Humor - About Hank's ass.

 = HANK'S ASS =

     Translation (C) Evgeny Fedorchenko '97
(taken from GOD'S NOME BBS)

     This morning a couple knocked on my door.
The man spoke first:
     - Hello! I'm John and she's Mary
     Mary: We invite you to join us
Kiss Hank's ass!
     Me: Excuse me? What are you talking about? Who is Hank
and why should I kiss his ass?
     John: If you kiss Hank's ass,
he will give you a million dollars, and if not -
He'll beat the crap out of you!
     Me: Is this some kind of new youth
party?
     John: Hank is a millionaire philanthropist. He
built this city. Hank is his master! He
can do what he wants, but he wants to give
you have a million dollars, but you can’t yet
You won't kiss his ass!
     Me: But this is nonsense!   What
damn...
     Mary: Who are you to doubt?
at Hank's mercy?  Don't you want to
million dollars?  Isn't it worth it?
to kiss ass?
     Me: Maybe it’s worth it, but...
     John: Then come with us to kiss
ass.
     Me: And how often do you kiss Hank's ass?
     Mary: Oh yes! All the time!
     Me: And he gave you a million dollars?
     John: No!  We'll get money like
Let's just leave the city!
     Me: So why don't you leave
city right now?
     Mary: You can't leave the city until
Hank won't tell you or he won't give you
money and beat the crap out of you!
     Me: Do you know anyone who
kissed Hank's ass, left town and
got a million dollars?
     John: My mother kissed Hank's ass
for years.  She left town in the past
year. I'm sure she got the money.
     Me: Have you talked to her about this?
     John: Of course not! Hank doesn't allow it
this!
     Me: What makes you think that
you will get money if you never
spoke to the person who received them?
     Mary: But he gives you some money
before you even leave town. You
you can get promoted, win
a little lottery, find 20 dollars on
street...
     Me: What does Hank have to do with it?
     John: There is a definite connection.
 Me: Sorry, but that sounds very
stupid!
     John: But it's worth it for a million dollars
try.   And remember, if you don't
you kiss Hank's ass, he'll beat the shit out of you
everything is crap!
     Me: Maybe I can see Hank?
discuss details...
     Mary: Nobody can see Hank
no one can talk to him!
     Me: How then can you kiss his ass?
     John: Sometimes we just send
blow a kiss and think about his ass,
sometimes we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes
Hank.
     Me: Which Karl? Who is Karl?
     Mary: This is our friend. It was he who taught
us to kiss Hank's ass.
     Me: And youthey took him at his word that
Hank will reward you if you do
kiss his ass?
     John: No!  Karl received a letter from
Hank many years ago, where is everyone
explained.  Here is a copy of the letter, take a look
myself
     John handed me a photocopy:

     1.Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give it to you
a million dollars when you leave town.
     2.Do not abuse alcohol.
     3. Beat the crap out of those who
doesn't love you.
     4.Eat right.
     5.Hank himself dictated this letter.
     6.The moon is made from Dutch cheese.
     7.Everything Hank says is correct.
     8.Wash your hands after using the toilet.
     9.Don't drink.
     10.Don't eat hot spices.
     11.Kiss Hank's ass or he'll knock you out
you're all crap.

     Me: It seems to be written on paper
Carla?
     Mary: Hank doesn't have any paper!
     Me: I have a suspicion that if
check, it turns out that this is Karl's handwriting.
     John: Of course. Hank dictated to him.
     Me: You said that no one saw
Hank!
     Mary: Many years ago he spoke to
by some people.
     Me: If he is a philanthropist, why does he
beats the crap out of people, looks
Which ones are different?
     Mary: It's Hank's will, and Hank always
right!
     Me: Where did you get that from?
     Mary: Clause 7 states: Anything that
Hank says it right!
 Me: Asuddenly your Karl wrote all this
yourself?
     John: Well, point 5 says: himself
Hank dictated this letter. In addition,
point 2 says: do not abuse
alcohol, point 4: Eat right, and
point 8: wash your hands after using the toilet. All
they know that this is right, and that means
the rest is correct!
     Me: But point 9 says: don’t drink that
does not agree with paragraph 2. And in paragraph 6 -
In general, nonsense about the moon made of cheese!
     John: Point 9 just makes the point clear
2. And about the 6th, you never
been to the moon, how do you know?
     Me: Scientists have proven that the moon is made of
stone!
     Mary: But a stone can easily
turn out to be hardened cheese.
     Me: Ignorance of the origin of the stone
does not mean at all that this is cheese.
     John: Scientists may be wrong, but we
Because we know that Hank is always right!
     Me: Do we know?
     Mary: Of course, from point 5.
     Me: You say Hank is always right
because that's what the letter says. Letter
correct, because it was dictated
Hank.  Hank dictated the letter because
it's written in the letter. Vicious circle -
Hank is right because he says he
right
     John: Finally you get it!  How
it's nice when someone starts to open up
soul and think like Hank.
     Me: But... Okay. What about seasonings?
     Mary blushes.
     John says: You can't eat condiments.
SoHank said!
     Me: What, no pepper, no mustard?
 Mary looks dumbfounded.   John
shouts: Don't say such words!  All
seasonings are blasphemy!
     Me: So, you can’t eat cabbage with
mayonnaise?
     Mary covers her ears: I don't
I heard! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
     John: This is disgusting!   Only
nasty perverts can eat this...
     Me: I eat this all the time. I like!
     Mary faints.   John
picks her up and leaves yelling: If only I
I just knew that you were one of them, I didn't even
I would waste my time on you!  When Hank
will beat the crap out of you, I will
stand nearby and, laughing, count the money. I
I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, mayonnaise
mustard eater!.