Miscellaneous - Glucodrome.

                                         
   GLITCH IN ProTracker v3.xx.    
                                         
(C) 2000 Max/Compu-Studio Ltd           
-------------------------------------------------------
 It's good that there are buggy programs
we! Otherwise, what would I be talking about here? Yes
will be soft, filled with bugs!         
                                         
   Well, but seriously, the idea of writing
this material came after reading in
magazine DEJA VU #8 a series of articles about the transfer
playing the player fromProTracker`a 3,x
and discovered a glitch when playing
one pleasant melody in the compiled
separately from the editor. In the body of the editor-
the torah melody plays without problems and separately
but from it, for example, in BEST VIEW`er too
freezes do not occur, but with the native
The player hangs and that's it.         
                                         
   I consider myself an advanced hacker and
so I was interested in looking at
reasons for freezing. While I dug up one of
reasons, which I will tell you about. But forstarted
Let me bring you up to date, i.e. I will quote from
DEJA VU an article asking for help. By the way-
ty, now the music playing is exactly the one about
which will be discussed further. And now the quote:
                                         
                  -----                  
                                         
(C) Max/CYBERAX SoftWare/BDA             
                                         
         BUGZ ALIVE FOREVER :=(
                                         
   Hi, piplz! After writing the article
about the player in RTZ, I completely by accident
I encountered a very unpleasant bug.    
                                         
   This bug is completely hung
player's research, which can be observed
after1 minute 16 secondsplaying music
zone `RESISTANCE` by DAVOS/HS/CPU (more
exactly - on #F03rd int from the beginning of the playback -
vania).                                  
                                         
   There is a glitch in the proprietary player
and in the Samara modification. Hangs andple-
yer, modified by me.              
                                         
   It is noteworthy that ProTracker 3.31
plays it without problems!                  
                                         
   If anyone is rummaging around in players - explore-
take him and figure out what's going on. Oh
you can write an article about the results
send it to the editor Deja Vu.          
                                         
P.S.  I think that DAVOS will not be offended by the
the people of Mouzon without his (DAVOS) co-
lasia (for the sake of business, after all!).                
                                         
                  -----                  
                                         
   Well, yes, why be offended? For the sake of de-
everything is possible. In DEJA VU I, naturally,
I didn’t think of sending the article, but here I have it
gladly posted.               
                                         
   So where to start? View redistribution-
go to the player and look for the problem there? No, I
I'm used to working with the original source. So
you need to compile Mouzon with the player and pro-
play it until it freezes, which is what
did. The music is glitchy. Looks like
that it was not written in RT v3.x, but
converted from another formateditor.
I listened to a lot of musicDAVOS`and the like
I didn’t observe any kind of falsehoods.           
                                         
   Well, okay, let's get down to business.  On the computer
I loadMAGIC INSTALL and launch the buggy
music for playing. Exactly, hanging, for-
times... I press magic and contemplate the transition
on himself. Damn, how is this semi-
happened? Only a player could sense such a thing.
fuck!                                    
                                         
   We need to look for the reason. JP authors
ProTracker`but they hardly did it themselves, so
Well, someone made him like this. I look and see
changing the address twice under JP. My address is
It’s not the whole thing, but the younger half, that’s why
mu one byte is substituted. One fragment
normal, but the second one puts the wrong one
half the address, which ultimately leads to
looping!!! For what reasons is this
awesome shit doesn't show up on others
melodies - I don't know. On this issue you
please contact the authors of the editor, or
plow an experienced musician who worked
to RTZ and figure it out for yourself.  Well, I'm not kidding
in these patterns and octaves :(             
                                         
   Most likelythe glitch is in the text melo-
diy.  This may be some kind of "forbidden-
"code" to use, which is called
puts the procedure below into action.
For those who don't want to lose anything
look for the body or editor, I provide a fragment-
ment of the algorithm, which is buggy and in
rom need to make changes for normal
player's work.                         
                                         
