Miracle #03 16 июля 1999

Самиздат

Room with laughter - Perdmen: damning story of all of the same PTYuCh'a.

Note: Attention! The text of the present
profanity.


    (P) Ptuch'98

    (R) ED150n'98

    -------------

                                  Probably watch a movie

                                  "Nip / Tuck" on the U.S.

                                  Radio DJ Jay Howard Stern

                                  "King of the mass media" (as 
he 

                                  modestly calls himself) has 
already 

                                  had everything. And certainly

                                  know that the film based on 
the 

                                  the second book of the

                                  Stern, became a bestseller in

                                  America, where Howard is

                                  something of a national

                                  hero. But few know that

                                  book is much funnier than the 
movie 

                                  in which there is half the

                                  scandalous facts of life

                                  famous DJ. Favorites

                                  chapter of his autobiography 
Stern 

                                  in front of you ...



   I Chip Z'Nuff - rock star of the group
Enuff Z'Nuff The beginning was quite
innocent ... - I asked Chip and Donnie,
two rockers from the group Enuff Z'Nuff,
whether they had any ever known
women. Enuff Z'Nuff - one of my
favorite bands, and I can not understand
why, after three albums, they still
not a superstar. "Chip fucked
Madonna has laid a friend Donny. - He it
filmed in Los Angeles when she was
drummer in a band. "This
Chip truth?! - I nearly jumped out of the
their pants. - You forgave Madonna?
Let me sniff your hand! "" I do not
want to discuss it, "- said Chip." You
spanked her properly? Damn, I can not
believe you fucked Madonna and never
tell me about it! "When a
Some time we met again,
The chip was careless enough to tell me
details about how during sex with
Madonna, he is in her Nassau. We argued, I
argued that a woman piss
impossible. Exit to live with such
conversation there was no possibility,
so I had a bit of
"Clean up". I could not wait to start
the broadcast to talk about it.
"These guys have told me that they
met with Madonna! - I told her
assistant Robin. - If I do this
tell you will not need to do
roundup, it will be the main
news. "We have told all of Robin, and
She immediately joined the conversation: "You
it is made out of disgust? You
really wanted to do it or
accident happened? "- curious
she said. It's time to launch an attack. "In addition
jokes, Chip, Madonna likes this? This
its plant? Damn, these guys use
Women instead of the toilet, and I was
called sexists? Hey, maybe Chip
just could not stand it? He was mad at
women, and he simply has no time for
then to run to the toilet. When you
watch her videos, whether you're talking about: "I
to the toilet? "- I asked. When they
left, we talked on the air at least
frank version of the story. "As far as
cool, piss on Madonna? - I asked
audience (admittedly, Chip stated that he
pee in the Madonna). - Thanks to this
stories he could thrive years
20, and it behaves as if it were
a common thing! I would be in his place
used this story as soon as
possible. I have talked about it,
analyzed without end ... And he calmly
so says: "And what this actually in
that I was in Nassau Madonna? "Chip, you
any idea? You piss in Madonna! "
Of course, when they come to me at
next show, I once again started its own: "Where
Madonna, I need help! Chip, you
Did not realize you should
proud of it? She's a legend! How many
guys only dream, as if otimet
Madonna and you just took it and like so
had used it. You must have said to her:
"Okay, shut up!" I urgently need to
WC, hey, no free
toilets, but I'm a man - that's what I
do it. "lol But I do not understand.
What, he could not go to the toilet? You
did it to wind it up, right? "
"It's been a long time - protested Chip. -
And not because it was. "See
that guy over there, Fred? He pernul before
Gloria Estefan. That was cool! She
all stunk. But your story is steeper. You
Our hero, Chip! "I began to fantasize
if they handed Grammy: "We would like
to thank the Academy, the Lord God,
and Madonna. When we did not have
Nearby toilets, we enjoyed it. "
Chip felt uncomfortable. I tried
put pressure on him, but he justified that
spent with her only one night, although
Chip breaks bragged nonstop.
"Let me ask you a question, Chip -
"I said. - If you had stayed with
Madonna has a couple of weeks, as you
think your relationship would have evolved into
something more? In the "number two"
for example? "On this issue chip for some reason
did not answer.


  The story of Perdmena.


   I have always had problems with gas.
My wife, Alison ran with it in
the beginning of our relationship. We
met for about two months,
went to dinner, and after every meal
I started these stupid problems
with the stomach. Then we came back to me
and chatted a bit, then I disappear
for a few minutes, came back,
disappears again, disappear again and again
returned. In the end, Alison
wondered where it was I,
in fact, all the time disappears. More
all she thought I was a drug addict or
something like this. "Frankly, I
uncomfortable talking about it, but I
problems with gas. "To which she said:
"Why do you feel uncomfortable? You
you can keep them with me. Relax. "
I relaxed, the gate opened, and I
perdel day and night in the presence of my
girl, until she became ill. I stink
as a corpse, as if some kind of rat
gnawed a hole in my sphincter and
died! I am confident that Alison was ready
one - two gas attack in a month,
no more, so after a week she
asked me to return to
the original state of affairs. But it was
too late. It is unlikely that I could pass
it all again with another girl.


