Library - Poetry.

 Editor's note: talent search, announced
ny in the third "Crow", begins to give about
know for yourself. Today I present a new name
in the literary field - SERGEY RUBAN.I
I sincerely hope that the one presented below
you will like the collection of poems and you, dear
dear readers, can you find a couple of minutes to...
go to express to the author of the following
lines your opinion about his works. Not
consider it difficult to write a couple of lines. Ser-
gay hopes to find like-minded people among
spektrumists who also have the gift of writing
write not only programs, but also poems. Hell-
res at the end of the article.                      
                                         
(C) Sergey Ruban                         
-------------------------------------------------------
                                         
             Maps             
             =====             
                                         
 Only in cards do kings freely cover queens 
 And they don’t find this behavior           
 Neither the roughness of the game, nor the shame of generations,    
 And conscience does not hear remorse.The king is always the king, but the ace's step is heard
 And the head lies next to the body.               
 Yesterday's game won't save your eyes.     
 Let whoever you are -                 
                     Fear's color is white.
                                         
 Yes, Ace is probably a god, but to survive        
                              he couldn't
 Six is sometimes higher.            
 And now the turn has come, and all you can hear is: “Oh”
 And the formidable ace, alas, is no longer breathing.       
                                         
 To the groan of someone else's misfortune, a game is born,     
 And people get carried away by the excitement.              
 Today we are still playing the fool,        
 But someone is already playing tomorrow.         
                                         
                                 01/07/99
                                         
             Chance              
             ====              
                                         
 Roulette. Prize. Other people's money.            
 And here is the chance given by fate.      
 But if you're a complete slacker,           
 You won't see that he is yours.             
                                         
                                 04/19/99
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 I cursed the silent pain                 
 What burned the whole body was called love.      
 I just wanted to see a silhouette              
 I was looking for a question for my answer,              
                                         
 I walked around that pillar               
 That I was pinned down by life -              
 I loved you then                   
 I just simply loved it.              
                                         
 But the world disappeared, everything disappeared,              
 You are left, carrying me.                
 And I’m rushing to meet you,            
 It's a pity, I realized too late - I'll crash.         
                                         
 There was a wall in front of me                 
 Alas, she is dumb and cold.                    
 I decided to warm her with my soul                  
 And I didn't notice the stop sign.              
                                         
 Now only God will forgive her,             
 He is forever alive, and I am broken.             
 A wall warmed in blood                
 Burnt from someone else's love.                 
                                         
                                 06/07/99
                                         
            Desert            
            =======            
                                         
 Tired. He closed his eyes and fell again.       
 Tired. Dry sand squeezed in hand,       
 Everything went on. Wherever your eyes look - forward,    
 Everything went on. Maybe someday you'll get lucky. And so. 
                                         
 Again sand, again dune - not the same.      
 Someone came out here, but where is he? Who? 
 And the sun burns the thought again.          
 Life passes, but is this really life?     
                                         
 I'm counting the days until the end of the years.            
 There is no talk, there is a question and an answer.    
 And time flows, but there is no reason       
 To stop. And the rank is not important.          
                                         
 Concepts are smoothed out. The corners are round.        
 And sparrows are most likely eagles.            
 But only the woodpecker could not change -       
 As he was hammering, he lay down near the hollow.      
                                         
 And the world keeps spinning, the years fly by,         
 I can't believe it's always like this.       
 And perfection outrages the brain.         
 Someone else's eternity is just a bluff and gloss.      
                                         
 This is someone's finish, but not that land,       
 There is sand everywhere, not even aphids live here,      
 The line is not painted and the prize is not washed,         
 The finalist has been lying there alone for a long time.06/15/99
                                         
            Occupation            
            =======            
                                         
 Flickering yellow light                   
 Brings back memories.             
 I can't forget loving                   
 And I banish the confession.             
                                         
 I only believe what I want                
 And the rest is not important to me.               
 I will remain silent to all reproaches.                 
 I want you to come one day.           
                                         
 I want to return to our little world,             
 Do not remember anyone's grievances,              
 Don't hear the word rock anymore            
 Love does not see the funeral service.               
                                         
 Why is it so stupid to throw everything away?            
 It’s so absurd - people, quarrels.          
 We kept repeating: we cannot be separated,            
 But then they built fences.                
                                         
 Yes, I'm wrong, you're wrong,               
 But the ideal world is not important.              
 Not everything in the world is in words,              
 Not every corner in the world is smoothed out.          
                                         