   Suppose the music player
you compiled to address #C000. Now-
speech download STS and song. Stand on hell-
res #CA29.There should be a subroutine: 
                                         
LD A,(DE)                      
        LD (#СС26),A                   
        INC DE                          
        LD A,(DE)                      
        INC DE                          
        LD (#CC1E),A                   
        LD A,#1A ;glitch! Need #3A    
 LD (#СС1В),A                   
        RET                              
                                         
   In fairness it must be said that
I no longer have versions ProTracker`and younger
3.4, so the address may be a little off
this glitchy subroutine. But its meaning
judging by the complaints, remained the same. So, in
memory cell at address #СС1В lay-
the value is #1A. This is the minor
address trap. The substitution goes under
mandu JP #CCxx,where xx can be #38 or
some other byte. But which one? After not-
After much study of the algorithm, I come to the conclusion
water that this may be the address of the procedure,
which is located in the segment #CCOO/#CCFF,
because. the older half does not change with anyone.
Well, the woman with the cart - the mare is aware... On-
I go to the address most suitable for transfer-
progress: #CC3A. So the code should not be
#1A, and #3A! Replaced it, started it - it works!
What else does a poor peasant need?       
                                         
   Now I will make an additional explanation
for senior warrant officers: alladdresses at
entered in relation to the compilation address
player under #C000. If you, comrade
ensign, compiled a song from the player
user under a different address, then change to
until the malicious code in the procedure is not at the address
#CA29, and at offset #0A29 from the beginning of the com-
sawed Mouzon. I hope that you will coordinate
you know how to...                        
                                         
   That's it.  For those who like to remake
I want to say someone else’s code for my own needs
I want you, gentlemen, hackers, to pay
attention to such perversions in the listing,
obtained using STS`a:             
                                         
 LD HL,#0000                    
LABEL EQU $-#02                       
        ...                              
                                         
   If there is such a thing, then it means someone somewhere-
then it substitutes the value HL. And if
under JP, then there will be a new transition to another
subroutine or address. And it’s not at all obligatory
It is important to change the full address, and all young
shuyu or older half. This is how it is done in
player ProTracker`a. If to hack
treat carefully, then such cri-
You won’t have to ask for help.        
                                         
         GLITCH IN ALASM.         
         =============         
                                         
   When writing a new version of the viewer to
to my magazine, I at one moment decided to
maintain order in the algorithm - transfer non-
which subroutines from some listings in
others. I have 512K according to the Pentagon scheme, and
this allows you to have all listings of any of
all the programs we have written (CSL) at the same time
directly into RAM. So, I'm doing the last one
compilation, I launch it - everything works. Ho-
ok, moving the subroutines, compiling,
I launch it and it resets... I don’t understand. Du-
it’s small that somewhere something has moved down the table
tsam or some subroutine works according to
segments?  But no, everything should work
to melt without any problems! I have about 40 minutes
It took me a while to figure out this misunderstanding.
And what would you think - a glitch got out in the sa-
Mom ALASM!!!                           
                                         
   And it manifested itself in the following algorithm:
                                         
        ...                              
        LD HL,label                    
        LD DE,#4000...                              
                                         
   Nothing special, right? Me too
I thought so until STS got to the step-by-step
in mode until this moment. In my al-
the label indicated something,
which during compilation could not have been obtained
is determined by the ROM address. As a result
label fucked some weird address from
why it was concluded that something is wrong here
in the compilation algorithm. This is true! Image
Please pay attention to the address of the location of the object.
project code:                            
                                         
        ...                              
#7FFE LD HL,label                    
#8001 LD DE,#4000                    
        ...                              
                                         
