a rest - Hu, user, wait!

       OU, user, wait!


(A guide to extract the maximum
mum enjoyment from their

direct responsibility)

________________________________



    Foreword from the editors.



   This text was found on the BBS.
Unfortunately, what else
no mention of the author. We decided to publish "Well, user, 
wait a minute!", Not found no footnotes, prohibiting its 
distribution. 

   In the future, we hope not
just to please readers of the texts of the same level. With 
attribution. 

        ________________



          First Day


   Today, as usual, Friday
13, at least for me,
NashegoBOFH. The morning starts with a
Call the Chief:

   "Today, a report on my desk!" - Recklessly, he roars in
tube.

   "Without fail," - politely
I am sending it by making several
quick passes over the keyboard.

   "However," - thinking, I added a peacefully shut up - "the 
report will to wait. "


   "What?" .. " - Spiral
craw breathing in chief.

   "It seems like once a virus to me
just asked ... "(no, of course, is not addressed - the 
activation of my new virus, 2 hours, but it's nice feel like a 
prophet). 

   "Well, then, of course ..." -
slow down the pace leader. Memoirs of a virus that devastates
results for the year yet
fresh in his memory.

   In silence I hang up the printer, turn it on and run
test. Rotate the key in the lock - and
I have no hurt to pass very difficult mission
Comanch'a. A knock at the door muffled Printers, I do not
I hear - the headphones mobilizuyusche
sounds Tribal Dance, and from a state brings me full buzz
only the feeling of hunger.

   Lunch - is sacred. Turbo Debugger - on the screen, the 
handset - on the phone, door - wide open. For

door - all users. Last Minute
views accompany me while I
hang a sign "Lunch. Without
reasons not to bother. "and close the door.

   Twenty minutes later the door
a bomb flies into the head.

   "Well?" - With the hope he asks.

   "I work. But what is not visible?" -
through the sandwich enlighten me
pressing Ctrl-F8. Type red
lines that appeared on the screen,
as usual, completely satisfies his boss. Leaving, he even 
resembles the nervous crowd: "Do not disturb!" 


   But can nick understand
the importance of proper digestion? Do not give it to them. And 
so, a few minutes the most eager (or foolish? However,

in this case are one and the
same) with a certain kind of knocking on
door and the threshold states:

   "I have a problem!"

   "Everyone in this imperfect
the world has a problem - philosophically
I declare I am thinking to myself: "If
Would you know what problem you
are currently created! "

   "But my problem is very important!" - He was buzzing. - "I
floppy disk is unreadable! And on it
my paper! "

   "Well, - I concede -
"Let it here. Just be
warning: my drive chtoto junk. How would not
spoil. "

   "Did you use the next
machine "- pops his head into the mouth
user.

   "As you wish" - agree
(Note, agrees with the users!)
I, and puts a floppy disk into the next car, where the head 
wound piece of skin (digger electronics - and there are no 
problems). Tender rustling confirms that

recover this disk is not on
forces even to me, as I declare the user.

   "And I advise to copy all
Your floppy disk, and so far they have not died. Bring them 
here. " 

   After the briefing (copy a:
b:) I give it to myself
copy a floppy disk. Small
drayverochek ensures that
directory are read. Happy, he goes, getting away from me as a 
premium Norton Disk Destroyer (NDD) and farewell

check the hard drive more often.

   Lunch is over, playing the mood was gone. Want 
entertainment. I opened the door, take off my plate. Turn 
noisily welcomed my appearance. However, not everything. My 
keen eye at once apart from the crowd by several persons,

tagged seal my last virus - the eyes, staring cross-wise. Very 
simply - the entire display is

right to left, and should not
annoy me.

   "Firstly, I discovered a new
virus. "

   Heavy vzdoh.Pomnyat, rascals!

   "Let's here a floppy disk, I have
wrote anti-virus. "

   And it gives! No, really,
no limit to human stupidity. It's time to brush up already
life in one organization with
me. But, by the way, how boring
then would become a life!

   Thus, anti-virus. No, no, he
indeed finds a desired
virus. But at the same time sends me over the network files 
that contain at least something interesting, and carefully 
Roots a couple of new viruses. Must I anything have to have fun!


   "And now you go on one
with their problems ... "- unctuous voice invite me. Come on, 
darling! same hands are itching! 

   "I am the first, I!"

   Well, well, my friend, but you still
insolent!

   "Well, what is our poser?"
- Voice good doctor inform me, enjoying the view
his self-confident person. Before him
have not yet realized that it is pulling its hand, clinging to 
a thick stack of floppies, or rather, a bracelet of his hours 
at the table. Perhaps the time has come to inform him. However, 
at first listen ... 