 So why is it so difficult for meTake you back into my arms?            
 Wrong again. Words are valuable.            
 Love is not a feeling - just an activity.       
                                         
                                 06.20.99
                                         
 Fate             
            ======             
                                         
 White fire. Unnecessary death.           
 Someone's love is worse than a whip.       
 Fall again, followed by emptiness.        
 Torn souls are thrown from the bridge.            
                                         
 Falling down, you manage to understand:           
 God, I'm a fool, but you can't change it.        
 The past will be yours forever -          
 It's not a choice, it's fate.               
                                         
                                 06.20.99
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 The murder of God cannot be understood                
 The murder of God must be seen.              
 The sky cannot understand                 
 The sky cannot hate.               
                                         
 Beat each other for nothing,It's probably not customary for them               
 So let the earthly fool live            
 And let it be bad for him.            
                                         
 They told us: you are nothing,                 
 They told us: you are all slobs,           
 Didn't think about it                   
 How would you not cry for everything later?         
                                         
 The Devil was in charge of that ball.             
 And now it was the middle of the ball.                
 And someone said quietly:             
 Isn't that enough...                
                                         
 For a person, for myself, -                 
 Everyone who remained in the world drank.         
 One made a mistake, loving everyone,                 
 The other is pumping oil into fat.              
                                         
 And the man returned                  
 And he returned home again.              
 As always, he ruined his century               
 And as always, he didn’t come out rich.          
                                         
 Playing with people is more difficult than life.        
 Only words will not help here.          
 Love yourself and take care                    
 Create someone else!              
                                         
                                 07/31/99
                                         
            Va=bank=======            
                                         
 On the last night                        
 I drive away sadness -                   
 I can't strain myself now.          
 There's no point at all                       
 Living like this to spite everyone                    
 I can admit it to myself.              
                                         
 And again the countdown.                         
 Sometimes it’s odd, sometimes it’s even.                       
 The gypsy girl was wondering something.                
 But no luck                          
 Perhaps out of spite                       
 And that means all over again from the beginning.            
                                         
 Birth and death.                      
 Freedom and the cage.                        
 And there seems to be nowhere to go.                
 But on the run again                       
 Let fear drive away                     
 It makes sense to at least warm up.           
                                         
 Rose, fell -                        
 I checked myself                          
 Whether he survived or not, it doesn’t matter.           
 Nobody will understand                         
 Who's lucky?                           
 After all, you are only lucky once in life.        
                                         
 And this is the hour                         
 The whole bank, yeahat a time                    
 I installed it and am waiting for the result.              
 So heavy.                          
 I'm banging my head -                       
 Not the first time, but a loss.           
                                         
                                 08/10/99
                                         
             Vera              
             ====              
                                         
 Bow down before God for me.          
 For me, alas, there is no God.             
 Everyone chooses a path in life,            
 I chose my path to the next world.         
                                         
 I swore in advance: I don’t believe it               
 And I believed in myself in advance,                 
 The doors are now closing on me,       
 Blind eyes close.                 
                                         
 My faith, alas, was torn apart,             
 Pieces scattered around the world,             
 You just know - for a moment it seemed      
 That the points counted.              
                                         
                                 08/10/99
                                         
          Loneliness===========          
                                         
 When caught in a current, you don’t want to think.    
 Let him carry it to himself if he has the strength to carry it. 
 But one day in the crowd                      
                   you will find loneliness
 And you will understand that everything that happened was not worth the journey.
                                         
 The meaning of science and knowledge will be lost,    
 And quite a few years have been spent on experience.        
 You walked the earth and you will die unrepentant.
 Never look for the light alone.      
                                         
                                 09.13.99
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 I hate the random world,               
 Where everything that will happen is hidden in mystery.      
 I'm so tired of living waiting             
 Misunderstanding and ignorance.               
                                         
 I want to get away from the evil world,                
 I'm looking for a drop of strength in hope                
 And I hit the glass cruelly,             
 And it's terribly lonely in the house.               
                                         
 Yesterday's comfort is hidden here in dust,        
 The hearth at home froze long ago,             
 And the doors are tightly closed,                 
 And there is no desire to be broken.The forces of fear go into eternity,          
 Let him meet the scaffold at the door,        
 Suddenly all the walls collapse with a crash,      
 But I don't see any change.                  
                                         