   Haven't guessed it yet? Label hit
to switch between pages 2 and 5 of RAM on -
Our computer! Command code LD HL,nn
fell to the end of the page, younger half
label addresses are also here, and the highest
fell to the beginning of another page. ALASM at
The main place of work is located at
#8000 (32768), and when exiting it re-
rushes back to address #C000 of that one
pages, which is specified in setup.Compi-
By controlling the ALASM program, it tries to control
bookmark the object code so as not to
compile yourself from address #8000. Everything
well thought out, except when
add the address value to the junction of the pages
RAM. How will ALASM behave when transferred?
I haven’t checked the progress from #BFFF to #C000, but
there may be a misunderstanding. Have it
in view of the operation of ALASM!          
                                         
   And another glitch came out in version 4.1. He
appears when returning to ALASM from the program
user's frame, which you previously
compiled and launched, and then quity
you're coming back.  But this is only true
in cases where you move the body
ALASM to the upper pages of memory, i.e.
system page will not be 4, but some other
Guy.  The error lies in the driver,
ting of which is included in the assembly kit
ra. You need to set the country number in it
places where you transfer the ALAS body with setup
M`a. In all listings of drivers under met-
which  ADAS  is the standard (original) one
system page. Here it is, my dear, and you need to
change to the one you specify in setup.
                                         
 VIEW FROM THE SIDE       
       ===       
                                         
(C) 2000 TecHnoTron/R.S.M                
-------------------------------------------------------
 Born to crawl
  cannot fly.
                                         
  What prompted me to write this article is...
whether the circumstances. Namely, what this
hour in many new programs you can
encounter a fair amount of glitches. And them
the appearance is not always due to the fact that
noticed, missed.  Some glitches and
imperfections are left intentionally.  Here's to
For example, the game"CEZAR". This must be the one
what an idiot to allow so much!!!








errors.  Or this person doesn’t want to go to school
Dil, or is it some foreigner
perverts the Russian language ;( Look-
it inside her. Obana! What did I find! Oka-
is called: the essence of each mission (i.e.
nie) is stored as a screen, but only
nine missions. That is all this crap is
There are 9x27=243 sectors on the disk. Insanity
complete!  Wouldn't it be easier to draw
just one blank screen, and then
just print the essence on it
missions.                                  
                                         
  What kind of joke is this? Why the hell use-
use undocumented tracks? This
the fact that it is more than 79. In general, I don’t care -
disk drives, pah-pah, read so far -
little. But there are such drives that ra-
work with no more than 79 cylinders.   
                                         
  Funny again! It turns out that all this
the game is not packaged! How come I’m not immediately for-
methyl? I'm getting old, I'm probably getting old;) That's it...
why does it take up an entire disk, and look-
nothing to do with it. Even the playing field is some kind of
then truncated (in "ChV" and even more, so this
w "BLACK RAVEN"! ;))                    
                                         
  Okay, that's enough aboutCezar, otherwise
They think that only it has glitches...   
                                         
  Now let's wash the bones of JAM and his game
"STALKER". External data...will do. Let's climb
inside - the same incident as with Cezar.
Descriptions of all items and traps are stored -
in the form of screen files, and their order
20, if memory serves;) And one more thing:
My stalker is dying, I see the inscription:
"Stalker died..." I press some kind of
I'm hanging to start from the beginning... Where is it!!!
I was too lazy to at least reboot
games. It happens every time after death
stalker, press reset and start the game
again, but a stalker can die before-
quite often, because in the zone there are only lo-
Vushki.                                   
                                         
  By the way, according to my calculations, if these two
bring games into divine form, then they are
zoot both onto one disc!!! And this, if not
strange, will lead to saving our blood-
money - you need to pay for one dis-
chum salmon, not two.                       
                                         
  And now my comments to some auto-
frames of some programs and ESMI:           
                                         
          MIRACLE #2The first thing that catches your eye is bad
editing.  Sometimes there are si-
situations when one single
naya letter.  Next - in the intro (where there are two
screens switch) text needed
print in a color other than white.  Be-
the text against the background of a white mountain looks bad
rushes.                                   
                                         
