Humor - Kill the lamers!

 Kill the lamers!

 From: "Vladimir Bobarikin"

 Another story:

     A user came to me an hour ago, so I
I still can’t laugh, this user
worthy of all the first awards for entertainment
sysopov BBS :))))))))))))))))))))

 Let's start with registration:

== CUT ==
How many lines are on your display? 800
...
 Your network addresses:
 1: 
     2: what's wrong???
     3: wow what, noviy russkiy? (apparently
meant, "why are there several home
addresses")
== CUT ==

     BUT THE MOST FUN STARTS IN THE CHAT:
     (his answers are marked)

== CUT ==
 Hello, why did you call?

 >Hello?   Pishi po anglisy ua
nichego ne ponimayy!!!
 Ti ustanovi russifikator :)

 >Ustanovlen, ne ramotaet!
 Ti iz mastdie'ua zvonish?

 >To est??
 From Hyperterminal?

 >A est drugie terminali????
 Hmm... Essno est

 >To est??
 Of course!

 >A is this kakie??
 Nu for example Terminate 500, Lync,
Telemax, etc.

 >Da ti gonish!!!! Ua bi znal!!
 Voobshe something mozhesh skachat ih y menya
I look...

 >Davai!!!

Zalivay......
== CUT ==

     Then I uploaded Lync to him.   He
disconnected, was gone for 15 minutes. Then
calls again, calls me to chat and again
this Chinese begins...

== CUT ==
 >Ti che mne zalil??? Oops nifiga ne
work!!!!!!!!!!
 So did you try it? :)

 >To est????
 Delat its setup :)))))))

     >Tak no theresetup.exe!!!
 :))))) V nei proboval Alt-O nazhat i
install there port, modem etc.?

 >A zachem??
 What a job! :))

 >Ona sama ne mozhet
chtoli???????????????
 No comments...

 >To est??
 Yes, that's right.  Ti when-nibud
tried nastrivat autoexec.bat?  Yes
vot, there tozhe nado something sdelat. :)

 >A che za autexec.bat?
 (at this point I was completely overwhelmed, I ran
laugh faster in the hallway so that no one
woke up.   It took me a while to sift through
about two minutes, the user at this time
freaked out on the line)

 >Che za autoexec.bat ua asked?
a;klsjg209tjwqpjwekljkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
>kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ALLE!! TI where?
idi chatitsya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(a few more lines of insanity)

 Wow tut :) Just u menya (pause)
moloko ubezhalo :)))))

>A ti che s nim delaesh??
 Myaso farshiruyu ;)))

 >???????????
 Shutka.

 >Tak what is this autoexec.bat???
 (another attack of painful
laughter, about 5 seconds) This is takoy failik,
kotoriy pozvolyaet pri vkluchenii compa
progi avtomatom zapuskat.

 >Tak bi i govoril chto StartUp!!
 (another fit of laughter, with slight choking
because   didn’t have time to move away from the previous ones
attacks) Okay, zabili.

 >Horosho!  Tebe nado krutoy soft
dlya DOS???
 It depends on which one, I have plenty of it.....

 >Pishi ro angliisky!!!!
 Smotrya kakoy, u menya ego polno.

 >TO EST??? DOS SEYCHAS NI U KOGO NE
STOIT!!!!!!!!
 (a feeling of slight madness in
brains) Nu voobshe something op u mnogih stoit...

 >Ti mne eche skazhi chto znaesh
what is Duum!!!
 (it took me quite a long time to realize that he
meant by Duum, but then before me
doperlo - "Dum", DooM. This time already
I am SO happy for the difficult Russians
lamers struck that words can express it y
I'm not here).

 >Ti where?
 (so as not to disrupt SUCH A JOKE,
somehow restraining myself I continue to write)
Tit.   This is pervaya 3D game, kotoraya v
vichisleiah ispolzovala plavaushiu
zapyatuy, esli ua ne oshibaus.  Skazhi
eshe, what is it? znaesh, what is Norton
Commander :))) (shitka)

 >A what is this???
 (I’m sitting now, correcting this text,
I’m inserting comments, but it’s like the second time
I read this... I'm finally convinced
nailed it :)))))) ) [commercial break: ]
[acquire such people in the user/point and
your mood] [will be improved
posthumously...]

 [another nonsense has been skipped]
 >ALE!!!!!!!
 :~)))))) This is takoy file-manager.
Quite popular under DOS.

 >A where ti DOSgot it????
 Hmm... voobshe something kogda ua sel za
computer v perviy raz krome Win'3.10
nochego populyarnogo ne bilo, and Win'3.10
pod DOS Puskaetsya... And then
poyavilsya Win'95, zatem ua sebe os/2
stavil...

 >Tak u tebya supercomputer?????????
 Pochemu ti so reshil? :)))

 >Ya slishal chto os2 stavyat tolko
na nih!!!
 (and where did he get such data?
8-Q ) Kak raz na nih her ne stavyat. :)

 >Da gonish ti vse!!
 Davay ua tebe dokazhu, chto u tebya
DOS eats :)))

 >Net u menya ego i ne bilo
never!!!!
 Ok, then idi suda:
Start->Programs->MsDos Prompt",
zapusti this, i ubidish dos. :)))

 >Tak this is MS-DOS, not DOS!!!!!
 (here I had a feeling that
that you will have to prove that what
called DOS and that's what he sees. About that
what is emulation, about what it is
rs-dos,dr-dos, novell-dos decided not to
mention for the sake of your own health and
sanity) This is i est DOS.

 >Blya!!!   Ti look at what's there
pishetsya there voobshe napisano
>'Windows 95'!!!!

     (at this point it’s all over for me
I'm getting bored, I realized what I see in front of me
"purebred" lamer...) Okay, tebe
nichego ne dokazhech... poidu ua spat
navernoe...

 >Tak ti menya na BBS pusti otherwise
nikto ne hochet puskat!!!

 Ok, bye.

     (I release him from the chat, immediately again
calling)

 >Stop!!!!! Na BBS menya putti!!
 So ya zhe tebya vipustil.

 >Ne!! Na BBS!!!
 And ti seichas where? :))))

 >V terminale!!!
 So this is the i est BBS :))))))))

 >Ne, and knopki where???
 What knopki?

 >Tak howpolzovatsya then??? Mouse
nekuda tikat!!!!!!

== CUT ==
     Here my fingers are arbitrary
reached out to Alt-N... I don’t know further,
called yet, or not because... I'm continuous
wasted time
up/down mood with
laughter and tea. It’s hard to look at the logs.