   How much do you know people who
can turn their deficiencies in
dignity? This is what distinguishes
superhero of the common man. I could
to live a quiet life of radio host,
from time to time making repairs to the toilet
and trying to vyperdet his rat. But when
Your country needs you, when
the greatest power in the world are threatened
organized forces of evil, I could not
escape from destiny. The country needed a
superhero. I had to become
Perdmenom. I created this character is not
the good life. If somewhere in the world
occurred some problem, I phoned the
Embassy and shouted at
dignitaries. If they let me
ignored, I perdel the phone
tube. Perdmen always been there, where
injustice rears its
ugly head. When the Ayatollah issued
death sentence to the great poet
Salman Rushdie for his Satanic
Poems, I decided it should Perdmenu
read these poems over the phone
someone in the Iranian embassy. There
us who does not answer. Then I asked
Our producer Gary Del Abeyte
call to any hotel in Iran to
to establish diplomatic ties.


   "Tripoli Hilton in touch" - proudly
Gary announced. "Hello, Tripoli Hilton? You
Tolls Perdmen with American radio. "
Robin first encountered a Gary.
"Tripoli?" - Robin asked in surprise.
Gary as always, all mixed up and combined
us with Libya. "Oh it's Libya?" I asked.
"Yes." - "So, it is Libya.
In fact, I called in Iran, but I think
it would do, and Libya. "It was not
Gary first mistake, he would have to
Australia phoned Gary idiot. "Hello,
it Perdmen, is there anybody there? Hello?
This Perdmen, you moron! Someone should
be there. "Finally, on the other end
Wire rang "Hello?" - "This is
Perdmen, you speak English? "-
Yes. - "I'll read 'The Satanic
poetry ', "- and really began to read:
"What, could not find its way to
heaven? "Not very nice words for
conversation with a lady. Perhaps Rushdie on
actually deserved to die. "Yes?" - You
can say anything but 'yes'? -
I asked. "Yes." We laughed.
"What's so funny?" I asked. - I'm not afraid
Read 'Satanic Verses', and you? "-" I
think you're crazy, "- said
wrong on the phone. "I'm not, I Perdmen.
I can smash you with one farts "-
"You are really crazy." - "I
do not like Gaddafi, he sniffs the camel
crap! "I gave a powerful volley.
PPPRRRRRRR !!!!! "I'm not afraid of him. If he
sniff my gas at least once, he
lose consciousness. You know, all these holes
on his face Qaddafi got when I
he somehow met and pernul in the face. "
It was a war! "If I see you, then
Pernod and in your face! Where are you farts? In
store? Home? In bed with his
hairy wife? "PPPRRRRRRR !!!!!" I do not
I'm afraid Gaddafi! "-" Everybody is afraid of my
leader "- a sudden he yelled. It seems
I felt his soft spot. "He's a coward!" He
afraid of us! So he resorted to
Terrorism and dresses like a woman. "-
"You ass!" - "I'm not an ass, you squirt!
I Perdmen. America - the greatest
country in the world, where everyone is allowed
profess any religion. Unfortunately,
even Islam. "-" I think you're sick, "-
again, "said my companion. Suddenly
Robin stepped in: "I do not understand why
we run into the Libyans when they were
Iranians ... "-" This is a unique number,
which was from Gary. Gary, you're an idiot
what the heck I was talking with Libya? "
Gary came into the room: "He's a Muslim.
All Muslims are against the book. "


   "You know what? Your country stinks! I
wanted you to be here
To pernut in your face. You wear
sandals? "-" No. "-" Aha! " You wear
sandals. My ass knows everything! "
PPPRRRRRRR !!!!! He muttered something,
clearly attenuated the effect of my volleys,
Then swore and hung up. By
At least we found a Muslim.
Thanks to Gary, we could talk
and Puerto Ricans.


   Perdmen Goes to Hollywood.


   The typical American dream - to make
something heroic, and then
capitalize on this kapitalets. Altruism
reaches only up to this point. I decided
that Perdmena time to go to
Hollywood for the annual awards
MTV. The first challenge was to find
someone who would represent me.
At MTV did not find anyone who would dare to
me to appear at the ceremony. Per month
They telephoned in Hollywood, not who is not
agreed to represent me. I wanted
that would do it Cindy Crawford, but she
refused. Then I wanted to get this
the girl from "Beverly Hills 90210" -
Shannen Doherty - but it's these fucking
Young Republicans and, of course,
did not agree. Nobody wanted me
represent. Then Luke Perry
I volunteered to present.
He was really nice.


