You were here - Lord of the Teeth - 3. The end of the adventures of the company of brave hobbits.

Lord of the teeth.       
                               
music by MIDISOFT              
(C)Gil-Galad.                  
________________________________
                               
   I don’t know which CHAPTER anymore.    
                               
   Cawareness slowly returned to Pipi.
Having opened his left eye (the right one swam to the end-
The hobbit was surprised to discover the
lying across the horse. Ahead along the way
this skinny nag sat Gandalf and something
purred under his breath. Pipi strained his pain-
big ears (what if something is good for blackmail-
xia) and heard:                           
                               
  The kings came here from across the sea      
  From some land polluted by them.      
  What did they bring with them???         
  Food processor and poctep.             
 Vacuum cleaner, iron and toaster               
  mixer and tape recorder                   
  Grundik, Philips, Orion                
  Sony, Sharp, Samsung, Akai,            
  Panasonic and Funai.                     
                               
 - What are you talking about? - Pipi squeaked timidly.  
 - I remember the Tablets of Knowledge... Hobbits
I bet you've never heard of anything like this...             
 - Well, how did you remember? - sarcastically interested -
Pipi poked his head in, offended by the allusion to
your stupidity.                            
 Without turning around, the Magician hit the presumptuous
hobbit with magical nunchucks and he
thought about something for a long time.                
 - What kind of names are you re-
counted?  - Pipi asked when
I was able to speak again.                   
 - I tried to remember what kind of company it was
produced Palantir cnythuko- in ancient times
what spying...                         
 - So what??                               
 Gandalf did not answer immediately. Old Magician
I was tormented by the awareness of the onset of sclerosis.  
 - Actually, these crap things, in my opinion, are de-
were made by the same company as Palantir
pa "Rainbow Manwe 716".                   
 - So he didn’t do itEnemy???         
 - Idiot, in the East they couldn’t and can’t
to do such a powerful magical thing.   
 The palantirs are made.........
Ugh, sclerosis.                        
 - What did they do with them in ancient times??? -
pestered the clingy hobbit.            
 - Well, mostly they were repaired, and sometimes they
They showed all sorts of beautiful pictures. Va-
linor, there, or Die Hard II. Palan-
All self-respecting elves had shooting galleries.
whose rulers.                              
 - Oh, if only I knew earlier... - dream-
whispered the hobbit carefully.                 
 - Well, what would you do? -nouhtepeco-
Mag.                               
 - Of course, I would give it to you. - maturely
after thinking, Pipi decided to butter up
Gandalf. He knew that the old magician adored
suck up  Because of this, he suddenly became prettier and
blabbed about his youth, spent
noah in Valinor... Unnoticed, Pipi fell asleep.  
                               
  CHAPTER I don’t know which one anymore +1   
                               
 - Well, here we are, as a matter of fact,
persevered! - Sam told me the good news.
The route Nazgul took them to some
a gloomy plateau, hung with dull cumaceous
with slogans like: “Welcome, damn it, to
hell" and "Hello, comrade Sauron." C
boards... that is, from the plateau there was a view
to the dreary lifelessplain, covered
thuu with ruinous swamps, swarming orc-
mi, hooting trolls and others
Uruk-hai, successfully creating the appearance
hard work.                      
 A gust of cold wind came from the east,
smelling of beer, vobla and cannabis (traditional
rational food of orcs). The day was ending. Further
To the right, the reflections on Anduin's oil faded.
On that side was Gondor. Ibid.
competitors remained and Frodo felt warm from
proximity to Sole power.             
  - Mordor! Would rather get there - sword-
the Guardian whispered carefully, cursing
The Nazgul driver, who has no such
We ran out of gas. Kicking him a little
corpse, Frodo calmed down and went
Yinki (because it was already 9 pm).    
                               