   "I have here the archive, but
He is very big, and they told me
need a program that long ... "

   Ah, even so! He also knows the names of programs! Have to
expand its stock of knowledge.

   "Oh, sorry - I interrupt
(See how important courtesy
to produce the desired effect)
- "But if you took steps to protect your floppy disks to 
magnetic fields? Now I have here, for example, is a large 
electromagnet (You just put him on your floppy disk), oriented

against the Earth's magnetic field, and
here it is neutralized. And when you carried them here, they 
could demagnetized. "


   I got out
floppy disk and show it at
envelope drawing of the magnet,
presentation to a
diskette close. He was not given to understand that
"Never, nie,
nunca, jamais "
and line characters are not translated as
"Do not forget!". Well, here
not a place for literacy classes. And how
finely drawn out of his face!

   Archives, of course not survived,
his watch was also stopped. On
farewell to advise him to wear a
a box of floppy disks or two
magnet, but be sure to continually target their opposite poles 
of the earth. Do not forget to to observe this process.



   Three more like him personality
entertain me, but the four I can no longer move. Tomorrow
tomorrow. I can not explode with laughter in the workplace.
Run at night in search of
e-mail the organization for
week dirty catchwords and
compromising and going home.


          Second Day



   You probably think that the
Friday, 13 next Saturday's 14?
For everyone, but not for me. Because I
same NashBOFH! For Friday 13 may
follow only Friday 13, hack to death is on your nose! But no. 
Sometimes, for variety, begins April 1. AND it's just today!


   No problem, a couple of jokes
I have always in stock. Main
- Do not miss out on the initiative. Send a message over the 
network: "General Protection fault, system

halted ", waited 5 seconds, and gently pour a cup of tea in
chassis. Satisfied
sizzle confirms the old adage: "We must, must wash ..."

   A couple of days rest assured,
must build on this success. I call my boss and enlighten: "So
when the server is a fix would be? We
all without him, as without hands. "Stone
in the handset makes
I violated one of my rules - not to scare vain, and I add: "it 
seems, before He flew from the hard drive was

smoke ... "and hangs up. sleepless night superiors and 
justification any work undone me ready.


   And Now for the actual
jokes. I was so bursting with
anticipation. The hand to
handset, but I'm ahead of someone from the other side. Phone 
call sounds like music. 

   "Good morning!" - To inform me in
tube.

   "If!" - Are trying to spoil my mood.

   "What's wrong?" - Sensitize
I.

   "I can not log into the network -
explain to me.

   "You're not the first time today. Very
high solar activity this spring, leads to accumulation of 
static charge, suggestive interference in their sockets. " 

   As fond of saying my overseas colleague BOFH, "dumb
mode on ". Now, with this miserable
a person can do all that
whatever.

   "What can I do?" - Trembling with fear voice asks tube.

   "That's easy. The charge can be
removed, grounding cable to
Your computer. Pull all
cables from the computer, and connect them to the radiator.
She - a good earthing. "

   "But they do not have bare
all ... "

   "Do not interrupt. Connect the
must, of course, with a piece of bare wire. I'm ready
You to borrow his. Go to
me immediately. "

   Taking out of the closet slightly blackened from the 
previous borrowing wire, I give him a miserable person (and in 
fact, really, pathetic!) with a reminder:


   "The main thing - do not turn off the other end."

   "And the network?" - With pain in his voice inquiring 
personality. 

   "And the power!" - Firmly say
I. - "And what else can be grounded for?" Do not worry;
the entire charge will go into the ground on the battery. "

   She (the person), staggered
leaves. Why would such a
neural approach to a simple operation?

   "Ah, but what's your name?" -
I shouted after him.

   "<Name> " - heard
in response.

   I checked with an entry in his diary for the past April 1, 
and with some surprise, discover that this pitiful individual 
already participated in this fun a year ago. However, I 
reflected, I will keep my promise - the time of discharge from 
hospital server is repaired, and enter the network

not be difficult. At the first
flashing lights, I type 03, and
seeing eye retreating
"Fast", is proud to think of
his honesty and healthy
sense of humor. Do not forget to pick up the wire when 
prescribe! 


   After short-circuiting in
the building remained in operation
state alone is my
computer included a self-made UPS, made from
battery of BelAZ. Now
You can relax a little, play into something intelligent, 
paratrooper, for example, or tetris. Until the evening I was 
already nobody will disturb. Do not forget

to send email-letter-bomb
BOFH to the Wild West, let her cry over the wreckage of his
pentium'a.

                            ...