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+-----------------+
| ZY P K A L O |
+-----------------+ +---------+
+--------------------|+part 3 |
+++++
|
+----------+
+-----------+--+
| fragment 10 |
+--------------|-
(C) 2000, E. Nesterenko (Jam/XPJ)
"My friend, I welcome you to the Carpathians! With hetepne-
I'm waiting for you. Sleep well... this night. Tomorrow
at 3 o'clock the stagecoach will leave for Bukovyna; one place
left for you. In the Borgo gorge will be waiting for you
a stroller that will take you to the castle.
I hope you arrived safely fromLondon
and that you will enjoy your stay in our
magnificent country...
Your friend, Dracula."
Bram Ctokep
fragment 10
...The labyrinth turned out to be abandoned since the time of the Great Patriotic War -
an honest old German pillbox. Quite still, however, "work-
additional": the concrete partitions stood motionless and firmly,
The corridors were wide, as if in an underground passage, and even mo-
the grave darkness was cut here and there by narrow beams of
through the loopholes of light. In a word, it was done by the Germans, and
cheat - high quality.
The smell here, of course, didn’t matter - dampness, some kind of heanne-
titanium mushrooms and carrion. But what else could you expect from
famous Labyrinth? Well, Gonzo knew what exactly... Monsters,
of course! Malicious, ugly and bloodthirsty. AND HUNGRY!
So the hobbit stopped at a triple fork. Three corridors
three black greedy throats, ready to snatch up careless prey.
Above each branch there is a rusty metal tab-
a personal message with incomprehensible inscriptions. Gonzo struck a match and looked at
into strange symbols.The central inscription read: "Abenteur
uber alles!”, “der Ring” was written on the left, and tyh- above the right
It wasn't something like "Herr Horlum".
Gonzo's knowledge of German was at the "Hitlerkaput" level, according to
he could only translate this as “ring”, which meant (he hoped)
by analogy with the English "ring". But this was quite enough for emy
exactly. Ring! Magic Ring! There wasn’t even anything to unwind
vat. Gonzo chose the left corridor.
...He walked slowly, holding the cold
a rough wall, and the other tensely stretched forward. Before
take a step, felt the ground in front of him with his left foot - what if
is there a hole there? Because it was incredibly dark here. The hobbit still has
there were about a dozen matches left, but he saved the light source and
warmth, saving matches “for more difficult times.”
The tunnel stretched on and on, when suddenly Gonzo tripped over
something iron and almost stretched out on the ground. He's careful
felt an object that turned up at the wrong time and found that it was nor-
hytoe bucket. Plus it's full of holes. Gonzo didn't pick him up (on
Why the hell did it give up?) and moved on.
There was tense silence, only the earth faintly rustled under
hobbit feet, and the light breeze whistled as it made its way
through invisible cracks. In my headGonzo started to move hexo-
good thoughts: what if he doesn’t find his way back? How then
be? Frames from “The Prisoner of the Chateau d’If” flashed before my eyes,
flashed the famous “Walled up, demons!” I gave it to myself
know claustrophobia. No, I won't give up that easily! - said his own
Let's face it, Gonzo. After all, I'm a hobbit! And hobbits, like cro-
you love holes. You need to become a kpotom, or even better - a digerom. "Я ди-
гер, я дигeр, - начал бормотать Гoнзo, - я нигер... то есть нет,
я дигeр..."
Emy пришла на ym старинная дигeрcкaя песня. It's time to-
lo ee execute.
If you love the earth
Very.
If you see badly
At night.
If the helmet is on your head
You wear it.
So you will become a digger
Do you want it?
Swarm, swarm deep!
Swarm, swarm wide!
All in the ground, as ifmole.
And a mouthful of worms...
If the light is in your eyes
Cuts.
And the water flow is rumored
Undead
And with a shovel if you
Friendly.
So you will become a digger
Must.
Swarm, swarm deep!
Swarm, swarm wide!
All in the ground, like a mole.
And a mouthful of worms...
If the cellar is for you -
House.
If you are fat
Gnome.
And you sewer
You love.
So digerom is alwaysYou will!
Swarm, swarm deep!
Swarm, swarm wide!
All in the ground, like a mole.
And a mouth full of worms!
A crumpled bucket rattling underfoot interrupted the exercises.
hobbit with music. What rubbish! - thought Gonzo, rubbing his bruise -
lazy shin. How many of these buckets are thrown here! Fire protection
Is that how they feel about security?
