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Deja Vu #04
31 марта 1998 |
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Seven and 1 / 2 - April Fools' Day (jokes and humor).
SoundTrack: (C) 1997 AndrEw FER "1998 coMing"
__________________________________________
Edition: Dan!! L / PGC / BD
Ze PagaN / PGC / BD
__________________________________________
*
Due to the fact that the yield of this issue
came just at the first
S April (Information for Pic S Sishnikov: 1st April-day
S laughter :-)), we Dan!! L'om
) S decided to have some fun
M S of our readers and podgotoya S Willie a lot of fun mateR S
riyals! We hope that
S they will help you a bit
relax ... Well,
lads, let's cool Protan!
*
Paskalisty like vodka.
When you drink vodka stop to see a detailed plan for the
program and start to see structural plan of the program. Thus,
program begins to work as a whole piercing on trifles ...
Sishniki love beer.
When you drink beer, the sharpness of the program
increases and can easily find the
small and very annoying punctures, but lost the general outline
of the program, why on drunk instead of a simple assignment of
one an array of other possible transfer of sbatsat
data via DMA ...
Asseblerschiki like cognac.
When writing to ACME, the speed of perceptual data from the
monitor decreases (Proportional to the volume drunk), why
better get rid of switching the monitor
mode 40 characters per line. In addition,
this period is quite possible to write
program that will run in protected mode. That is, you try to
run it, but it is fairly well protected from all
external influences.
Dibeysikovtsy love wine.
When you drink wine, you start to think about
meaning of life. Subsequently, a transition to group lampooner
or sishnikov. But Excessive consumption of wine can lead to a
continuous abortion. When attempting to access the databases,
now and then there will be arguments Retry or Abort on what
will be follow the affirmative.
Sysops love all of these drinks
When you drink alcohol, you can not be afraid of the
consequences, as bbsina no matter what actions are drunk sysop
will continue to operate normally. But even the most drunken
sysop clearly remembers your e-mail and walking the path that
allows him to direct traffic at the right gate. Advance affixed
passwords on the basic steps in melere beat off to call on the
first node in the region 2400 rekvestom their lists. But the
most greater danger is drunk sysop reading the post ...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Sex on the three
Starring:
OH: (see From, then not only the wife govo
Rita)
SHE: Well, you still do not know them ...
IT: 286/16/Desktop, 386SX25/Note, 486DX33 /
Tower
------------ The first case. Starting position:
OH - late night at work reads his mail
SHE - fits discreetly behind.
IT - buzzing fan.
SHE: What are you doing?
OH: e-mail read.
It is (here and below): zhzhzhzhzhzhzhzh-click-click ...
-Zhzhzhzhzhzhzhzh
She: I can too?
OH: ugum, only I do not have an extra chair.
SHE: Nothing, I'm on my knees for you ... (Sadit
be)
HIM: Uh, I'm so screen is not visible ... and cluster
you do not get it ... and ... uh ... ohh ... oooo.
... OOOOOOO! (What the hell Claudia ...)
SHE: (slowly crawling back to the table ...)
IT. CLAVA: HHHHHryas!
IT. SISTEMNIK_S_MONITOROM: Boom!
OH: B#$!!!!
SHE: Chtoo ??!!!
End position (code-orgasm):
OH - hastily chopped solder board keypad
Tours (34 wire snot) and come
washed to the authorities formal
version of breakage.
SHE - resentfully walks around the room
IT - not buzzing fan.
---- The second case. Starting position:
OH - warm and happy after eighteen
bottles of champagne drunk in the sixth
teryh, sitting in the kitchen.
IT - moaning in the next room, raped
four novice players (and u
rochihami) in DOOM.
SHE - just out of the shower, but not too prot
rezvevshaya, in a transparent gown is
the kitchen ...
SHE: Is it true that with my body I zas
tavit any man to do all that
I want to? (Or something like that)
OH: Ugum ... (Pofigu it all, he is well,
body in front of him, he sees three very
vaguely doom him sick to fucking,
This he sees for the first time on this
party ...)
SHE: (a number of romantic
delirium skipped)
OH: Ugum ... ("How to get rid of it?
Manyachka some ...")
SHE: (full rut ..)
OH: ("Ah!" Invented "in RU.SEXe say
Girls do not like talking about someone
puter ... Ill her ...")
SHE: ... and in general I'll stir up? (Sleg
ka opens the robe ...)
OH (feel): The main element of the postal network, built by
FTN-technology The so-called node-mail hosts
Typically, software e-mail
Site includes a mailer and tosser, and
as a specialized editor for viewing and writing messag ...
(hereinafter SU.CHAINIK ten minutes) SHE:?? (Momentary
confusion, then
reaction is directly opposite to the expected
me: as a meaningful response to
it is not able, should move to
action)
OH: YYYYYYY!! 8-O (trying to figure out
how to release the lower lip, prihvachen
nuyu her teeth, and do not expire at the same time
blood)
SHE: .... (Knocks crazed him on the floor)
OH: !!!!! (To hell with it, with a lip - a living would
leave ...)
SHE: AAAAAAAhhhhh .... What are you passionate
_VALERA_ ....
OH: !!!!! #$%!
Code:
SHE: dryhnet without compunction
OH: trying to remove a tumor from his lower lip
applying a wet handkerchief
IT. DUUM: tatatatata ... Ac ... Ac ... AAA
AAA! Ac ... AAAA!
--------- The case of the third. Starting position:
OH - on the phone
SHE - on the phone
It - in full combat readiness
HIM: Listen, I've bought a new kompaktik,
Cinemania said, such an interesting
thing ... Come look! ("She's at
children, and I'll show it to Windows ... She ska
Jette - oh, what you have windows, but I told her
Is something else, give her sex. ")
HER: OK.
- / In the evening /-OH: Look what my Windows!
SHE: .....
HIM: Hmm ...(" Well, then it fresh WAV moderate.
She will say - oh, what do you sound
blyaster, and I told her - it's all garbage, come on
fuck! "(plant))
SHE: ...
HIM: Hmm ... ("Well, then I told her a new laptop
show, all white an assembly ... She
will say - oh, what do you all notebook
white, and I told her - it is garbage, let
better to have sex "(pointing))
She (not stand): Listen, maybe, well, this
all - let's go, fuck?
OH: What nafig have sex, you must see
what my white laptop!
Code: dumb ...
------- The case of the fourth (the saddest). Baseline
Position:
SHE: hook or by crook lured into
guests sitting on the couch
OH: sputters out of love and desire, leaps
around readiness to serve
IT: jealously is buzzing fan
SHE: And do you remember about two years ago, you're on
shows this with the files of psychologists
cally test?
OH (puzzled): Yeah ... what? (Indeed, in one of the
unsuccessful attempts of seduction was involved test MMPI) She
(gently): Find it to me, please ... OH (insanely happy and
proud of his being wanted): Ayn moment! (She is studying German
and even that barking and foul language it is ready now love)
She (more gently): Thank you, you're a true friend! (Languidly
like a cat stretching) OH: (mleet and starts to miss Pal
particles by keyboard)
IT: (vengeance hangs)
SHE: Well, soon you're there?
OH (blanching): Now, now. You know, at the
drive him there, probably on streamer dropped ...
It is (for five excruciating minutes):
Awaiting cassete drive ...
SHE: How much longer?
