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3Bit #01
03 января 2005 |
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Veselukha - Life is simple sysadmin and sad and dreary if there no beer: sysadmin is dedicated.
Sysadmin dedicated ...
(C) based on sites on this topic.
Hard without nicotine
Life is simple sysadmin
And the sad and depressing
if there's no beer
(C) The Magician
(C) Allan
American programmers are very long
understand why their Russian counterparts
Windows hangs at all times repeat
the phrase "your rabbit wrote" (Your Bunny
Wrote) (Note: English version
to be read quickly;)
(C) Dimon
Observation of experienced users.
Last year a friend of mine Upgrade
Woman 1. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found that
It takes a lot of memory and leaves a very
very little system resources for other applications. And
recently, he noticed that the wife of 1. 0 also runs child
processes also consume valuable resources. In no leaflets, no
documentation of this phenomenon was not described, although
the information obtained from other users, this would be
expected due to the nature this application.
In addition to everything, Wife 1.0 installs
so that always starts when
system initialization and monitors the work process. He found
that some applications, including Football 10.3 Pivtsov
1. 5 and Fishing 7. 0 does no longer work in his system,
causing an emergency reset when trying to run (though never
before such issues were not).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no choice, installing
unwanted additives, such as Tiffany's 55.8 and the beta release
Shurin. It also seems that the performance system decreases
with each passing day. The following release Wives 2. 0, we
would like to see such possibilities: the button "Do not remind
me me more "; minimize button, an option in the
Uninstall, allowing my wife to install 2.0
so that at any moment can be
was to remove it without loss of cash and other
system resources; option to run the network in promiscuous
mode, which will function testing system
equipment is much more useful.
Personally, I have decided to avoid all the headaches
associated with Wife 1.0 and to continue Woman using 2.0. But
all the same I had problems with it.
It turns out that it is impossible to put on top of a Woman
2.0 Woman 1.0: The First Woman to remove 1.0. Other users say
that it is very old error, and that I would have to know about
it. They say that different versions of the girls in conflict
regarding the sharing of the port
IO. I think they did, they could and
fix a stupid mistake.
Worse, the uninstaller Devushki1.0
is unstable, sometimes leaving
system tracks the application.
Another bad point: all versions
Girls always give a short annoying messages about the need to
upgrade to Wife 1.0.
Error Warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install
Mistress 1. 1 without removing Wives 1. 0. Wife 1.0 will
destroy all files WebMoney and then deletes itself. Then
Mistress 1. A refuse continue to install, claiming insufficient
resources.
How to avoid ERROR
To circumvent the above error, try to install Mistress 1. 1
on a different system and never run data applications such as
LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware-applications
that can transfer viruses and infect his wife 1. 0. Another
solution - work with a mistress. 0 anonymously through
provider. But here we have to be
careful not to accidentally download currently
on UseNet virus, and Web resources to plant
Money.
(C) sha
How young hackers?
With the Trojans in your pisyuke,
From the admin, to the setting you
With a heavy object in his hand.
Or maybe they start
With a modem, stuck in the mother
And the first attempt at BASIC
Number of lives to break?
How young hackers?
With the desire to sleep in the mornings,
From the collection cracks and viruses
And breaking free programs.
Or maybe they start
On the evening loading procedure,
With the selection of all combinations
Which no end in sight?
How young hackers?
From the windows, hanging in the distance,
With the old floppy disks with the debugger,
That somewhere in the closet we have found.
Or maybe they start
With podsmotra password to root
And with a nickname of slashes and skobochek,
Without which a hacker is not it cool?
How to start a nick?
In trying to find Any key.
With good and loyal companions
We slept next display.
Or maybe they start
With the ability to stumble upon a glitch
Which in any tests
Escaped the programmers' hands?
How to start a nick?
With the win the game network,
From the admin, who were in hysterics
By tapping the clave his head.
Or maybe they start
Since the primary load wind,
And from the basket in which they
Store the results of work?
How to start a nick?
With calipers, pomershih away,
From the old buggy virus
(And where he just found!)
Or maybe they start
From ancient pore DCK
On error, which from his youth
It nests in their DNA?
(C) P @ i @ lniK
Is the system. admin, suddenly on the road the frog
jumps up and says man voice:
- I conjured an evil sorcerer, and the very
I really - a beautiful girl. If you kiss me, I raskolduyus and
will be yours.
Without a word he puts it in his pocket and walked on.
Frog:
- You probably do not understand! I - beautiful
girl, I need to spell ...
- You know, I sis.admin. Girls I did not
interest. But a talking frog - this is
cool!
