Enjoy - Let's get to know each other. An incident from life.

                                          
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What is the uniqueness of this con-
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we know each other!                              
                                          
- HUMOR.FILTERED -------- HUMOR.FILTERED -
From: Moderator of HUMOR FILTERED 08/10/98
That: All                                 
Subj: !!DO NOT WRITE HERE!!              
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Conference Rules HUMOR.FILTERED        
                                          
This conference is pre-moderated
mine.  This means whatever you want
publish here, you need to send netmail-
oh to the moderator. If he thinks that your
the letter is suitable for this conference, then
will publish it. It doesn't mean that the feeling
only I have humor :).  This means
that this conference has such harsh laws
vila :).Note: I publish almost all letters,
sent to me for publication here. But
I can still refuse :-).               
                                          
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Writing letters to this conference directly
prohibited. The exceptions are:         
                                          
Mikel Lavrentyev, 2:5020/35               
Serge Terekhov, 2:5000/13               
Basil Dolmatov, 2:5020/140, 2:5020/50.40
Leo V. Mironoff, 2:5020/293              
                  (only with Subj: Chf)    
Boris Paleev, 2:5020/113              
Tony Leontyev, 2:5020/517              
                                          
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Having a letter in this conference with another
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those about it.                               
                                          
Moderator: Boris Paleev (Boris Paleev)    
Moderator address: 2:5020/113@fidonet      
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From: Swamps Leontyev2:5020/517
To: ALL 05 Sep 98 22:20
Subj:FIDO                                
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 Hmmm. General high.             
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* Area: 517.JET.FRAER-S.PVT               
* From: Yuri Nesterenko 2:5020/1402
* Then : All 04 Sep 98 18:47
* Subj: FIDO                              
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Hi, All!                                  
                                          
1. Functional Use           
   Cheap Equipment                  
2. Files and Data Wholesale                   
3. An Art Form for Screwballs          
4. Flame Eliminated - Demagoguery Ensured  
5. Let's fight back against fatal perverts!     
6. Internet fans Definitely push    
7. Physicists Disappear - Fools Remain      
8. Figs You will destroy this Organization     
                                          
CASE FROM LIFE                           
                                          
                                          
 An incident from life              
------------------------------------------
January 1. The meth station opens in the morning
ro and the first passengers rarely congregate on
platform waiting for the first locomotive.
Everyone’s faces and mood are appropriate
date. ;))) But the locomotive is still missing.  And suddenly from
tunnel, distant music can be heard, which
gradually getting louder and louder.
People are drawn to the edge with interest
platform and is rewarded for its long-
patience is a rare sight.  Out of the darkness
a smart guy with an accordion appears,
on which he selflessly plays and sings, and
behind him, slowly, stealthily, a met train rides
ro. ;))) ;))) ;)))                        
                                          
                                     Tasic
                                          
 Gas                    
------------------------------------------
We were going sometime in the year 83-85 in weight
not to Cheget, to go skiing.  On "ko-
pike", probably. Three steering wheels: one is asleep,
one is reading/chatting/eating/leading music,
one is driving.  Then a cyclic rearrangement
ka.  By the way, it’s easy in a day this way
we arrived.  We are, respectively, 26-28 years old.
Money, of course, for gasolineit's better to spend
smaller. And so, we read along the way to the magazine -
chike ("Knowledge is Power", "Technology of Youth"?),
that, they say, in Brazil, auto engineers,
Finally, we achieved a reduction in alcohol consumption
a/m up to 5-6 l/100 km!                      
                                          
I just don’t remember laughing like that back then:
we stocked up on spectrally pure chemicals
gent (ethanol, of course), bottled
baby milk bottles (if anyone
remember, bottles of 200 g with divisions).
Each such bottle is then easy to me-
fell on a can of gasoline. Total consumption
alcohol consumption - less than 100g/100 km!  Before that
The level of these Brazilians still needs to grow and grow! 
                                          