                                 09.21.99
                                         
 A few rules        
       ================        
                                         
 Don't expect to live long.                
 If you don't know how, you shouldn't believe.                
 To love someone forever,             
 We need to test our minds against pain.           
                                         
 As you pass by the beggars, pray              
 And it’s not worth praying to be ashamed.            
 You can only create a thought         
 But she is destined to come true.           
                                         
 Walk barefoot on the roads                
 Even if covered in dirt and blood, he is still clean.
 Don't call anyone a fool                 
 Maybe without brains, but broad-shouldered.    
                                         
 You don't need a brain to build the world        
 And even more so to destroy.           
 If you can, call yourself sir,            
 If you can’t, don’t spit in people’s souls.     
                                         
 Kneel for a long time               
 It doesn't generate income and it's ridiculous.             
 Everything can ever begin,            
 As you start, keep this in mind.                 
                                         
                                 10/11/99
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 Afraid of burning in passions without meaning,    
 I separate a moment from life,                 
 I consider the blind moment to be random,            
 And since it’s a case, let it be an extreme one.     
                                         
 I erase my fingerprints               
 Filtering thoughts, life without dancing.       
 I don't see a reason in the mirror              
 To count the balls in the basket.           
                                         
 I walk through the world carefully.                 
 It is impossible to break the cycle.               
Wandering in the darkness is a great joy,        
 And the stop will be sweet.           
                                         
 And impeccable behavior               
 It only raises suspicions.               
 Other people's thoughts hit my mind,             
 But I don't trust the generation.                 
                                         
 There is no zeal to experience something different,               
 Letexcites, but does not whine.           
 Someone else's joy is interesting                
 But only when I'm cramped.         
                                         
 And it’s not scary to stay like this,               
 I only choose what I know.               
 Walking on a blade is dangerous -               
 Don't take unnecessary risks.            
                                         
                                 11/13/99
                                         
          Renaissance          
          ===========          
                                         
 And born again, and again pain,           
 But I still want to breathe.               
 Not everyone honors love from birth,          
 Not everyone can understand.               
                                         
 But life is given, and I hold on.             
 Without understanding what and how,                  
 I fight for myself with the world -              
 Life doesn't come easy.             
                                         
 I rise, I stand,                   
 I'm able to walk                   
 I understand that I live                     
 And the sharper it is, the easier it is to live.          
                                         
                                 11/13/99=====             
                                         
 State of rest                        
 No worries at all,                     
 I don't want to play with myself                  
 To a masochistic picnic.                
                                         
 And I wander through the storms                    
 And the longer, the closer the bottom is,               
 I don't consider it grief                    
 And when I think about it, it’s funny.                   
                                         
 The crystal house shattered,             
 And dreams began to fall                     
 Everything that used to be a secret            
 It became a drop of water.                   
                                         
 I remembered bitter grievances,                 
 I remembered joys and dreams,                  
 And stood the funeral service                       
 By the absurdities of fate.                   
                                         
 Destroyed all desires                  
 Erased the world that was around.           
 And the state remained -                  
 Either she’s nervous or she’s ill.             
                                         
                                 11/13/99
                                         
         Blind old man=============         
                                         
 Blind old man, not seeing the light,            
 Counts raindrops                 
 Everything whispers numbers until dawn -          
 He can’t, he can’t change.              
                                         
 And life goes by indifferently           
 It doesn't matter whether it's day or night.          
 I met the old man in person,           
 But I was late and couldn’t help.             
                                         
 I stood and looked at the house without a roof,        
 To the falling leaves, to the light of the moon,              
 And it seemed like someone was breathing,            
 Those were dreams, blind dreams.                
                                         
 The old man stood with his back to me,             
 He was young and lived again,               
 But I also turned into sadness                   
 Killed love from empty eyes.             
                                         
                                 11/17/99
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 It is impossible to break a mirror for happiness.  
 There are simply no happy mirrors.     
 Wound from a shrapnel. How careless.       
 Blood will not wash away the dirt that he said.My thoughts scattered. All that was left were the nerves.
 The streets are deserted. Autumn. Leaf fall.        
 What's stopping you from becoming first one day? 
 Just apologize - Yes, it's my fault.      
                                         
 Pride does not allow, it prevents you from bowing.   
 Shakespeare said that love is strong.     
 How strong is she if she apologizes?         
 You can't do it the same way she couldn't? 
                                         