The hobbit, limping, continued on his way, thinking about ctpahhoc-
tow with buckets. And soon he came up with one important idea: if
there is a container for water (that is, buckets), which means there must be somewhere
this same water. Water is good, he decided, taking a sip from his
jug. And, I suppose, this is not just ordinary water, but healing - mine-
It's some kind of alcoholic drink, or, at worst, carbonated one. Ar-
theoretical, no less!
Gonzo licked his lips, imagining himself plunging into the xpyc-
the clearly transparent waters of an underground source, as it floats, swallows
smelling the refreshing coolness and snorting with pleasure...
But the bucket that fell under his feet for the third time broke off such
sweet vision and made me think about something completely different: a
isn't he walking in circles?What am I even doing here in this tunnel? - Gonzo frowned.
I think I'm looking for the Ring. Der Ring, that is. Yes. And how am I in the dark?
can I find the note? And by the way, camo the word "ring", in addition to the fabulous and
adventure meaning, for some reason evokes a certain elusive
a familiar and not entirely pleasant feeling... Ring... Ring do-
horns... A-a-a!!!
"Idiot!" - The hobbit hit himself on the forehead with his fist. "I'm walking
in a circle!" He even groaned in frustration. But there was nothing to do
time has already been lost, now we need to get out to the fork.
After wandering around the ring road for some time, Gonzo,
finally returned to the fork.
This time he won't be so stupid and will choose the right one.
way. But which one? You could go to the right, to where the
some “Herr”, or maybe directly, in “Abenteur...”. What to choose?
Orc knows him! Of all the wealth of fairy-tale worlds, Gonzo is the most
I only remembered: “if you go to the left, you’ll lose your horse;
you'll still lose something there. If you go straight, you'll lose your life -
eat!" Somehow I didn’t want to go straight. Yes, and the old hobbit
wisdom said: “The smart one won’t go straight, the smart one will go around to the side!”
“Oh, it was not!” - Gonzo waved his hand. "I don't know what's there
for "herr", but I haven't met it yetsuch a "xeppa" that I couldn't
fuck off..."
Pulling a gun from his bosom, the hobbit turned right.
+---------+
+--------------------|+part 3 |
+++++
+----------+
+------------+--+
| fragment 11.12 |
+----------------|-
fragment 11
It didn't take long to walk. A light suddenly flashed ahead,
strange reflections began to shine, and Gonzo found that he had come to a vast
underground lake.
Everything here was like in a fairy tale. It is unknown where it comes from -
the shining light spread picturesquely across the mirror surface of the lake, sparkled
on the teeth of stalactites and stalagmites and occasionally flared up in the depths
not water, reflecting, obviously, from the scales of the fish that lived here.
Fish is good! - the rather famished hob smacked his lips -
bit. He even wanted to rashly jump into the lake and immediately begin
for fishing, but suddenly froze. What if this same fish...
what ifis this piranha? From this thought Gonzo even lost his appetite.
But the inner voice (coming roughly from the depths of the stomach) hactau-
the shaft is on its own. They had a dialogue with the hobbit that went something like this:
INNER VOICE
Come on, I'm hungry!
GONZO
But you don’t think I want to, or what?
INNER VOICE
So why don't you dive?!
GONZO
Yeah... What if there are piranhas there? I'm still too young to ymu-
army! Especially such a painful and unheroic death.
INNER VOICE
(affectionately)
Fool, where do piranhas come from? This isn't Amazon.
be just an ordinary good underground lake...
GONZO
If you think it’s so good, then cam and jump!
INNER VOICE
How can I jump? After all, I am the Voice!
GONZOBut you, nevertheless, demand to eat... No, I won’t interfere with this...
yes. Moreover, the water is probably cold.
INNER VOICE
Well, think cam: if there were piranhas here, what would they be like?
Do you think they ate?
GONZO
What, what... Lost travelers!
INNER VOICE
Slobber! Woman! Climb, I say, otherwise you’ll die even more...
more fleshly and unheroic: you will die of hunger!
GONZO
Nope, don’t die: I still have two fruits!
INNER VOICE
Ha ha ha, made me laugh! This sourness makes you want to eat even more
Come on!.. Climb!
GONZO
(unsure)
But I can't swim!
INNER VOICE
Yes, there is knee-deep water here! And you can't wet your cowards!Gonzo finally made up his mind. With the words “The king ordered himself once-
He crossed himself twice, poured into the cauldron, and was boiled there!”
he pulled off his pants and carefully stepped into the lake. The water turned out like this
so cold that at first he almost jumped back, but
Having made several warming movements, he still remained in the water.