(C) medjai
Once it was in my practice. Sit means
in his office, call, annoyed
yuzverittsa screaming that she had not all the files
saved on a floppy disk. Well, I'm suspecting
that there is some little thing like "I
printer does not print, "" have you checked there
Does it have paper? "or" I have a PC not to boot, "" but have
you checked whether it is in outlet? ".
Rose mean to her, and I see a picture! Attention! Get ready!
It turns out to stores on a floppy Excel workbook and counts
how many pages, (animation, When the book pages fly on a floppy
disk), flew, and threatening me so declares: "I counted 16
pieces! A diskette retained only one! "
I am a year away from this episode can not!
(C) UY
I worked in a school laboratory in the complex.
class, esn did everything it could on the
including amdimila a little bit:) As
One time flies in my closet the teacher
Informatics in the wild hysteria: "They still have broken it!"
You broke it? Who broke??
It turned out that she gave the children the text typed in
Word, they nadbralai it, and erase it can not, for half an hour
beating: (
Went to watch - almost died laughing. Baby lazily balo
typing, so they cut it neatly in a protective
adapted screen - complete illusion
that the text is full of:), the cursor does not blink ... When
I pulled out this sheet of paper, a poor aunt had such eyes, I
was scared for the children, had her otpaivat with tea and
dried.
(C) Old admin
History may not be about the admins, but about
Comp. And about the computer, which most of today not only
seen, but have not heard ... In general it was in 1980. I
worked then on the CEC (now the word not in vogue, so I explain
Sectional Computing Center), came to us latest by the time
machine is the IBM 360. This the western, and in our computer
EC 1020. Came specialists - to mount it (and
that, you know a week business) and here we are,
programmers admitted to the shrine. Here
I must say that this Congress and Exhibition Center with an
enormous petrochemical plant was. Building
was before the central entrance,
it was late afternoon in winter. It I to
ensure that you have presented a picture of lights
petrochemical plant in the dark.
Presented? Well, the pictures or the movies
seen? True impressive? :) So
we stand before this miracle of technology, not
just stand on, even a deck of punch cards load - everything
went perfectly, the car such beautiful lights in the central
paragraph ... well, very much. For a window view of the plant.
Beauty and the consciousness of his significance. From the
central control of small-little understood that any light bulb
and a button means. Only here does not give us peace
big red button in the upper right
corner. In fact, she signed the "stop", but
"Stop" too much can mean something. AND
we push it on fire .. Well, straight no strength
as hunting. We think, well, anything should turn off, well,
disable the entire machine. (And the whole machine, the young
do not know, it's 30 square meters, and height meters 2 - lined
with lockers). Delov something rerun, but at least we know what
this "stop" stops. Gathered the courage to press ..... The
lights go out all over the building of a window full darkness.
Remember the wonderful picture operating plant in the window a
moment ago? This is how ... Our state is useless to explain his
prochustvovat necessary. Case in Soviet times, stopped
petrochemicals ... has nothing to utter deprivation Prize not
get off. Rusk drying time. After a friendly stupor starts
running around, asking - who is this stupid venture with a
button first invented.
... In general, the more intriguing has
sense - after 10 minutes everything was normal and
in the building of light, and the machine booted and familiar
view of the window appeared. Here because as it happens - at
the very moment when We clicked the button on the unfortunate
happened failure at a substation at the power industry. Here
So - and you "floppy disk is not inserted
user "...:))
(C) Sammy Fennell
It System Administrator for the girl, who came
recorded on the server:
- In terms of network security, you
represents a potential hole.
Morning sysadmin asks his new girlfriend:
- (Gently) You marry me?
- (Irritably) Every time the same
Questions! In the FAQ!!
Lamersha - Admin:
- Do you help me?
- And what's the problem?
- I have a text here in the format of the lexicon, as
necessary - in the format of Word. How to do it?
- The format is different, you say? Then write:
format, space. Your Ward where? At Tse? So
and write: Tse, a colon and press Enter!
- And help?
- The most powerful tool!
Proper fit for your computer:
- Hands shoulder width apart.
- Legs bent or stretched under the table.
- Eyes bulging.
- The monitor is turned on.
Lamer calling operator - programmer:
- Why can not I open a folder?
- Press "Enter"!
- Clicking nepoluchaetsya!
- Press "Enter"!
- Yesterday, the new crap tasted, "Ctrl-V"
called.
- Well, how?
- Inserts!
Programmer tired of usmert comes
home after midnight.
There is no strength, undresses, lies down in
bed. Hugs his wife. She told him:
- You know, I have a headache.
He was already half asleep:
- Yes, I'm just watching, not for editing.
A call to tech. Support:
- My computer is slow!
