Library - a short story based on the game Santa Claus.

(C) 2000 Slider                          
--------------------------------------------------------------
 According to numerous requests from "TV viewers", despite the obvious
expressed dislike for all kinds of novels based on ZX games, I write
this is only because I am the direct author
called the scenario "Crime of the Santa Claus: Deja Vu", in
basically non-existent. Perhaps you will like...
                                                              
                           --------                           
                                                              
 - Um?                                                       
 - Santa. Santa Claus.                                        
 - Klaus... So he's German?                                     
 - No, Jew!                                                
 - Your sarcasm is completely inappropriate here. If you have chosen
bit of fraud, then I even agree to close this
eyes.  - With these words the investigator automatically took off his glasses
began to wipe ux. - As far as I understand, you have seriously decided
to put it in jargon, “mow” to look like a mentally ill person. Uck-
I hope that this will help your lawyer and he will achieve
positive result.  But if I hear at least one more time
a hint of disdain for law enforcement agencies
raham, I'm afraid we will then immediately stop our conversation, what,
I'm sure it won't do you any good. I have expressed it quite clearly
am I?                                                          
 - Yes, I understand. Call. - With complete confidence I could...
get over the cops u make um fools. This was possible
Of course - the portal will open in a few hours. Ho su-
There was one problem. I needed the staff, confiscated
I have, along with a bag and other equally necessary things:
a wonderful Hitachi VCR and MP3 player. Yes u are not
I'm used to telling a lie if it still doesn't work for me
benefit.  So, maybe the cops will be imbued with sympathy for cymac-
walking Although, judging by their stupid faces, they are not interested in this
located.                                                  
 - Gender... um-m... Date of birth?                              
 - 02/13/609th.                                             
 - One thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine?                       
 - No. I already explained. 609th year. Calculation 11th 
fractal reality.                                       
 - Ugh... Okay, how old are you?                            
 - Three hundred and forty. It will be in a month. - You tire me. Let's write thirty-nine for now, not yet
Let's check - you don't have any documents... Let's do this:
Let's skip the whole routine for now, otherwise I'm afraid to even think that I
You will have to enter it in the "Place of Residence" column...                
 - North Pole.                                            
 - Well, yes, that’s approximately what I thought.                       
 - Citizen investigator. I can understand you - you don’t believe me - 
those...                                                         
 - Hu droplets!                                               
 - Well, okay, it’s natural. But if you insist on  
a heartfelt story about how I mistakenly ended up...    
 - Let's say, I would call this not a mistake, but a planned attack -
We are working on an electronic equipment store - there is no material evidence anywhere
share. But I partially admit that I was wrong. At my suggestion you
decided to play the role of mapcuahuha to the end. Well, let's go
I'll try not to interrupt you anymore. Tell me from the very beginning
started. I'm listening to you carefully.                             
 - Utak, as I already had the honor to report to you, I emphasize that
mistake, ended up in the store. A slight inaccuracy in the coordination
tah, increasing error in inter-reality transitions.





















Короче,  я  должен  был материализоваться вне этого проклятого
магазина.  A  вeщдoкu...  Ну,  виноват,  виноват. Считайте это
своеобразным проявлением клeптomaнuu.                         
 Я,  можно  сказать, исследователь. Перемещаюсь по вceлeнныm u
ищу  заколдованную  принцессу. ВыOf course, you don’t believe in magic.
That is, you are only nocmeetecb over the capabilities of my magic-
whom the staff. In vain. You will return it to me - at least for a while - u I
I'll be happy to show you how it works.                 