 The next day passed in useless
descent claims. In the evening the corpse of the Nazgul is
it happened again.                            
                               
 The next day the same procedure was repeated.
thorium.  And the next... And the next-
schi...                                   
                               
 By the end of the fifth month, Sam remembered
rope.  Well, yes, about that same experiment
tal teleportation transmitter
short-range system (as ee
called Lorien elves).  Actually
speaking, Sam ee whistled only for a reason
beautiful andclever name. So, to
Sam's own regret, about her
I remembered why he almost suffered
the fate of the Nazgul driver. In order of expedi-
pumehta Frodo tied up his accomplice
to this very excri.. experdi... (Storage
the body could not cope with the complex
name) to this hose and dropped it,
Sam, that is, into the abyss. In one and a half
about an hour from below came a savory sound like
"chwack". Quickly dividing 1.5 hours into
back and forth, Frodo realized that down
It's better not to look.                       
 Frodo himself found it more difficult to descend.
There was absolutely no one left at the top, and
I didn’t want to jump into the abyss. Sleep-
he didn't really trust the rope, but...
falling off it, he quickly found himself at the bottom.
 - Well, - he exclaimed, waking up, -
So we escaped! - Now that from
Sam was just a wet spot, no one
could interfere with the GREAT AND WISE KEEP-
LIU, SAVIOR OF ALL MIDDLE EARTH humbly
call ourselves "We". - And then what???    
  Without answering, Sam's eyes looked out of the puddle
up.                                  
  Taking advantage of the hint, Frodo
I looked there and saw Gollum.         
 - Ssss! Be careful, my precious! Tish-
What's next - what's next. Don't rush, don't
break your sssssss.                  
 - It looks like the vile creature is leasing itself to
to my Omnipotence - thought the Guardian. -Disorder!                               
 The explosion instantly demolished a piece of rock,
but Gollum was not so easy to take - he
fell into the astral plane. After a moment something
said "Bdymts" loudly, and at Frodo's feet
Gollum fell smoking. The smoke was stinking
The keeper coughed and swore dirty
hobbit style.                             
 Frodo always believed that Morgoth was the ho-
beat, and therefore was not at all surprised,
when in response to his phrase they moved apart
mountains and a good road appeared. Hobbit
decided - since there is a road, then for diversification
you can walk along it. Which is what happened
done.                                 
                               
        CHAPTER one more.        
                               
  Before the dawn of next week Frodo
reached Mordor. Actually, he would have gotten there
to the goal much faster, if not for all
such stupid orcs, whole herds, leading
standing on a completely lifeless plain.
They pestered the Guardian with stupid questions
pocamu like: "What are you doing here"
and “Where is your pass?” Apparently they
never saw a single hobbit. A
in vain - it wouldn’t hurt so much...           
 So Frodo insolently approached Mopahohy.
(for those who are not yet in the know, these are
healthy gate leading to Mordor, if
view from the westand vice versa - if with
north).  Approaching this very gate,
The keeper stopped in complete confusion.
news - THE GATE WAS OPEN.
Such a vile move on the part of the Enemy Fro-
didn't expect it.                            
  “Yes,” said the hobbit gloomily and looked around.
went looking for the culprit. On the plain
there was no one there. Only piles of freshly
dug up earth they spoke of a titanic ra-
work done by the orcs in order to save
of their vile lives.  - Well, what kind
%#'%#%&)&# opened the gate???             
  - The owner ordered - timidly blathered from under
lands of the careless Uruk-hai.             
 Frodo immediately drove over the horizon
rotary excavator and dug up the impudent one.   
 - Well, how do you think I’ll get into Mor-
dor, if the gate is open, as for three-
Umphal entrance?  - he asked menacingly
an orc stained in clay.             
 - My knowledge is long. - The orc shook.
- Quite a wicked move, a lot of angry coolness -
however...                            
 After the Uruk-hai drew a hobby-
that route plan according to GOST-18945. 62 on format
A0, Frodo mercifully allowed the orc to
howl.  (really viciously?) And then, having found
barometer north, hit the road.      
                               
