Buzz #17 10 апреля 1999

various shots - Ultrosovremennaya tale about near the end of the world.

(C) Paracels


                Ultra-modern tale about

                       near the end of the world


                                        ARMAGEDDON so close, and

                                        I want to laugh ...


   Just recently watched on cable TV well advertised a movie 
called ARMAGEDDON with Bruce Willis the title role, and now, 
through the laughter, I want to share with you the impressions 
received. 

   In general it has to say about this movie is nothing - to 
the horror funny tale with lots of special effects. Whether in 
Hollywood extinct good writers, or "smart" directors and 
producers have realized the script - it's not important, but 
the pre-rendered animation - the most cool. Maybe poglupevshih 
the good life of Americans a pacifier, and buy, but personally 
I have this "the most successful film caused a bout of laughter 
of children and naive. Of course, nice to look at how the poor 
of New York is crumbling right on eyes and upper Epmire State 
Building with a crash decreases directly to passers-by, but 
agree that this is not enough to film liked it.


   Briefly tell the story the movie for those who had never 
seen him. 

   Today. At the Earth flies huge asteroid capable of 
destroying our planet. From its fragments, and kept falling on 
the surface of the earth suffer from various countries: USA, 
France, .. but not Russia. More precisely, Russia, may suffer, 
but we do not show, but the pictures are stuffed full; the 
destruction of New York. I certainly understand that the film 
is designed to American audience, but do not meteorite flies to 
the entire planet, but only on America? 

   "What?" - Wonder Chernyshevsky all Americans. And only the 
smartest of them come up against the "genius" plan to save all 
life on Earth. For the case taken by NASA. Here, as you can 
imagine, there is Bruce Willis, and the end of the movie 
becomes obvious - the Earth is saved. So it is so da only way 
in which it produces salvation, never guess! 

   You probably think that Bruce Willis plays the role of a
there naikruteyshego astronaut, who visited the moon, and with 
dark Vader on friendly terms, but no. Bruce is an ordinary 
mossy driller of oil wells, although a 3 generation. It is this 
very driller, who the suit somehow never seen to save our 
sinful souls from hell flame all the approaching asteroid, 
which must strike the earth via ... 18 (!) Days! As it turns 
out NASA's operational work - so "on time" to detect a threat 
every able. Well, nothing, is not it much more interesting - 
you need to hurry, but then ... kranty (adrenalinchika in the 
blood to become a little more). 

   Americans for some reason did not come to mind running a 
couple of dozen nuclear missiles capable smash the asteroid 
into pieces. Their plan is much "better, safer, and ... Funny! 
Yes, this tupizma I was not expecting even from crazy ministers 
tinsel town. Just you wonder how there the writers could have 
imagined that ... 

   And it is this.

   NASovtsy decided to send the asteroid (!) Two groups on two
ships (just Star Wars any) to (NOTE!)
drill into the asteroid deep hole, shove it nuclear
bomb, fly away (!) with an asteroid and blowing up a bomb, a 
meteor split into two parts, which will fly past Earth. Wow! Me 
and my imagination and faith in miracles, this picture is 
extremely vague. You say: "Yes, Che you all there is? This is 
also a fantastic film! "Yes?" And where does NASA? Could come 
up with some silnonavorochennuyu organization, such as World 
Space COUNCIL. And why was our day to touch? Would shift the 
whole thing for 300 years edak forward, and no claims have not 
been, or is this another attempt to distract the public from 
the sexual life of the president - in reality did not happen, 
so even in the movie a try.


   Can you imagine the above process save the Earth?
I - no! But where there is me with my walnut to U.S.
writers and, concurrently, the geniuses of Astronautics. 
However, Being an inquisitive person, I asked a few questions:


   1. How NASovskie scientists calculated that the explosion of 
a nuclear bomb 

      would split the asteroid into two pieces, and they fly

      past our blue ball?

   2. As the above two groups of suicide bombers Sobir
      are to sit on the surface of the asteroid and drill it dos
      sufficiently deep hole?

   3. And anyway, since when space allowed some sort of

      drillers?