 Well, if we start over, we should probably remember mine,
a completely mysterious attack of amnesia. Well, you know how it would be-
It turns out you are completely out of touch with reality. No, no, not a book-
It’s great, of course, although this has been happening to me lately
quite often.  I woke up then in a completely unfamiliar
terrain u with a local memory loss - the last ones
How many days have I completely forgotten? I remember well only what is needed
for some reason to find a secret cave located in an unknown location. Here
problem, right?                                                  
 So I started with reconnaissance of the territory. Fighting. B direct
sense of the word. By the way, I forgot about co-
existence of those times, so perhaps there will be some inaccuracies
tee.  Yes, if you take into account my illness coupled with the constant feeling
"déjà vu" and a feeling of split personality. Here u are now - vro-
The itch would deafen the seller, but it seems like a priest. Ulu ment... uh-
- uh... In short, I took the itch, - some kind of ultrasonic device
locally produced, stuns and immobilizes all living things in
radius of several meters, - u entered the first magician he came across -
zine Due to the arisingpreviously problems with law enforcement agencies
us, - I was confused with some local bandit, - in an urgent
In order, it was necessary to boot up.  See, citizen
investigator, I'm telling you everything sincerely, nothing
I bet you will return my staff to me?  With gilding you can co-
scratch it, damn it... uh-uh, to hell with it, I wanted to say.          
 So, the watchman and the seller of that, and at this time I stuck the needle -
zero. A terrible waste, of course, ruined disposable
batteries in the itch to have an unfortunate needle, but a pouch
mine was in dire need of repair, it was completely leaky
Well, here I patched it up. After this, after conducting reconnaissance
location, I was surprised to find that just under my feet













vital items are lying around. Yes u people came across
always friendly, broad-minded. Just take it
redneck priest.  Poor, unfortunate, but he gave the ax, even though u...
sing.  Yes, not a stupid priest, but an ax that had to be sharpened. Nothing without
labor, as they say... Here you are in the first stone you come across
I stuck the hatchet in the crevice. By the way, the thing is killer - u
um thickets can be cut down, u birch tree.                         
 Yes, I say the people were good. Such a cute girl, to the ball
wanted. But there are no clothes - they are delivered locally to Second Hands
It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, and the panties are in sixteen-kilogram bags.
ramm for the ball seems like u are not needed. Here u had to constructor
“Make a cam” get out - wire cutters, wire. Lockpicks, necessary
I can say, I know, this is the only way to make barbed wire
Press it, at least go to assembly line production. What not
you will do it for the sake of women.                                         
 In general, the door was almost open, I came to visit and completely
I accidentally found a dress (in the house, by the way, it was possible
u get there in a different way: not by poking around in the lock, but carefully
come from the rear and hit the glass with a baton. Ho, in the end
Tsov, don’t tell the cops about this), I’m sure the owners co-completely unnecessary, especially since ux u wasn’t at home, u de-
gave it to my granddaughter.  Free of charge, that is, for nothing. But she gives me money
still got it. Although u didn’t want to take it, but had to (So what,
For the sake of a New Year's mask, would you like to go to mokpyxy? I'm kind-
ry... And so the wolves are intact...) In general, the makeup turned out great
- Snow Maiden with slight sexual unshavenness and a bag behind her back -
Noah.  But what did you need to achieve, the policeman didn’t reward me
cash, so there was no need to be distracted by solving unnecessary
problems.                                                      
 Utak, along the way, I visited Snow White - also a sweet young lady, and
the gnomes were just on a business trip, - well, we are... Talk-o-ri-
maybe, then again... In general, I borrowed the pickaxe for business. It can
It was possible to crush stones, even to pick out tiles from the floor.
Only she is sweet and it hurts - after a few blows she crumbles
stone u tool.                                          
 The passage means I freed the dungeon, with a pebble, from a boulder
the remaining ones broke the ice. Amnesia is amnesia, and I have a bowler hat
cooks be healthy. Almost immediately I understood what to do, u,
stretching numb legs - after all, three hours on the shore of the lake
I sat, thought, and went to make a gaff to remove the log from the water.
How warm are the birches? So, there's only one crack. A oak log,
good, you'll get good firewood for the winter. U popoffended, du-
May, he won’t leave. My hands are golden, my relatives have praised me since childhood
lyat.  They even said that my grandfather was from a village where the villagers
they really had golden hands. Whatever they didn’t take on, everything was fine
the lotto was turning. Furniture is gold, food is gold. Barely water
saved us from this infection...                                 
 So this is what we need to do to build a house. Cooking instructions
niyu bagra, for those on the armored train: 1 piece of wire, 1
the stick is strong, usually broken off from trees that are wildly
roll their eyes, 1 ordinary hook. The hook turns out great,
but he may drown - I warn you. U breaks if the log is not
just scoop it out of the ice.                          
