Computer emergency assistance Morticia Adams One day I was walking quite elegant walking through snow-filled Moscow and gracefully looked around. People were I'm welcome. Suddenly at the entrance to the subway from under a sad young man emerged from the snow frostbitten ears and stood with hope look at me. Taking a closer look take a closer look, I saw what was on his neck There is a sign hanging there: "Ambulance at home." "Therapist?" - I asked him in a secret whisper, bending intimately to one of the frostbitten ears. "No," the young man hiccupped excitedly. - I... Operator." "ABOUT!" - I admired and immediately I decided to get to know him better. Via a week of intensive communication he was able finally explain to me what it is difficult and dangerous work - he and his brave friends help people, nothing understand computers, turn on and turn off their computers, find the necessary buttons on the keyboard and pick out stuck ones from the drive floppy disks. It turns out that when the computer suddenly blatantly switches off right in the middle your interested communication with him, or when you just forgot what they mean the words "save" and "cancel", and you insistently offer to choose one of them, you can callto such special people like my new friend with frostbite ears, and ask them what to do. They there, of course, they will laugh at you heartily, because they themselves never forget, what do the words "save" and "cancel" mean, but in the end they will help and get you out of trouble. A to help you reduce embarrassment when you call technical support (this is the name of the place where these sit malicious expert operators), I’ll tell you a few cases from my practice eared friend. These are recorded on spy tape recorder telephone dialogues with technically backward people. Monitors It turns out that the monitor is from a computer - It's not really a TV. Hence the mass troubles. *** - Please help, I have here computer problems... - So, let's... What do you have on screen? - On what? - Well, on the display. What's on it? - Please don't hang up... what do you say I have? - What's on the monitor screen now? which you see before your eyes? - Uh-uh... you know, I’ll probably tell you I'll call you back later. *** And here is the dialogue from the area of Beavis and Butthead: - My monitor doesn’t have anything shows. - So... Your monitor doesn’t show anything.shows. Is it online? - Hmm, hee hee, no! - Well, what then? - Hehe, umm, hehe... Oh, well, yes, exactly. Thank you! Mice Even I know that a mouse is what you need to move it around the table to move it across the screen the cursor was moving, not the foot pedal at all speed... *** - Hello, tell me how I am choose a mouse pad? - You can purchase any, at your own taste. - Yes, but I'm afraid that he will incompatible with my computer... *** - Okay, now click on the right one mouse button... - I can't press the right button mouse, because there is no right mouse here buttons. - Well, of course... Everyone has two buttons on the mouse. Some, of course, have them as many as three, but there are always two. Please look carefully and tell me how many buttons your mouse has. - Two. But they are both leftists. - But they can’t both be leftists! One of them is left, and the other is mandatory right! - No, I have them both left, but only one is closer to me, and the other is slightly further! - Try rotating the mouse 90 degrees clockwise. - Oh! This is, of course, much more convenient! How stupid I am! Keyboard In my opinion, with keyboards it’s not at all there should be no problems - everything is there the buttons are labeled. The most important thing is on time find out from someone who knows where there is a key "any key". *** - Now press the "right" key arrow". - Do you mean the key? "backspace"? - No, I mean the "right" key arrow". - A! Maybe the "enter" button? - No, just “right arrow”. - I don’t have one. - Okay, let's do this... you can find the spacebar on your keyboard? - Here, I found it. - Now move your hand to the right... Stumbled upon the left arrow key? - Yes! - So here’s one more key from it will be "right arrow". - Oh, yes! Thank you. *** And sometimes people, when they see a computer, fall into such awe that they forget everything they ever knew. *** - Sorry, exclamation mark - Is this a stick with a dot at the bottom? - Exactly. *** - Excuse me, can you help me? U I have this stick icon in my password some... - ??? - Well, you know, it’s very similar to exclamation point, but only up feet. - The letter "i", or what? - Oh, well, yes. Thank you. Printers Of coursesame for me, old record-breaking typists, this is a shock - what I'm typing in one place, I see letters in durgom, and the printed text comes out completely from the third, but people mean everything getting used to it... *** - Hello, it doesn’t print for me printer. -Have you connected it to the computer? - I plugged it in and placed it as close to the computer as possible - as shown in the picture. - Yes, but you also have to connect to the computer with such a special cord that should be in the box from under the printer. - Yes, there was some kind of cord, but I I thought it was a spare and threw it away along with the box. - Then you will have to buy a cord and Still connect the printer to the computer. - But this is not shown in the picture. - Without this, nothing will work out. - My God, how difficult it all is! - Nothing complicated. Just buy new cord and everything will be fine. - What do you mean to say that, for the printer to work, I have to buy any additional details? - Actually, no, but you are yourself. they said they threw away the cord that included with the printer. - You know, I’d probably better call neighbor, he will make sure that everything finally it worked. - Okay, call me, but only for you. You will also need a cord.- Nothing, my neighbor is fine understands computers. - OK. Good luck. *** Here's Beavis and Butthead again: - For some reason my printer doesn’t print text prints. - Did you give him the command to print? - Hmm, hee-hee... Ah, well, yes, exactly... Ah how is this? Internet They say some people come to technical support service and ask copy the internet to a floppy disk for them, and also some call and ask if there will be Internet is open on Thanksgiving Day. And in general, they ask such funny things that expert operators are lost and don’t know what answer. *** - Hello, is this the Internet? *** - What is this?!!! Every time when I call you, my internet turns off! *** - Hello, I broke the internet, you Can you fix it for me? *** - And you connected me to the last one internet version? E-mail In this area, people quite often worries whether the letter will reach the addressee, if you write it on a piece of paper, put it in drive and click on the "send" button. Well, you know, this is completely... *** - Forgive me, please, I can't I can send an email. - How can I help you? - Isending my first email letter. - Congratulations, what's the problem? - Well, I typed the letter "a", but how to should I draw a circle for her now? *** You know, I would of course tell you told some more interesting stories, but the thing is that my friend and I frostbitten ears, unfortunately, We broke up and don't communicate anymore. I'm looking for Now I have a new friend, a prettier one. How As soon as I find it, I’ll let you know right away. Goodbye, Truly Earls, Morticia Adams Copyright since 2000 "Internet Zone" & Nik Romanov, info@izcity.som
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