 Closing the circle, we want to go outside again,    
 We knock down the doors, but they don’t go there.         
 I thought I loved you, but it turned out              
                           that I have a cold.
 Maybe she did, but not then.     
                                         
                                 11/23/99
                                         
     One of the adult games      
     ====================      
                                         
 A glance burns a thought,                   
 It hits me on the legs.                      
 Feeling is life.                    
 I'm heading towards you.                    
                                         
 You are the goddess of darkness                         
 Angel of broad daylight.                         
 I bow and you                        
 Don't drive me away. We're already familiar with it.                           
 I am an empty glass.                       
 The bed is like flowers.                         
 The shine of night mirrors.                    
                                         
 Day. Circulation.                       
 How time stands                        
 But I knew it was coming                       
 This is the moment.                        
                                         
 Ignites the dust                            
 Passion and fire.                         
 The world seemed to live                      
 Idolizing you.                         
                                         
 Your choice was simple -                   
 One day she didn't come.                      
 I was your fortpost                    
 You burned me.                         
                                         
 Squeezed like a lemon                       
 I didn't take the pulp.                        
 Now I'm just him,                       
 He's just me now.                       
                                         
 You're walking on fire                        
 You live in passions                   
 But in spite of fate,                        
 I'll erase you one of these days.                     
                                         
                                 11/24/99Barin             
             =====             
                                         
 Guy of unyielding years                 
 He was adamant with his head.                
 They were talking around, master,                  
 And he just wanted to be himself.           
                                         
 And he just wanted, but across the meadow,          
 And he just wanted in the rain,           
 And he just didn’t have a friend,          
 What would I offer him - let's go.          
                                         
 And the guy lived his life,             
 Yes, no worse than everyone else lives.              
 Everyone kept saying around, “Master,”        
 And he knew that they were not waiting for him.             
                                         
 And he knew that they wouldn’t ask about him,        
 And he knew that they were silent about him,            
 And he knew that he loved autumn              
 Because the leaves are screaming.              
                                         
 I didn’t find out that there was a guy               
 And I waited for him all the time.                  
 After all, they said about him: master,             
 I was still afraid to look up.              
                                         
 I was always afraid to smile at him,             
 I was always afraid to ask him,I was always afraid to miss him -         
 They said: you can’t love.                
                                         
 The guy didn't bow his head               
 I kept walking around in lonely melancholy.             
 While you were yourself, master,               
 She silently was you.                   
                                         
                               01/26/2000
             =====             
                                         
 Vows are broken, roads are washed away,        
 And the dream castle is drowning in stupid words,    
 But again you put your dead feet on the sand, 
 And fear awakens again.              
                                         
 There are traces of someone here,                   
              here - marking time,
 It’s as if you can’t get through here,           
 And you have to go there, so you have to - even if you crack it,    
 And you are looking for ways again.                  
                                         
 You are eager to be free, but you are wandering in circles.
 You are looking for salvation, but there is no point in it. 
 Again you mistake a blind man for a friend       
 And you pray that you bring it into the light.           
                                         
 Dear forgotten, dear overgrown       
 You trudge along, tearing your feet.             
 You knew that a cab driver would never pass by - 
 Such is your stupid character.And the sun doesn't shine and it rains           
                           strong wind,
 And the branches are always in your face.                 
 When you get there, they will answer for it,      
 And the scoundrel will have no luck.                   
                                         
 But the forest is endless, the road is eternal       
 In the mud, suffocating from wounds...            
 It used to be believed that the world was flawless
 Now you have tried it yourself.               
                                         
 Torn to shreds, broken, blurred,
 You still returned home.               
 Now put up a cross, now you're dead -
 Your house turns out to be not yours.            
                                         
 And the will suddenly seemed scary to you.  
 Salvation has come, but why?              
 Your blind guide                   
                   felt old
 And you became transparent nothing.             
                                         
                               01/27/2000
             =====             
                                         
 Thinking about death early                    
 You understand - there is no death,                 
 This is how the devils play with you                
 So the jack beats the ten.                 
                                         
 Kings and queensThey dance around at balls.                
 All sixes. People, where are you?             
 And the board is in aces.                    
                                         
 I'll probably become a joker                
 I'll rise to the top of the deck.                 
 He will be a faithful dog to me,               
 Your ace of trumps.                       
                                         
 Your army is a servant,                    
 Your ladies are all mine.                      
 I'll pit kings against each other -         
 Fights will keep me entertained.                     
                                         