Still, economics is an interesting thing!    
                                          
WBR, Alex
------------------------------------------
 The story is real and told by Ian Gil-
lan (Ian Gillan, Deep Purple).          
Black Sabbath and Motorhead (opening act)
played a concert in an open area in Dub-
line.                                     
  “I,” says Gillan, “as usual,
listened to their part of the speech from the beginning
until the end, after which I felt like this
It's like I had a Boeing 747 strapped to my ears.
Afterconcert Lemmy - vocalist of Motörhead,
the lead guitarist and drummer came in disguise
fell, and I was pissed off as a witness to the next
scenes.                                    
 The guitarist, changing clothes, turns to
Lemmy: "We played great, it's just a pity that
We didn't play our new single."  Lemmy
comes back: “Fuck, I sang it second.”
Drummer, surprised: “I played it on the fifth note”
by measure!.."                                 
                                          
(taken from www.anekdot.ru)                  
http://www.opsb.ru/~snark                 
------------------------------------------
A friend told me. It happened in Mariupol...    
                                          
My friend at one time was engaged in colored me-
tallami, tried to earn money. And so,
some kind of drunkenness, and our hero is about to die
is fighting with some military man.  He, having learned about
his business, offers him non-ferrous metals
scrap at a reasonable price.  Sergey, naturally
but he agrees.                         
                                          
And so, early morning, hangover.... At Seryoga's
The phone is ringing.  The receiver rises, in it
an excited male voice is heard:      
                                          
- Seryoga, drop everything - come to the square -
  ku, just urgently! We have an emergency...Comrade gets blown up: cold shower, car
and - forward. At the entrance to the site upon arrival
he felt metal from what he saw slowly,
but the roof is going right... And he saw the following -
more:                                      
                                          
1. The military man kept his word... But how!       
2. The first thing he met was KamAZ, from
   2 wings of the plane were sticking out of it.    
3. Then he met the plane itself...      
                                          
In front of KamAZ with wings was a MIGZ1
without them, on a rigid coupling with ZILZ1. In ka-
Bine - pilot, on board - an order and an asterisk
ki. In general, everything is as it should be...          
                                          
And then the aforementioned
military with an original question:          
                                          
- Well, bro, how are we going to weigh it?..  
                                          
P.S. The friend is still limping because his legs
hit by the jaw.  Seryoga's chefs produced
the castration process is over him and the plane is painted
Lily. And I must say that the plane turned out to be
in full readiness for flight (it was necessary
just screw the wings on and tuck them in).
They paid for it like 100 tons of metal
(and it costs $25 million).                   
                                          
The military promised to bring more “transport”...
We're waiting...------------------------------------------
Thursday, evening, trolleybus stop 7 at
Ring.  But there is no trolleybus, because... one already
broke down, and the second one has not arrived yet and the road
due to Kiriyenko’s arrival somewhere in the region
he blocked Bauman Street.                  
                                          
Suddenly through all this with a flashing light and a wild
as a resuscitation machine rushes past
there is a jeep with tinted windows, and behind
the house behind the jeep... the collector's car.  Not-
May scene. Man at a trolleybus stop:
"That's it... the ruble is dead...". Curtain.       
                                          
               Dmitry aka Dunaich aka ALF
                                          
P.S. The story is real, I saw it myself 8-      
------------------------------------------
Once my uncle went with his friends soms
fishing in the pool, near some village
something in the Ryazan region.  Well, as usual
we arrived at the place, there was a fire, a barbecue,
daughter. We finished our meal and it was already dark.  B
just right, catfish is a nocturnal fish, it’s time for donkey
put.  They hung pieces of meat on hooks,
dropped it off, waiting.  Well, so that time is not wasted
lose, drink vodka.  Not particularly cool
it was like this - they caught a couple of perches, but they’re waiting
soma.  And suddenly on one donkbell
ringed like crazy and came unhooked, and
The donka itself crawled towards the water.  Well, my uncle
grabbed her and pulled her towards himself. But the feeling-
he says - one can’t cope.  His friends
they ran up and helped, one and the uncle together
pulls it up, the other one reels in the fishing line. Uncle
then he said: the power there is enormous, der-
barks from side to side, rests. Feel-
there is a fish on the way, the water is boiling,
frogs jump to the sides. And suddenly, out of
Yes, a dog's face appeared.  That's it, duh-
Uncle yells, we've finished drinking. They drag on, and right -
Yes, the dog is a huge mongrel.  Pulled out
They opened her mouth and pulled out a piece of meat.      
                                          