OH: You know, and not here. Maybe in the discrete
Kets ... (Opens a cupboard, where vysy
Paet Prorva trehdyuymovok. Several
puzzled.) Damn, I did not know that
so many of them have accumulated ...
IT (gleefully): Sector not found. Retry?
(PUSH-PUSH, horseradish that receive ...")
She (with icy overtones): It's time.
OH (almost hysterically): I now look for another five inch,
maybe with BBSki download? (At the same time trying to connect
the modem and cut off as useless and the lack of
Connectors five inch drive, viewing
while fayllist boss. Sparks statics)
IT: Keyboard error!
OH: AAAA! (Trying to revive passed out
keyboard)
SHE: Well, I went ...
OH (exhales into orgasmic rattle): Yes!
Found it! Here! In zipe archived! (The world again becomes
colored, and even gets pinkish hue)
She (with a comeback in the voice of tenderness): Well,
Thank God. I am so counting on you ...
You see, fell in love with a guy - so
want to learn more about it. You do I print the questionnaire
to this test, and I'll then bring the answers - shalt bring
them, okay? OH (slowly turns green, then begins to sober up,
takes a look at the display and almost quietly spoken): No
chance. Arhivto turns out to be broken ... IT (consolingly and
maternal intonation)
CRC Error!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Appear: Programmer - Fedot
abstract rabble-Head - King
something like the old operator - Nanny,
old hacker - Baba Yaga,
wife Maroussia.
There once was Fedotov - from those who smoke yes
drinks, the glasses are not broad-shouldered yes - in general,
programmer.
Maroussia:
Well, Fedotov, you are sour at all? Al halt CM? Ali drives
flew - not one but seven? So played the DCK -
Tea, have not tried it yet? As in "cup" just once to play, So
get up on the horns! AND strong, mind you, though - do not take
it and scrap! - No, give-ka Komo'dor them with drives in it!
Baba Yaga:
Your Fedot though not a fool, but we do not
just right! No weapons of terrible Than dBASE
in my hands! (Rummages in the database) is not. It's not that.
Aha! Duc here: Suppose you will not Fedot
some curiosity - two-inch floppy drive. On
three inches by five and il fool smoget reach, two-inch well in
nature should not exist! Let searched the entire LETI
Can foolishly go into Bonch - Two-inch
drives vvek Fedot not find it!
Fedot King in the morning:
You asked me - Duc here: two-inch
drive. Why are you harass my soul,
Syntax error in your mouth? If they are, and so
full - Here is one solution:'ll take back
in the States! - I, you know, anyway.
Nanny:
What geshpantsa not ask - 5's all the same:
"Pi-Xi, Pi-Xi", the toys our love -
Know the floppy tray!
King:
And yet this issue - freezes our OS.
For the display used to sit - here you and
fig on the nose. Though her knife Cut, Even
broke his entire bald head, Though sozhri all descriptions -
"System crash" yes "System crash". Tokmo you do not hurry, do
not switch to rvis - So her and I hung, you are
programmatically access road. Fedot came to the EU and
Processor useful. And the EU is buzzing, singed stinks, does
not want to work - hang in short.
King Nanny
(Nachset reviews, Kojima is the Poston builds
shit):
Remember, one of VIIRA? That's really who
brought good! Here and BASIC-compiler, and
diskettes to half a bucket. Who in EVOH Comodoro ON
Arsin VMSBP ax! He is for STEM Comodoro
Went azhno over the hill!
Nanny:
Well, all this controversy, who drove Kuzia
ax: Took BK repainted yes - Here's your
Komodor! And about BASICe that I place on
your general had not stuttered: Mixture
Fortran to Pascal!
King Fedotov:
Saying yes Prologue C? On-to fico
suck! Here's a Fortran-4, and another -
do not ask!
Baba Yaga:
Zaportilsya drive - well, that's ax
a chisel, a knife. No, bring them to Disk-ka
Doctor - Oh, these young people!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
SMART Sing Furious Programmer,
Rolled UGLY VIRUS
Above the gray plain DOS'a virus memory tears ...
Between memory and DOS'om proudly flies antivirus.
Silence opens the file and tries to dishonor ...
Reet, throwing files, viruses spreading ...
Timid virus hides vile body in a shallow
devaysa,
No desire for infection to get in the face
MOVSB'om.
AIDSTEST howls of passion, enjoy the plague,
He was three times its stupid, almost threw
accident.
Nefarious virus gently hides bytes stale in
ass
That they then stick to the very beginning
File
And then to execute a transition at the beginning,
To muck bred and bred,
like a kitten.
Even vile beast Lozinski not find a byaku.
How long will it try to detect a new virus.
And on that thanks to him - cool infects files!
Better than any he 100year'a infect your
Winchester.
Them, Lozinski, available pleasure nasty revenge
(It is not known to whom, however, and what not
I know too).
Only stupid ads inundate AIDSTEST'y
Every woman melkogrudyh and some cockroaches.
And Kaspersky too woodpecker - only a new infection
Get quite possible, enjoying his delusions.
And Bezrukov, pervert, wrote what Neznamov,
If only he could figure out their own
literature.
A Faron, infamous broom, wrote a
book
That the Chinese would be stupid even stupider than all at once.
About Pascal, freak, writes - that once Turbo
- Hence, Borland,
A Pascal in fact - and every thing
is ...
A firm ikanora CPI some Trading,
Or something like that, ass all, and
only.
Books released sea, all with errors as
Well .. in e
And the authors of the slander there erected everywhere.
(Although the authors, however, there is no word, and
nor spirit
Not mentioned, freaks, like all geniuses
themselves).
Disbanded I like cats, that office ikanora,
To know everything, disfranchised, that such copyrights.
And the stickers on the hard disk CPI sculpts,
Like a sticker onaya Tama sectors add
Or make Hai vraz dablovuyu floppy -
That there should be a perversion head and share, you bastards.
Petya Phil Orton also wrote his commander,
And thinking, you fool, that he paid for it.
Those guys do not get it, the husband of smelly black woman!
Let me just show a registered Razik Orton.
Manufacturer Borland thing, of course, only a very
too bad.
Of all the repertoire only Pascal something
worth it.
And even then, it happens every: to share in the
Pascal fifty tysch or Bole,
Only zero and we get to wonder at
result.
Microsoft finally can there Micro - even in the Mini
does not fit,
What is this EXE'shnik with a bunch of garbage
beginning?
And one good thing did not write to Microsoft
Disperse them, too, have millions of the same divide.
Even Vindous unrolled (drive in commercials
three hundred and twenty,
And it's not that dablovyh, and Hai, your
Mother).
Where is our simple programmer as much disk otymeet?
Unless he carry off Lenin from the mausoleum.
And paddock necrophilia necessarily for the currency,
To those he had, in the sense in different remains.
Borland C vasche mare - nowhere GS does not climb,
A hard drive clean for the sake of laziness to me that
distorted.
Let libertines it plowed processors RISC'ovyh.
Them, libertine, pleasure is available gigabytes.
Semantek vasche office - Orton himself bought
So that he wrote them Commander and Colonel, and
Corporal.
Seen a lot of dumps, parasites, for Petrukha,
Once he bought himself a fool, Gyulchataj blacker than night.
Socha also a pervert (this is, NC who
Posted in great suffering, along with Linda a).
At the assembly, he wrote and Sea tried too,
Only crap turned out pytaniya this.
A modem all the ugliness, the phone has some delusions,
Files are torn over the years, to get users to not
can.