          ZX POWER #3          
                                         
  Sometimes (in the author's version) it's buggy or
table loader, or positioning
does not work correctly, so it often crashes
zit is not what you need.  Most often Tepmiha-
torus 3.                                   
                                         
           ZX FORMAT           
                                         
  It would be nice to record the text,
otherwise write it down and then type big ones
sources are too tedious. Alterna-
a creative solution to this problem is
placement of these sources in the journal appendix
nala.  It can even be archived in ZIP
archive).                                  
                                         
          DEJA VU #8Guys!!!  Why such a crappy app?
did the marriage work out???  They threw it there though
I wish I had some kind of demo or something.           
                                         
          RU(S)Н #1/2          
                                         
  What is it: $1 for sending a disc via
Ukraine. Have you gone completely crazy?
is it???  A registered letter in Ukraine costs
only 60 kopecks. And this despite the fact that
the amount can be sent immediately until Friday
these (!) disks!  At the exchange rate to the dollar 60 ko-
peek corresponds to approximately 22 cents (according to
Ukraine), and this is not a dollar at all... Re-
see your pricing policy if you want
make sure people buy from you, not from pirates
Comrade                                     
                                         
         SEE YOU!!!         
                                         
        ABOUT "END OF THE WORLD"        
                                         
(C) 1999 Alex Exler Http://WWW.exler.ru
-------------------------------------------------------
 Well, friends, on to the next
the said "end of the world" has flown by again
Oblomingo bird. No, don't get me wrongThat’s right: I’m not at all going to anger the Higher-
neck Guide and gloat over it
about. On the contrary, I am very glad that we are on
At the moment we have every opportunity
enjoy the sun, beer and good-
inclined glances of girls passing by
shek  It would be a shame if we had all this...
then they immediately lost it.               
                                         
   By the way, my personal research sources
nicks predicting the “end of the world” have shown
whether that basically all these gloomy prog-
Noses are based on the following inputs:    
                                         
 1) The year 2000 is approaching.   
                                         
   This, in my opinion, is the weakest art
Gument. If only because why would he
not to get closer (after all, as the unforgettable said,
ven Mike Naumenko: “Time flies
ed, and we fly with him")? Besides that-
wow, we came up with this calendar ourselves
(that is, a certain part of the human
quality), so why on earth would he be
to be?  There are peoples whose chronology
lenition is completely different. Is that why they are now
forge: no “terrible” two thousandth for you
year, no Y2K computer problem for you. 
                                         
    2) Solareclipse.     
                                         
   Also a weak argument. Well, it's sunny. Well
eclipse. So what? Has the right, inter-
other things. Moreover, we are these eclipses
We've watched it a hundred times already.  Yes! Becomes
a little dark and a little scary
not enough!  Although personally I'm more nervous
Stephen Keen movie viewing time
gu. There, like a hand from the grave - jump, so with
I almost had a heart attack-
Yes.  And this is a solar eclipse, I repent,
I totally missed it somehow. I was sitting there, ra-
I was working on the computer, and only at 16 o’clock
realized that active space me-
The party took place without my participation. Vpro-
than, the rest will not lose anything from this -
whether.                                      
                                         
  3) "Astrological cross."  
                                         
   I am a former professional astro-
log, so I realize that I completely ignore
correct the given position of the planets (or,
as astrologers like to say, constellation
lation) is not possible. Of course, this figure is not
contains a rather violent influence on the op-
individual people and entire societies. But she
still does not foretell the end of the world, Ma-
rin or someone else.  Everything is very
highly dependent onpersonal city
pa.  Some people will go a little crazy,
something like this combination of planets will drive
deep depression, and the person is even beyond
can suddenly stop drinking, but some
such a combination can make a very ac-
proactive, businesslike and purposeful. 
                                         