The sharp stone bottom scratched the heels, some kind of shaggy algae
legs were tickled and from time to time there was a piercing sensation between the legs
something cold and slippery, making the hobbit jump in fear
rubatb and grab your balls with your hands.
He had no idea how to fish. First try
move the shaft along the bottom with outstretched palms, then tried yxba-
flicker a silvery shadow flashing nearby with your hand, but no
These actions did not bring tangible results.
Already noticeably chilled, Gonzo was about to climb ashore
not having a salty slurp, when I suddenly noticed on the other side of the lake
something resembling a reed hut.
“I wonder what it is we have there...” muttered the lover
the inquisitive hobbit and slowly moved forward. Along the way he twice
fell into underwater holes, soaking not only his underpants,
but also almost ears. "If you don't know the ford, don't go into the water!" - deep-
he said deliberately on the shore when he was wringing out his wet clothes.
Butcuriosity soon made him forget about hunger and
other troubles. He was right in front of the mysterious hut.
- Hey, is anyone alive here? - Gonzo timidly shouted, not deciding
rushing to look into the home.
Something rustled inside the hut and a dissatisfied voice was heard
grunt, and then the Creature appeared on the threshold, according to Gonzo and
which was thus "xeppom". It would be difficult to describe his appearance.
rude: it all consisted of dirty, coarse tufts of hair,
rags half rotten from dampness and fish scales. Relevant
the smell also accompanied the atmosphere around the hut: rotten fish
entrails, something acrid and salty, filled with smoke.
- Vas is das? - muttered the Creature, wiping his sleepy
eyes.
But then it saw the hobbit and, shuddering in fear, yctabu-
looked at him with large colorless eyes.
- Hello! - said Gonzo.
- Are Russian partisans? - the Creature drawled carefully.
- I don’t understand what you’re saying... I’m a hobbit. My name is Gon-
zo. And that means I’m not just some tramp, but a Guardian
Gamadriel's gaze.
- Honzo?
- Yes,yes Gonzo. It's me! - the hobbit poked himself in the chest with a finger.
- Ya-a?
- No, Gonzo is me. Have you, by any chance, seen Zyrkal?
It was stolen by orcs.
The creature clearly had not heard anything about Zyrkal or the orcs.
Obviously, he was of little use, but Gonzo decided not to risk it yet.
forge (you never know what kind of schmuck this is) and behave decently.
- Tell me, dick, or whatever you call it, do you have anything...
chew?
At the word “dick,” the Creature perked up noticeably.
- Ya, ya, das is main, herr Horlum. Nicht ferstein?
“No way, no way,” Gonzo nodded. - I don’t understand...ren,
you're a hairy monkey.
- You eat a bad boy! - the Creature suddenly spoke. -
I don't eat monkeys, I'm an Aryan!
- Wow! - Gonzo was happy. - So that means it’s all the same...
Do it our way!
- Mine wants to be in the con... conc... in the Zone, ya. In deep Si-
bir, there to cut down a tree, for a long time, o mein gott, in a sweatshirt! "Vodka
drink, lie on the ground, yea. Like Russian Schwein.
“It’s all good,” Gonzo nodded. - But here's the thingquestion:
Would your dick be so kind as to let me devour? Fish, understand-
eat? Herring?
The hobbit depicted a swimming fish.
- You eat, a poorly brought up boy! - Su shook his head-
society. - You don’t know what discipline and order are. Mine will be
teach yours to educate: mine to speak is a riddle, yours to guess - in
catch the herring!
- What if my “can’t guess”? - asked Gonzo.
- If you don’t guess... - The creature smiled badly. -
Then you get the naked ass strap!
And in the hands of the Creature a good-quality army soldier suddenly appeared
belt with metal buckle.
“Uh-uh, it won’t work that way...” Gonzo drawled. - Although...
I have a self-propelled gun... Okay, go ahead, make a wish!
The creature rubbed its hands with a satisfied look.
- Listen: what does mine have in my pocket?
Gonzo thought about it. This idiot could have everything in his pocket
anything, so it was no longer necessary to think about the correct answer,
a o how to lull the enemy’s attention and grab a weapon
first.
- You have... uh... a toothpick there! - he said the first thing,what came to mind, and cam imperceptibly stuck his hand into his bosom,
groping for a self-propelled gun.