It turned out that when they were abandoned in the dark,
they threw it to the other side, and there was a village
nearby, dogs are running, one is not a fool -
I was excited and decided to eat the meat.               
                                          
                                   Dmitry
                                          
 DRUGS                  
------------------------------------------
...                                       
And I'll never get into any car again
I won't sit down!  Yesterday with Abdulchik (AGA) on his
nine skated. We went out of town to the sea,
took a swim.  Then they arrived at seven o'clock
to the Palestinian. We chatted for a bit.Palestinian
Abdulchik warmed up a not frail plastic crop
veal. Abdulchik took out a picket, deftly
beat me, and he and I were right in the car, near the
Ma, where the Palestinian lives, this shoal of gaze-
get out.  Oh, Ritka!  Plasticine is atomic!  I
"left" immediately after the third attack.  Ab-
dulchik finished off the rest himself... First
We sat for ten minutes. Then Abdulchik
took me home.  In the car the music is screaming - mu-
Miev, let's listen, I'm just about out of my mind
tears it off.  Let's go, in short, and here, unexpectedly
so, from my side someone is knocking on the window -
Xia.  I turn my head and look - an old man
someone is standing and waving his arms.  I think:
"We seem to be on our way! So where did the old man get-
Hsia?”, - and how I screamed all in hysterics... Ab-
Dulchik saw him too and even more strongly
pressed the gas.  But old man, terminate my pa-
crumple, still knocking on the window and at the same time
his mouth still opens and closes.  Abdulchik
presses the gas pedal even further.  The car is still
roars louder.  Well, I, of course, from the strong
treason is immediately switched off. Off for 20 minutes
fought.  In short, when I came to my senses,
called - when we are from a Palestinian, from a two-
ra drove out, Abdulchik wheeled into the open
the hatch was hit and was skidding there all the time, and
the old man who knocked on our door wanted to say
Remember that we are standing still...            
                                          
Just think - they skidded for about an hour :)))Well that's it...                               
Scary and black and white dreams to everyone!         
Pokedova, Mari
                                          
 COOL!                   
------------------------------------------
A colleague returned from vacation yesterday (not exactly
still left) and issued:                  
                                          
Do you know what Cool is?  You know that
is COOL??? No you don't know what it is
COOL! COOL is to float in the air on del-
taplan and call on your cell phone to pay-
jer.                                     
                                          
Saturday July 18 1998 Michael Evreson
                                          
Cool                  
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I was walking to work yesterday morning and witnessed
by the following picture: near the house stood a circle
that BMW is silver.  Engine ra-
works - warms up, driver's door opens
covered, a loud rhythmic rhythm can be heard from the salon
great music... From the opposite side of the door
the driver's side is a man, obviously
"new Russian", and lovingly wipes the
the melting hood of your car.  It is clear that thisactivity, and accompanied by good music,
gives him real pleasure, and all
the world around him is absolutely violet.  By
Tartuara with a brisk step towards the car
a nondescript boy of botanical appearance walks
about 17 years old. With a completely calm look,
walks to the car and sits in the open door
driver. The car suddenly takes off and
hiding around the corner of the house.  Specifically the official
crazy guy standing like an idiot in the middle
road with a rag in hand: “Well, never mind,
completely...!" :)))                         
                                          
