Humor - Humor: 15 tips on how to have sex.

           КАК ЗАНЯТЬСЯ СЕКСОМ 


























 1. Definition.  

 Sex (English "sax" - saxophone)
is called poking something
sensitive to something
sensitive.    Selecting Sensitive
organ or place is deeply individual and
finding it can take a lifetime, especially
in a woman.  Origin of the word "sex"
obviously - any saxophonist has the most
the sensitive place is the mouth,
especially if the diameter of the inserted
the saxophone is two to three times superior to it.
Not to mention the weight, hangnails and
stuck in the copper teeth of the previous one
musician.

 2. Who can you have sex with? 

 This question is asked by millions of people with
the very moment of the extinction of the dinosaurs. Answer
was found only brilliant by me a lot
millions of years later - with Marya Ivanovna
Krabonozhkina, from apartment number 14.

 3. Who should you not have sex with? 

 With my beloved dog, aquarium
fish, jerboa (even flowing),
fountain "Pissing Boy" (even
sluggish), fountain "Friendship of Peoples"
(article of the Criminal Code"Gang rape")
Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin (otherwise he
will forget his wonderful moment... such
loss for Russian culture) and persons
under twelve years of age or your
beds.

 4. How to meet your partner
sex?

     If you have decided with him (her)
meet after
slept together, then just ask the name. B
in other cases one has to resort to
tricks or to prostitutes.  The best
the trick is money.  Moral: better
work rather than waste time reading
such stupid instructions. Moral #2: but
you can make money by publishing such
stupid instructions.

 5. How to properly create in the house
atmosphere for sex?

     Turn on quiet, slow,
soothing music.  Light up the multitude
candles.  Stick flowers everywhere
bouquets. Cover everything with velvet. Thus
an intimate atmosphere is created.   If
read this description carefully, then you
you will come to the correct conclusion that the best
The atmosphere for sex is in a funeral home.

 6. What is your sexual orientation?
is it preferable now?

     Remember the course
Boy Scouts - Sexual Antagonists
terrain orientation.   Moss on
stumps grows on the north side. So
you have to fuck on the northern half of the stump
- It's softer there.

 7. What kind words to say
partner during sex?

     "Move over", "lift up",
“bend over”, “turn over”, etc.  For
giving them a gentle shade to add “well
please!", and in the case of a prostitute -
"I'll give you ten percent!"

 8. What is the most reliable means
pregnancy protection?

     To be born a man.

 9. When an individual matures for
oral sex?

     When his mother takes away his pacifier.

 10. When an individual matures for
normal sex?

     When he becomes an individual.

 11. When an individual matures for
abnormal sex?

       When it finally ripens.

 12. How to make it come to you
did all the men (women) stick?

     Coat yourself with glue and spread wider
hands while walking down the street.

 13. Howafter that don't get into
madhouse?

     Spread your arms so wide
so that they don't get through his doors.

 14. What is the name of the author of this
the most moronic questionnaire?

     microcephalic entertainer, Oleg Bocharoff with
sexy hello

 15. Can I punch him in the snout?  

 That's it. I'm leaving, leaving, leaving...

                         (c) Oleg Bocharoff