And they are crawling, ugly, as if there .. s roundworm,
Crawl in no way, no back and no back.
And finally can DeskVyuv ublyudstvo and bastards written
And it works, as there .. but only require resources:
In memory of him more and gigabyte hard drive ...
Cost, so an infection, or I slaughter them all.
Turbo C, I wiped the screws to Pick'ami
not gadil,
And finally can - so there .. well, just beyond indecent.
Firm Intel also there .. but, with his Intel'ami,
From eight to eight and from RISC'ovymi finish.
A khimichit as females, two hundred vosemst sixth,
There, because of bugs before hrenischa - so vividly replaced!
And yet you have a breakup in different types of holes
stack.
We shoved it in there, he also got back all at once ...
We should also be offended that we jerk in vain,
And the program (a thing of course) flew as a
trash.
And Pascal bugs - vdugoryad recall!
If you stick åòî this, then get this, what to write here proper.
(Uncle Hejlsberg understand these things should be
writing.
Lazy after all, a dog, according to well-recognized ").
And Bae Mae vasche freaks, and neither Bae, nor Mae can not,
At PS'ki moved as if dollars in bulk
A simple population can be directly blockages
Not even the hens peck at them (because all podohli).
And Samsung - vasche Samvysung! The devil knows
than-full,
If disassembling the cart and collect it on a new,
That screws fifteen to twenty can be dug out,
And even an extra CPU lying around casually.
McIntosh - a trifle, you can accidentally crush,
All zakos under and Bae eMy, straight is a perversion!
And Kok ublyudsky not give them to deliver
us - just can strangle,
McIntosh drowned in a toilet bowl] [th at the office.
But Sierra also feature - wrote the ravings of some kind,
How to play God only knows, and he himself
can not get through
He probably Larry fifth (Though it I do not
saw
Swear at it I should still probably
muck).
Lucas Arts, of course, famously dashed off Indiana,
Only dick it will deal, how to get it
in the case
If a woman to stomp there to find all
chips.
(Babu too much pity - she has faced in a fig?).
And yet, I forgot completely I say about the Samsung
like
That bad, but it has a keyboard.
Only that we have, infection, left Control
dumps
And no way can nafig, his ass, shove.
And again about Art Evil - about their island
Monkey.
Monkeys, these same things I saw there three - not
more
A pirates hrenischa, and finally can there delusions of some
kind. (Classroom is still a toy - stunned by
thereof may be).
And I wanted to muck about Yugi say
great.
Why are they, cattle, copyrights correct?
Here's how to become president - the first thing
all they'll put
Something and everything that was nepovadno
them, freaks, to enjoy.
Turbo C vasche ugliness - as will you
EXE'shnik,
Hence it on the screw will not fit, or fit,
but with a bang
ETOGES be written under twelve K obektnik?
Yes I had a C and Kernighan with
Ritchie.
Although Compaq and thing, of course, still
shit is,
Once he is worth millions, and the rate milliard
Coming soon will be worth exactly once greenbacks
jump to statysyachnoy mark.
Also, in general, a distortion of the sunset at us
course.
And finally can, grab yourself Russian programmer
PC
Can only lust for passion but for sure the exact,
What ever it takes such a pleasure
Own body (and mind, of course,
too)
Only different bourgeois will poke stupid
button
Seven hundred, eight hundred and BE eMah and Compaq,
At the same time, our programmer will think
surprise,
Why his computer anktikvariat recorded,
Though once perfection sorokamegagertsovym
He was considered and is completely inaccessible,
Is it just a coincidence, if stupid
Fortune
His lush ass turned away from him).
Hyullet Packard also bun - zababahali
HaPeshku,
They do not know, the parasites that in doubtful
remnants of the Soviet Union
Spare parts for it cost more than and
he,
And if they are removed from inside his shovel
Or scrap roundnose, if a firm is
cover
(That's all they are bent, as if under a tram
hit).
Toner same to such deformities only maniacs
buy.
There is evaluate every grain of sand in the currency
possible.
And yet another ugly - I want to say about Seagate
I
How can you screw modest and only
twelve
Bole gigabytes or cram into a horse -
Only one ES'ku cram it under
force.
Tselyular even Moscow - naplodili phones,
Said one friend, that he will give each piece permonentno anyone
Anyone who has ever woman 'hundreds' call
manages to
Or in our city will break, even with any
automaton
This can be done immediately, without departing from the
straight Insurance Fund.
And yet it happens breshut, Blastir Pro (fessional)
In terms of Sound, only that nothing has changed,
Us, miserable pleasures available
of the chip,
We price it frightening and can plunge into
horror at the mere recollection.
And Kovoh still happens, so it can smozolit,
Some of the resistance he cooked excellently.
Only Skripova Protraher, in the sense of tracker Zaskripuchy,
That there should be a perversion - to the printer - a
disgusting! - Connect it wants.
Here are the OS / 2 is too disgusting and wretchedness,
It is divided in half along with the authors, we would
Although her and I have not seen, only heard (hearsay)
What is a perversion, too, will not climb.
Yes, still is Unix! Here is forgotten is because
of muck
Currently ugliness, I have not seen him too,
But people do not breshut that such a
horse
That a container under it to ditch the floppy disks
You can (if you really try).
Paradox still happens, these terrible bazooka,
Fuck it, however, knows that the so-slowly,
contagion does anything,
If you run the filly, aroused by
Borland
This eynye tricks, such vile filth.
And we just forgot about DOS'yavoe
deformity
Though, however, this stuff would be crap
first
Though for her, plague, That error is very
small, and the guys did their best times this
she bitch
Napendryuchili probably figischa up a lot of bugs and
corrected, freaks, everything is possible, without exception.
Format the time for me to screw with everything here
these delusions,
To reptiles did not get listed
higher.
Well if you find these things at the nearest BBS'ke,
Then these lords ask you to convey
urgently
To me they gave all the bourgeois resources
Then I'll show them all, Hu is Hu and what
He may,
If only he will rise up, rise, in the sense
Unfold, and waved his hands as PS'ka
and ES'ka.
SoundTrack: "F.T." BY SEC70R/SSG 4 DEJAVU # 3
__________________________________________
(To the tune of a well-known songs)
H & R C E L L
Would schnitzel
Let endlessly insipid,
Suppose that a transparent,
But still would schnitzel
But the chef has decided - I am a fool
And shoved my balls.
Would be meatballs,
But still would be with the meat,
Let cool,
But still would have been meatballs,
But the chef decided that I was drunk
And slipped me a donut.
I see pilaf
I smell pizza
I feel the smell of burning,
I do not want to know that the creature,
From which it was steak.
I see the chef is
Bloodied stuffing, minced meat,
Minced meat, minced meat!
As I read the book menu
But I see only figs, figs with butter
Figs, figs with butter!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
1. Transcript of student's record-book:
OTL - deceived Fellow Lecturers
CHOIR - I cheat - got to the core
AP - Out Satisfied
Unsatisfactory - Assigned to E. .. Y Dean
2. If you are reproached in the absence of morality,
state that you have them even two ...
3. Do not pull the tail, if you do not know what
on the other end!
4. If the balance does not come immediately, so in
It is a mistake. Consequence: if the balance
converged error - two.
