a rest - Jokes ...

       A N E K O R T S
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  Went elephant and an ant exploration. We got to the enemy 
territory. Suddenly, the ant cried out: "Elephant, lie down, I 
noticed! " 


  Standing hare over the pit, and there a lion
mosque. Can not escape.
Hare crucified: - Is that you something -
lion? Is that you something - the king of beasts?
Yes you are .... Here the land falls and rolls down to the hare
lion. - Leva! Do not believe me -
apology came!


  Flood. Saved on a hummock
dog and rabbit. Hare says: -
Vaughn boat floats - it grandpa
Mazai, he will save us. Dog
stared and said: - No,
Gerasim is ...


  Hence there are two dogs in a laboratory, with all there 
outlets, pipes, etc. One says: "Oh, the light came on, right now

one man, who at the light
reacts, will devour! "


  China launched an artificial
satellite. 100,000 Chinese have a hernia pulling the rubber on
launcher and 100000 came into orbit before he could get away.


  China launched a manned
spacecraft. He suffered
crash. Died Feb. astronaut
and 48 firemen.


  Girl sitting in the sandbox and,
relish champing something zhyet. C
appetite because, frankly,
provocatively. Passing by myzhik
asks: - Girl, you're
so appetizing eating? - DO NOT KNOW
SELF crawled!


  - Boy, boy, what do you
crying? - Mom of drowned kittens ... "Well, this is, of course, 
grief, but do not cry, will be more kittens ...

-... And in fact I am no kitten
sink did not give ...

 Guest stares in amazement at her son
hostess: - Is he walks in
school? After all, he is only three years! And he actually reads
newspaper? - Well, thank you! No!
It only solves them
Crossword!

 -Vovochka! - Asks the teacher, when you're in a thunderstorm 
stroke cat, especially against the grain,

in the dark, that catches you
eyes? - Cat!

 - Why are you rude to me, Vovochka? I am your father or father?
- Well, you ask riddles, old man!
I will know?


  Battered BTR unsuccessfully get away
from nemeryannom gang dushmans.
Too bad the crew commander
declares: "Who will be able to detain
gang to leave early
demobilization, briefly Best regardz.
Volunteered fragile-looking kid. Asked pineapple and three 
helmets. Gave him what he wanted, dumped in a field. Soon the 
gang behind. The crew returns for

the remains of comrade and see: horses graze randomly,
svleny machines in a heap, crowd
dushmanov with greedy eyes, gathered in a circle. In the heart 
of the crowd sat lad:-Latest

time show! Take the pineapple,
Cover with a helmet. Once-every-time!
(Moves the helmets).
- Where is pine?


  Commission comes to the military
part. Well, naturally, a / h
rapidly became the order of all direct, paint fences, etc. A
one rocket (top), paint
not yet. And the commission has in a / h.
As always, there was one clever
soldier who threw a bucket of
painted on the rocket, paint glass
having painted a rocket, a bucket, respectively, left hanging. 
General: - What is it you on a rocket? Soldier: "And this ... 
this Ion reflector! General: AZ

I know! And why not painted?!


  Today, in the northern atlantike
tainstvenno ischezla amerikanskaya
podvodnaya lodka klassa "Agayo"
The Soviet Union in the same payone
lost the anti-submarine torpedo.
Prodolzhayutsya searches.


  Is an exam in physics. Question
at '5 ': What is the current strength?
Question on the '4 ': What is measured by
current? Question on the '3 ': Is not there an ammeter measures 
the current strength? 


  To the question "How much is 2 * 2":
Freshman: Not thinking gives
response. Sophomore: After much speculation. A third-:
Takes a calculator. Chetverokursnik: Includes computer. 
Pyatikursnik: "Am I crazy - tabulated constants remember! "



  In an American university were sent to (P) ussky, (H) Emets 
and (A) ngliysky students. Each was given a private job for a 
year. Through year. (A), brings 12 thick

Notebooks: Vaught, professor, report
In January, here in February, ....
here in December. (H) gives 3
thick volumes:-This laboratory
study, it teoritecheskaya
some of it's conclusions. (P) does not bring anything. 
Professor: -?? - Professor, you know, I

so yesterday had a headache ...


  On examination at the institute.
(II) repodavatel: - What is it,
do you think the exam? (S) tudent:
-This is a conversation between two smart people.
(S): "And if one of them is an idiot?
(C): - the second did not receive a scholarship.


  Forgot Georgians drunk pronunciation of the word '1 '(one 
time). He comes into the shop and asks

Vendor: - Give me three bottles of MNE
vodka and two sharply Take!


