyp! and peered into the cockpit. The 
driver jumped in fright. Heavy hand fell on his

shoulder.
 - Sydy, sydy, son, I was the first since Baciu,
scho ne Moskal you! Gajda syudy,
boys! - He called alkanavtov.
All climbed into the car.
 - Where do you climb, Pedro! Places and
so there!
 - May quietly tank.
 - On May samostiynu chastku no
Treba to climb!
 - The girls, on the MNE sadytes koleni!
 - And that you have called your knees?
 - Nat, IT nazyvaitsa parameters differently.
Finally, we sat down and alkanavty
jeep went in hot pursuit
Martians. City hit svom greatness. Incredibly tall skyscrapers 
went peaks in clouds, huge supermarkets sparkle with colored 
lights advertising, attracting an obsessive gaze. "Disco 3000! 
Newest Tee dzhei with Mars! Hip-pop-trance-dance, accompanied 
by LIVE Martian Orchestra Brodidzhi and mnogoemnogoe more! 
"Pampers Cielo - and order! New! Used diapers for the price of 
new! "Mud Dead Sea clinic. We are of the shell you with mud 
from head to toe! Our prices will envy the dead!" "Stimorol - 
zhevok new day!" "Mars. Space bars on earth prices!" Hungry 
alkanavty silently allowed drooling, looking lomyaschiesya 
showcases.  -I do not believe it. Likely

all this - the machinations of hostile technology! - George 
snapped.  - Ta tse vse butahvoriya!

 - Sam you "butahvoriya! Say
better, where there can be Ukrainian
guilders exchange.
 - Spital in fact a redneck - have
on the driver Sergey. The driver began to
explains that the money they have long been
not used.
 - And for sho are you fat kupuete?
 - Ai is a music ponimayt, here is a "fat"?
 - Tu Sick! Ta obtain zakusyuete PVCs are you? Hiba tsibuleyu 
like the top?  - A-ah, Rashn vodka! Mi of music

drink so the match as the form.
 - I f cauldron scho kuguty won! Yakscho vzhe on vodka pennies 
shkoduyut, scho are Todi about borscht Casati!  - Tell daragoy 
and gde zdes in You can order Sacks na telefonu? - Asked the 
driver to Vano.  - Wai phone?

 - How vai?? Pa etam about
Georgia is an ancient legend ...
They all groaned. Vano continued ...
 - In adyn malenky-malenky
village zhyly two vernyh other. AND
That adyn prekrasny solnechny
den Ana Pashley on ahotu, patamu
that they had been sharpened ahota ... And now
in dremuchem lesu friends vstretyly
The girls prekrasny. She was tozhi
ahota ... And tagda adyn friend said to another "Paslushay, 
Gogi, but We PVCs nechem predohranytsa! Come sbegaem lady and 
vazmem! "And Gogi atvetyl him: "Harashi, Bessarion, you bags 
and I tebya padazhdu zdes ... "Bessarion pabezhal and

Gogi astana wait for him. He waited
waited, but he beat a ahota that
he ne vyderzhal and ... NE wait
Bessarion ... "Yes, Bessarion -
he said, buttoning shyrynku -
Tee Astana with his nose! "And Vissarion
deystvytelno Astana with his nose ...
But Gogi astana BEZ nose ...
So vipem also for ensuring that vsegda
astavatsya with the nose!
And Vano dipped his nose in a great glass of wine, which 
quietly took from his pocket.  - Listen, daragoy - continued

Vano, removing the nose from the glass - that
y tebya for this trick to kapote?
On the hood of the car was an icon
firm "Mercedes". The driver looked at Vano and joked:
 - This is the front sight!
 - Zachem fly?
 - To bring down the UFO.
 - A-ah, panyatna.
At this time, across shallow
short steps ran green man. The driver desperately spun
steering wheel, trying to avoid a collision. This is difficult, 
but still succeeded him. Wiping the sweat from his forehead

he heard behind the sound shuts the door and reproachful 
exclamation Vano:  - Fly, fly! Wah, wah, wah! Ne

atkroy I dver, went bi, damn!
 - Fuck! Bu that knocked him??
 - Ka-a-aneshna!
 - It's not a UFO, this is a fancy suite! Xu is from Disneylend!
 - Well, the old woman is
proruha! - Thoughtfully quoted Nina, stroking the hilt
harpoon. The detachment was driving past a Russian restaurant, 
when suddenly Ali said visitors figure Martians.