5. Expression: in the left sub ...
6. Who is intellegentny man? Intellegentny person - someone who
can Gogol distinguish from Hegel, Hegel, from Bebel, Bebel of
Babel, Babel, from the cable, cable from males, males from
females, and female from the bag.
Corollary: intellegentnym person we
call anyone who differs from Gogol
bags.
7. Peeples, proklotsivayte your tickets! Not
proklotsenny ticket - dumb, Peeples:
it reduces your price by ten yuksov and
leads to rotten bazaar. A proklotsanny ticket - it's cool
excuse from the elements, Rear and other banter.
8. Expression: a steep, as the front rectangular pulse ...
9. At the exam in MIREA lecturer says:
- Comrades students, listen to what criteria will be
evaluated by your knowledge on this exam: Question on the
triple - what subject did you come to pass, the question
Quartet - the color of the cover from your
textbook, well, the question on the top five - who is from
present here your teachers
Lecturer ...
Cry from the audience:
- Cut, cut shamelessly!
10. Hen laid an egg Ryaba grandfather Matthew ... Completely
demolished, okoyannaya!
11. Tiny's son to the father came
And she said crumb:
- Right now would be a good woman ...
- Yes, son, not bad!
12. Ob'yavlyayu reprimand to be entered
in the chest ...
13. - And we have teleglaz, and you?
- And we have a microphone: out, out, and
out ...
- And from our window - Red Square
visible
I riflescope Gorbachev
razgledel!
14. Exam. By examiner for students who barely standing on his
feet from the overly large doses of alcohol taken.
- Comrade teacher, take the exam in a drunken student!
- What do you mean!
- Well, fellow teacher, please, the session is on fire!
- Young man, go home, and how
should sleep it off ...
- Well, I beg of you!
- Okay, sit down.
- Wait a minute. Hey, p-guys-is skidding!
15. Stirlitz, when he was in a bad mood, it beats only for
sure. Poor sure!
16. Questions in the questionnaire to the first division:
- If you were a kid Jewish?
- Whether you traveled abroad, and if
yes, why come back?
17. What creature modifies its weight
throughout the day from 300 kg up to 3 grams?
Answer: The husband. In the morning his wife wakes up: -
Arise, hippo! During the day, throwing on the table
bowl of soup: - Eat a dog!
In the evening, before going to bed: - Go to
me myshenok!
18. Question: What is tsioner?
Answer: tsioner - a benchmark that indicates the amount of
intelligence, concluded in one platievo-iridium stool is stored
in the Chamber of Weights and Measures in France.
And now, by analogy: what is a policeman?? (Remember:
milligram, millimeter ...)
19. What should be the perfect wife?
The ideal wife should be good b..,
have a great x. and to hold fast x.
Notes:
b. - Grandmother
Well. - Living space
x. - Economy
P.S. And if she has another and so on
What do you think - ...
20. Several new values are well known to you the words ...
Knapsack - a device for measuring the resistance of cats to
direct current;
Potentiometer - instrument for measuring
values of love for men;
SPEEDOMETER (medical) - rapid analysis
on AIDS;
Speedway (prostonar.) - a woman with AIDS;
Bedknobs (obscheizv.) - a hat;
BOAR - Daddy pig. Mama him, though
us and not nice to hurt the child - a pig!
SCREWDRIVER (stud.) - no response on the merits;
Zubrivka (stud.) - preparation for exams;
Cremated (zhensk.) - smear the person
cream (at night);
Slut (obschenar.) - porter in the store;
21. Dialogue at the airport:
- A young man, want a "stewardess"?
- No thanks, I have an opal!
- Sorry, I do not mean that ...
- Me too.
22. Of lectures Krylov Gregory Olegovich
... To develop a program must be so
same as begin to build a house - with the wheels ...
... red vector - a green light on the road to offset ...
(PS evil tongues say that the
The day after this statement, he
drove through a red light and smashed into pieces
his car. )
Is rain. Group of students headed
Krylov need to pass to another body of the institute. Krylov
said: - In order not to pee, we'll go through the corridors ...
23. The inscription on the desk in the classroom:
- I tupeyu from you, Matan!
Student
- I tupeyu from you, the student!
Matan
- And I - you both!
Dean
24. What is the difference matrix of dialectical materialism?
All pretend to know the dialectical materialism, but none
uses a mat, no one knows but how
it is popular!
25. Stirlitz beat for sure. Certainly at first loud mouth, but
then relaxed and fell backwards. Writhing on his back for a
long time, but Soon after all had lost consciousness. "This is
the end" - thought Stirlitz, thrusting his right hand in his
trouser pocket - but where's the gun? " How did he know it was
me? - End of surprise. "None of your dog it" - thought brave
Soviet spy. Suddenly he I heard a piercing shriek of lead.
Stirlitz stepped aside. Lead with a squeal and
raced past the grunts. "What are they
everything is so alarmed "- interested
Isayev. After half an hour's meditation, he realized that they
probably figured out that he - A Soviet spy. "I wonder what
I was given - thought Stirlitz and adjusting
on his chest recently received the Order of the Hero
The Soviet Union "went to reyhskantselyarsky buffet. On the way
there, he looked back: a parachute and dragged all of his back.
"Sadists" - thought Isaev, - " forcing agents to drag me the
second day without lunch and the women - is a real sadism!
26. They say that MS-DOS - the operating
system!
27. Do not grab with wet hands over the bare wire - they can
rust!
28. Your clock speed is lower than the processor ...
29. In a dark park felon-retsedivist
attacked the little girl.
- Live - want? - Ominously asked
he said.
- Are you that, if the old goat -
scornfully replied the girl.
30. The girl - like a parachute, it is always better
have a spare.
31. Declaration made by: "compiles the program and
move the cursor. Contact of the vector 21h
after 23332 ticks since boot. "
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
If firms engaged in
software
contained Airlines ...
(Otforvardzheno of network JunkFAX
Company National Semiconductor)
DOS Airlines
Passengers push plane on takeoff
band as long as it does not fly, then jump on him and fly until
it again falls to the ground. Then all
repeated again.
Airlines QEMM
Completely analogous to the airlines DOS,
but the flight you have more leg room.
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, stewardesses, pilots, cashiers and
technicians look alike, talk alike and act alike. Every time
you are interested in any details, you explain that
you do not need to know that you do not
want to know that everything will be done without
your participation and ask you to do
shut up.
Airlines OS / 2.
In order to get into the plane, you
have to put on his ticket, 10 different
stamps, waiting for it in ten different lines. Then you fill
the form, stating exactly where you want
sit and tell, should look like the aircraft - like an ocean
liner, as a passenger train or bus.
If you do manage to be on
board and the aircraft can fly up, then your flight is not in
danger except for those moments when the elevators and flaps
jammed in one position - in this case, you still have enough
time to pray and take a position for an emergency landing.
Windows Airlines
The airport is beautiful and beautifully landscaped,
cashiers and attendants friendly smile and get on board the
aircraft easier simple, and goes off without a hitch, without
hitch. Then, in flight the plane suddenly
explodes without warning.
Airlines Win NT
Passengers systems go for take-off
band, chorus utter the password and are arranged to form a
contour plane. Then all sit on the ground and emit a humming
sound so that it appears that all
fly.
Airlines UNIX
All the passengers arrive at the airport with
own parts of the plane, then
gather on the tarmac and start
build it, not for a moment ceasing to
argue about what exactly the type of aircraft they are building.
