Let's laugh - cockroach: woman and cockroach.

WOMAN AND COCKROACH             
            """"""""""""""""             
                                          
  Well, why yell so much? I didn’t see a cockroach
or what? Damn, this is my second month living in this
apartment, and screams every evening. Okay, this one
at leastyells.  The second one, the bearded one, is worse.
He  immediately hits to death, at least once, the bastard,
missed.                              
                                          
  Sooo.  Here we go  to to the toilet, no way for
"Carbosol".  eh,  let's poison ourselves!!! We lived for ourselves
calm down, no, these two-legged repairs are
they started,   here now stagger  from  corner to
corner... Oh! Coming back... Exactly!!! Carbo-
sol!!! Ka-a-a-if. Well, why are you staring?
You'd think you've never seen drug addicts
la, so what, what is written there “against that-
rakanov"?  You  yours  Ministry of Health already   and
stopped warning...                 
                                          
                                          
  Yes.  Where I went?..                    
                                          
  On...  No, not there. ABOUT! To the bathroom. There and
Let's continue  path. Hm. What is this? "Cobra"?..
Something new, go ahead and try it out. I
He said for a sample, not half a bottle. Ew, ha-
reach. Better than "Carbozol", it's stronger.    
                                          
  Noise,  noise. Quiet your yelling. And then secondly
the swarm will peel off from its box. Now until
bathroom  I’d crawl and your eyes wouldn’t see me
Delhi Well, here... Why did you get out? Listen, mo-
dem whistles, the mail has arrived... Well, get off -
here.                                     
                                          
  Oh. Mom... Just not with a slipper. Only...   
                                          
(Written  based on a real case. In five
minutes  small wet spot will disappear
under the pressure of  a doormat... And so for-
our hero's life is over.) :~-(       
                                          
  WHAT EVERY COCKROACH O6 OMP SHOULD KNOW  
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M.M.A> For those who have never visited Vo- 
rennuyuI inform the department; WMD - mass weapons
big defeat.                           
                                          
                 INTRODUCTION                 
                                          
  Remember  how the progressives rejoiced
cockroaches,  when a person came into our lives
century? It seemed that he would forever solve everything
problems  - it will be warm everywhere, it will be
dirt,  cheap food.  But, as it turned out,
a person can be not only a friend, but also
deadly  a dangerous enemy when it comes out
out of cockroach control. And then in our
disease, destruction, death come to the house. 
                                          
  Enough Remember though  how much
troubles were brought by slippers like "Baby". "Fat Man"
thrown  upside down civilians
Kitchens  and Bathroom in 1945! Today on
The Earth  has already  accumulated  so much deadly
shoes  and poisons,  that could be hundreds
destroy all the cockroaches once!         
                                          
Briefly  let's look at  main types  weapons
mass  defeat and rules of conduct
cockroaches in casethe emergence of man.
                                          
                  SLIPPER                   
                                          
  Slipper  (shoe, boot, sandal, bast shoe,
crutch, kirzachi)  - the oldest and most
a common type of weapons of mass destruction.                 
                                          
  Striking action  sneaker  based on
excess  pressure arising in the area
tapper blow. So, the pressure at the epicenter
the fall of the slipper is so great that from the
Rakan, subjected to a slipper blow, os-
literally a wet place lurks.            
                                          
*  First  danger signal in case of slipper
attack  islight emission from above,
appearing after a characteristic click.   
                                          
*  Following the radiation, a characteristic
sound "U, C-C-BATTLES!!!", after which in
a slipper appears in the air.                 
                                          
*  The cockroach, the first to notice the radiation,
must give the command “Flash FROM ABOVE!!!”.
According to this command, all cockroaches are obliged to
to do  any work to dirty the kitchen,
immediately  leave the object and proceed
to the shelter!                                
                                          
  REMEMBER!  Ordinary  wallpaper weakens
the force of a slipper blow is 3-5 times. Linoleum -
 10 times. Wooden plinth - 100 times.
Ironfrying pan will completely protect you
from a slipper blow, but notprotects from impact
with the frying pan itself.                        
                                          