       CHAPTER NEXT.        
                               
<>                   
                               
  How long or how short did the Guardian walk along
map, and he wandered into some forest. On
on the map it was designated as Ithilien. B
in principle, the forest was not bad, we met
there are even trees there.  Ho under every bush
sat on patrol of the Gondorian border guards
kov.                                     
 Thanks to the orc map, on which everything
the posts were marked, Frodo skillfully nat-
repented for each detachment.  In view of what
the mood grew rapidly, and the number
The strength of the Gondorian army is also rapid
but she fell...                             
 Battle Imperial Walker, stole by Frodo
back at Darth Vader, it was rapidly bursting
through the thickets, spitting a laser at full speed
ron, when Faramir and the
Livo noticed that Lucas had nothing to do with this
no relation. Frodo was very confused,
got out of the walker, folded it in four and
stuffed it in his pocket.                       
  “So,” Faramir looked closer, taking out
The second volume of The Lord of the Rings. - Judging by
this book, there should be two more with you.
  - Well, you see, this is the thing... -
the hobbit launched into lengthy explanations 
 - In general, it was like this: .........     
 A day and a half later, Frodo finally said
hall:- That’s how it all happened, actually.      
 - So, you say, all of you, poor,
abandoned, no one needs you and that’s all
not you. - Faramir summed up.            
 - So, fir-fire! - Admired someone else's mind
hobbit                                  
 Well, then okay - Faramir was happy,
finally realizing who hobbits are.
- Then I went.                          
 - Ku-uda!  - Frodo was indignant - And the zapa-
sy?! I'm all over!               
 The Gondorian, stunned by such impudence
loaded Frodo with a bunch of all sorts of goodies
and while he was figuring out what was what, he left
in Minas Tirith. Frodo remained in the city again
home alone: Faramir fled, Gollum and
Sam was feasting somewhere around Valhalla and
were clearly out of reach. Sta-
It was a bit boring. And only the only one
thought dimly illuminated the heroic future
The logical hobbit is omnipotence.            
 Fueled by this thought, Frodo continued to walk
and walked until he hit the pedestal. You-
cursing from the bottom of my heart the stupid architects, nat-
the monuments that sank everywhere, the Hobbit looked
up.  There really was a memory at the top
nickname He portrayed a little man in a jacket with
with an outstretched hand holding the country-
ny headdress.  The head of the statue is
exactly the same dress, lay side by side on
earth.                                   
 “Poor fellow,” the hobbit sympathized. - Well, yesokay, when I come to power, I’ll fix the phone
bya.  - and with these words he headed to
side of Mordor.                         
                               
        ONE MORE CHAPTER.        
                               
 After the nth amount of time, fearless
The new Guardian came to the foot of the Staircase.
This wasn't some pathetic Morian
Endless Staircase, but True Sea-
Dorskiy infinite escalator nepmaheht-
but the progressive principle of action. Co-
the extremely lucky hobbit just happened to
break between two cycles of movement
up. Orcs were scurrying around the escalator with
stone wrenches and the same
copper hammers. They scurried back and forth
replacing failed granite gears
thorns for new quartz.  To polite
the hobbit's question: "And when, in fact, did he
will it work?" orcs, burying the asked-
well, they rudely and unintelligently explained that
The last bearing just broke
on the Valinor cobblestones, and while on
in the place of the Valar there will be no Morgoth, no new settlements
There are no plans to dull components.
They also tried to say something in English
water of your intimate relationship with your mother
Frodo and himself in a particularly perverse
uniform, but a hobbit who loved his
deceased parents, terribly offended.... 
 An hour later, Frodo calmed down and, kicking for
proformaseach corpse a couple more times,
I felt revenged. Spit on it
what recently was the foreman, Frodo
wandered up the idle escalato
ru.  Strange sounds were constantly heard behind us.
squeaking sounds...                       
                               
 On the sixth day of his rise, Frodo began
be nervous about the lack of any
more signs of the end of the escalator. Ho
calling on all the demons of Hobbiton for help,
he managed to hold out for another week -
another. And behind everything was chugging...           
                               
