Humor - Matrix/Brother.

MSF #20
AY-Track: Soundtrack to Matrix/бРАТ-I                         
By: Macros,13.12.2000,Kotlas/Limenda                          
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Глава новая. После большого бодуна у Гэндальфа простоmy head was pounding, and, rubbing my hand his horned helmet, he moved towards direction to the source. -Stand! - shouted the unknown person who appeared where is the mechanic from - The water here is poisoned! Just drink it and you will become... -A little goat? - didn’t let the mechanic finish Gandalf. -No, you probably haven’t become a little goat- no. You will become Frost! - answered next sar and laughed with inhuman laughter - The water supply is leaking here, what are you thinking? small, what is the source? Damn it! How much I've been working as a plumber for years, but I've never saw someone from the sewer drank Even we (he did some special accent) when we dilute alcohol - max- We just take water from the drain tank. -What the hell... Why is the water poisoned? Where does this pipe lead from? - uncertain Gandalf asked the pleased locksmith. -Do you see the fence with the thorn? There - secret US Air Force base where the are fighting... “What are you talking about,” interrupted the narrator again ourhero, - what base? What Air Force? -Universal High Elder! He recently settled here, before him there was a tavern here for LeR's farmhands. How about this Air Force moved here - as if everyone was crayfish became extinct. There are rumors that people The Air Force secretly conducted genetic testing there. experiments mixing DNA into people's food aliens! -Wait, wait... What aliens, oh what are you doing? - Gandalf asked fearfully. - Well, you asked me - I answered you, and We didn’t have this conversation. Even if you turn to the authorities, they won't help you believe. And the feds themselves are involved in this and There are many aliens in their ranks. - answered the mechanic and began to repair the pipe. - Get to work! - thought our hero - how is this possible? right? I myself served in LeRe for four years. I cared, and all this time they fed me the guts of these same humanoids?! It was impossible to hesitate, and Gandalf went to your refuge. Click of the switch - and under- the shaft was illuminated by a dim light. In the corner there is a circle a diesel generator was swinging, and from the ceiling a blackened six-volt light bulb.Gandalf looked around. After some searching his gaze settled on the large object standing against the western wall. Pre- the meth was covered with a tarpaulin, on which a slightly worn inscription appeared: “Do not get in! For the second year now, farm laborers haven’t had a meal give!" The hero opened the padlock of the threaded into neatly cut holes in tarpaulin, took off the cover and looked at it appeared... A moped with a shiny sign "Gazulya" model 1948. Delivered from pocket a liter bottle of alcohol, Gen- Dalf poured a third into the gas tank of his iron- a new horse, and refueled himself with the rest. The moped has no footpegs as such - Vali, pedals too, and only two rusty ones self-tapping screws stuck out from the sides of the rusted frame necks. A short run - and the iron horse, sneeze - Well, it started up and drove off into the distance. Since the tor- moz hasn't been there for 10 years, then Gen- Dalf had no choice but to do go wherever your eyes take you until you finish - elk fuel. And it ended right there... iron gates blocking the path to the military base of the northern backwater fleet, which has popularly known as simply a “technical section”. -Hey, comrade! - Gandalf shouted to the standing on the other side of the gate to a man. - Skip- you, huh? I'd like to hang outa little, otherwise I then I found out about the aliens' plans and now The feds are after me. -Frost is your friend! - answered the man, in Our hero immediately recognized Sauron. For he had a heavy hammer in his belt and a crayfish forged nails, and behind his back he raised - there is a ten-meter concrete fence. - So it is maybe hang out here for now... - and with these With words, he pressed the button. But the gate is they didn’t open up to something. -Hey, well... you should let me in... til, but... - uncertainly, and at the same time Gandalf suggested somehow affectionately. -And you go to the stop, then walk some more a little, turn right and go to the but- on. Then turn right again. There there is no fence. You can see for yourself - only two nails - there's nothing left, I didn't have time... From the window of the entrance with ever-increasing love- The older teapot looked with curiosity, at the same time groping around the drawer table. When he turned away for a second, Gandalf noticed a system on the back of his head. dark connector. Well, exactly like on a corporate Mostly 2+.