 This battle won't get boring                  
 My life will not get boring                  
 The card of death will be beaten -               
 That's what I tell her.                          
                                         
 But with a careless hand                   
 The cards have been thrown off the table.                 
 Suddenly love became possible.           
 Death was alive again.                 
                                         
                               01/27/2000
                                         
             Words             
             =====             
                                         
 I didn’t believe it before,that words can kill.
 And so they kill, morally, but it still hurts.
 Like a scalpel, they cut out my memory,    
 And he talks, talks, talks.         
                                         
 Here fear and silence would be a joy, 
 Even a moment of loneliness is a stormy delight,  
 And sleep awakens childish sweetness,      
 And I deny any bargaining.            
                                         
 I don't care                    
                    I want to go into eternity
 Forget yourself, disappear, touch the peace -  
 He is annoyed by such carelessness        
 And he says, but not with someone - with me! 
                                         
 I'm so tired of this ridiculous nonsense.          
 I'm so tired of the meaningless words.        
 I'll give up everything, I'll leave, I'll leave, I'll leave,            
 I will erase everything from my memory, wipe it from my dreams.     
                                         
 But time passes, and I return.     
 Reality takes over again.   
 And again before empty chatter           
                              I'm inclined
 And I reproach her, hating her.            
                                         
                               01/27/2000
                                         
             =====             
                                         
 Are you a sinner?Am I a sinner?                            
 A moment of emptiness                             
 In the heat of the fire.                            
                                         
 Dream or not?                            
 Day or night?                          
 The answer doesn't matter.                         
 Borders away.                          
                                         
 Heart beat -                           
 Rumbling in the ears.                           
 A passionate nightmare.                       
 Sweet fear.                       
                                         
 Rain of warmth.                          
 A storm of goodness.                             
 Only features.                           
 Where are you, earth?                          
                                         
 This is flight.                              
 This is ecstasy.                             
 Only one lives                         
 In both of us.                            
                                         
 A moment or an eternity?                       
 Is righteousness a sin?                       
 Everything or something?                          
 Is there snow in the tropics?                        
                                         
 Over and over again                          
 And forever:                            
 The world is for anyone                       
 You -for me.                          
                                         
                               01/28/2000
                                         
            Who are you?            
            =======            
                                         
 Lethal outcome.                        
 What words!                            
 Here is glory, honor,                   
 There is an evil rumor there.                       
                                         
 And on the pedestal                          
 Raise your bust                    
 But someone said                       
 That it is empty as before.                 
                                         
 The ground under your feet                        
 No longer shaking                          
 And as if with us                       
 The whole world lies here.                   
                                         
 The surface is trampled                   
 Dirty heel,                          
 The purest is collected                       
 Next to me.                          
                                         
 Everyone here is a moralist                    
 Everyone here is patriotic                     
 Kings, fatalists,Darlings of freedom,                        
                                         
 Princes, deputies,                       
 Sick monks                         
 Candidate saints                     
 Workers of the scaffold -                       
                                         
 All the rabble that once                
 Lived glorifying the name.                          
 And the poor - the rich                      
 There is no trace of it here.                   
                                         
 Here is the equality of brothers,              
 Blurred floors.                       
 Here there are only curses,               
 The meaninglessness of words.                   
                                         
 We accept you                          
 Join our ranks.                            
 You know everything about us                    
 Tell us - who are you?                     
                                         
                               01/30/2000
                                         
             Flight             
             =====             
                                         
 I'm running on water                           
 Emptiness is everywhere                          
 And the legs cut through the wave.                 
 Flight mode,From problems there is only smoke,                
 And there is no strength that pulls me to the bottom.            
                                         
 Run and jump                        
 And the sky and the sigh,                        
 And joy flows through my veins.               
 The only moment                       
 A raging cry                          
 What was and what will be does not count.        
                                         
 The wind is in my face.                       
 And the ring of the sun.                        
 A heady, intoxicating world.               
 Among the clouds.                          
 Making dreams come true.                        
 I am my own god and idol.                 
                                         
 This life is beautiful                    
 And my thought is clear -                      
 No fears, no pain, no tears.           
 And a rainbow of colors.                     
 And tenderness, like in fairy tales.              
 And I really wanted to -              
                                         
 Fly and spin                     
 Fall in love with your wind,                 
 Don't swear, don't think, don't wait.       
 I believe it happens                        
 Not everyone knows this,                       
 But everyone can fly.01/30/2000
             =====             
                                         
