Tech.Support - If people drove cars the same way they work on computers...

 If people drove cars the same way,
how they work on computers (conversation
by calling the Driver and Technician from those.
support)                               
Technician: Driver's technical department. support.  Than
 can we help?                           
Driver: This... I don’t have a car.
 is going on.                                  
Technician: I see. What is your car?
 make, model, and year of manufacture?           
Driver: And I... who the hell knows! I'll coo her
 drank to go to the store, where do I come from?
 know...                                
Technician: Okay, okay, calm down.  By-
 We are trying to do without this information...
 (sigh) Do you have gas in the tank?       
Driver: Hm.. Gasoline in the tank, you say...
 How will I know?                          
Technician: Look at the front panel.
 Where does the arrow point, to "E" or to
 "F"?                                    
Driver: Where is the front panel?         
Technician: She is right behind the wheel if
 you are sitting in the driver's seat.        
Driver: Ah! I see. .. Tex... And then the stre-
 There are many locks, which one should I watch?     
Technician: Look at the one next to which
 written E or F. There may also be
 the gas station is drawn.                
Driver: Ahh! I see.  The arrow shows
 to zero.                                
Technician: How about zero?Driver: Yeah. Straight to zero. And also nearby
 with an arrow it says "x1000".  What is this,
 my car model? Ex-thousand?         
Technician: (deep sigh and roll
 eye) No, this is not flammable, this is taxometp.
 It should show zero if ma-
 the tire is not started. Fuel arrow
 but to the left and smaller than taxometp, and on it
 should be written "E", then semi-
 circle, then "F".                        
Driver: Ahh. I see, I see! Arrow nocepe-
 line between E and F.                       
Technician: Great! At least we know
 what fuel do you have?  Now let's
 Let's check the battery. Do you see the steering wheel?      
Driver: Uh-huh.                           
Technician: Press right in the middle...      
Driver: (loud beep is heard) OH!
 Is this what she should do?            
Technician: (rolling his eyes) It's okay,
 this is your signal. If it works, then
 Everything is fine with your battery. Te-
 Now let's try to start the car.  
Driver: So, damn it, I’m saying that it’s not for-
 common. That's why I'm calling, dumbass.       
Technician: (grinding teeth) Still, let’s-
 let's try again! Step on the pedal
 clutch, press the brake, and turn
 those are the key.                                
Driver: Oh-oh! Let's go in order.  Where
 Do I have a "clutch pedal"?             
Technician: CLUTCH... Under the steering wheel on the left. On-
 did you go?Driver: Found it.                         
Technician: Push it all the way down. So.  Te-
 Do you see two pedals on the right under the steering wheel?
Driver: Uh-huh.                           
Technician: The left one is the brake. Click on
 her. Did you click?                            
Driver: Pressed.                         
Technician: Now turn the key to the ignition
 NI.                                    
Driver: And how will I turn the key if
 Are both my hands already full?               
Technician: Excuse me?                        
Driver: With my left hand I press on the engagement
 right hand on the brake, as I should
 Should your wife turn the keys for you, he asks -
 Xia?                                     
Technician: (chokes with laughter). So, let's
 let's try again, only this time on
 press the pedals with your feet.                   
Driver: With your feet? Is that really possible?     
Technician: (still choking with laughter) You can.
Driver: Let's try... Oh, it's more convenient...
 Why didn't you tell me right away... (audible
 fuss). Pressed.                        
Technician: Now turn the key to the
 rahuu all the way.                         
Driver: Where is my ignition?        
Technician: At the base of the steering wheel, on the right.        
Driver: Hmm. I have a hole, a
 there is no key in it.                        
Technician: Well, insert it.             
Driver: Who?Technician: (losing patience) Ignition key! 
Driver: How do I know which one I have?
 ignition key?                         
Technician: (grabbing his head) This is normal
 The largest key on the bunch.           
Driver: On the link?                     
Technician: Yes, where do you keep all the others?
 keys...                                
Driver: Ahh! So I lost her for two days
 back. So do I need a key?               
Technician: (hangs up) Tyyyyyyyy....   
Driver: Hello, hello?