Airlines Mach
This new generation of airlines (NeXT
generation;) plane as it does not exist. Passengers get
together and chorus of his name, then wait, wait, wait
waiting and waiting. Then comes another group of
people, each of them brings with him a piece of the airplane.
They arranged to take-off strip and start the aircraft to
collect, not for a moment ceasing to argue about
what kind of plane they gather. Then
plane takes off, but the passengers remain on the
the tarmac and waiting, waiting and waiting. When
plane lands safely, the pilot
telephoned the airport of departure,
to inform passengers about the fact that all
They made it safely to your destination.
Airline Newton
You buy tickets for the 18 months prior to
the day of departure and on the appointed day find yourself on
board the aircraft. One member of the Crew interested in your
name. Correct name is heard he is able only the fourth time,
after which he allows you to take your place. As
Once you sit down, the stewardess said that the process of
planting should be repeated, since the plane is crowded and
passengers must re-count, freeing up space for new ones.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Beer "Dos"
Opens only can opener,
and only after reading the instructions
on the side of banks. First sold in banks 0.33, but is now
selling in banks 0.6. But the new banks are divided into three
parts by 0.2, each of which should reveal
separately. It has long there is talk about
These beers will be removed from production, but many fans of
this beer claim that it will drink, even after that.
Beer "Mac"
Old beers sold in banks
To 0.6, new varieties are bottled in liter
banks. Many consider him "soft." If you remove the jar from the
fridge, it opens itself. AND old and new banks are similar to
each other, and none of them is no list of ingredients. If you
are trying to learn this list you politely explain that you
to know it should not. Strange inscription
"Drag'drop" at the bank most likely means that the jar after
use should be thrown in the garbage, waving its as close as
possible.
Beer Vindouz 3.1 "
The most popular beer in the world. For sale
banks to 0.6, very similar to banks 'McIntosh' old-fashioned.
Before use, be sure to drink beer "Dos". Argues that this sort
of lets drink Multiple Dosov "simultaneously, but in practice
turns out to drink one, at least two cans "Dos", constantly
pausing to drink out of cans "Vindouzom. Sometimes,
without apparent reason, the bank with this beer, pulled out of
the refrigerator explodes.
Beer "OS / 2
Is sold in liter cans. Allows
actually drink a few beers, "Dos".
You can simultaneously drink even "Vindouz, though more slowly.
Guarantee the absence of a hangover the morning after such a
mixture. Also guaranteed that banks with "OS / 2 did not
explode, even if they shake before opening. Rarely drink a beer,
although manufacturers (International Beer
Manufacturing) claimed that the demand is greater than
consumption.
Beer Vyndouz 95 "
Is sold in liter cans, which
similar to the new banks, "McIntosh." However,
if you open the jar, inside will be
only a half-liter of beer, the taste is very similar to beer
Vindouz 3.1 ". References ingredients, small print
contains most of the ingredients of beer
"Dos", despite the solemn assurances
manufacturer that is a completely new variety.
Beer Vindouz NeTe "
Comes in liter bottles, but only sold in containers, so
among fans of this beer is abnormally large
refrigerators. Designed by banks is very similar to
Design Vindouz 3.1 ", but the manufacturer
promises to change the design to the side "Vyndouz
95. 'It is a strong beer, so
used mainly in bars.
Beer "Unix"
Under this brand is sold a few
different sorts of banks from 0.33 to 2 liters. Fans of this
brand drink exactly one the same grade, while assuring that all
other tastes exactly the same.
Sometimes when you try to open a bank
cap breaks the ring. In these cases,
must have a special canning
knife, a book written specifically about this
grade, and a friend who drinks this sort of
more than two years.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
1. Girls' Unih. Not painted in principle
and therefore apparently look just terrible.
But if you still begin to paint, then harass a bunch of very
expensive cosmetics and buy is not very cheap clothes. But
look after the start was amazing. Can do a bunch of things
simultaneously and at the same time to all. In Sax - virtuosos.
Can engage with any add-on number of people, and _odnovremenno_
and in any form.
2. Girls' floor. " Outwardly, not bad, but
and the beauty will not name. Knowledgeable people
say that in the capable hands just melt and
of them can sculpt whatever you want.
Intelligent enough. Can do
several things at once (for example, to talk with you over the
phone, cook yourself coffee and watching TV), but unlike
the girls' Unih "sometimes completely switched to one thing and
forget about the rest of the case. As a result, coffee runs,
and you listen to the silence of the tube. In Sax virtuoso no
less and maybe more than "Unih. They can learn all the details
and the diversity of Sacks in all forms and
at any time. But Sachs has more to do
than one partner did not like.
3. Girls' vindouz. Divided into two
subgroups - are simple and "95". The first frightening, and no
make-up they do not fix it. If you try to do more than one
things at once - the consequences of small predictable, and one
thing to make a stump deck. Sacks prefer anal and
can deal with them indefinitely. "95" on the form of simply
stunning. Cosmetics - two fingers thick, already falling off.
May engage in multiple affairs simultaneously, but not very
long - then they start to get tired. Love not less than all the
others go in Sacks, But Sax with them on the fan. All that can
be and can not be perfumed and pomaded still the same-
layer of makeup in two fingers. If you do not give
God to wash her face from cosmetics and all other parts of the
body - look through someone's very familiar features ...
4. Girls 'Dos' ... H-yes, better not ...
And I do not drink so much ...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
THE TALE OF dude and HOST
Man lived with his chuvikhi
In puddles of color, like jeans.
Dude straining at work
Chuvikhi jiving TV.
Once he threw in the mail messag -
Came almost with the sole lazhey.
He once threw messag -
Came the mail with lamerskoy fantasies.
The third time he threw a messag -
All this he ostohrenelo -
Mail came from the European Host
With Replays address at the end of messaga.
"Zarekvestite everything you want"
It is written with the file-list.
Ohrenel dude with great force,
"It can be seen, thinks perenapryagsya.
Straining it for thirty years and three years
But have not seen replays remained.
Let it, fearing knopkodavku,
And Paueru sharply zashiboshil.
"Fuck you, said noobs,
We already own rather steep. "
Man pinned to his chuvikhi,
Tells her about oblomnoe case.
"Take away, says what you want"
This message lamer wrote.
"Sam you're lamer said chuvikhi,
Even zopuh you zalamereny.
Zarekvestil would you lamer, gigabytes,
Or would have taken at least the TV Sonya -
Our something entirely because black and white. "
That dude went to work.
A lightweights in the mail traffic.
Zarekvestil he chuvikhi TV,
Blekovy and even trinitronny.
He returned to chuvikhi,
Shows her TV.
Pulled immediately chuvikhi,
In full growth, and a pure heart
"It was only you, dude, says rekvestit,
Raped would imagine a European Point. "
Dude here again went to work,
And in the post Traffic abruptly,
Sent it hosts messag,
That "that's supposedly zastebala chuvikhi,
Thirsty, you fool, European Point. "
The host is responsible to him through the small
Time span of the system:
"Get yourself durilka, Point,
Will I have a hundred and third.
And pointlist, said the line,
Send Do not forget today. "
Dude comes from work -
Look, a chuvikhi already steep,
In the corner slid the box
Sits in anglitski reads his mail.
"Zopuh you said, premature,
And besides cardboard durilka,
Raped, lamer, myself Point,
Figley we need such a thing,
Get-ka you are the best node,
Themselves will be given to all points. "
Again alternatively dude at work
Zastebaty his chuvikhi,
And in almost already traffic -
Messag its nowhere to stick.