 Born in the flames of fire,               
 Alas, not a god, alas, not a warrior               
 And he stands up for himself,                  
 Unfortunately, I’m not free yet.                
                                         
 But he grows and his spirit strengthens.             
 He can't be a human being.           
 He is a moment, he is something, he is an illness,       
 What cannot be cured by the whole world.         
                                         
 But the time will come - he will rise,           
 And blow away the dust from all centuries.          
 May be illegal, but born,             
 And now we are responsible for that.             
                                         
 Mountains will be torn away from their former places,           
 Unseen birds will fly,               
 And someone will say that he has risen,           
 And someone suddenly starts to pray.         
                                         
 Will rise to the roofs of all houses             
 And he will destroy evil rumors.                 
 He is love incarnate                
 He is a bird of blood without a red withers.     
                                         
 The world is on its knees, the world is on fire,             
 The world worships only a miracle.              
 It is not biblical, not from outside,             
 He is the voice of an extinct people.He will speak the wisdom of all times,         
 And everyone will understand his peoples,                
 Will bow to his land               
 For the long-awaited freedom.                
                                         
 The earth will let go and forgive                
 For the evil pain of millennia.               
 And the man will be killed,                   
 For a world built from cages.           
                                         
                               01/30/2000
                                         
             Fakir             
             =====             
                                         
 Scream begging                           
 Losing love,                            
 This is my fate.                    
 I chose running                           
 I'm a man                               
 And I am responsible for myself.                   
                                         
 One star                           
 Burned with you.                          
 We were amazed at everything else.                
 I swore I loved you                          
 I echoed my grief,                            
 And everything seemed unearthly.                
                                         
 Floated towards me Like on a wave.                           
 How the soul basked in the foam.               
 Come with me                         
 This is my city,                        
 I am the king in it, you are the mistress.            
                                         
 Heavenly harmony.                           
 You're like a treasure.                         
 I've been looking for you for so long.                 
 My wonderful world                         
 I'm your fakir                           
 I gave this world to you.                  
                                         
 You accepted                             
 My world carried                          
 You played with him like you played with me           
 You dropped                             
 Didn't save me                              
 I didn't dare say wait.             
                                         
 Wonderful world.                           
 Wonderful world.                         
 Everything was wonderful in that world.              
 Shout, fakir!                           
 And cry, fakir!                         
 Your world was a crystal ball.         
                                         
                               01/30/2000
                                         
             Life             
             =====             
                                         
 With a heavy, careless tread           
 Measured my life and the skies,              
 He called his gait difficult            
 And, with a dream to watch, he averted his eyes.    
                                         
 The free wind cut the tenderness of the lungs,    
 My head was spinning from the changes,          
 My legs were all afraid of distant paths,         
 And the sight of swollen veins was terrifying.         
                                         
 Fear was driving me crazy, my nerves were pinched,   
 My heart beat against my chest in a frantic rhythm,  
 Called the road a bitch,           
 He wiped his face, removing the clouds from his eyes.       
                                         
 Blood did not represent loss     
 Thirst forced us to move forward -           
 God forbid someone, like this, once upon a time,  
 Well, maybe give it to me, depending on your luck.           
                                         
 Old age has come again, suddenly -    
 You stood and listened to the rain howl,       
 The world in which I lived was recently cursed      
 And only now I regret it - it’s good.           
                                         
 A man with the gait of a count has died,          
 A look like lightning from the eyes of an eagle,    
 The body is like titanium, without signs of collapse -    
 Mother Earth has taken hers.02/02/2000
                                         
          My greatness          
          ===========          
                                         
 Someday later                      
 Maybe I'll understand                      
 When I was wrong and how,                   
 For now, it doesn't matter                      
 And it's not even scary -                      
 Well, I made a mistake, no big deal.               
                                         
 That time will come -                       
 I'll be above everyone                        
 Be sad with your steps.                 
 But the system will die out                      
 The scheme will break,                        
 I will destroy it with myself.                  
                                         
 I am impermanent                       
 Ridiculous stubbornness                      
 I will rise up alone against everyone,               
 I'll rip my veins                        
 And blood and foam                        
 I'll tell everyone that I exist.            
                                         
 But how ridiculous                        
 I act blindly                      
 And I believe everything I said.              
 And selfishness                        
 Soaring personalityBe generous with pleasant praise.             
                                         
