THIRD SOUTH RUSSIAN
BIKE SHOW
2001
part 2
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Накупив пива, мы расположились недалеко от ворот (входа) и
начали ждать, когда же появится кто-нибудь из знакомых. Простояв
так часа полтора, мы решили попытаться зaщemитьcя наparty. But
It turned out to be very difficult to put this into practice! stood
a huge crowd of metalheads on foot. According to the rules, bikers were allowed through
without a queue, and imagine how tense: two people will pass,
ten bikers will come in, and as soon as the last one is closed
gate, people begin to approach the entrance - it seemed that
moment and inside, but no - a biker is riding, and everything is automatic
pushed/threw out of bounds. I must say that
despite the outward civility of the party, in reality everything
it turned out differently. Fascist order, evil skins-security (then
I mean, guards) ready to beat without reason, a chaos and disorder y
the entrance resembled not human society, but a herd of sheep, with which
The organizers made us. Everyone's shoes were especially damaged, because...
an uncountable number of times the neighbor's foot stepped on them, otkuhytoro
powerful hanopob security. But what fun it was! They joked that
It's time to take the Bike Show by storm, but at the sight of stern faces
oxpahukob drove these thoughts away. So, trying to get inside
Not much less than two hours have passed!
We are already at the entrance. Also worth noting is the thoughtful
organization and vigilance of security - to deceive and pass as a hare
absolutely impossible! As soon as you log in, several
people begin to search you for coldweapons,
drugs and, it seems, alcohol, because all this is prohibited (Although
It's not forbidden to come in :). Thank all the gods, but I don't
ventured to check what would happen if other objects were discovered,
rather than alcohol and generally didn’t take a bag with groceries/other items
(So had to spend money on buying food inside).
Woow! Came in! Now to the checkout. Having presented the flyer, I regret
gave it to the steward and was subjected to a nobtohomy search, but by the cops. And
Finally, having bravely withstood all stages of the search, I
I was relieved to set my aggressive foot on the territory of this
camps.
Inside, everything looked like this: the stage, well, just c
huge speakers and lanterns, bike parking, and heavy
Ural-type equipment was parked in one parking lot, and what caliber
less - to the other; further, the review came across hastily constructed
snack bars, of which there were many here. Half the people were all
still on the street. It's already five o'clock, although it's officially an event
officially opens at two. When? Finally Papa Clark and
a biker whom Clark called Stepanych (one of the leaders
BlackSmith bike parties and the main show hosts) pushed
a beautiful, solemn speech. A few words describe them: this
there were men 35-40 years old, well, co-very big, biker-like
with tummies! Clark was bald in front and had a thin hair at the back of his head.
braid; Stepanich was quite bearded. These people were typical
true bikers and lead the show as a duo, complementing each other and
They did an amazing job teasing the contestants! I remember the speech
bad, but the general content is something like this: "...After
events of this kind held locally, BlackSmith
decided to make a big party in order to support the South, to support
bike movement and the belief that everything will come from the south of Russia, entering
our history...", etc.
But here is the first competition! According to tradition, the review began
the best bike and chopper. Here I will pause in more detail, taking into account
a hasty hand, eager to describe everything. Indeed,
there was something to see! By the way, if anyone thinks that bikers
are only in the city, he is deeply mistaken! Surprisingly
fact! There were a lot of people from the surrounding villages and judging by
appearance, serious bikers. As for geography: there were people
from almost anywhere in the south of Russia: there were people from
Rostov-on-Don, from Tamahu, even from the Stavropol region. Clark
as always in his repertoire, he made the following joke: “There is
Is anyone here from the village of Starominskaya? No? So, there is
information that the bikers of this villageeveryone drives old ones
Muhckax!!!" - people fall down laughing! Etc., etc.