But that's not all! Today I'm going to work in
the same time on the same road. Opposite to
ma the same guy stands there and wipes his
BMW. The engine is running, from the open door -
tsy sounds the same (or very similar) rhythm
cute music. But the BMW is not silver
ty, but “wet asphalt” :)))              
                                          
Bye, Shura
                                          
Hatch insert                
------------------------------------------
One of my friends told me how another
an acquaintance crashed the hatch into a cool free jeep
but... The method is original. I'm retelling it.      
                                          
In general, yes.  I bought the same other sign
whom(he's a businessman, a bit cool) s-
some terribly cool jeep for a lot of money
neg.  Well, I came on it for the first time to visit my people.
fellow businessmen. They look, the jeep is nice.
And the owner says: “Don’t believe me, right now I
Shall I hammer a hundred nails into the roof?  Well, those who...
Of course, they don’t believe it - the car is from scratch, who has it?
the hand will rise. Boss - I bet you 1000
bucks?  One - but we argue (he did not believe).
We argued.  Well, the owner takes a hammer and...
hammers a nail.  That guy with the round ones
eyes and with the words “well, you’re a fool” from-
gives a lot of bucks. And the next day ho-
the brother-in-law arrives, and, as everyone has already guessed,
There is a hatch in the roof.  He says it doesn't matter
I was going to punch him in, it was no joke.
Job - 900 bucks.                      
                                          
I saved this method for myself, but for good
I don’t feel sorry for these people :)))                   
                                          
Petrunko Konstantin, Rostov-on-Don      
                                          
 I remembered the story...           
------------------------------------------
My friend once worked in PM-8. Motal-
on emergency routes to Bolgoye and back.  Do
it wasn’t great - he was wandering around and I was with him for fun -
kuhi (drive dirty doctors yourself
were not allowed in). At night, so as not to nod off,
steel jokestell. Here is his driver
and spoiled one story.                    
                                          
Once upon a time, with another assistant,
they stood in Bologoye, waiting for departure.
Train towards St. Petersburg.  Late - 1
one in the morning or 2. There are no people around.  All
smart people sleep. 5 minutes before departure.
The car has already been accepted.  The men are sitting in the cabin
and smoke. At the end of the platform there are bushes
some decorative.  Suddenly through these bushes
a man crashes through - drunk -
- drunk. In general, he cannot see the shore. Came out, o-
I lay down and took off my trousers right in the middle of the rut
and sat down with his back to the electric locomotive. Well, who cares?
It’s nice to sit and look at someone’s butt. Well
and the guys agreed: the assistant turns on
buffer lights and spotlight, driver yes-
press the Typhon pedal all the way. And Typhon has "che-
hov" croaks so loudly that the blind man's buff will come to life. Man
turns around - straight at him about five meters away
Ti ChS-2t “rides” with full illumination.
He probably sobered up instantly. And report
struck that while he was pulling his pants
they will move a hundred times. He screamed like crazy,
pulled out of his pants and without them scratched along the
ties, so you won't catch up.  Screwed
like a hare from a car in the light of a spotlight, no
no matter where you turn. 300 meters so pros-
cal.  I was too lazy to look further - from
They were rolling around on the floor in the cabin laughing.  Ochuha-
only when the chipboard was alreadyswear words on the radio
began to call them: "... Will you send
to fight or not!”                          
                                          
Best regards, Mikhail
                                          
 About garbage                 
------------------------------------------
Once we were driving with Max...               
                                          
In short, Max and I were once driving on his
Auto. We drank the most Fanta from the cans.  Well,
We finished it, and I’m holding the cans in my hands,
so as not to litter in your hometown. In the village
that traffic police (traffic police) stops us -
-shnik, Max went with him to check the documents
bark. I got out of the car and walked up to someone else.
I ask the traffic police officer:                  
-Where is your TRASH?                
And he answers:                            
- If you need organization, then - 20 met-
ditch to the north, and if an urn, then 2 meters per
east.                                   
                                          
Wow! :))))                             
Zheka