He wrote in messag Host,
Here's what they say, "chuvikhi zastebala,
Wants to be a node has,
Points to hang herself wants. "
The host responds to him with surprise:
"Well over neudovletvorimaya chuvikhi?
Well to hell with it, you will have a node,
Go to the FIG, write his post ... "
Man returns to his chuvikhi -
And she has already pulled in kind -
Points familiar chuvikhi
Distributes to Babskii idle talk.
"You, Man, said in kind lamer,
Fuck you, just a freebie
Become a moderator of the village,
I will warm the nodes in the neck. "
"Aw, Snap, Dude smekaet,
Get over it can be something. "
But it does not strain for women,
Alternatively it again at work.
Really quite in the mail traffic -
Lamer answers zastebali.
Dude barely squeezed his messag,
Even someone accidentally erased.
He wrote again Host messag,
Here's what they say, "pulled chuvikhi,
And really, durilka, ohamela,
Wants to become the moderator of the village,
And all nodes in the neck warm. "
"Well, lucky you are to chuvikhi,
Host sochuystvenno he wrote,
Anyway, the moderator village
Will, once such chuvikhi.
Man returns to his hut,
A chuvikhi in fatal procrastination -
Nodes heats, plus the neck,
And for fun, and in the case.
"Fuck you, says, Dude, at work,
Write your nasty host
What I really zastebalas,
And I wish myself to be the host.
So that your host took me almost,
And rekvestil only with permission.
That dude went back to work
And in the mail poured breakup,
Messagi will not reach,
Lamer and zopuhi tremble.
Wills Dude messag host
That "quite ostohrenela chuvikhi,
Host wants to be ubiquitous,
And hosts, as sons, wants to drive,
And you said, I want to,
Would have taken me almost
And rekvestil only with permission.
Anything to him Host did not respond,
And from rudeness, no doubt, pulled.
Waited a long time dude on messag replays
A krosspostit did not dare,
But as a fig and could not wait.
He returned to his chuvikhi -
That unsubscribed from all mail
Will not pass ee rekvesty,
Tell her everything she Unlisted.
And sits there chuvikhi, ottyanuvshis,
And looking in nature and TV.
SoundTrack: "CRAZY MAN" BY SEC70R ?!...
__________________________________________
VCTRECHA on the Elbe.
A concert in one act for a modem with a modem.
Deystvyyuschie Cast:
ZyXEL: modem, 19200 baud.
Intel 400E: too modem, 14400 baud.
Voice-over: something abstract, such as
MNP.
ACT 1.
Voiceover: Tzu-s-s-s-s-yn !!!!!
ZyXEL: Pea and and and and! Who are you?
Intel: Modem!
ZyXEL: A no fax?
Intel: and fax, too!
ZyXEL: And right now, then who are you?
Intel: Modem! I sent the modem!
ZyXEL: Hy srazy like this would have squeaked ... You
even at 300 baud, then pull?
Intel: Hy so!
ZyXEL: And for 1200?
Intel: Cprashivaesh!
ZyXEL: And for 2400?
Intel: You Th, chyvak I krytoy!
ZyXEL: Hy as of 9600?
Intel: Even with MNP!
ZyXEL: How did you 14400?
Intel: Hy!
ZyXEL: 16800 A?
Intel: (pyzhas) ... N-s-s-s ...
ZyXEL: Hy okay, not tyzhsya ... CONNECT
14400/ARQ?
Voiceover: Carrier is detected!
Intel: Yes I am ... so ... NO CARRIER.
Voiceover: Carrier Lost.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Rump Soviet programmers.
Resistor to 2 kilobytes.
- Norton Commander for BC - this thing!
- Yeah, and Stream Tracker for abaca is
just a class ...
"Hackers of the world unite"
This parasite have cut the wire.
Ah, you catch on the drive.
SchA all the tape you will!
- Why do you have so many mistakes?
- It's Turbo Russian + +
Diskovert - Garni yaschik. Let him be in it
kukurudzu hraniti (Ukrainian)
Insertni drive into a hole A close squiggles and plyuhnis any
Kay.
SchA go to the morgue to untangle wires.
Y bestyzhie eyes, all the drives prokusal.
Magnet into your bag.
Discs fresh, peeled.
Let go of the wire - car sick!
Pressing machine produces lustful cries ...
- And chago she screams?
- This is the sound program that alive
flushed down the toilet.
Bring thee into the open field and click on
Reset ...
If it were not, what format discs.
To control for reading other people's drives, be
ready.
These idiots need to open a single
and washed in turn.
To drown you in data.
Join the community to combat anti-
viruses.
Take your dirty manipulators, moron.
- Look, if kilobyte - 1024 bytes, then
kilobab - - 1024 women?
- Yes to you so much!
May you all my life at the focal program.
(Option: To you C for the calculator
teach.)
How perverted, so on my drive.
Depraved as the Enter key on "Corvette."
S'Escape'ivaysya here until at Ctrl + Alt +
+ Del'u not received.
Well pischish as speaker of ES'ki ...
Are you stuffed the cartridge?
You, the modem tapes, smoduliruysya quickly
here!
- You've got everything on the disk?
- Not a bit of conscience, you do not have!
- You face the resident, sliding now
with my car, and then grab FAT'u!
- Do not put his head on the transformer - the brains
demagnetize ...
- I'll pokopiruyu, I'll pokopiruyu!
Right now, so I will take away, no UnErase does not help!
- You, whack, stop all sorts of nasty things to type - there
are already monitor blush!
- What are you playing all the time - the gap until
pushing through the floor!
- You do not hacker, you fucker!
- I ... And I wrote a virus for a calculator!
- Yes, and? At Borland C + + or Turbo Basic?
- Log urgently in Turbo Pascal! Well, faster, faster! ...
- Came in? Well, come out!
- What is this editor! This is not the editor directly, and
Editor of some!
- Wow, what a thing! On what you clicked?
What? Well done! Genius! ... He'll
drive is formatted ...
- You know, DEC released the tape for
IBM! - Yeah, and even gramophone for Cray!
- Right now wiped away, the door is not open
have time!
- AND-B-M-Al-C-A-T sovmistimy with ... printer!
- Usually for storing information and programs used a floppy
disk or brains author ...
- For such games the authors have to make
manually format the hard drive, or instead
ribbon in the printer to charge ...
- Keyboard not want to chew?
- Shortest virus written by a programmer from our company - -
it takes 0 bytes, and even the author does not know what he's
doing.
- Mikola, I spymav virus!
- So Bring him syudy!
- Y yaky hitry! Tse you vedmevd HI!
- Well, you and the font! Worse than that on the abacus!
- Shut up! You and a spoil!
- Who touched my car and all vytrogal!?
- E. .. E. .. E now you drive me tear!
- And by how much will he?
- Under 720 ...
- There will be 2 to 360.
- The fool look you want?
- Do you want to.
- Vaughn, an optical disc in ES'ku vanities.
- Discs are not needed?
- A new?
- More girls.
Nothing unnatural is not shameful and pechataemo.
Taking away the car home, scraped off inventory
number.
Better bang president than Pomaia
Residents ...
Sigaya the window, and bequeathed to someone else drives.
The more programs you can write off the programmer, the higher
it is valued.
Before you delete a file from the disk, make sure it's not
yours!