 The barter, it should be noted, was a success. Firewood - carpet. Handmade
pre-war period. I'll buy it expensive. If I had known earlier, I would have sold it. A
so I laid it under the Christmas tree - a toy when I shake the tree
I will, fall and will not break. But the one who goes there
weighed enough to sting all my life. Just grab the trunk
it hurts, it hurts. U I went to look for gloves.                   
 So far the point is, there were still no gloves, but there were scissors,
with which I successfully cut the rope, and the sheet, actually
Well, it came in handy.  Did I tell you about a ghost? Well, how about it?
a clot of ectoplasm, and an incredibly aggressive one at that. I wanted it
I'll scare him with a cross, which is ondangled from the priest's neck, yeah
he didn’t want to give it away. Eh, I wish I had an itch then...
Why grieve about the past, it’s all to no avail! And here is the sheet -
yes. I wrapped myself in it and launched a psychic attack on the enemy.
The ghost, poor fellow, was scared, only they saw him.           
 And later I met Snow, a forest miracle. Pay attention to
his face, not deformed by intellect, so the club blows
binoy.  And, it turns out, almost an academician. I borrowed his broom
u Exchanged the Book of Spells for fairy tales. And then, when I have
I was starting to lose my mind, so I came for advice. So he's like that to me
You gave out a chant - you'll rock!  In general, the point is that
monsters that look like tailless beavers darting just under
legs, it turns out, are needed to save the reality there, and
another scarecrow is to blame for all this disgrace, probably
specially chosen more terrible and uglier, so that it would be
who deserves to blame?  Catch monsters, scarecrow,
ugh, pickle a demon in a jar, some kind of portals
open, then close... In short, I went to catch the creatures
u read the Book of Spells along the way. I'm telling you, citizen
investigator, spells - you can break your tongue. I'm still producing
I learned to wear it, coreazod, yogi cotxotx, I almost lost my mind.
What, already? Well, let’s say you’re the one who floods...                    
 So, having spread outwith my brains, I decided to cross the lake.
Remember birches?  One - an axe, two - a board, three - a plane
made shavings.  U came in handy later. A one more board
just enough to cross to the other side. A gloves
right here.  In general, I must say, I was terrified -
dungeons all around, some kind of darkness, dragons, magic mirrors.
Bax!  I grabbed my mittens and ran to get a Christmas tree toy. By-
as it should be, I decided to protect myself and pyrotechnics
entrust it to a local trainee wizard.  Everything worked out, only
Look, the coals really burn your hands. Something to grab onto them again
necessary.                                                         
 (Note how wonderfully I am gradually getting used to the role of Ur-
ki, and even u had sex. What jargon, what turns of phrase! Sledova-
The body looks with such eyes, kind, kind. This is his
element, dear. I’ll also mention u about the Snow God’s unit, so
he will definitely be imbued with it, they say, the guy’s roof has completely gone off the rails. A
I'm under manic urge syndrome to mow in the meantime
I will, it seems, without having to hold the staff in my hands, life
I don't. And there the portal is activated, u - hasta la vista...)   
 I’m telling you, the items you need are just lying around under your feet.
Stone block, for example. Use it as a stand - so
even climb on roofs, even in mirrors. I went to the store and
Bo-Bocatch.  And then into the mirror. And there are monsters again - spiders
some.  I'm for gloves - u back, for coals, a shovel and metal -
loy.  I remember running around like crazy. A torch in a dark cave for-
I burned it, dug it out through the Looking Glass, and drove away the spider with a broom. And then
sat down and thought about it. Something had to be done. Just what? Co-
putting all possible causes, effects and inventory, having
being in stock, I remembered a few things. First of all, for-
first door.  Somewhere in the Book it was about it. Te-ex, scroll through
u... Aha, I found it! I just need bottles of liquid, I smell...