- Do not you hurry up ...
Dialogue between the programmer and his wife
evening after work.
Husband came home: Good evening dear, I'm
now logged in.
Wife: You've bought bread?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I asked you this morning.
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: How about a new TV?
Husband: Variable not found ...
Wife: At least give me your credit card, I want to go to the
store. Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife: Do you love me or love me only
computers, or you're just kidding
me?
Husband: Too many parameters ...
Wife: I should not have married you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You're all stupid ...
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife: What is my position in our
family?
Husband: Unknown Virus
- So, now press the right button
Mouse ...
- I can not click the right mouse button, because there is no
right button.
- Well, how ... We all have two buttons
on the mouse. Some, of course, their entire
three, but two are required. See
please carefully and tell me
how many buttons your mouse.
- Two. But they both left.
- But they can not both be left! One
of them left, and the other necessarily right!
- No, I have both of them left, but only
one closer to me and the other a little farther!
- Try to turn the mouse 90 degrees clockwise.
- Oh! So, of course, is much more convenient! What am I
stupid!
This program has performed an admissible operation
but will be closed by force of habit.
(C) Bear
Real Programmers think that ...
- 1 km 1,024 m
- 24 hours in a day or 3 bytes.
- As a result of the transition from 16 bit
applications to 32 bit volume of War and Peace "is not doubled.
- "On order" - this is two-fold.
- A. Bits also wrote the program.
- BMP - not fighting machine, and the bitmap in
Windu.
- Reset - not a button, and a bitter necessity.
- Carrots and sticks - the algorithm
described in the famous monograph Knuth,
later modified carrot.
- Mr. X - a magazine for fans
X Windows.
- SS10 - it's not a rocket, and a workstation.
- Company "Memory" SIMMami does not trade.
- The popularity of the program is inversely proportional to
the number of functions in it.
- The program is completed when the customer paid.
- These programs have never written
for money.
(C) gam
1. Admin asleep - hence, the system works!
2. Admin is not asleep, he reloaded!
3. Admin is not sad, it depends.
4. Do not believe the hard-working admin! For it is only
laziness make him set up the system again and for all!
5. Admin never late - he just
Today bad traffic!
6. If the Admin does not listen - it means that
He works on the external firewall traffic!
7. Expression Admin does not mean the death of the latter on the Russian
bogs.
8. Unlike Windows Admin not multitasking!
9. If Admin finds it difficult to sign in
receiving salary - ask them to type your password!
10. Asking for the Admin address, specify whether
that you are interested in a home, and you risk
get a response such as: 192.168.0.1.
11. Admin know about your underground collection pornokartinok,
but he hesitates to offer her.
12. If the Admin goes to the main office
with the words - it is not
means that he will stick to his secretary, he is interested in
copying.
13. FloruNet - this is not a new kind of network, and
data transmission by means of magnetic
carrier with 1.44 MB traffic per package.
14. Beer for Admin not alcohol, and the virtual memory that is
loaded on as needed.
15. Admin to open any ball for ball
beer.
16. Enraged Admin not nervously blinking, and
Mother you, using binary code.
17. Admin does not play, and looking, and destroy a dangerous
computer virus, and can even be on your computer.
18. Admin not nervous when crossing the street, fingering the
air, he pytaets preserved.
19. Admin comes to other departments is not a
door, and through 139-th port.
20. The only virus which can not
Admin to manage this User PC (any
modifications)
21. Expression does not promise you to
see your Admin treadeth out the corn gun on the tree.
22. The girl is the admin, it just
hesitates to lay it on the desktop.
23. Words <mother "," mama "and" mother> for admins have
different values, and therefore do not think that your admin
has no respect for their fundamentals parents.
24. Nobody is going to shove soap in
ass, it means that the electronic
mail will be sent via the POP server.
25. The expression of your Admin does not mean that your Admin addict!
26. Efficiency depends on the Admin
availability <UPS>!
27. Creating a new folder, do not feel
Creator is the right given to you Admin!
(C) SatDevil
In a certain city in Russia
(Maybe even in your)
There is a computer firm
Under the title ... I do not remember.
The firm, in general, as a company:
She sells iron
And what program Coy
(Not to say that for nothing,
But not an exorbitant price as well)
Paying taxes on time
(Half - that's for sure)
Leases premises
In NIImorgorvorproma.
This company is a director,
Have an accountant and a driver
Sellers of some three pieces,
The girl on the phone
What can the expression
Read the price list to the client ...
And there is one
For technical support
(The dialect Nenashev
Called caliper).