  Strong fright increases strength tenfold. Known
case when one suddenly frightened
Rakan  turned over  plate  and  hidden under
her. (Unfortunately, hot borscht, finding
in a plate, ended the life of a nameless
hero.)                                   
                                          
                                          
                DICHLOVOS                 
                                          
  Dichlorvos ("Baygon", "Raid", "Egoiste") -
chemical weapons of mass destruction. The main damaging factors
dichlorvos tori are:                
                                          
  * Sound wave ("SPHIK");* Directed dichlorvos radiation    
                      (aerosol wave);
                                          
  * Residual odor (eviction gas);    
                                          
                                          
  Sound  wave propagates with speed
the sound throughout the kitchen is amazing
protectedears of cockroaches, sows pathogenic
decibels.                             
                                          
                                          
  Directed dichlorvos radiation and
tactilesmell is caused by holo-
environment   and   hallucinations,   temporary
disability. As a rule, in individuals
regularly  exposed to di-lophos, a psychophysiological problem arises
dependence  from it. Such cockroaches every day
smoke at once  more and more dose is required from -
ruling substance. The offspring of such taras
kanov,  almost definitely become
substance abusers ("sit on the cylinder").      
                                          
                                          
  For  protection  from  dichlorvos should be  used
use the folds of a gas mask, respirator
ra. If there is no anti-gas under the paw,
for, you can use a damp cloth
a rag or used toilet paper
goy.                                      
                                          
  A huge  truthful and original role is played by
beltinformation.Remember May Day
demonstration in the Kitchen in 1986? Thousands
cockroaches walked along the floor, smiling, not knowing
that the content of eviction gas in the air
exceeds  all permissible standards. And the leadership
The parents already knew everything and, nevertheless, also
smiled at the demonstrators, waved their mustaches and
bread bins!..                               
                                          
                                          
  REMEMBER.  what to navigate in a complex
situations,  will help you not to panic
radio  and television. Climbing into the television
zor or radio, you can hide
from the effects of any weapons of mass destruction.                
                                          
                                          
                 CLEANPurity  is the most vile and formidable
WMD. Make sure that cleanliness is not compromised
went to the places of your permanent residence
niya. It is  aimed on home of cockroaches
using brooms, mops, rags. The most
senior carrier of purity is so
called  "miracle mop" (in terms of cleaning power
surpasses a broom l00 times, a regular mop
ru  v  l0 once, a wet cloth - inl
times).                                     
                                          
  TO PREVENT YOURSELF  FROM CLEANITY. try
not  provoke a person - do not allow
negligence in handling one's own fe-
potassium! Never leave them on the floor
kah, dishes, towels. For storing fe-
potassium, buckwheat, tea,
crackers.                                   
                                          
                                          
                ZAQUATION                 
                                          
                                          
*  The evacuation plan must be posted in a visible place
location  (behind the baseboard, near the garbage disposal
ra, on the back wall of the food cabinet),
but not in front of a person's eyes!               
                                          
*  When evacuating, you should use infectious
her explored ventilation ducts are fully
th profile. (DO NOT clutter them!) In such
moves  you can go  not  bending completely
height Along the way you need to mark small
mi  with dark balls, places of rest, turning
companies, places of rest and eating.         
                                          
*  Zones infected with Chinese pencil,
should be overcome without touching them
legs  (jump, roll on
back, fly on flies, mosquitoes).     
                                          
                                          
*  No in any in case, do not drink raw water
from under the  faucet! Firstly, it is teeming with bacte-
riami,  and secondly, you canwash off in a
nalization!  Therefore, you should drink,  you should wash
only  in  reservoirs with boiled water - in
teapots, pots, plates. At the same time, on
shore  there should be two guards on duty -
medical instructor and rescuer.                
                                          
  Individuals  exposed to WMD,
should be followed  in  closest compute
body center  There,  in system unit
computer, sitting comfortably near the ventilator
torus,  they  will be able to quickly correct the
bathroom health.                                  
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