But seriously - Birds.

Text: AMADEUS VOXON, MYSTERY
COPYRIGHT 1997


   ... But seriously, what ...

Our editors receive a lot of questions
on the topic: "Sparrows - vneshnegalakticheskie
rights defenders (as long as they are in the city), as well as 
zapoganniki (pests and colonial shredders and garden

flora and fauna, as well as the kingdom of fungi).
To put hackers, gardeners and astrobotany questions are 
answered by the author of "Memo gardener-botanist and 
hacker-astrolyubitelya, Professor proctologist-ornithologist, 
as well as bitch (dog), a gynecologist, received a number of 
Nobel Prizes, more than once robbed our glorious heroes of 
customs officers who conducted the operation to identify the 
Nobel Lameratov-gemorroyschikov, Chariton professor Thuy.


Correspondent of the magazine (Korean):

     -Why do sparrows feet are called paws?
Professor HW Thuy (Professor):

    Sparrow, as we know, - the animal, and
more precisely - a bird with wings (why the wings - nothing 
about it at this time is unknown, but we hope that 
ornithologists will be given this question for otvetets). 

   As a sparrow not a man but an animal
it is assumed to walk on four legs, but
since instead of the front feet had wings,
(Question to ornithologists - And why the wings?)
then the two legs - longer legs, and feet (by the way,
feet nails, not claws on the feet). Consequently sparrow man? 
But no! - Y this animal species, as mentioned above,

there is a typical disease - both gripping otstutstvie-heaving 
limbs, etc. Corinthians: "And from what sparrow hops?

Prof: (after long deliberation)

     -How from what, do not you understand?
Cor:-Nope!
Prof: Well, it's just - from the near object
to the next!
Cor:-You do not ponyali.Ya ask about
some reason it jumps to the ground and rough terrain?
Prof: "Well-at ... Everybody Uh-known that
except for soil and terrain, we
nothing more and no ...
Corinthians: "How not?" A runway,
with which he flies up and sits down?
Prof:-On this issue I will not be able to answer, but I advise 
you not to ask such voprosami.Znaete what capacity? Cor:-Net, 
ne banner such atveta! Prof:-Dear pal ...

Cor:-Tambov wolf you pal!
Prof: Yes, you do not respect me, slave!
Cor: Tambov-horse you slave!
Prof: Please follow the bazaar!
Cor: Bazaar us on the wrong side of the lake -
- Do you want, and you watch!
Prof: What are you vnature, boy, as an equal
Bazaar! You tsyts, padlyuka! Bl ..
Cor: (swinging his right upper
limb dealt a crushing blow to
left cheek shestidesyatikilogrammovoy proffesorskoy erysipelas, 
and, calling it "rotan" he gently lowered his head to the TV).

Prof: (Brad unconscious)
 -His wife!
Cor: (Sitting with bent fingers of his right leg, and thinking 
about how to return them to normal state)

 Chew wife??
Prof: (correcting aberrant sideways wig)

  -Sparrow does not know how to walk, he just jumps! Ah, but 
remember! - The two legs at the same time! Come on ... Cor:-AT! 
(Professor and kicked in the side, which lost a wig, and then 
maliciously smiling, looked at the extensor muscle, which have 
already started to blush and sick sick)

Prof: (coolly) ... reflect on the theme of poverty of a 
sparrow. Sparrow, as we know, moves jumping on two feet. 
Therefore he has an innate spinal tumor spinal cord in the 
trunk of the spine. So medetsina as powerless against this 
disease, is therefore a sparrow freak from childhood and

it continues to be in moments of adolescence,
adolescence, and beyond conception to old age. At the age of 
sparrows examines gerantolog, and then - the surgeon the 
Ripper. And this is significant, but at the same time, and the 
numeral! Cor: (ostyvshi and frozen)

 A K-II-what are the benefits, with JT birds
vaasche?
Prof: (in rotten delirium, maintaining composure)
 Large-harm hacker astrolyubitelyam and
gardeners have zhivotnodavam birds
in particular, sparrows, etc. (Appendix 14).
They are propagated by different insect pests,
their eggs, larvae, and all the caterpillars.
 For example a pair of starlings for their funeral
chicks scatters for the summer 18 thousand beetles, their 
larvae, and other agriculture-animals in the fields, the 
gardens at the top. Tit sight siparaykovyh one hundred per day

manure piles can move!
And finally - our pet sparrow - poimeet
all the worms and let all back! Here!
And every year it throws out of his hair
to 19i tons of harmful parasites, including
and worms, infecting fish in rivers, seas,
lakes and other reservoirs in vaasche
cal!
Therefore, birds should be involved at Uch-ki,
fenced. Arrange for them
drunken orgy sinyushniki, skvorchatniki and
Other items from the hollows. It is noticed that
sinyushniki often defecate sparrows.
For this to happen, the window-create in sinyushnikah 
recommended to do not square well with a diameter of 35m 
dvadtsatiugolnymi, and green for 35.15 meters of mercury.

In such a "loophole" sparrows popadyut vlegkuyu.
And with both feet - in the fat!
If every fan-made astrohaker
only two skvorchatnika and two or three sinyushnika, and birds 
would have dirtied them, nebyli be afraid of any (!?) 
neighbors. With most of them would manage your bird 
benefactors! 

     Hang sinyushniki and skvorchatniki
in homes, yards, wells, water pumping
manholes and sewer towers at a height
up to 4 cm, and bee-entrance diameter of 35 m should be at 40m 
below the level of world Ocean, taking into account the tides, 
as well as bee-entrance should take the form of phases of the 
moon sparrows, lunatics, and bee-entrance should not

be closer to the inhabitants of the stratosphere.
Unlike its counterpart, green bee-entrance
more susceptible to deformation and destructurization and 
destrofilizatsii by spin level of a flexible surface!

Cor: (Long digesting what was said)
 Che-he is the one?
Prof: (coming to their senses): - I destrofiliziruyus here in 
the next sinyushnik until he took all the moon on one side, 
you'll understand! Cor: Okay. Kanai from here, crankshaft 
myagkozernisty! In schA I were you, Kobe ... 


       ... TO BE CONTINUED