Modem at 19 and 6 Kilobot for Microsha
You see he wanted to Wing Commander
Sectrem Mission 2, and Diger Secret Mission
2000 you did not anoint with oil?
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Once lived two bears, one of them
liked nazhiratsya, and the second permanent
envelop with smoke any weed. And somehow
decided to bear both smarter and decided to buy one for IBM.
Come to the bear point for the dish and passed all the bottles,
which were accumulated over 6.5 years of drinking.
They nalom was over $ 450. Even
examiner, who has worked in its paragraph
ohrenel to madness and has removed every last penny out of
their pockets, what would pay for those dishes. Bear were very
happy and constantly shaking hands pereschityvali your bucks.
But it all not the end, greed overcame the Bears.
This time they went to the neighbors in the collection
empty bottles. When the day was coming to the evening, the
Bears were on the dishes $ 170. When the bear is tired before
the blue in the face, decided to pass naproshennuyu from
neighbors home dishes. But the store had no strength
go, they each had a headache and all
joints from pulling dishes around the house and
area.
Buying IBM.
In the morning the bear went to the reception dishes.
When they saw the inspector dishes, was screaming and somewhere
ischez.Na replaced by a drunken woman and took the bottle. At
this time Bears were each on 286.I
Bear bravely went to the market in Tushino
find cheap 286 st. The truth of it
taken for the homeless, but when one of the bears flashed a
pack of bucks immediately changed the situation. And so it is a
single seller advised its IBM-ki. They are not talking Grandma
poured onto the counter, took on 286-mu and smatalis wash this
thing! When they came home they still had $ 50.
One bear said: No, my boy, I did not drink
going, we decided to throw the same. Although most
trembling all veins and hamstring on the desire to overthrow a
couple of bottles smirnovki. But both Bear restrained and
bought a box of Borjomi.
Problem!
When the Bears opened the box was a desire to embrace the
system unit as their own mother. They carefully pulled from
sistemki boxes and put on the table. And then it dawned on them
when they saw that they were connected to nothing. Monitor
missing! Bear long shouting and swearing obscenities, accusing
each each other that they forgot about the monitor. But here
One thought flashed. And if not shook
us dumps and landfills in search of vessels, said the bear! Oh,
hell, and we nearly came to blows, of course shook said another
bear! And they rushed in search of dishes! By the evening at
Bears were only $ 50, but they are not disappointed, because of
the money gathered Bear buy a CGA monitor, entitled
"Electronics".
Buying a monitor.
Drove the bear once again on the carcasses and bought there
CGA-shku. One of these bears, he said. Listen, let's do it this
way, One day you're working on the computer and
I have another. Well with such a friend like you I will not
argue, "said another bear. And they together neigh.
Connecting the machine!
Brought them home and began to monitor
See instructions on how to connect, but
anything they did not work, because the instruction was
entirely in English, and to monitor them instructions to no
avail. Well, a of the bears, and says. Let's method
spear! Remember how we learned at the factory
machine? Yes, "replied the bear. But when we
examined the machine is fully proved that the
Machine got your instructor and his razmololo apart. Nuuu, art
requires victims, said Medveduk. Well then let's at random,
said the second. Took out one of the These bears the power cord
from the system block and stuck to the network. There was
silence. No signs of failure or the machine nebylo. Then began
to connect the monitor. One end of the cord stuck in the
monitor and the other to the CGA card. And then the car was
ready to work, though the hard drive on your computer
otsustvoval and had just one drive, but Bears have been very
happy with their purchase.
The study of the system.
Bear flicked the switch and went
Loading. Both bear stupidly looked at
what is happening. One of them said. Ha, this is
see the computer began to show us that
it's time to push the buttons. Or maybe shows that we are
something we do not, "replied the second bear. In short, both
bear personal did not understand and decided to buy the book.
Gone they are in the bookstore and bought on the advice
book sellers on the use of computers for nachinayuschih.Kogda
came home, started to study the book and the computer
simultaneously. Luckily they have a floppy disk was Norton
Commander. This seller gave them a system with
Norton-ohm. And then started to read what
files and directories. Both the bears thought they would never
understand this technique, but after 2 months they understood a
little bit and could no longer run the game. And they bear
buy a floppy disk. Bought in bulk toys and
began to play them. Constantly fighting
because of the junk, cursed one
on the other. And once they tired of your computer and
they decided to sell it. Let's go to the market and
passed the poor computers. And I think ......
where we want to do with money. And let's buy booze? Come on,
yelling in unison bear. Bought they booze all the money glut
oneself and are dead!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(C) Alex Kopytkov
__________________________________________
DISCS.
Screw or flopik - that is the question!
Let him be glorified forever
Who does humanity!
Kopytkov AN
So, what's the difference and what is the similarity?
The advantages of floppy disks:
1. Floppy disk, in contrast to the hard drive much easier.
2. It is compact.
3. It placed much less information, making it easier to find.
4. Floppy disk, unlike vintchestera,
easier to break.
5. It is much cheaper.
6. You can obbit walls of his room
diskettes that with screws to make a few
complicated.
7. Floppy disk can be freely inserted and withdrawn from the
company, for a similar operation with a screw would have, at
least, remove the system cover (if it you have one).
8. With the floppy disk can be handled quite roughly, screw
this attitude does not suffer. Forward Sadists! :-)
9. Floppy disk is much easier to parse.
10. If the floppy disk to start, then it flies
prettier and more running propeller.
11. The diskette contains two windows (I mean
3.5 inches) that are not on the screw, it gives me a wave of
protest slogan: "Made on screws two windows EXPRESSLY!"
possible, if not sorry :-)
The advantages of the screw:
1. Screw to disassemble much more interesting than
diskette.
2. If you run the screw, and he will arrive in
head chief, then from this flight will be much more useful than
the flight floppy disk.
So, Total: 11:2 won a floppy disk.
Friendly cries: Hurray!
Hurray!
Hurray!
Make your conclusions ...
Sanya K. aka Kopytkov NA
wanted by police for
compilation of madcap
texts, Kojima is this.
P.S. I, Card! Nal, would add another
a strong argument against flopikov:
komputer to contract the virus, it is possible to write the
floppy antivirus and pasted all of the system unit, monitor,
claves, Bat, and perhaps a scanner and printer to prevent :-).
So due to: 12:2 in favor of flopikov!
P.P.S. Diskette RULEZ!!!
Aphorisms.
In this article, collected interesting ideas,
that came into my head ever
and elsewhere.
1) The concepts of Chinese and quality are incompatible!
2) A common question is a beginner user (Kettle) - Where is
the key ANY KEY? (Oh everyone knows, usually in response to this
question is shown on RESET).
3) How do you think would be with computer if you reset it
with the 5-th floor to the pavement? As it is trite, but it is
broken smithereens.
4) How to prevent the spread of AIDS - not to insert an
infected floppy disk in drive (or insert a blank floppy
into an infected PC).
5) What is the IBM PC XT - it's 10-15 kg
glitches except the monitor.
6) When people interact with unfamiliar
keyboard, they think:
Zero - What is it?
Oak - I did not know what these are.
Kettle - Fitted.
User - how embarrassing.
Operator - This just after the release on
landfill throw.
Hacker - He does not think about anything because
engaged in any program.
