Jokes - Sochi traffic cops.

     Сочинские гаишники

     Просто  "обожают"  москвичей. Я y них
как-то интересовался причинами такой лютой
ненависти, так мне объяснили, что москвичи
не   боятся   и   не   уважают  гаишников,
постоянно спорят, качают права с книжечкой
в   руках   и   работать   с  ними  простоimpossible.
     However, I understand them.  That's what
happened recently.
     I went by car to the sea to
drink beer. I drank to my heart's content and am heading back. B
the car is quite hot, I'm relaxed,
so I stuck my left leg out the window to
the wind blew.  Car with box
"automatic", so threats to those around me
I can't imagine.
     There is a traffic cop car on the road, nearby
with three people on duty. I
I drive past them and in the rear mirror
I'm watching what the lieutenant is doing to me
sign to stop (note that after
how I drove past them).
Of course I'm not going to stop
and I drive on calmly, counting
number of violations committed by:
alcohol dependent drunkenness,
speeding at 60 km/h and kicking,
hanging out of the window.  In the mirror you can see that
The traffic police car turned on its flashing lights and began
persecution.  I'm going quietly with
speed 120 km/h.  In about five minutes
caught up, overtook and asked to stop. I
I parked, sat and waited. They are also sitting
in the car and wait (it’s customary here to run out,
like a little dog, out of the car and rushing with
documents to the traffic cops). I give
a signal that I am about to leave, one of
The traffic cop gets out of the car and comes towards me.
Rendered. I say:
     - Well?
     -   WhyIs your seat belt not fastened? -
asks the traffic cop.
     My mother! He listed all the violations, and
I forgot about the belt. Here, unlike
Moscow, not fastened seat belt - main
source of income.
     “I forgot,” I say. - I will suffer
materially.
     - Why is your leg hanging out of the window? -
the traffic cop is interested.
     - It's so hot.
     - With your foot out of the window - it’s not allowed! -
The traffic cop firmly states.
     - Where is it said?
     “In the documents,” after thinking a little,
The traffic cop answers.
     - Show me the document where
it says you can't ride with your leg,
sticking out of the window, then we will
talk about this topic,” I counter.
     The traffic cop thinks for a long time, then
states:
     - If issued from a vehicle
outwardly oversized foreign element, on
there should be a red flag hanging at the end of it. A
You didn't have such a checkbox.
     “It won’t work,” I sympathize. - This is
only if the object is long
more than one meter.  And from me from the window
maximum eighty centimeters of leg
stuck out. You can measure it with a ruler.
     The traffic cop was sad.
     - Then pay a fine for not
fastened belt.   And for exceeding
speed.
     - I don’t refuse to pay for the belt,
and about speeding you have something
got it wrong.  I didn’t see your “guns” and
evidence to mewere not presented.
     - Yes, I saw by eye that you
the speed was much higher than 60 kilometers per
hour,” explains the traffic cop.
     - Yes, I don’t care about your peephole, -
I calmly explain. - If you present
metrological certificates and
decree that from now on he
used as official meter
speed, then no problem.  And now
your peephole is your problem. I was traveling with
speed of 59 kilometers per hour, and
try to prove me wrong.
     The traffic cop looks at me with hatred,
mutters something under his breath about snickering
Muscovites who ate all the lard get enough
some hefty sheet and says,
that you need to fill out a protocol for the belt.
     In the protocol, meanwhile, points
fifty.  To the question - since when?
it became necessary to fill such voluminous
papers, he mutters that we are in Moscow
let loose, but here we have our own rules.
     - Will you fill it out yourself, or will I?
help? - asks the traffic cop.
     - Yes, I seem to have learned to read and write, -
I answer.  I take the piece of paper and quickly write it down
answers to questions. Who compiled this
The protocol is difficult to understand. The questions seem to be
just copied from some
psychological test. I think there's even
there was a question “what did your illness suffer in childhood?
grandmother." I answered all questions honestly
in the "gender" column I wrote"parquet", its own
gave his date of birth in Israeli
calendar, but as a place of work
wrote "a janitor at the 82nd secondary school."
Then he gave the piece of paper to the traffic cop. The one without reading
piece of paper, demanded a fine of 40
rubles, saluted and went to his car.
I calmly drove up to my apartment,
I parked the car and took it out of the refrigerator