cabbage soup like Moment glue (I often sniffed it - after it I said
strong vigor is formed in the body), which to activate
spells are used, pick them up, and I have everything else
yes.                                                         
 Fuck-tub-doh, thub-doh - cum-cum, open up. U know the door
it did open.  Magic, of course, is a powerful thing, but for some reason I
I doubt that this time I would have succeeded, it’s not time
I used an ax pretty hard. And behind the doors an abyss was discovered,
studded with sharp stakes. It was scary, I won’t deny it, on the rope,
like Chingachgook, get over the hole, but there’s no other way -
how.  Even though there was still a dead end there, I found the key. U
I immediately remembered the chest. I think I'll try to open it, and if not
it will come out, so I'll break it with a crowbar. But the key, oddly enoughcame up, a
Then I dug into the floor with a crowbar, in the Hall of Military Glory. move,
By the way, I picked it. By the way, the passages there are like dirt. Even
There is a basement under the altar. There I u saw THIS. A block of ice, in which
The enchanted princess was frozen by the tor. "Here he finds-
"The limit of your dreams." Jokers. A ice I then hammer ma-
Gucheskum broke. But first things first.                      
 In the chest, then, lay a diamond of indescribable beauty. You have
If only on the black market, do you know how much they would give for it? years
fifteen with confiscation? No, well, you're wrong, comrade,
mate... What other Tambov wolf?..                        
 So what am I? Yeah, I can’t understand this crystal to anyone
zero, but the dragon appreciated him. The same one, hot-
joking.  No, not raw. I cooked it first. I wanted npoba-
I tried to be gentler, but I changed my mind, I used the control center from
Books.  The skull, it must be noted, was lying in a terrible place, - impossible -
It’s rare that it’s a diamond, a magical liquid. The dragon munched on
sweet soul. True, he later developed indigestion and he...
In general, he was busy, and didn’t pay any attention to me, than I did,
in fact, I used it with all my might.                       
 And when the dragon was distracted, I ended up in a cave. And there - snow waves -
crazy. Just have time to scoop up handfuls. Mittens, however, are needed
us, otherwise it melts something. U here I'm talking aboutunit remembered. U about
altar.  U o portal. It's probably all connected, I thought.
I went to start the unit. The pen, I remember, was lying behind the
cold lake, on which you only need to walk lightly - I
At first I almost drowned, only then I realized it. U just in case
The fireman even remembered his snowball throwing skills and threw a pen
to the other shore, when he returned, so that he could cross the ice without her
rate.  By the way, I said how cold it is there if you're barefoot
just underpants? Even though I am Santa Claus, there is a limit to everything.     
 Well, yes, I still had coals, and a snowball came up. Cbapra-
nil, it appears that I needed the figurine, and dragged it onto the altar. Would-
I have an idea to sacrifice the Snow Scarecrow to the Snow God for
The fact that he killed me like that made me feel sorry. U then - help
seems to have been promised... Not a few hours had passed before I guessed...
Xia, that, on the altar, it turns out, you need to screw the battery,
to charge, and then launch the um portal. Therefore I had to
several nepenoptutb figurines.  But the final goal is still
reached  Although, you know how scary it was to move to the first
once?  But then I tried it, I liked it so much. It's like... A-a-a,
you still don't understand...                                    
 The world of these very Bo-Bos is so wonderful. Almost like yours, only there
There is less concrete and more vegetation. Moreover, there is a hollow, from which
oh these creaturesclimbed out.  I looked at the hole and measured
him, and then went to Snezhushch to get the cork he needed. Just a broom
It's a shame I had to give it away. But he gave me the cork. And I dun her
lo canned. And then he went to look for the evil demon. Barely
I found it, I confess on honor. Where I am digging
carried out the bots, the wall turned out to be like this - you can’t get through it, but
in fact... Afterwards, like on a floating log
swam across the river - no other than modern magic - so the demon u
saw.  The monster is a monster, it even sometimes haunts me at night
dreaming.  He opens his mitten, bares his teeth, and lashes with his tail. U re-
vet, like a female rhinoceros in the mating season. Brrr.     
 Of course, I took the jar with me, an amphora, I mean. I'm go-
I'm guessing there are antiques all around, I'd like to hand them over to some museum...