7) strategy genre - the most useful people to
light, because after the company they do not interfere with
anyone for a long time. 8) Trackball - a dead mouse (the mouse
upside-up legs, I mean the ball). 9) Once a lamer blurted out:
"Where do embed the motherboard in komputere? "
(And this despite the fact that he did not know what
fee)
10) How many programmers for
To insert a memory in the complex?
The first will be an algorithm of actions.
The second will write the algorithm program.
3rd read the program and explain
Fourth, what should be done.
4th inserts the card into the complex, guided by
explaining the third. 11) PC SPEAKER - is something that can
not withstand either the ears or nerves (decent nick pulled
this piece of Nurse) 12) Game - devourer of time!
13) Where did you drive suesh, padlyuga,
Do not you see, is tight.
He inserts the disc in CD-ROM,
Oh What a slowpoke.
REMIX - Where CD suesh, padlyuga,
Do not you see - is tight.
CD pokes it into the drive,
Oh What a moron.
14) What child would not teshilos, if only by a hacker is not.
15) What does the sysop, when it is
Point - gleefully grinning in anticipation of
opportunity to make fun of.
16) Do lamer asking:
- What is the SOUND BLASTER?
- Well this is a blyaster that sound.
17) - You know, this film used komputernye spetsefektov worth
10 thousand dollars!
- Put up a crate of beer and I are the same
do.
18) - Say what same-sex love?
- And this is when komputer you for *** l and
you with something to do - sorry. (I
about something to knock him or pull
wire)
19) - Listen, I rewrite my exercise on a piece of paper. - Are
you sensitive? (Big / small letters)
20) - How to copy a file?
- Uuugrrrrrr! (The explanations are not needed)
21) - What is Windows 95?
- And this is such a convenient, but tormozznnaaaaaaaaaya
system.
And now a few anecdotes. (This is already
not mine)
Sherlock Holmes' Dr.Vatson flew
balloon and hit the fog. Flying
some time, they could fall on
the edge of a city. Watson saw a passing them the ball some
gentleman, he asked:
- Tell me dear, where are we?
Gentleman, a little thought, he replied:
- A balloon - and walked away.
Sherlock Holmes, by removing the pipe from his mouth, said:
- It's a programmer!
- But Holmes with what you have? (With what he took,
already there)
- First, before answering, he thought, and secondly, he replied
ABSALYUTNO correctly, the third response to its commission
useless!
Lover of the game DOOM, stepping into the dark
porch, slapping his forehead:
- Again, forgot to sign up!
A programmer asked:
- It is written not with verbs - one word or
separately?
Programer (thinking):
- No-ee. Through the gap.
The girl, having spent the night with Bill Gates,
rises in the morning and yawn says:
- It is now clear why you are so named his
company.
Vasily Ivanovich is near a large and
deep pit where the soldiers jump:
- Ivanov, hand in hand, one leg forward,
jump! Petrov, hands at his sides, feet together,
jump! Sidorov, stoop down, arms and torso,
Pra ...
Petka:
- Vasily Ivanovich, Vasily Ivanovich, where whites are coming,
but you still indulge in tetris.
*
All the events described in this text are fictional. The
author of all this nonsense is no is not responsible. (And that
was the case, show your friends the text, and they are ...)
*
LET THERE BE LIGHT! - Said an electrician
and cut the wire.
ADVENTURES OF DOWN AND HIS FRIENDS.
It was cool, sunny morning. The forest was green all the
colors of the rainbow. And the birds sing (or poured or drank)
some song.
- Damn! - Heard the voice of Pooh. He sat
in his den, and cut into QUAKa with caches
on the grid. So, like a parrot was particularly
sophisticated in curses, then the dialogue with
Winnie the monitor gave the last such
that Pooh could not help looking back, although in the den, but
it was empty. After another parrot rockets off in the knockout,
and Vinnie, grinning out of the game and Knocked komputer.
After that he went to the fridge for a bottle of beer, which
was not there. This circumstance to induce the Pooh obsessions:
- And do not go there to shop?
But Bear was not one of those who succumb to this kind of
provocation, and therefore he began to feverishly look for a
more rational way of solving the problem, but in my head did
not occur, except - go to Meet the Rabbit. So Pooh and decided
to do. He went out and breathing fresh air, almost fell. Dizzy
Bear did not emerge from the den a couple of weeks, he
cracked some sort of game. After
Pooh came to himself, he went to perform the above steps (ie, go
visit). Passing the house of Piglet, Pooh
I saw his face in the window.
- It is not casual - think Vinnie and he was right. Piglet had
come with him. Here friends came to the Rabbit's burrow. Pooh
has put forward the demand for an immediate opening doors, but
Rabbit had to be cunning and said that no one is home. And this
insidious ruse was nearly gone, but here in
Mink Rabbit came a shrill voice PC
SPEAKERa.
- Rabbit never leaves the PC
included, leaving the house - said Piglet.
- Yes, it is not casual - added Pooh
went back to the lair. When he
walked a few tens of meters before it
came (or rather crawled) that his brazen
cheated. Vzyarenny Vinny went back to
Rabbit's burrow, where he stood Piglet and stupid
knocking at the door. Pooh grabbed the pig and
Piglet Rabbit promised to knock out the door.
Since the rabbit is well aware of Pooh, he hastened to open the
door. This circumstance is extremely pleased Piglet and he was
ready to kiss Rabbit but also well aware of Winnie the Pooh, he
decided to abandon the idea and just said hello, and than said
Rabbit. Pooh went without talking to the fridge rabbits, and
Piglet sat down telly. Rabbit is making sure that guests feel
at home went to a computer in a minute PC
SPEAKER flew into the far corner of the room.
When Pooh pretty rickety eyes, he saw that the refrigerator
is empty, it is decided that he and Piglet to go.
They naturally went to the tiger, which was always in stock per
liter of alcohol. What happened next is not worth telling. In
Eventually all went to bed.
Pooh woke up in the morning because of the desperate
cry Tigers, who opened his eyes he saw
in front of someone's leg and bit her. As
it turned out, was his own paw. Fluff
also opened my eyes I saw a silly face Piglet and immediately
felt the three feelings: 1-sense burning pipes, 2-a feeling
which calls upon the nature and 3-a feeling which calls upon
the faces of Piglet. Last Winnie feeling satisfied at once.
Piglet tumbling out over the chair and hit
on the bedside table and looked at Pooh voprositelno - without
understanding, little bear on this sight was really bad and he
went satisfy the remaining senses.
Piglet began to feel a sense of vengeance
and now with a devilish expression faces
mixes Pooh laxative alcohol, which later took Winnie for a cure.
Friends went for a walk. At first view
of wide-eyed Pooh, which
could be seen from the bush, very pleased pig, but only the
first three times: - Winnie, are you okay?
- Of course normally, only through srus
every five minutes!
- Winnie, but it will pass?
- Of course, here you face nabyu, so immediately
feel better!
- Winnie, and may not need?
- It is necessary, Piglet, is necessary.
- Winnie, and I'll give the ball - green.
- A zasun-ka it up your ass!
- Of course! - Happy Piglet and ran
home behind the ball.
- Here's a silly pig, oslabitelnoe,
me ... (a drawn groaning) ... all my life
da scraps toys will pay off.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
P.S. I want to confess to the last
time thought that SPECTRUM is dead, but when
Cardinal'a met, then hesitated, and
when I read a couple of SPECTRUM'ovskih newspapers
I realized: "But no, I am alive and still a Speccy
alive! "
END ...
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