- Nain! - the Creature screamed. - Speak second nonutka!
- Then you have... a kindersurprise!
- Nain! Yours is the third nonutka, the last one!
Gonzo was about to blurt out another stupid thing when suddenly
cold sweat broke out from head to toe: there was no sawn-off shotgun in his bosom
it was! Only now did he remember that before swimming, he had stayed
forged a weapon on the shore...
- Schneller, Schneller! What does mine have in my pocket?
Here you go, you bastard, Gonzo thought.
- Who the hell knows what you have in that pocket! -bark-
he groaned and, pushing off with his foot from the shore, rushed into the lake.
- Nain! Nain! - The Creature jumped joyfully. - Holy crap!
But seeing that the cunning guest intends to hide from the authorities,
mezdia, it hissed angrily and rushed after him.
Gonzo didn't swim - he made these crazy jumps on the water,
showering everything around with cold splashes and filling the cave with terrible
noise. His opponent swam deftly and silently, with a norpy head
diving into the water - obviously he was an excellent swimmer.
And yet the hobbit managed to jump ashore first.Therefore, when the Creature emerged from under the water, emy
the smooth blued barrel rested and a hoarse voice said:
- Come on, bastard, Hyundai hoch!
The entire belligerent mood of the fish-smelling cave owner
disappeared in the blink of an eye. His eyes widened and went out of
orbits, having now become completely huge, the mouth was filled with the most sour spasm
ha, thin bony hands shook in fear.
- Nain, nain! No need! Hitler is kaput! Respect mine, only
Don't shoot!
- Yeah, now you started talking differently... Come on, get the fish,
I'm alive! - the hobbit commanded.
- Ya, ya...
A couple of minutes later the hobbit was already greedily devouring tapahky, and Su-
the creature caught the bones it threw and “cleaned” them.
Having had his fill, Gonzo scratched his belly, burped with satisfaction,
spat and headed towards the exit of the cave.
“We should sew you up...” he said before Su left.
Happily, there’s no time to mess around!
But in reality, emy simply felt sorry for the cartridges.
fragment 12
...Only the third corridor remained, and it was undoubtedly
had to lead the hobbit to the desired goal. Therefore, for a long time
Gonzo didn't bother. He found some kind of snag and wrapped it around it.
wounded the Creatures with rags, set the rags on fire and with this improvised
he set off with a torch.
The central corridor turned out to be not a corridor at all, but a long
stairs. The steps went down, and there were so many of them that,
They seemed to lead straight to hell. But the hobbit did not believe in hell -
he believed only in elves, so he did not turn back.
The staircase went on and on, the torch almost burned out, and
there was no end to the road. They walked past the hobbit several times
surprisingly hefty rats, and once he almost tripped
on a slippery step and almost fell head over heels.
But finally Gonzo reached the massive steel door,
into which the ladder rested. After fiddling around for a while co
rusty hinges, he opened the door and found himself in front of a new staircase -
tsey. This one already led upward, and apparently was as long as
like the previous one. Okay, thought the hobbit, let’s overcome this one too! Monsters
there shouldn't be any more, but we'll manage the rest somehow.
But he was wrong.
At the end of the stairs, a narrow tower platform and a large
a powerful, menacing-looking vulture sitting on its edge.It turned out
that the staircase connected the pillbox with one of the towers of the ancient castle,
picturesquely located in these places for another good five co-
ten years ago.
The situation was unimportant: from this tower it was impossible to
fall into other rooms of the castle, (unless fly over) a get
there was clearly a need to go there.
Gonzo looked at the vulture.
The vulture looked at him with suspicion and clearly disapproval.
Gonzo.
- Chick-chick... - Gonzo tried to lure him.
To no avail.
The hobbit was saved from failure of his entire mission by his grandfather, who once read
Yes, for my grandson a fairy tale about the craftsman Daedalus and his son of war... And
the end of that fable was not even happy at all, but Gonzo decided
rely on left luck and elven charms (which, in general, g-
it's the same thing). And
A shot rang out, the vulture's bird brains scattered
orocity of light, and the decapitated corpse collapsed at the feet of the Guardian
la. Having cut off two hefty wings from the bird, the hobbit thoroughly
twirled them to his hands with a rope (he remembered the advice well
di Sam: "Never go on a trip without a reliableroars!") took more air into his lungs and sang the song "Flight
Icarus" jumped from the tower.
END OF PART THIRD
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