 After a month of climbing, Frodo became interested
mysterious sounds. Judging by their spectrum
but frequency response and dynamic
in any range, they sounded like a champ
ordinary type of spineless species wet-
snotty. But the whole problem was that
destroyed the last munchkin of the Middle Earth
more Uncle Bilbo during his hike
There.  “Well, if so,” thought the hobbit,
- "then this is not a common snumper, but
someone else."  Woke up in a peaceful hobbit
fearless explorer. Frodo felt-
described himself as Pavlov, Michurin and Przhe-
Valsky in one bottle... that is, the face.
“What if this is a species unknown to science!” -
thought the fearless researcher. -
"I'll open it and it will be Chwakalka Fro-
dus elementarus.  Sounds good. Wait
dem... "On the third day, the Chvakalka climbed onto
the step where Frodo was waiting for her. Pos-
using a funnel, the Hobbit placed an unknown
the creature known to science in the Bottle of Galadriel
and began to study, study and study again
say, as the great and terrible bequeathed...   
 Well, what would you think here? What
Is this really a new species? No, no
my dears - it was Sam. Yes, yes, that one
washed smashed Sam. Remember
even before the start of the journey, the Old Magician
turned him into a frog. It happened like this
what the reverse transformation entailed
are irreversible gene deformations, and
falling from a cliff only accelerated the transformation
tion.                                     
  Frodo, insulted in his most light-
wild dreams, left Sam swimming with
a cheerful luminous bacterium,
drank on the test tube the inscription "chvakalka samoob-"
different.  Discovered by Frodo Baggins," sigh-
zeroed and put it in the backpack. After finishing like this
way with science, he continued to implement
carry out your diabolical plan to take over
authorities in the Middle Earth. Namely, by distributing
kicks and slaps to nearby orcs, such as
looked towards the smoke on the horizon
grief.                                    
                               
 And a small boat set sail from Valinor -
ka.                                      
                               
 Well, I've finally gotten around tolast
parts.  I've reached the finish line, so to speak.
straight.                                  
                               
           CHAPTER 1.3           
                               
 Pipi came to his senses. At first he didn't
could understand why he was in so much pain, but...
then it dawned on him that he shouldn’t have fallen asleep
during Gandalf's stories. He tried-
tried to remember where he was, but couldn’t manage so
difficult task. I remember he and the magician ku-
Yes, they were shaking on a dead nag, proudly
called “Spolokh”, but here’s what happened next -
remained a question.                     
 - Where are we, Gandalf?? - timidly inquired
he.                                      
 - And the barlog knows him. - the magician burst out
sleepy. - That is, ugh, in Gondor,
of course.                                 
 And the magician, offended by such a setup, again
sent the hobbit into the void of unconsciousness
no state.                          
                               
 He woke up to the fact that someone was quite
unceremoniously squeezed, turned in everything
sides and examined his teeth.           
 -Who is this, Gandalf?  Dwarf from the North
mountains?  You haven't brought anything like this yet. We need
strong and faithful slaves, and this is some kind of
dokhlik. Yes, he won’t last even a day.    
 - I will vouch for him to Denethor -
answered the magician. - Youdon't look that he's not...
juice, Ingold. You should have seen how he works -
no! And for everything I ask for just 5 mo-
no.                                     
 - Five coins? - he asked incredulously
Ingold. Yes, here you can’t even get enough for a coin!
 Pipi finally woke up and realized that
if he doesn’t immediately throw out another ha-
availability, then the magician will really sell it in
slavery.                                 
 -  I?  Working?  I am a hobbit! And I'm working
when there is nowhere to go.               
 “The answer is worthy,” Ingold remarked and
asked: - Hobbit?                   
 “Halfling,” Gen suggested quietly.
dalf.                                   
 “We don’t seem to have anything like this yet,” for-
the Gondorian doubted. - That's it, Mifran-
dir, I'll buy it for three rubles for tuputckoro
zoo, and if you bring a female, then I
I'll pay you five more coins.             
 “He’s coming,” the magician agreed joyfully,
taking money and figuring out how to steal it
someone else from Hobbiton. And Pipi,
realizing that his tongue was his enemy, he postured dejectedly
wanted to put a leash on himself and take him to
cell.                                  
                               