   The people most affected are
who were born in one of those signs
where the planets of the “cross” are now clustered:
Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. But also
This, I repeat, does not mean at all that life
will give a strong crack, or your favorite dog
The bug will run away from the house with the neighbor Barbo-
catfish  It all depends very much on the individual
horoscope.  I haven’t even given up drinking, let alone
that - Aquarius.                           
                                         
   So the astrological cross is like
a harbinger of the "end of the world", it seems to me
insolvent.  Moreover, he will soon
will slowly begin to disperse.           
                                         
      4) "Decrypted"      
  predictions of Nostradamus.   
                                         
   Oh! This is where the people turned around in full
program.  I just admire Michel and
his famous joke with quatrains. Kaza-
I wish I couldordinary people need from
fortune teller?  Only one thing: clear and precise
nal records. Like this: “In 1964 Se-
men Divanovich Razdolbay-Botylko will spill
beer, will snap at his wife, and this will make him
The global cataclysm will expire at 2 p.m.
Greenwich, if Greenwich at that time is still
will live."  Or: “In such and such a year it-
the politicians of such and such a country with the help
of the valiant armed forces of the invading
to the territory of a neighboring country and
They will create complete Sodom there with Hussein."   
                                         
 Logical?   Logical.  The average person reads
predictions, is amazed at the clarity in presentation
presentation of the facts, after which calmly dispatched
rushes home to carefully monitor
behavior of Semyon Divanovich and politicians
such and such country.                         
                                         
   But it's not that simple! We already talked
that astrology (since Nostrada-
Mus is considered an astrologer) - science
about probabilities. About the so-called tendencies
tions.  It would be wrong to count everyone
astrologers are charlatans. This is really
a science that is akin to meteorology. Pros-
then meteorologists predict the earth's weather
new, and astrologers - space weather.   
                                         
    In the weather report, for example, it says -
Xia: “It’s going to rain outside today.” What
does the average person after listening to this collection -
ku?Right! He puts on a cloak and takes with
umbrella fight. Now, even if he is caught
no rain, nothing special will happen-
det. He's protected. Of course he won't have
the same good mood as if
the sun would shine in the sky. But he nevertheless
less, he won’t catch a cold or, forbid
God, inflammation of the appendages, because he
- warned! By whom? Meteorologist! Same
The same thing is happening in astrology. This is science
as I already said, about space forecasts
what weather.  It's much more complex
than meteorology. Just for the reason
that it is enough for a meteorologist to see
some anticyclone that moves with
west to east to predict clouds
with the rain. It’s more difficult for astrologers. In their ru-
There is a tool - astronomy. Science of
movement of the planets.  Astrologers with ease
can calculate the position of the planets at that
or other period of time. Moreover, even
not calculate, but just look at it like this
called "ephemeris tables". This is the table
tables in which the provisions of the placard are published
no for every day.                      
                                         
   But the whole difficulty is that
what is impossible to clearly predict - how
will be influenced by certain provisions
planets on the human body, on its
actions and events that will happen to him
happen.  But here astrologer comes to the rescue
hubbubwhat comes? Practice! Clean practice
tics and observations that are already underway
God knows how many years. It's all meticulous
recorded and passed on from generation to generation
generation.  There are many different schools,
which, sometimes, betray completely contradictory
positive results. But we, my dears
readers, we still go to the astrologer,
listen to predictions and pay for it
money.                                  
                                         
   Let's return to Michel Nostradamus. Got it-
but that he could not clearly and clearly state
bare facts, because facts are astrologers
they almost don’t know how to give (remember the many
fabled predictions of the Global Spouses,
which are still not coming true with envy
constant constancy).  They can talk
only about trends and probabilities, with
certain events may occur
Tia.   That's why Michelle Pfeiffer, sorry,
Nostradamus acted quite simply:
wrote a bunch of completely vague poems,
encrypted them with a bilingual code and, having fun
laughing, left it for posterity.                
                                         