- So that’s it... - with a smart look, I feel- Gandalf thought nervously. - They are already here! Well nothing, I’ll come up to you right now... - and with that - With these words he walked along the fence. Another chapter. -What do we have here? - muttered Gen- Dalf, peering out the window of some Hiba- ry. - Yeah... So... I see oxygen balls- wombs, adapters... Oh! Valves!!! So... It seems to me that this is theirs main house! Oh!.. Oh!!! This is... This is the same this one, what's his name... Oh, no! Can't be! This is VVN-P itself! Ecumenical Supreme Boss - Rooster! But what is he doing here? Really... Here on the control panel there is a the light went on and VVNP turned his back to the window. Over his shoulders hung a backpack with calculator IEC-01 with gas-discharge digital ditch indicator. From him to the back of the head VVNP two wires were running. If only there were them more, for example 10 - then it could mean only one thing: that it is centronix, central interface with all alien- mi. But here... There was clearly a smell of RS232... "Radio Network" - flashed in my head ve from Gandalf. On it at a frequency of 232MHz Aliens are talking! And weeven about We don't suspect this. Meanwhile, VVNP opened the main switchboard and groped there's a microphone... Click - and there's a wall with a standing near her the lathe drove off, about- creating a meter-long passage. - They just adjusted it under his belly! - with Gandalf muttered angrily and moved towards the door. I don't remember which chapter... -Comrade aliens! - turned to the priest- existing GDP. - Today for everyone a great day has come for you! You are enrolling get in... -Oh, you bastard! - gritting your teeth, just - Gandalf groaned. -...and you will stay here for four years. For this time, each of you will have to perform thread a specific program. But about that later. Now I will ask you here nogolook around and get used to it. - law- chilled the speaker and left for another secret passage. Gandalf decided not to waste time and took out out of your pocket portable semi-cellular tele- background of the model "household vacuum cleaner" and connected - to the telephone hanging nearby shchitku. -Hello, people! - he shouted into the vacuum hose sa. - Anyone hears me? -I, I, nature! - came from the exhaust pipe of a nearby diesel engine. -Who is this? - decided to support the tie- ongoing conversation Gandalf. -This is Gestapo headquarters! This is Colonel Fon speaking. Redemor! Hail Petukhovich! “Yes... this is...” our hero, - you have special services in your smoking room ambushed! They want to catch one of you and present the evidence to the whole world of your existence! Sanych sing- interception of their conversations is small, to you Agent Sauron and Agent Teapot have been dispatched! Not- carry out activities slowlydiscovered marriage and elimination of spies!!! - broke up our Hero. - Password 561, sec level code- retnosti 155, access code 1533! Not for That's why we came to this planet so that We were immediately spotted!.. -And... I obey, comrade chief! - up to - rushed back. Gandlf sat in the ventilator for several minutes. tion mine, not daring to make a move, what's in the room, right below him, the aliens staged an orgy. His mood it was not the best and only trickles of flow the oil on the walls was slightly encouraged him. He understood that this was the second wave, and it is he who must stop her. Previous chapter+1. -You know, doctor, - to the one standing nearby a furry alien approached the pan and bro- force some strange objects into her, - these earthlings are not so smart if make themselves so easily captured.The doctor nodded and poured out the contents of the beaker into the pan. At that moment the water in it became colored into a rich green color and began to bubble. Chapter after the previous one. Gandalf walked through the technical area, whistling simple song: Earth in the porthole, The earth in the porthole, The suit is almost completely worn out... And the son of such and such a mother Like a buoy on the fairway Swears at his mother on air... And we don’t dream about the roar of a technical section, And no oil stains on the water. And we dream of cucumber and sausage, And next to her is a bottle, and even two. -Hai! - he heard from behind. -Who are you?! - with eyes wide open Gandalf took the bolt from his pocket 200 and turned around.-Hey, hey, calm down! - answered the young woman and A very cute girl with a backpack. -What are you doing here? - asked sternly Gandalf. -Come on, what are you... do you have money? - She answered the question with a question. -I don’t have money! I'm a former farm laborer... -Ah... And I am Dog! Okay, there will be grandmothers - come in, you will always find me here. Well... ka! - and she skipped off to the side New branch. Gandalf shrugged his shoulders and walked towards the passage. Noah. Sauron still stood near the gate and our hero decided to approach him. -Hello, Sauron! - he turned to the old to a friend. -Stay where you are! - Sauron shouted and hit Gandalf with a bolt for 150. Gen- Dalf collapsed to the ground and passed out. He regained consciousness at some pointbasement Sauron sat nearby and wiped the valve. Gandalf rubbed the bump on his head and turned... to Sauron: -You