a bottle of beer and went outside again,
to sit on a bench.
     In about five minutes we're heading home
a traffic police car pulls up (I immediately
I thought that they still had a protocol
read), my old one pops out from there
a friend and shouts joyfully:
     - I almost forgot! You're a lieutenant
twenty minutes ago I saw him drinking at sea
beer. Let's go for a medical examination!
     “Now,” I say, “let’s go.” Here I am
I'll just put on my slippers.
     -  And what? - the traffic cop was confused. - This is
not for long.  About thirty minutes.  Or right away
you pay the fine.
     “Man,” I answer. - What are you doing? I'm on
I finished driving today and am relaxing
in the shade with a beer. Any other questions?
is there?
     - But they saw you with beer, -
the traffic cop said confused. - Half an hour ago.
We were waiting for you on the road, because
The lieutenant next to the cafe saw your car.
It was you who distracted us with your foot.
     “Not my problem,” I answer. - It is necessary
It was quicker to think.  And now,really
Sorry, traffic cop appointment for today
finished.
     - You know, let's do it? -
The traffic cop declares decisively. - We are now
we'll go for an examination, based on the results
Let's subtract this bottle of beer and see what
it will work out.
     I almost choked on my beer.
     - You overheated in the sun, or what?
I'm not going anywhere.
     The traffic cop stood there a little longer, with
looking with envy at my manipulations with
with a bottle, then went to the car,
report the situation. To a consensus,
as I understand it, they never came because
that the car started and drove away.
     But that's not all. In the evening we went on a binge
in a restaurant with a friend. We sat for a while
thoroughly, and then he took me home on
your Toyota.  And she is with him, by the way
right hand drive. We are driving along the only alley,
which leads to the passage to another
side of the railway, when suddenly we see
who is on duty right next to the arch under the bridge
car with my current acquaintances.
     The friend was very worried because
there is no other way, and he drank quite a lot
decently.    We are approaching the traffic cops,
the lieutenant sees me in the driver's seat
(I remind you once again that the car is with the right
steering wheel), blurs into a wide
smile, brakes Toyota and invites me
into a traffic cop car.  I calmly go out
I tell my friend to immediatelyleft as soon as I sat down with the traffic cops, and
I'm going with the lieutenant.
     I get into the car.  Lieutenant kindly
smiles and says:
     - Well? We will blow into a tube, or
Will we pay the fine right away?
     “Let’s blow into a tube,” I say.
I. - I haven’t blown into a tube for a long time.
     By the way, they had tubes
defective.    The first two are not at all
worked, and only the third showed
some exorbitant values.
     “Well,” the lieutenant rejoiced. -
Now the cats will give birth to the mouse
tears.
     “Exactly,” I say, “what does a mouse
and will cast off.
     - In what sense? - worried
Lieutenant.
     “And in this way,” they answer. - What kind of
should I have a complaint?
     - Driving while drunk
sight! - says the traffic cop.
     - Where did you see me driving?
by car?
     - Hello! - the lieutenant is indignant.
- I just stopped your car.
This one,” he gestures to the side with his hand.
Toyota, which is in place, of course,
no longer.   - Where did the car go? -
he is surprised.
     “I went home,” I say calmly.
- This is a Japanese car with right-hand drive. I asked
give me a lift to the bridge.  And since to
you had no complaints with the driver, but there were
only questions for me, so he left.
     The lieutenant took so long and carefully
looked into my eyes that I already thought that
mewill be shot while trying to escape.
     - Is everyone like that in Moscow? -
the traffic cop asked quietly.
     “No,” I answer.  - Just me and
Rabinovich. The rest are even worse.
     In general, I was released in peace.
The guys turned out to have a sense of humor and me
didn't shoot.  I'm with them even later
made friends.    Not right away, of course.   On
the next day I drank a couple of bottles
non-alcoholic beer (here this is a big
a rarity), I drove past them on purpose,
was stopped and sent for examination.
After an unsuccessful test for them
alcohol, explained everything, and we concluded
joint non-aggression pact. I now
one glass of beer is officially allowed per
steering wheel, but only one. I'm telling you guys
They turned out to have quite a sense of humor.

***

     Copyright(e)2001 Alex Axler
exler@exler.ru http://www.exler.ru