           CHAPTER 2.3           
                               
 When Gandalf disappeared over the horizon and
the celebration on this occasion is over, Mer-
ri returned toAragorn. The Hobbit on the way
whistled for someone's bag and was now filling it
ee to everything that came along the way.         
 “There are four of us left,” said Ara.
horn, painfully remembering where he heard
similar words.  - We're still together. And
there is a matter and this matter... - he stopped.     
 “I’ve heard that somewhere before,” he muttered.
Legolas.  -Where to now? - the elf remembered
instructions from the glorious Noldor intelligence
Chika Stirlitz about the last phrase. 
 - I don’t know yet. Gandalf so intimidated the great
Vitel that he announced universal mobility
tion and therefore the country is a mess. I think
that everyone will go to fight in Minas-Tuputy, but
I have a different path... - Pathfinder of the North
didn't like danger.                     
 “I’m with you,” Legolas said immediately.   
 “Me too,” said Gimli, looking up
from a trophy 40-bucket keg of pi-
vom.                                     
 - And me? - Merry raised his voice plaintively.
- I don’t want to join the army either.                
 - He'll have to come with us. - said
Aragorn would like to have a hobbit as a travel companion
he didn't smile. He took out his cell phone and
poking it, he cast a spell. Immediately
a horse's tramp was heard. Guards for all
on occasion I became worried and asked
all passwords.  But since no one has passwords
I didn’t remember, the newly arrived detachment was without
problems getting to Aragorn.            
 - Who are you and whatdo you need in Poxahe? - is-
nyrahho shouted Teodonis.  - What is this?
invasion?                               
 The alien squad stopped. There was silence
on, broken only by hysterical sobs-
memory of the king. One of the horsemen dismounted
jerked the shutter of the Kalashnikov bow and medical
moved forward lazily. The king raised his hands
up (as a sign of peace, probably).           
 - Rohan?  Yes, you're driving, bro, blinked-
wipe it off.  We're in Aphope. - announced
alien.                                
 - No, we are in Poxahe. - continued to insist-
the frightened king did not give up
(you never know). - And anyway, who are you? 
 - Halbarad, stop showing off. -
Aragorn called out to the leader of the squad. -
You, king, don't be nervous. This is my sekyu-
riti.                                    
 Theodonis took a breath. The homeland was cnace-
on.                                      
 Aragorn's security team also brought two
cool kenta: Elladan and Elrohir - sons
Elrond. And since Aragorn fell for him
daughter, he began to ask the Kents about but-
news.                                  
 - Bugor ordered me to whisper to you: “Stay out the deadline.”
you will.  And if you shed, remember o
Tponax Zhmurikov, in kind" - dissolving
fingers like a fan, Elrohir said.          
 - What are you talking about, in kind. There's a lot of garbage there.
- Aragorn was taken aback. - It's like shedding on-
before, to stick your nose in there?                  
 -Listen, bro,” he turned to Sledopy.
tu Elladan. - Here your dude is nonco-
I screwed up the thing.  Hold it, otherwise she will tell me
I pulled back all my fingers.                     
 Indeed, between the index finger and
the quarter-elf's little finger was clamped by some
long bundle.                         
 - O.K.  - Aragorn responded. - I'm in the chicken-
sah...                                   
 Then they rode in silence.               
                               
 Having scouted out all the Rohan plans along the way
armies, Aragorn and his ilk carefully
divided from the detachment and “went their own way.”
The Rohans did not pay any attention to this maneuver.
the slightest attention: there was still not enough -
to spare your attention to strangers...         
                               