  Comes once (T) Ruzin
to the market and sees (M) uzhik bird
sells. (D): - How much is an eagle!
(M): - This is not an eagle, and cuckoo!
(D): - How much is an eagle! (M): - Yes
cuckoo it! (D): - How much is an eagle!
(M): - Rouble! Bought was listed
Georgians bird and went hunting.
Released the bird, and that the tree and
- Cuckoo! Cuckoo! (D):-Cuckoo Cuckoo?
Samu THICK ENOUGH!


  Rides Ilya of Murom on the road.
Suddenly - a stone at a crossroads and
inscription: "To the right you will go -
wonderful horses get. "-Why
my horse - I Sivka-Burke,
steeper than not. "To the left you will go -
get a cool sword. "-I
Sword kladenets, cooler does not happen.
"Right you go - daunom going."
Chau?? Who is there so cool??
SchA go, face it. He went straight. Suddenly crashes the 
Nightingale-Robber and rushes to Ilyusha with sword. Do not 
hesitate to hryapnul Ilya Solovay head club.

Nightingale dropped his sword, seized
his head and plaintively: - Oh, and Down
are you, Ilya!


  Rides Ilya Murom through the woods,
sees on the oak tree the Nightingale-Robber. - Good morning, 
Nightingale! - Hi, Ilya! Elijah rode farther on their heroic

Cases, Nightingale looked after him
and said thoughtfully: - That is because
as sober - so people. And how
nazhretsya - both at once: "What do you sit? What whistle?" . 
Moreover and in the head with a club strives!



  Creeps one man in a bar -
the door fell asleep ... Here
another in the same form, but
crawled to the table and free
also fell asleep. Here (T) rety more
or less kept on their feet
suited to the counter, and says
(B) Armenia: - three of us, and we want to drink! (B): - Ok! 
What are you going? (T): - I have 200 grams vodka, the one at 
the table - 150, ... (B): - And here the fact (pointing

for first at the door) - 100
g? (T):-What are you, stunned?
It's our carrier, it takes us home
lucky!


  Two muzhuka drank three sheets and
do not remember how to split ... On
the next day there are pretty mangled and, as always,
begin to recall yesterday:
- Cho, yesterday was something! Nifiga not
remember ... - Hey, count up, and I
I go home yesterday, and suddenly a deer
me in the back horn - on! I
fell just got up, and here I was the goat horns in the back - 
tres! I fell again, only rose

here my elephant trunk on the back -
hryas! I just started to rise and then launch me straight
in the back - tres ... - Well, you flood the! Well, about 
animals, I can still to believe, but about a rocket! - If

do not believe he ask the Director of the carousel!


  Late at night the phone rings.
The wife picks up the receiver. - Honey is
I. Go home. I do not really delayed? - No, darling. A possible
I will give 5.6 buddies? - Yes,
favorite. "We sit down and have a drink ...
"Of course, darling. Man suddenly
pauses, then says:
- Sorry, I've probably made a mistake
number.

Visitor: - What is it?
Earlier in the borscht was two pieces of
meat, and now - one. Waiter:
- Sorry, probably a cook
forgot to cut.


  Phone call: (1):-Hello,
police? (2): - Yes. (1): - There
l-horse lying dead on the
street Di Di Di ... (2): - Dzerzhinsky? (1): - No, on the
Di Di Di ... and a pipe laid.
Again, call: (1): - Hello, police? (2): - Yes. (1): - There
l-horse lying dead on the
street Di Di Di ... (2): - Dzerzhinsky what? (1): - No,
by Di Di Di ... again laid up. After some time
again, call: (1): - Hello, police? (2): - Yes, the police,
Police! (1): - There's a horse
lying dead on the street
Di Di Di ... (2): - On what?!
At Dzerzhinsky, or what? (1):
- Damn, I did go there
drag!


  Stands near the road with a cow Granny, "the voice". One car 
stops, the driver asked: - Are you where, Grandma? - In the 
village. - I'd take you, but where to put a cow? - And you,

my dear, fasten it to the car, she
will run. So they did.
The driver drove slowly, and grandmother
says: - You Take, dear,
faster than a cow I have a good
runs. Began the rate of driver
increase. 20 km / h - run
cow. 40 - runs a cow. 80bezhit cow, and then suddenly start
left eye podmargivat. Scared the driver: - Grandma, your
cow's left eye something podmargivaet. - That she, dear,
went to overtake!

 - So. You are accused of quackery. You sell gullible
people elixir of eternal youth.
Condemning you before? - Yes.
In 1451, 1639, 1893 and 1904.


  Kovboy goes by saluna. The inner voice: "Zaydem?". Kovboy
gritted his teeth, goes dalshe.
 - Well zaydem? - NO! - Passes
past. "You want HOW, a I went.
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