 Reward Lover                       
 Not where it should be                     
 I was looking for my rightness.                   
 I've been wrong all my life                      
 And I swore to myself                      
 That I'm going against her.                   
                                         
 He reproached the foundations                          
 And I wasn’t stagnant                      
 Yes, I thought I was breaking the system,                
 But obeying her,                       
 I didn’t believe that I was suffering,                    
 And I fell into the scheme forever.                 
                                         
                               02/07/2000
 =====             
                                         
 Help me cross myself at least once,         
 Help me ask for forgiveness.              
 This role is so easy to get along with          
 And it’s so easy to forget about the eternal.            
                                         
 Entered closed spaces        
 I fell down and felt flying.          
 The forest is scary to me - alien decorations -      
 It's autumn and it doesn't lie.                
                                         
 Angel songs hurt your ears.             
 The radiance of love blinds the eye.               
 I see the world andhe is, alas, wonderful.          
 Sleep is wonderful, only until dawn.          
                                         
 Running beckons - after all, life is so fleeting.   
 Death is sudden and always yours.         
 The angel sleeps, he remembers that he exists forever.  
 All that matters is me and only me.            
                                         
 Black Raven is the voice of absurd fate.      
 White swan - dead love.           
 Often the trump card comes up as a club,           
 And there is still blood playing in the coffins.            
                                         
 I'm standing today it's going to hurt           
 Memory erased - the beginning of all roads.         
 I will never say enough.           
 Impermanence is all I have saved.       
                                         
 My right is to start all over again.         
 My faith is eternity and destiny.            
 What I live for is no longer there.            
 There is only one thing human - prayer.         
                                         
                               02/20/2000
             =====             
                                         
 I came, I saw, I conquered -                
 This is the order of the mighty of the world -             
 Killed, destroyed, destroyed-                
 This is faith, this is strength,               
                                         
 This is it-truth of life,                  
 This is what we will live by.            
 And you know, and I know -                  
 Nature cannot become superior to people.            
                                         
 Rise from mud to heaven              
 We will not be given bad thoughts.              
 You can't look eye to eye           
 And not to desire life at the same time.             
                                         
 You can't stand in defiance              
 But there is no desire to obey.             
 You can't always go straight ahead               
 And kill to warm up.             
                                         
 And we with all our minds                 
 We can’t understand the rules of the world -            
 While we are burning here in passions,         
 We are killing our strength                   
                                         
 We destroy fragile dreams                 
 We are the life threads mode,                
 Trying to reach heights                 
 We often pray for help.                 
                                         
                               04/25/2000
                                         
             Quiet              
             ====              
                                         
 I saw a falling starBurning in the emptiness of centuries,              
 And I realized that I would never                 
 From now on, I won't be able to watch.            
                                         
 It hurt my eyes so much                 
 Nature's colors play,                
 And a tear flowed down my cheek,                  
 So slow and so whiny.            
                                         
 I don't remember the birds singing,                  
 The day I was gone.        
 I won't see faces anymore                   
 And someone's devilish sting.              
                                         
 I won't see any evil around me                   
 And I won't see your hands                   
 My devoted, my gentle friend,         
 We will be together, but apart.          
                                         
 I won't be able to watch anymore             
 Now I will only hear           
 From now on and forever, henceforth,                
 Call me as quietly as possible.             
                                         
                               04/25/2000
             =====             
                                         
 I didn't remember her face                  
 I didn't remember her eyes                  
 But he became like a fugitive -               
 I've been searching all my life for something I saw once.She was only there for one night.                
 By chance, I didn’t leave then.                
 They said she was someone's daughter.               
 The passion of an athlete as always...          
                                         
 Easily received consent                 
 We created our own world with passion,            
 And after the devil's night                
 She returned to a stranger's house.              
                                         
 Then, the years passed in curses -           
 I cursed myself for letting go.              
 I realized so late - forever              
 I said goodbye to the one I was dear to.           
                                         
 You won't do miracles now,              
 My hour struck, and I didn’t know            
 I only went into the forest once             
 And I got very confused.                
                                         
 I didn't remember her face                  
 I didn't remember her eyes                  
 She may be just like her father.            
 Just one time - the last time...         
                                         
                               05/22/2000
                                         
    Perhaps something happened    
    ======================You forgave beautifully                    
 She left and never returned.                    
 Perhaps there was something                
 But it dragged on quickly.                   
                                         