 How long or how short is the fearless squad
Aragorn galloped through the darkness - this did not help -
nude Sclerosis, you know. And even then, is it a joke?
to say, it was all a long time ago. So
what am I talking about? Oh, yes, of course, about Tpo-
Zhmurikov smelled. It's terrible, I'll tell you, death...
new, place. Just some kind of nightmare.      
 Once upon a time, the Numenoreans prophesied
giving the branch "Orthanc - Bard-dur" of his
metro named after the Leader of all nporpec-
cubhoro adanstva comrade Elendil, created
gave this tunnel. Then all sorts of nepune-
tia and disaster threw away a piece of it
tunnel to the surface. I mean, the whole earth
la, concrete and railsremained underground and
the hole from the tunnel was outside.       
 And today this hole passed through some
then the mountain. I've heard rumors, it's true
I don’t believe them too much, that when the first births
The Khans approached this tunnel, they saw
sitting next to him is an old man dressed in
leather case from "Zaporozhets".  old man
he shouted something menacingly at them, pointing
with a dirty finger at the entrance to the tunnel and
measures  Since even then the Rohans believed
offensive to know any language,
Except for his own family, no one understood the old man.
However, from the intonation everyone determined that
it was some kind of terrible prophecy,
who foreshadowed Dagor Dagorrat, at least.
Well, at best - a general nuclear
war.  And since in those days only
the elves had nuclear potential, and
all the others didn’t even know such words, then ro-
The Khans got very scared and decided that they were smarter
everything will be to avoid meddling in this terrible
black hole, but simply declare it that-
boo, that's what they did.                   
                               
 Aragorn on the way to these Paths retold
to your companions all of the above. After
Why did Merry think that the summons was
Khan's military registration and enlistment office is not the worst thing and
slowly slipped away towards Edoras. How
you guessed it, no one is talking about this
I wasn’t particularly sad (I mean Ara-
Horn and Co). What can't be said about poxu-
hirrimah,who noticed the return of the vile
"holbutlana".  Merry gets offended by everyone for this.
disappeared, which is why the Rohan army did not
only a certain Dernhelm suffered, a good
freely offered to give the hobbit a ride.    
                               
 - Mortals did not use this road
since the arrival of poxuppumob, continued
intimidate his companions Aragorn - but
in the dark hour of fate, Heir of Isildur,
if he dares, he can defeat her. Yes and
the prophecy says.                   
 - Do you remember these words? - asked Le-
voice                                   
 - Yes. Malbert Akvarelev in the days of Aveduya,
the last king of Fornost, said:      
                               
   Ilmez eikilev teavykop no          
   yaark od yaark to akarm namelyrk.        
   Komaz yasteagordos... Ligom u amt...  
   Mishremu yatyandop...                  
                               
 - Wait, Aragorn, what is this gibberish-
on?  - asked Gimli. - You speak Russian... in-
bectpohcku can you tell me what you are talking about here?
are you scribbling?                               
 - Listen, dwarf, don’t be impudent! - flared up
Pathfinder.  Legolas asked, mind you, pop
I wanted to tell him the prophecy. And I said-
hall  And for your information, this Malbert,
so that it is beyond the Thundering Seas with a brush
slammed, he was a complete psycho and in normal
I couldn’t say a word to the little one. What if
Do you want to understand what is said in the prophecy?
ve, come with me. We, the Pathfinders Ce-
faith, there is a legend that Tponax has
a lot of beer (the gnome's eyes lit up) and
roaches, and all sorts of computers with modems and
printers. And the software is crammed - not about
you'll bump.                              
 - Is it really more than in Bibiesca?         
 - But where does she care about the Paths...              
 All this, and much more, Aragorn
I composed on the fly. And although on the face it would-
whether there are certain inconsistencies, he still
beat the desired result - the eyes of a gnome
shone no worse than anti-aircraft searchlights. And with
With such lighting no darkness is afraid.
In addition, with similar speeches Telcontar
ignited a terrible sense of possessiveness
in the trusting gnome and he was the first to rush into
tunnel.                                 
 There was no beer in the tunnel. Wobbles too.
The only computers in stock were
"Irisha."  And even that one is inoperative.
Of all the promised software, Gimli found
only one floppy disk with Tetris for IBM.
The dwarf was terribly offended and for the rest of the
spit on the road at Aragorn and everyone who
surrounded him. Therefore, the immediate environment
heirIsildur climbed to the surface
ity, very reminiscent in its external appearance
the house of those damned ghosts who
many naive Rokhhirim inhabited the Paths.   
                               