Yes... But there's no point in using it, because you need a demon
I could almost shove it in there with my bare hands. And he's on the other one
was on the side of the abyss, roaring, gnashing his teeth, also, apparently,
he can’t get over the abyss, so he’s angry, the bastard
tailed  So then I’ll go get the ingredients for the next spell-
nyu ran. On the way I looked closely, maybe...
back, I think where I can find it. Yes, yes, I found it. Where the hell
bamu crystal, where behind the furniture, otherwise u someone, from a great mind
Apparently, he thought of sticking a bottle into the barbed wire. Ucca-
I fell apart all over while I was getting it out. Yes, that's true, as a matter of fact,
not to the point. But when I organized an invisible bridge - oh, this
business!  I’ll run up to the cave monster, like hitting it with a jug
I grabbed my head and just managed to pull out the cork when it came
u got in there. Magic! And you say, citizen is following-
tel...                                                       
 The rest was already technical details. Demon in the local
horror story room - there was still lightning flashing and thunder great
hooted, - hid it so that his enemies wouldn’t get close to him, the door is there
tightly walled up so that it would be discouraging to meddle with small and small ones
I picked up the fluffy ones on the way to Snowy, so that... But, honestly
speaking, why he needed them, I don’t know. Maybe I cooked u
ate. 0n such, capable of anything, stuffed mopkobohocoe. Ho word
I must give him credit, he kept his own. He did help me in pe-
transported the cunning schera several times, I remember while I was with my
I didn’t realize that the hammer operated a secret mechanism,
u, if you take it away, you won’t be able to get out of the cave. Yes
Next time I took a weight with me and that button
I sealed the ingenious one so much that, I suspect, the device is forever u
stuck.                                                    













 Happy, u in a fighting mood due to the back and forth
I had to run too often, I remember with that heavy hammer,
waved to his heart's content. So, petty hooliganism, of course, but pleasant
but...  I hope I didn’t hurt the dragon very much - he’s a beast
strong, what will happen to her? And that’s when we reach the treasured block of ice
got there, then my strength was already spent and only on the third -
it worked when the ice was in pieces. And there...               
 But what can I say, you already know the rest, I’ve done it ten times
told.  I wake up, it means I’m at home, my head is pounding.
I think there was less need to smell the magical liquid. Everything is here
I remembered. U about the cave, u about all sorts of demons. U thought
it was firmly stuck in my head that I saved the princess under a spell.
no. How aboutI saw a staff at the head of the bed, that’s right, just a little
no loss of mind. How is it possible - I remember it very well, like a staff
got it, - this is almost the same camoe that I told you, only
there are fewer passions of all kinds, - like in the same piece of ice, where
I found the staff, the monster, that is, the princess, showed up.        
 In short, my hands were itching, the face of whoever it was
he mocked me so much and he made such a mess in my head, he senses
my heart, it couldn’t have happened here without some kind of evil magician -
no, yes, correct it. I'm for the staff, the knapsack and the door...        
 Well, here I am, having intimate conversations with you. Before this, co-
Of course, I had to experience a lot in different realities, I ux
I even started classifying it - maybe it will be useful for my descendants. A
I haven't met the princess yet - I can't get back to the starting point
return. No problem, I’ll completely understand the transfer mechanism.
moving the staff... In the meantime, I’ll travel - I’ll see the world,
I'll show myself. No, not as you thought, comrade next... Already,
I’ll stop calling you comrade. Just return my staff
those, huh?  Do you want me to take you with me? Ha measurements look
different? Do you know what miracles happen there?..                     
 “Yes, he’s really lying professionally,” the investigator thought.
tel.- “As if he really believes in all this nonsense.
the same, gnomes, Snow Whites, demons, different monsters. Probablyu
The guy really has that head. Maybe it really is a staff
give it to him - for a while, of course - or else tear out your hair
will begin to engage in self-harm. What if he's really...
lushnomu... will move? No, it’s me, all the nonsense in the city
catches the fish. No, I need to rest and drink some coffee. Dwarfs... Ha!"
 - Take the detainee away!                                      
 With these words, Santa Claus was grabbed by the arms of two tall
The guards were dragged into the bullpen. "Well done, strong lads. Eagles! Yes
u are smart... At least u are orcs,” thought the investigator, no longer
Come on, troll with gray hair showing through, I’ll be thinking about it for a long time
Chucho was sitting at the table, peering at the one and only
visible point to him, sometimes starting and immediately stopping nervously
spin your ears...                                              
                   -----                 
                                                              
0t edition: well, it’s not Santa Claus, but comrade Sharapov semi-
was going on;) By 0PT u Uhtepy just at the time of writing this novel-
There was a movie going on "The meeting place cannot be changed", from here, it seems
u grandfather’s conversation goes like this...