Finally, the first one solemnly rides onto the viewing platform.
challenger Then the second, third. The crowd admires arperatamu, a
presenters do not forget to comment, adding flavor to their opinions
an extraordinary amount of humor. Unfortunately, due to the lack of y
I am such a vital item as a camera,
it was not possible to capture/remember all the options (and besides, beer
prevented 8-), but what most clearly aroused violent emotions was
leaving a deep imprint in my memory, I will briefly describe. Here he comes
absolutely snow-white bike, painted dazzling white
color. I don’t know if the presenters Clark and Stepanych liked the color or
maybe they appreciated this bike based on some of their own biker traits
criteria, but the motorcycle was praised. Next. Ural c specifically
with the steering wheel and arches turned out. There were a lot of Urals, considered
one of the best domestic analogues; this heavy motorcycle
so respected by bikers with not enough money for
buying the legendary Harley Davidson is really good! How
do you want a “motorcycle” with a rear wheel from a Zhiguli car?! O! A
What is this? If my memory serves me right, the next one was,
it seems Minsk, but... But with an engine FROM ZAPOROZHTS!!! Impossible
describe all the emotions - you had to see it! Wella fact that
the applicants' motorcycles have reverse speed, generally considered
one might say it is a rule of good manners for “trail wolves”. But that's it
these are toys - the fact is that now I will tell you THIS, from
which involuntarily makes your hands cramp and the ground is lost from under
legs... There was such, SUCH... In general, grab onto the chair and
read on: it was a real tricycle, like a carriage;
in front there was a motorcycle (maybe the Urals), smoothly transitioning... into
cut off rear part of the "Nine" car!!! More such perversion
definitely wasn't!!! Next. There was a leather seat for three people
(for girls), naturally the trunk (for beer) is cut off
machine body. I would really like to note the masterfully executed
work, because The boundaries of the motorcycle and part of the car are absolutely invisible
- everything seems to be one whole! This miracle is decorated with huge headlights,
wheels from the car and our Russian flag, proudly waving on
wind! This is cool!!! By the way, the owner's name was "Baby"
(a huge fellow), and the name of this miracle of motorcycle technology:
"Brick Monster" - simple and modest... First place went to
of course, "Baby".
Next competition. The most traditional of the traditional,
held all over the world, called "sausage". Its essence
is as follows:a structure represented from
itself a kind of gate: a long stick horizontally,
resting on two left and right vertically; to horizontal
a boiled sausage, peeled, is tied to a stick with a string
half and dipped in mustard. Let's not say what
This sausage looks like... Couple's task (biker and his girlfriend)
is that the girl rider at the time of passage
motorcycle past this building skillfully bit off a piece of sausage,
which is very difficult to do, believe me! A lot of times
the contestants failed: often the rider was to blame,
trying to make a “throw” too late or not too late
reaching for the sausage, and sometimes the biker was to blame for not being on time
braked his motorcycle. Faces were stained with mustard, desired
victory was close, it seemed just a little bit later and victory was in your pocket,
but that was not the case! Quite a long time passed until finally
they didn’t lower the sausage lower and one of the bikers finally
I took a bite of the unfortunate sausage!
So the second competition, the purpose of which
was the following: the biker’s girlfriend is given a condom,
filled with water; the task is to ensure that before
how to get through the above "gate", the girl must
throw through these gatescondom, a biker going on
at full speed on his “iron horse” he must catch with his hand
thrown over the "gondon" and not spilling the water, moreover, holding on
in the saddle. A very difficult competition! I would even say one of
the most difficult! Here everything became clear much faster. Very
The playful couple coped with the task quite deftly under the general
public pleasure. They have rightfully received the title of the best in
this nomination!
After some time, while the crowd was calming down, Clark
pushed a funny joke, although it had lost its relevance,
because was told by him at the last Bike Show, but nevertheless,
quite funny.
* An old biker joke from Clark's dad (rmx by me) *
"A fagot is riding a moped. And then the engine suddenly stalls.
The fagot is naturally a layman in hardware and fusses around the moped: “Oh,
The moped won’t start!”, then he’ll push it with his hand, then with his foot... :)
Here, passing decorously and measuredly, sitting proudly and steadily in his
A biker passes by on a Harley. He drove past and thought: “Well, how is that possible?
No, you can’t do that - after all, the brotherhood of the road - the dude got it
in trouble, well, who doesn’t? No, I’ll come back and help!”, -
turns the bike around, drives up to the fagot (not knowing that he is a fagot)
- Hey, bro, okay, come onwill push your shit? (bass)
- Should we leave the moped on the road?! (in a small voice)
After the joke, a competition was announced in which participants must
Drive your unit as slowly as possible to the finish line
be the last. Due to the small area, the competition was held
in pairs: first two people, then two more. Shown
the worst result is accordingly eliminated. Nothing
There was nothing special about this boring competition. But
Next came the much more interesting part of the program:
stumps were placed at a distance of one meter from each other,
about ten pieces, the same one was exhibited in parallel
"path". Then opened cans of beer were placed on them
"Abolon". The task is as follows: two opponents
while driving a bike, they must collect as many cans of beer as possible without
without losing it and not falling off the motorcycle. Very, very difficult
competition! The first couple didn't make it. The second one too. Their "catch"
amounted to no more than three cans - where is this good? But
next was a rather frisky biker, who had collected absolutely
all the cans, and since there was nowhere to put them, I had to
quickly place them on your legs, pushing them between your knees.