  - The hour has come. - Wiping his face, he said
Aragorn.  - My path lies in Minas Ti-
rit(o, rhyme). When I reclaim my throne, I
o I won’t forget you.                         
 In response there were loud cries of "Hurray" and
a well-aimed spit from a gnome.                     
 Having unfurled the spit-stained black banner,
which was embroidered with mithril and diamonds
Aragorn's coat of arms - a hand clenched into a fist with
with his middle finger out - the squad pos-
pooped on the storming of the throne.                    
                               
    CHAPTER PRE-LAST    
                               
 And in Minas-Tupute there was a big showdown.
Faramir, who had not yet recovered from his meeting with
Frodo, returning to the Citadel, came across
at the Zoo on Pipi. The hobbit sat in his
cage standing next to the female's cage
elven" and, having nothing better to do, rushed into
visitors with daggers stolen from the gon-
Dorskoy guards during their purchase-pro-
sales  Faramir, dodging the thrown
the hobbit of the last dagger, screamed and
ran to complain to Gandalf, and Pipi
lack of something more interesting to do, started
stare at the naked elven beauty
ku, which from thisI was embarrassed and kpache-
la.                                      
 Meanwhile, Faramir ran to the palace
and complained to the Magus about all the hobbits
also Frodo in particular.                   
 Having heard about Frodo, Mithrandir was terrified
was worried and quickly conjured a torture device
a dungeon right in the throne room. After
many hours of intense (screams, moans
and pacnyckahuem sopel [or snot?]) be-
the gray magician finally found out everything he needed, and
Faramir was taken to the local hospital by outfit
orderlies.  At the same time, the vile magician launched
the city hears about the hard pahehuu of the brave
Faramir in a skirmish with the forces of Darkness.        
 In protest against Gandalf
arbitrariness Denethor staged an act of public
self-immolation, but in the turmoil no one cares
didn't pay any attention. Only a magician
noticing the absence of the governor, just in case
chance appointed itself in his place.       
                               
 Meanwhile, a horde approaches the walls of Minas-Tuputa
behind the horde the forces of the Heir of Isil-
a fool led by a spitting-ghostly father
nearby.                                   
                               
      CHAPTER PENULTIMATE      
                               
 As mentioned above, the valiant Mer-
ri joined the Fearless Host
Poxahckomy (the official name of the regular
noahRohan army).  About this disaster
amazingly told in an ancient ballad
"The Coming of the Curse poxuppumob." I'm here
I won’t give it here for a number of reasons:     
 1. The ballad is very great.                 
 2. The ballad is written in the Rohan language,
and I touched somewhere poxaho-elven
dictionary                                 
 3. The ballad is beyond my scope
reach without getting me off the couch,
and therefore I’m just too lazy to drag myself somewhere.   
                               
 Anyone can read it for themselves
this ballad. For such inti.. intuzazi...
Oh, that's right, enthusiasts! I give the address: edorass-
kaya city cbutkoteka, section 135, 7
shelf on the left.                             
 Briefly, it was like this: poxuppumob
there were a lot of beautiful things and shiny gold
lots of jewelry that you like so much
hobbits.  Merry, like any hobbit on
his place, without any malicious intent began
satisfy your craving for beauty.
However, for some reason this is not true for the Rokhan people.
elk and they began to call him all sorts of nonsense
good names, tease and in every possible way
oppress.  Without being familiar with the hobby-
there, they believed that due to the difference in
they can get away with anything when they grow up. After all, it's terrible
Gandalf is not around. But time is still
I loved how wrong they were. Gandalf, it
of course. It is unconditional. He's scary. Would-
it started to roll... And then again... And after that, wellyou don't remember anything...                     
 And he is, of course, a small hobbit, but
the art of harming others and in every possible way
their ccoputb these people are second only to rho-
mom.                                     
 As a result, they only came to Minas-Tuputy
Merry and Dernhelm, who turned out to be in disguise
Yomer, disguised as a peasant, remade
in Jovin (cutting off, of course, is easy. And you
try to attach it back, so that
worked. Well, no way? So for Yomer -
no such luck.) Going out to Minas-tirith,
They chanted to a huge crowd of people. Neza-
long before that, Aragorn also came there. And
since this meeting was a big surprise
given for both sides, it was almost
there was no grandiose bummer, but Mer-
ri looked at it in time under the dried saliva
Legolas and everything ended well. And that's it
went to the city to celebrate the meeting and new
Ellessar's appointment.                    
                               