 - Smatri, smatri, Sergei oglu, Tama spooks - Adin, two, a lot!
 - Shaw did you Movchan, redneck? Sty! -
Hohlenko shouted the driver. -Hapay, chaps, zbroyu that upered!
Alkanavty with cries rushed
cleared of alien mother restaurant. By moving the butt of the 
harpoon in the teeth to the doorman, Sergei opened

door and was shocked. His gaze
appeared a terrible picture. For
tables as if nothing had happened, were the Martians, savoring 
the earth's eat their ugly mouths.

They gaily laughed, filling their glasses with champagne and 
caviar buttering slices directly on the bread, brazenly 
demanded from the waiter oysters and creme brulee. On the scene

bullied legs stripper in their national costumes and hairy
green paw in warts popped
they tipped straight ... Sergei broke down and closed his eyes. 
But when he opened his eyes, then with the rest alkanavtami 
witnessed truly inhuman abominations ... With very little table 
sat three Martians in embroidered shirts and yellow-blue 
trousers. They were drinking vodka and eating it bacon, onion 
and ate soup. Heart poet did not endure.

 - ... you tude and ...!!! That scho x
tse Take koyitsya! Zovsim nemae
Truth on bilomu Sweetie! Smert
Muscovites! - He yelled furiously,
watering Martians from large six-garpunometa. Vano drew his 
dagger and ran screaming for Marsianka. Ali caught the enemy 
Dolbuhasan hairy noose, George, and Gorislav Nina went close 
order in psychic attack. And only Eve

remained in place, waving
amerikarskim flag with the words:
"Peace, friendship, a dollar!"
 - Maiden - Sergei shouted to her,
Recharging garpunomet - Hapay
shvydshe sokyru that rubai vorogiv!
... How long was the fight. And when flushed winners stopped
rest, it was all over ... Among razvorochennoy furniture
lay lifeless body of Martians interspersed with exquisite 
dishes and drinks. Some corpses were hung in the air, pinned to 
the walls of the harpoons, some were chipped in two axes

and expired thick muddy slime.
Staff and visitors, Earthlings have long fled, and
only a few half-dead stranger, bristling like hedgehogs,
harpoons, still moving.
Ali offered to make them vivisection of what everyone agreed
only Vano, wiping knife on
leg, with interest said:
 - VyvySEKSiya? Naverno, new metodyka? Try, try!
Below is a copy of the document
come to the scientific consultant of the military detachment 
GONIVO alkanavtov. 


   ACP-mortem

   TAPPING Alien

   Subject's spent on

   THE UNITED STATES 10.11.2017g

RESEARCH PROJECT - an alien humanoid body. Growth -
152 cm, weight - a heavy, dog! Age - and hell knows, sex -
muzhikovaty.

External examination. Being has
skin greenish-unpleasant color, hair
absent (possibly shaved).
Skin feels cold and slippery in the warts (br-r-r-r!).
Seen at the head of a comb (cock or something?). Instead of
nose - two holes, into which can sniff. Mouth large, rather
all there, he eats, drinks. Small teeth, without dental caries 
(an opinion that the creature enjoyed "Orbit sugar-free).

Of the anal opening is heard
odor (f-f-fu-u-u!).
Otherwise, the appearance of subject-
resembles a human.