   And this is where the descendants turned around.
From generation to generation, people carefully
edit the Nostradamus nebulae, spend
a lot of time and effort to decipher them, but
They are most happy when they succeed in
catch up with one of the verses that has already happened
ongoing events, because it gives"base"
believe that these predictions come true -
Xia.                                      
                                         
 This is all very funny. By the way, in history
There have already been quite a few similar jokes. Recall
for example, McCartney's song "I'm a Walrus"
which was a meaningless
set of words. But this did not stop the worship
cam group "Beatles" long and tedious "ras-
encrypt" it, looking for deeper meaning
where it simply does not exist.               
                                         
   I also want to play Nostradamus.
We write a quatrain:                            
                                         
U the Sun will rise back and forth ytpou,(ShTRv)                   
A strange pterodactyl will fly across the sky, (jKKrn)                
People don't like to drink beer anymore, (QWauR)                       
And the woman will be as beautiful as a herd of bison. (FgJNd)          
                                         
   Using the five-language cipher that I
provided his prediction, we can re-
encrypt the message and understand that in 1999
Alla Pugacheva's concert will take place this year -
I even named it!  - and that Badaevsky
the brewery on August 20 will produce
ru hop release.                         
                                         
    Great?  Great.I liked it too
moose By the way, it's very funny to read now
naive and angular explanations of "decipher-
rovshchikov" of the cheerful Michel, who from the per-
Noah at his mouth proved that we were on August 11
waiting for the end of the world. “A-a-a-a, damn it,” scream-
chat now transcribers. - We, fool -
ki, used Russian-Japanese bilingual
cipher, and Nostradamus, it turns out, uses
used French-Hebrew! Therefore
and Oblomingo flew by. Well, nothing! Now
let's take the correct cipher and understand when
it will be the end of the world. But Michelle definitely said
hall that the world will end someday.
Believe us!"                       
                                         
   So, dear predictors,
codebreakers and other intimidators of the sort
humane, continue your necessary and
important educational activities.
There will always be fools who are all this
They will eat, and they will also ask for more.
I would like to end this message with a quote
number in which the prediction is encrypted
for next week:                       
                                         
 And that day will be a week,             
 When precipitation in the form of rain is possible.     
 A stern knight will appear on the television screen, 
 Something will roar, but no one will fall and  
  will do push-ups.                             
 Don't drink milk with beer at night,        
 Because it's tiringorganism ;)     
                                         
                 ------                  
                                         
   Editor's note: well, did you have fun? I
that's for sure. In addition to this article I want
to say that Nostradamus is Nostradamus,
and in modern life anything can happen -
Xia.  But everything should be treated with
with a certain amount of humor or in extreme
case - wisely. Want an example? No samples
lem:                                     
                                         
   Computer Problem 2000. Much for
it was spoken and written. But nothing happened
happened.  Why? Yes, because
nothing could happen. This is a tribute to fashion -
I didn’t buy the latest computer model
- you’re a sucker and this is your destiny ((C) MTV). Everything
new software supports this glitch since 00. But
made a fuss.  It would seem - why?
spend a lot of money on something that can serve
learn only from a "sucky" user
a computer with a tattered triple
or something like that? That's what they call it all
"strategic objects" are also equipped
advanced by modern computers and software
frame support. On the territory of the former
Moreover, there was nothing to fear from the USSR -
Everything is always good with us!  So I get-
yes,that all this hype is nonsense. But this
only at first glance...               
                                         
   In my deep conviction, here
Sam "buried" two dogs - one on top,
and the other is slightly lower. She is the one
the main reason for all this hype! So,
the first "dog" is two zeros in the date. Like me
I said earlier - it’s all bullshit. But the second one
paradise "dog" - buried deeper -
the key to unraveling everything: YEAR 2000 WE HAVE VI-
JUICY! So what? Like what? What about us
be with the Gregorian calendar adopted
400 years ago as the basis and on which we
skip a leap year up to once every 400 years
new year? Exactly 400 years have passed, so what???   
                                         