From morning until afternoon,
From lunch to sunset
(And sometimes even later,
If the day, for example, winter)
He sits on the phone
(A more precise - a little left)
And when the client does not heed
Price List chased rows
A screaming that, well, the computer
Not working as it should -
The girl calls the caliper,
He picks up obediently
And listens to the ear
Effusions were as follows:
"I bought you here a mouse,
And now my hard drive
Structured as in Figure!
In the mouse was probably a virus
Compensation I wish! "
"I bought a video card
Unable to put it!
I tried for a long time -
In the monitor, it does not climb! "
"CD-drive you have bought,
I was told - all reads,
Why did my floppy
He read in emphasis does not want? "
"I have your program
So the curtain machine
That throughout my apartment
Electricity went out! "
"After your utility
Puffed PSU!
Where can I download my new driver
With switchable smoke? "
"Bought your modem, I
And stuck it in the socket -
Why do Internet
I still can not see?
And another thing: the modem cable
Not suited to the monitor -
No, I do not need a computer,
I want to see pictures !"...
And support for these speech
Responds patiently,
Mildly and quietly
Literary language
("Your mother" and then do not say
Say except "your fee
And once the mother ...")
A couple from the fifth or sixth
To the client suddenly comes -
Not always, but often are.
Wise clients
Everything that follows has been done,
Hang up the handset and then
Forget about the caliper ...
And when the sun sets,
Darkness descends upon the earth.
Quietly in the company deserted,
Not a soul on the trading floor,
Sleeping computers in sleep mode,
Sleep director and accountant,
Sleeps iron test
With a manual under the pillow,
Head into the keyboard
Sleeps tire out hacker
Individually and collectively
Sleeping clients and client,
And NIImorgorvorprome
Dormant vohrovets on watch.
But when it comes to midnight
The clock strikes the old tower
And the caliper gets out of bed
When the last of their impact.
He is black face and body,
Only a burning fire bloody
Like a light bulb modem
Two of the pupil in the dark midnight.
Black, fearful and silent,
He walks in the moonlight,
And through the locked doors
Penetrates like a hacker.
And the awful awakening
Those customers and clients,
What an idiotic question
Happy troubled caliper;
And they cry a heart-rending,
But no one hears the cries ...
The next morning they are found,
With fans in the throat,
With a cord around his neck,
In the skull inserted column
On the processor in their sockets,
User "s manual in the stomach ...
And the police powerless
To find traces of the killer.
Therefore hearken, for user,
This woeful ballad
And upgrade your computer
Honor diligently docks
Learn the journals smart
Zhelezyachnye sections
And with knowledgeable people
In conferences communicate.
And only if you're sure
What is indeed your question delny -
Only then will call me slide!
Or else ... Beware the night ...
P.S. I do not remember where to read it! : O) Like
as SysAdmins.ru
(C) Norna
based on Vladimir Vysotsky
Oh, Wan, look, what vents!
You bastard, what a beauty!
A Unix - the letters all da dash, and
understand a damn thing.
Ivan, Carry it on, come on, and better air vents
download!
Well - mastday again mastday!
It's a shame, vai!
- You, Zing, the roughness of the run up!
You'd just pull the mouse!
Here in the firm with users maeshsya, come
home - where you sit.
WINDOWS - sucks for a fool,
and if not empty noggin,
Need a command line!
Splash of beer!
- Oh, Wan, a letter to me from America!
Clicking on a link that inside!
What do you as soon as hysterical
After all, promise Money Free!
Do not want to own - then let me climb
on the network!
Tea, myself sitting in it from nine to nine!
- You, Zina, was silent for a better bet!
B. how it was easier to us
When would you would not meet on
provocation and spam.
I have many times, you remember, Zin,
because you changed the login!
The last time beneath the Georgians called in
Berlin!
- Oh, Wan, and this is what I've found for
Well, what are they, Vanek
And me in a letter to draw Smileys
you hear, see, hint.
And he sits and no gu-gu, no, I do so more
I can not!
Ivan, I run away from you before Thursday!
- So, this module is passed *
Oh, Zina, do not drive a wave!
Well, until otkompilyaetsya, I'll still
glotnu beer.
You'd all get me, but there would be HELP
read
There's just all, like the five-five, nor give
not to take!
- Well, I read "Here is the set
system utilities. "
Oh, and Wan, as translated string
"Formating C". "Complete".
What did you become nervous, Ivan, why did you
dropped the glass
What are you staring at the screen
Wake up, Ivan!
- Here is a pancake, so do you think is funny,
B warned, e-my!
Well you leave for a minute.
No, it's really not life!
Had told me, Vadim
programmer has to live alone.
Put in place a new DIMM!!
Slaughter, damn it!
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