   And it seems that the answers to these questions, I still 
got it. Thus, attention. Correct answer:


   1. NASovskie scientists did not expect it, or rather, 
perhaps, 

      that they had expected, but not what is needed, otherwise

      and we would have explained;

   2. The answer to this question - something ekstroordinarnoe. 
Tell on 

      order ... Two shuttle should have set off from Earth, then

      in space dock with our station MIR, refuel

      on it to further flight, then fly to the moon (!), and

      going around it, using the gravity of the satellite,

      out on the tail of the asteroid. Well, there already in 
their engines       fields quietly to land and start drilling. 
For 

      Drilling of these pseudo-pilots were two special Burilov
      nye machines (one of which they are chased by an asteroid,

      both on the track for motocross) the size of slightly 
less than usual       th excavator production Kovrov excavating 
for       water.


   3. Yes, it is clear from these the most. Now the astronauts 
do not want something. 

      Now, any mechanic can be a gynecologist in space jerk ...

   You may ask: "But Bruce Willis was the only driller
from the whole team, right? "Fuck it (excuse the expression)! 
Malo that Bruce was a driller, and his command gained from

their best and also the drillers! I just fell in the sludge, and
NASA povozmuschalis, povozmuschalis and allowed, and besides, 
have fulfilled all terbovaniya this band of lunatics 
dobyvateley oil one of which was the requirement that all of 
them in case of successful completion of the transaction will 
never pay taxes! 

   That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Who knew that our lives 
are entirely at the mercy of people, poisonous ocean oil. 

   Another point to cheer me up. About our long-suffering the 
Mir space station. As you may recall, two shuttle should have 
been on it refuel. So, I met these stupid "astronauts" our 
Russian man named Leo. The truth revealed him as a veritable 
bum, but here but then ... he saved the whole operation! 
Directly and I am ashamed and proud of our state. More in the 
film was such a phrase relating to our station, such as: "this 
station for 11 years, and we in America, even those old 
machines do not! "And she sounded so boasted that I feel like 
saying: "And therefore it is only what you Khrenova industry, 
Fellow Americans, while Here in Russia, once will do so for 
centuries! " 

   Believe me, these Yankees all turned out. True protagonist
died, but we stayed with you alive. And in the end, all met
remaining zhivih schizophrenics, both national (so that there -
the world's) heroes. The only thing I liked about this film 
except for special effects - the daughter of Aerosmith'a, Liv 
Tyler, who played the role of the daughter, but only the main 
character. 

   That's a fairy tale ending, but who would listen - well done!

P.S. Takoe sharp attitude to the movie ARMAGEDDON not worth 
rastse      Niva as an act of ethnic hatred. I'm not a Nazi - 
and not      navizhu Nazism antisemizm and especially fascism.


P.P.S. Did you know that during the broadcast of the film 
ARMAGEDDON in ki        nokontsertnom Hall Ukraine city of Lviv 
Chervonograd 

       area killed four pupils and four were in intensive care,

       Dozens were injured. Do not believe me? Then read the 
hedgehog        Day release for the Komsomolskaya Pravda of 
December 5, 1998        Yes.


P.P.P.S. If you want to watch a really good Fantasy
         practically a movie, choose the "Lost In Space". 
That's us          toyaschy rulez! Here and the effects of time 
in the top 100 and the scene          trajectories appropriate. 
In general, not a movie, and candy. Personally, I 

         dragged. Although there is no Bruce Willis, but there 
is a su          first-villain in Hollywood # 1 - Gary Oldman, 
known 

         everyone in the film "Fifth Element".

P.P.P.P.S. I understand that all written here may seem

           You complete nonsense and rubbish, in fact it is so

           there. I am sure that among you, dear readers, to 
find            exist a those who liked the movie ARMAGEDDON, 
and 

           those who strongly disagree with me, like a mini
           mum, a couple of questions, and, as a maximum, in 
all. Well, 

           everyone is entitled to their point of view, 
including 

           and I'm so sorry, if something goes wrong, which, 
however, not 

           frees you from the angry response to my treatise

           side. Accept insults with dignity and listened to

           criticism.

P.P.P.P.P.S. In 1999, Bruce Willis received a "Razzie"

             (The opposite of "OSCAR") immediately after 3 (!) 
Movie: 

             "Armageddon," "The Siege" and "Mercury Rising". 
Here 

             So, Bruce! Nefig in any city .. shoot!


                       That's it! Bye!


           In the first, and hopefully the last time 
kinoobzrevatel, 

                                       Sincerely, Alexander / EI
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