Internal inspection. Spend trepanation of the skull ... Thus,
inside zhelepodobnaya mass, which subject's likely
thinks. Carry out a tracheotomy -
all as people ... Carry out thoracotomy - yeah, lungs, heart,
bladder ... Just real people! Carry out a laparotomy ...
Broken rectum! Found
Several bodies of unknown
destination ... Conserving their
formalin for transfer to the laboratory. Seen on the walls of 
deposition of adipose tissue (Zhirel, scum of the earth on 
provisions found, too ...). 

CONCLUSION. Death was caused by
autopsy, but not right away ...


         END OF DOCUMENT

 - This is a start! Allow me to congratulate all the success -
proclaimed Zhbanov, filling
jars of moonshine.
 - Hurrah-ah-ah-ah!
 - Hmilna gorilka! - Reported
Sergei and sniffed the head of garlic. Let it out slowly, and 
overturned another glass and began to

Martians eaten borscht. Eva
went to the musical device
and chose a funeral march. Under
gloomy organ accompaniment
She looked around the battlefield,
delaying attention to the shattered corpses of aliens.
 Well scho-tse you divko, deliver? -
framed the twisted Sergey. - Let The Best
nashoyi, veseloyi! Budemo tantsyuvaty yak then Pisnya poyetsya 
"Gay, hlopche, ne zhurysya, amplitude-syudy povernysya!

 - That you TURNED, flayer
damn! -Protested Eve, spitting with rage. - Why were these
Dwarfs maim? Yes, I no longer
Only Green Card - even toilet paper Americans have not vyproshu!
 - Gay, maiden, ne zhurysya ...
But Eve and went without hearing from
restaurant with the words "political asylum request, or what?"
She nobody was detained.
George even overjoyed.
 - Thank God, one mouth less!
And the sense of it in action as of
goat milk ...
And the fun continues ... On the
day half-baked heroes released two more restaurants, pastry 
shop and a brothel which, unfortunately, they had to leave Vano 
on his strong desire to ...  - Damn you! - Shouted to him

George, in the hearts of slamming the door.
- You betrayed us all!
In response, Vano began to tell
another old Georgian
legend, but the team went, and not
waiting to hear ... Alkanavty continued
antimarsianskuyu war still around
months, but their strength gradually
decreased. In one Canadian
villages remained Hohlenko, having met
countrymen. No persuasion is not
were able to stop it when the hospitable countrymen gave him
"Good hatynku of the city, EYAD
kabanchikamy and moonshine. "
 - Yes, be thou damned traitor! - Shouted to him indignant
Gregory. - You have sold all of us
for a piece of bacon!
But nothing could stop
decay of the order ... Nina Chernukha
went to star in a new Mexican TV series "Wild Martian
Rose, deceived movie star career.
 - Damn you! - She cried
Gregory. - You sold us for
piece of the American hamburger!
Gorislav Gus zatoskoval the native Byelorussia and begged the 
Martians bring him home.

 - Damn you! You're all of us
sold for a bottle of Martian
vodka! - Shouted after him, Gregor, shaking clenched fists
and spluttering. With Ali
they have some more time trying to deal with alien
yoke, traveling around the world
but in an Asian country, Ali
could not resist and made prayer
settled on a permanent residence, set up an harem of marsianok. 
He bought IBM, plot land and became his live-happily ever after,

cultivating cannabis and nayarivaya in
"Wolfstein-3D".
 - Be thou accursed! - Shouted
Gregor him, smearing Sleeve
tears and wiping snot. - You all
We sold a handful of hashish and
Shabby troechnuyu "motherboard."
Gregory was all alone. He
decided not to return home - shame and fear of the court. All
attempts to deal with the Martians in
alone nor to no avail.
Some aliens brazenly laughing
his face, others suggested the dole. He could not resist, took 
to drink, then hanging in American saloons, then on the 
trashcan, where thickly talked about trusting drinking buddies

previous victories ...


           UNHAPPY END