   Designer made me a suit in
displays the buttocks. And I struck up
strap so that would hang over him stomach.
I wanted to be the most disgusting
a creature that has ever seen
people. My ass was so
outrageous spectacle that I had
always covered. All eyes were on
me. Of course, on my buttocks were
full of hair, pocks, cellulite and other
crap, and the reaction of each celebrity
by which I passed was
unbelievable. Mick Jagger could not hide
his disgust. I stood in the dressing room, and
suddenly there came a double Michael
Jackson and looked at me as a
some idiot. He copied Michael
Jackson and looked at me! I went
Shannen Doherty past, and in her eyes
read: "You fucking piece of shit."
In short, there was a very strange
atmosphere.


   It's time my vyhoda.Ya was the scene at the height of 
30futov. When I looked down, saw me

is Luke. He appeared on stage and
said: "I would like to submit a
mate, since no one had the
courage to go on stage and do it. "
That was cool. "From a distant part of
We flew the hero of the country. It stinks like
john, Perdmen - you're our idol! "P-time!
I'm flying down and cry a terrible voice: "I
Perdmen. I'm super-hero PERDMEN! On
stage I landed without problems. Until
all good. "Behold the most beautiful of
Spectacles! "I turned to the audience
and showed his ass. People in
Hall seemed to mind poshodili. The show was
ours. Luke wildly applauded. I again
turned their backs to the audience. "I
I hope, an operator takes my beautiful
ass. Look at her. It
great power. Let me
demonstrate it. "I leaned over,
tense, and - BUMMY! The scene exploded and
disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I blew it
chips one farts. Incredible, but I
did it! I mean, I almost
40 years and I have a vytvoryayu. Perhaps I
really sick. "Luke, look at my
backside. "Luc was now my student.
"Touch the force. Feel it." Luke
reached out and touched my buttocks,
if he worshiped the altar of my anus
Then he raised his hands as if
touch of his healing. "Yes, you
can laugh my ass now
but when my film "Perdmen" will be
No. 1, the entire Hollywood will be her
kiss. Who among you wants to touch
to my ass? "The first ten rows
screamed with delight. Young
pretty girl jumped on stage.
"Come on, girl, touch force."
A stranger fingered my buttocks,
so strange! "Thank you, dear!" Come
time for awards, but I could not
stop. "How do you like my ass, Luke?"
"Great Ass, old man!" He slapped
me in my fat puzu. Definitely
this guy I like more. A
Now, when you saved us from the dangers of
clean air ... "- he began
move closer to work. But I have not yet
finished. Grabbing his face, I pripechatat
wet kiss to his cheek. "He -
the next James Dean "- I announced." And
now is the time for the category, full
lights and smoke machines - the best
heavy-metal video. "- Winner -
Metallica ", - I announced. Two of the group
climbed onto the stage to receive
Award: Lars Ulrich, drummer
and a complete idiot who thinks he is
God's gift to the product
CD-ROM drive, and a second, similar to the
Carlos Santana Hemmet Kirk was wearing a beret
Enough said. Moron Lars immediately
he began his speech about how much
time passed before they asshole
won on MTV. Meanwhile, laughing
over how I roll in the side of Luke
fool. Idiot Lars started to scream
the audience that they would shut up. I do not
could not believe that he yells his fans:
"Shut up!" Then he began to yell at
me: "Hey, man, you have all the attention on
distracting yourself! "That asshole. After this
I walked into the press room and began
pose for photographers, and pictures of my
nasty ass appeared in all
newspapers. After presenting the awards to many
celebrities were asked one question:
"What do you think about Howard's ass
Stern? "


    Eton Kiedis of Red Hot Chili
Peppers: "On this show, and there were things more interesting."


    Dennis Leary, the comedian: "I laughed, as
ever before. "


    Danna Carvey, the comedian: "I still do not
I uspokoitsya.Eto was very funny. "


    Crawford, model: "It was
disgusting. If my ass
looked so awful, I would not
show on national television. "

    Hey, Cindy, take care that would
your ass does not look like mine,
because that is your only talent.
You empty-headed idiot. "It was
disgusting. "Yes, dear, that's why I showed her, and" All that 
you have - The ability to look good. I

will tell you this: As soon as you start
age, you can bet that your guy
will look for another
woman. Do you think that he
you because of your mind? Let's see what
will be in ten years. I really want
wait for the day when Cindy Crawford
gets in a car accident, and we will
look at the legless, with no teeth and boobs
Cindy. Lord, let me attend this great event.