   And the fact that Uncle Sam forgot about it and didn’t
in one program I didn’t take into account that the year is 2000
should not be a leap year!!! If the problem
mu "00" (well, just like the women's restroom ;)
somehow hushed up under the pretext that once
developing computer technology at first did not
attached special significance to the change of dates due to
uncertainty in the direction of development from
grow, then “slap” what was about
known for as many as 400 years - SHAME!!!       
                                         
   And not only a shame, but also a lot of love -
Liard fines and compensationaccording to judicial
claims that, logically, should have been
everything is now collapsing on the stronghold of the American
Economics - IBM & MicroSoft.  But Bill
Gates is not a fool - he left just in case
from direct management of the company (so de-
it’s better to excuse yourself from the courts), and pre-
really made a fuss about “00”, which-
would distract public opinion from the fundamental
no problems.                            
                                         
   Remember, on February 29, Japanese computers
ry crashed when changing the date to an extra one
day?  They understood correctly what should
be March 1st! What is the reason? In Japan
computers of their own production are widely used
manufacture, but the software was written by the Yankees. Clock in the room
they showed the correct date, but here is the software
screwed up on this, because... by his (software)
I think 2000 is a leap year. In everything
nothing happened in the real world. Here we go
conclusion - the whole planet has been crushed by these
Americans... It's sad.                  
                                         
   Who still doubts or has forgotten,
then I ask you to open your astronomy textbook
for 10th grade (or whatever it is now - I
I studied when I was ten). There you will find
confirmation of my words.               
                                         
   By the way, do you want to be a little proud of
our coders and the whole country as a whole? Then
load iS-DOS and find the resident date.
Look attoday's date, day not-
Delhi and so on.  As you can see, the company
operating system manufacturer and author
this resident in particular knew about the gris
Gorean joke and that's why they wrote everything
correct. But the Yankees "changed life for the better-
shemu" and therefore it turned out that all our
The software is now not working correctly. Money de-
Everything on our planet barks. American. 
                                         
        RUSSIAN TITANIC        
                                         
(C) 1999 Igor Grechin                    
-------------------------------------------------------
 In our difficult times, when to spit
nowhere to avoid getting into a poster with a weak
Lyonka DiCaprio's ugly face, when
all radio stations play all day long
"My Heart Will Go Op",when small children
instead of dinosaurs they draw a sinking ship -
face... In short, in these terrible times I
I won’t be silent either. And I'll tell you too
about "Titanic".                            
                                         




















                                         
   Ведь,  в  сущности,  о чём этот фильм?
Дряхлая столетняя бабулька реально грузит
молодых  остолопов,  а  те, развесив уши,
утирая слёзы умиления, верят ей безогляд-
но!                                      
                                         
   А  вот мы не будем такими простодушны-
ми,  мы  не  дадим  слезамcloud our
look, we will watch the movie carefully.
As always. So.                        
                                         
   Doubt the sanity of her mind and sobriety
words of her memory, the old woman-storyteller
starts already at the very beginning of the film. Remember-
those, Rose tells our dunces that this
expensive necklace (forgot what it’s called)
it seems) she only wore it once -
when Jack drew nudes of her? Well
so here it is: grandma is lying! A little later we see
Dim, as Rose's fiancé, Cal, gives it to her
necklace and - puts it on her neck! It became
Rose must have worn it at least twice
yes.  Moreover: there is a feeling
that the grandmother is not who she says she is,
because young Rose has green eyes and
The old lady's are blue.                    
                                         
   Next. "Titanic",as is known, came from
England to the States, across the Atlantic, from the East
ka to the west. However, the dolphins on which
Jack and his friend are gawking from the side
ship, - Pacific white-sided and already
not atlantic!                  
                                         
   There is generally a lot of confusion with the ship's course.
check.  When Jack and Rose are thrilled by "flight"
on the bow"Titanic",the setting sun is beating
exactlyto the left side. Let me remind you: ship
goes from east to west. So either he
lost its course, or the sun in those years
happened in the south.                           
                                         