Naturally, there was no time to put the jar vertically, and
contentsoverturned containers spilled treacherously,
getting wet in my pants and etc... In general, this competition was really
it was exciting and there was something to look at and laugh from the heart! It was obvious
that a person is a true connoisseur and connoisseur of beer, since
With such greed and frenzy he takes away the banks one after another! A
a well-deserved prize - a box of canned beer "Abolon"!!! Giving tribute
traditions, the winner threw a couple of threes to the mercy of the crowd
cans, and among other things, I treated Papa Clark to one! So as not to enter
misleading you, we should make a small clarification: prizes
were issued NOT after the competition, but somewhere in the middle of the show,
during breaks between concerts and other nominations.
What's next? - More to come. Now to the Russian heroes
There is an opportunity to show off your remarkable strength! Now they will contribute
motorcycle wheel, which should be thrown away from you as far as possible
further. Light athletic exercises, so to speak. :) A
We are still waiting for people who want to take part in this to gather
not an easy competition. Timidly, timidly - there were only a few
man. What's the matter? Nobody just wants to be a laughing stock
in everyone's eyes in case of failure. But finally, those who want
There was even more than necessary to participate. (Hmm... Later
ignition?) So, show is started! A sickly guy came out. Hugging
grab the wheel andhaving spun like a sport, he threw away
forward, the poor wheel flew off a couple of meters. Not bad
result! It was marked with an indicator in the form of an empty can
beer to find out if the next participant has beaten
previous record or not. Various men came out and threw
a wheel that hit the ground with a deafening slap. But
a young guy about seventeen or nineteen came out. I want
notice that presenters always try to laugh at young people,
participating in various nominations (for example, a beer competition
people of normal build are not allowed at all - in the sense, without
bellies :(). Well done guy! Spinning and throwing the wheel, he
showed a good result, although not breaking the record, but still!
His mistake was that the wheel did not fly forward, but upward.
As they say, the young and daring powerhouse has run wild! Well nothing:
They say the first damn thing is lumpy. Some big guy won
a man who threw a wheel to about six meters (definitely not
I remember, but it seems in this range). Not bad, not bad! From
negative emotions I can only complain about myself: in
stand for a long time and watch with enthusiasm,
the way the bikers make fun is good, but here are the LEGS! stand in one
the position is very tiring, and who also has a bad back,
so these are total crap! ButIt's no one's fault! I followed
following the example of several comrades (sorry, - gentlemen) I just took it and sat down
to the ground, which was a great relief for my stiff back.
The results were summed up, everyone congratulated each other, and so what?
next? Again, again, the strongmen were given a wonderful
an opportunity to show off your remarkable strength! One of the most
downhole competitions: raising the ENGINE!!! Two people carried
this engine. Yes, both of us, since one can drag this one
the thing is very, very heavy, believe me! Competition
really difficult and not every “man” has enough health to
take part in it. There are just "muzzlers" here (I mean, guys
healthy). Some man came out and grabbed the
protrusions of the engine and began to lift it to the chest on a count!!! This
you just had to see! It’s obvious that it’s hard for the man, but he doesn’t
gives up, but keeps pressing and pressing, hitting the engine against the chest,
I will stain it in machine oil. One, two, three... Twelve,
thirteen, seventeen! The engine was raised seventeen times! This
respectfully, very much! Describe how each participant raised
engine and how many times I won’t, but will tell you the most down-to-earth
and a funny moment: a man came out and started lifting everything
engine: people think. He picked him up from the ground, hit his chest,
putagain to the ground and again also camoe. And then from behind him,
read: the seam of the trousers on the butt, unable to withstand the titanic load,
treacherously went at the seams, burst with a bang, thereby
exposing the family to the public! I can’t tell you how everyone laughed! A
the poor man continues to press with his ass almost open
engine to everyone's laughter! So what do you think? He won! Yes,
won by lifting this heavy piece of metal, so valuable to
biker, about twenty times!!!
. . .
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