bastard, why did you hit me with the bolt? -Ah... Forgive me, brother, you didn’t recognize me I'll get you right away! - he answered and began wipe the pipe at 100. -What kind of brother am I to you?! - Gen was indignant - dalf. “Don’t get angry,” answered Sauron, “everyone loves you.” di - brothers, and if you want to stop second wave, I'll tell you how it's done bark. Sauron's tale was quite long, but From all that was said, Gandalf understood that the leader of the aliens is a certain a big alien, and not VVNP at all, and what this alien hangs out near the balloon- additional station. And if you soak it - all the aliens' plans will collapse. For this Sauron will give him a weapon - a bolt from the deep- stitchel. After hearing this story, Gandalf decided rest a little and fall asleep. Waking up he discoveredonly the valve. Sauron is not it was. Cheerfully putting the weapon in his pocket, our he- the swarm got out of the basement and went to the floor telny station. Sat on the steps a man in a sweatshirt and oily sleeves tsami was holding a cigarette. - Hello, comrade! - the alien addressed Gandalf! -Frost is your friend! - I wanted to say our hero, but answered the following: -And you you know, dear alien, what to work in oily mittens with oxygen cylinders are strictly prohibited, especially since smoke, you bastard! - and with these words he moved the bolt to the alien. He fell and evaporated for a few seconds, leaving There is only a slightly smoking trail on the ground. -Well, is that all? - surprised pro- said Gandalf. At that same second he saw two welders, rushing straight at him. The chase began. Running around the corner of the lathe shop, Gandalf threw my cloak, took out the one previously placed in the same tank sweatshirt, put it on, picked it up electrode and moved on. RunningA welder passed by and asked him: - Such a moron with a bolt won’t try - gal? - I ran through! - Gandalf answered. - Yes, that's it just went into the ground. “How did you leave?..” the welders were surprised. - And just like that - he took it and left. And you shovels take it and dig right next to the light solid support, maybe you can dig it up. - with Gandalf answered with a smart look and went about back to the New branch. On the way he got wet a couple more welders, as a result of which bought some homemade coins, which many resourceful people made here using a press. -Hai! - came from behind Gandalf. -Hello, Dog! - answered our hero. “Did you bring the money?” Dog asked cheerfully. -But of course! Here... - and he handed it to her a handful of coins.-Wow! Let's have a blast! Let's go with me! They entered the entrance and walked into men's toilet. -Hey, where did you take me? - outraged- Xia Gandalf. -Everything is fine! - Dog counted down the third stuffed it on the left and pulled the drain. wall moved away and they went inside. Apparently there was a party there. From speakers hanging everywhere could be heard words of a non-Russian song. -Sauron did, right? - Gen asked naively Dalf pointing with his finger at those hanging on dynamics walls. Dog gave Gandalf a joint and ran away. supposedly on business. - Hey, comrade Frenchman, don’t light a cigarette can you find it? - our hero turned to the seated mu on the box by the window to the man. -Parallel perpendicular? - answered mu- zhik.-I say, your music is crap! -Oh, music, le music, ui! -Yes, and all of you... -How did you guess that he was French? - asked someone running up from nowhere Dog. -So he’s wearing an overcoat, and it’s written on it "N 5". - Gandalf answered and for one... smoked the entire joint. Chapter next. His head was pounding terribly, but Gandalf was comforted I thought that yesterday he saved all mankind honor from the alien invasion. The phone rang and our hero put his ear to it to the vacuum cleaner hose: -Hello?!- Hello, brother! It's Sauron! -Oh, hello! Well, like me yesterday, aliens defeated? - Yes, you fool, you spanked the wrong alien! Which station did you kill him at? -Like which one? At the oxygen room! -You fool! That’s how it should have been at the hydrogen one! - Which hydrogen one? Here in tech part, there is no hydrogen station! - So it’s clear that no! She's on that side of the ocean, my friend! -On the other side of the backwater or what? -Well, yes, in the shipyard! -So this is... this is foreign territory, foreign land. This is a foreign country after all after all! -What should I do, brother? You'll have to go there stomp. -And you ? Will you come with me? -Of course I’ll go, but I’ll go there for on the bus because the feds don't know me in the face. And you will have to be on the boat of a laborer - swim carefully, and make sure you don't secret services caught! Remember: if you are not os- if you start the second wave, everything will come to an end Netz! Do you understand this? With a feeling of deep calm, Gen- Dalf turned off the vacuum cleaner and collected some little things, grabbed liquid currency and sent hit the road. He knew: who, if not him?

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