   By the way, about those years. "Titanic"after all
went down in nine hundred and twelve.    
                                         
   But: At the beginning of the film we see a picture
Claude Monet"Lilies",which he began painting
only in 1916. When Jack was resurrected
trying to break into the salon one morning
first class, passengers sing the sea anthem
Russian aviators, who could not be in
those years, if only because the Wright brothers
took off in just eight years
ass  Jack tells Rose about how
went ice fishing on a lake in Wiscon
                                         
















                                         
blue, near Chippewa Falls. However
the lake is artificial, filled in
1917   And it wasn’t graceful at that time
electric flashlights, with the help of which
Rescuers on lifeboats searched for survivors
in icy water... So the old woman is lying,
lies and doesn't blush!                     
                                         
   By the way, about the rescuers. One of them is cri-
reads from the boat when the ship has already sunk:
"Can anyone hear me?.. Is there anyone alive-"
howl?.." But in vain - only the echo answers
to him. We cry out of pity... Stop-stop-
stop!  What kind of echo can there be in the open
ocean?!                                 
                                         
   By the way, about the ocean. Well, what pass-
fats spend half the film cheerfully running waist-deep in
ice water without any symptoms of overexposure
getting along is forgivable in a movie. But
could it be that women at the beginning of the century used
were indeliblecosmetics "Max Fak-
torus"?  Apparently - yes: no one has mascara
did not run and the lipstick on the lips did not smudge -
I was glad, although, I repeat, they are half a film
splashed around in the cold water.            
                                         
   By the way, about lips. To attract attention
rescuers, Rose removes the clothing from her neck
metal whistle,
puts it in his mouth and with the last of his strength removes the non-
an intricate trill.  So: did you ever...
Have you ever tried licking in the cold when you were a child?
remove a metal door handle? For
those who did not have a childhood - the language is
freezes tightly and without getting hot
You can't get by with water here.                 
                                         
       Now about installation errors.       
                                         
   The Episode Our Heroes Meet: Rose
tries to throw himself overboard, and Jack repels
boils her from this rash act-
ka.  Leaning with his RIGHT hand on, it seems,
bollard, he tells her a story about how he pro-
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
fell under the ice on a non-existent
years lake.  In the words "That's why I don't
I'm eager to jump overboard for you."
the frame changes, and what do we see? - Jack
calmly leans with his LEFT hand!       
                                         
 Here Jack and Rose are going to
first class restaurant.  Molly (Katie
Bates who) asks to be escorted to both
dining room And so, the three of them, they go down
down - Rose, Jack, Molly. Then the camera
helpfully shows us Cal, who
moving slightly ahead. Give him a look
behind the back - Rose and Jack disappeared most
mysteriously, and following Cal
Only Molly is coming.                       
                                         
   Here's Jack handing Rose a menu. Menu
yellow color.  Rose is reading this menu. ANDThe chameleon-style menu changes color to white.
                                         
   Here Rose is trying to free her lover
handcuffed.  She hits
glass covering the fire shield, and
The glass clearly shatters into pieces!
Nothing like that: when she grabs the top-
Rick, we see that there are several fragments
still stick out from the frame of the shield, although mostly
they were not there in the previous frame...               
                                         
   However, all these punctures are trifles
compared to the issue that worries
me most of all. Together at the beginning of the film
no less boarded the ship with the owners
dozens of dogs and doggies. So where is everyone
were they gone by the time of the disaster?!
Or, like rats who sensed trouble, ahead of time
jumped overboard?                        
                                         
 -----                   
                                         
   P.S.  Similar glitches in movies
full. Look carefully enough
third "through the eyes of a professional film-cri-
tick", and not a stupid lame who is subject to
they sell stuff for crazy money. The same
those who want to cover new movies, write to re-
editorial staff of the magazine.