 The holiday was in full swing (archaeologists
just excavated in the cellars of the Citadel
stocks of Valinor moonshine), when suddenly
Gandalf came and, as always, ruined everything
til, announcing that he had just arrived at the palantir
he saw Frodo striving for power. Then
the old magician threw out a call to the masses like
“Mother Arda is calling” and “Pathfinder, you are in charge”
those for everything." After a while people
realized that he would not be allowed to get drunk
andbecame gloomy.   Taking advantage of the shift
mood, Gandalf disappeared to the side
Mordor, not unreasonably believing that
the angry crowd will follow him. Yes
that's all that happened. Large grains were ripening
pleasures for the Land of Eternal Night.          
                               
        CHAPTER LAST        
                               
<they....                                  
 And here they are, my strength, lying in the vacuum cleaner. 
 Apchhi!  Apchhi!  Be healthy dear. Well
Now that I have found the strength, I can continue.    
                               
                               
 A document with great historical
value:                                
                               
                               
            To the Supreme Commander-in-Chief
 To the Lord of the whole world,       
            The Great and Mighty Sauron  
            From the bossborder   
            garrison,                   
            Orka of the third article          
            Gartang C. T.               
                               
 P A P O P T               
                               
 Yesterday at 9.00 from the South-West to the territory
our native Mordor was committed
invasion of the vile Western invaders.
Accurate data on quantity and composition
there are no invading forces, but according to aeronautics
humming among intruders operates from-
efficient sabotage and reconnaissance regiment
"Wild Hobbits".  Judging by our losses,
enemies use weapons of mass destruction
niya.                                     
 Therefore, I humbly pray to Your Might
accept in relation to the Union of Light Forces
(CCC) adequate measures.                   
                               
 date............      
 signature........... There was such an interesting document
packonah at the radioactive ruins of Ba-
rad-Fool.                                
                               
 Based on this note, we can conclude that
that Frodo, having invaded Mordo-
ra, developed vigorous activity there (well
a hobbit cannot help but play a dirty trick on an orc), which
led to a sharp demographic crisis
su, behind which the de-
mographic explosion, accompanied by res-
the growth in the number of the vile tribe
spawn of darkness. But adequate measures by Sauron
were accepted.  Permanent thermonuclear
blows fell on Minas Tirith, Lorien,
Rivendell and Annuminas; strategic names
the ghouls rose into the sky and headed for Va-
linor. The Valar did not take long to respond
wait.  Top-secret weapon of Light,
worked by Feanor - "The Wrath of Manwe" -
fell upon Mordor, scattering everywhere
activated fragments of the Luminous Bowls.
 Aragorn's hordes, pursuing Gandalf,
were destroyed by a Mordorian combat satellite
com "Fang of Mordor".                      
 A small boat with returning to Ar-
by Gollum/Feanor was sunk by the
Khan's torpedo (and where only the steppe
residents took a torpedo???).                
 And unnoticed in all this chaos
Frodo reached Orodruin peacefully, which
I need to say I need tochewed where necessary
spat and became the LORD of ARDA. He has
grew a small beard, a bushy mustache,
a pipe appeared in his mouth, an embroidered one appeared on his chest
shirt, and on his bald head - five
but....                                   
                               
 And from half-molten Valinor they set sail-
la small boat...                  
                               
<<Hy how? We didn't expect such a gloomy ending -
ki, huh? And by the way, everything was like that.>>
                               
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