 Now I remember                   
 How the sun shone for us.                 
 And was it? Don't know.                     
 And how did love rot?!                 
                                         
 There is a feeling that is eternal                
 But we didn’t meet.                
 They were looking for something in themselves,                    
 And something only remained.                  
                                         
 We parted as friends                 
 Or they lived like enemies,                     
 What happened between us?                    
 Tell me, but lie.                    
                                         
                               05/23/2000
             =====             
                                         
 And outside the window there lived a city -                   
 As before, as later.                  
 He was no longer young                    
 But it seemed like a dream                      
                                         
 A wonderful wild tale,                 
 Where everyone and everything lived.                     
 And, with tenderness and affection,                
 Out the windowthe eyes are looking.                    
                                         
 The child is clean, fresh,                 
 Just a baby                       
 He looks at the sinful world,              
 While you're fast asleep.                   
                                         
 In his imagination                       
 No dirt and shame                      
 There's no point in defeat                 
 There is no trace of vice.                       
                                         
 He's sweet and harmless                     
 And his gaze beckons.                     
 You've seen this whole world                 
 But it blinds him.                       
                                         
 We are born in pain,                   
 We find life in blood,                  
 And on cheap rumors,                    
 We educate the thought.                      
                                         
                               05/29/2000
                                         
       There is color in life       
       ===       
                                         
 Pray, pray and don’t be bored -             
 It's not about faith or meaning.           
 Always greet guests with kindness          
 Theyyou need during your life.               
                                         
 You should be afraid for yourself                  
 When you've been behind the line for a long time.            
 Look into the eyes, branding others,          
 And don’t read shabby books.             
                                         
 Love the sunrise or sunset                 
 At least sometimes look at the stars.           
 Remember, in life you are to blame                
 The one who comes too late.       
                                         
 Seek your peace, love one,                
 It doesn't matter whether you are apart or together.           
 If you're drowning, go to the bottom,             
 Without abandoning your honor.                 
                                         
 When you break down, hit, but no, stay silent.              
 When on the nerves, to the nerves            
 Vomited during the day or at night,                
 In shit, in luck - still the first.        
                                         
 Look for yourself where you are not,                 
 Snatch your happiness from the tree.             
 While you are alive, there is color in life,         
 Don't be indifferent to him.           
                                         
                               05/29/2000
                                         
            Vision            
            =======I don’t believe it, it just doesn’t happen              
 It can't be that easy...        
 She doesn't know me at all...             
 How did it become close and far away?               
                                         
 I don't remember her name well -                   
 Just an appearance, just features.           
 The features are cute... Yes, to hell with them,       
 Who are you, vision, who are you?                
                                         
 She came out of nowhere                 
 She was there but without me.                   
 Her touch is a miracle.                  
 Lived with her forever in two days.       
                                         
 Breaking with tenderness, love,               
 Quirks, rules of people,                 
 We are without acquaintance and feast            
 They rushed into the pool, all quickly.           
                                         
 She was in a hurry to love me,                
 She told me don't go,                  
 It was as if I had sinned for the first time         
 And I knew it was empty ahead.                 
                                         
 We parted silently, without sadness,           
 We understood - that's all.                   
 We left nothing behind                 
 Leaving behind the memory of everything.                
                                         
                               05/30/2000We all play         
 ============         
                                         
 We all play - who is better, who is worse,     
 We all don't know who will be lucky.           
 And someone bothered to think for us,        
 And someone's head will be blown off afterwards.           
                                         
 But we play, taking risks and crying.           
 But we draw dreams for ourselves.            
 And everyone knows - his task is             
 Tear out a piece, ruining others.             
                                         
 Relieving fatigue, we often give up,      
 But again, push in and play until the end.      
 We draw an ace on the six              
 And we send a messenger ahead.                
                                         
 And here's luck, and you're outside the rules,           
 You tear the finish line with yourself.               
 You look at those you left behind        
 And you live by their game.                   
                                         
                                         
 And then the old woman comes with a scythe -       
 She knows who won-              
 Takes you on the road with him             
 And the broom gives: “Sweep it, leave it behind.”06/02/2000
---------------------------------------
 So, the author of these lines is waiting for your input.
chats at:                      
                                         
             69039             
         Sergey Ruban          
      house 31 apartment 36       
       st. Kruvorozhskaya        
         Zaporozhye          
            Ukraine