The door swings open and a person runs into the room
guy:
- Great, dad!
Father is sitting at the computer - don't turn -
shaking his head, he asks:
- Where have you been hanging out?
- I was in the army, dad... Three years of service
lived!
- When you leave home, you need to talk
parents, where did you go!
I feel like a computer mouse:
I'm crawling on the carpet and something is twisting in my stomach!
Every second, poking at the keys, we yes-
Vim to death at least 1000 microbes.
2005 Internet News:
After a three-year confrontation between domain
zones .ru and .su were both transformed into
single zone of Soviet Russia .sru
A programmer wakes up in the morning with a hangover,
turns on the other side, sees cool
howling chick and says: "Whoops! Discovered
new I/O device!"
After drinking beer, pretty tipsy
dad programmer tells his son who is stuck
on the computer: "The more often you reboot
Windows, the better it works..."
Two nporpamepas are riding in a trolleybus and
talking without paying attention to anyone
mania:
- How are you?
- My mother died yesterday, so I’m going to
brain market to sell...
- You have some kind of mouse!..
- Which one?
- Yes, I scratched the entire screen with her cursor -
fallen!
The lamer comes to the hacker and holds out
him a disk with source codes and says:
- Where is my mistake?
- B DNA!!!
2 programmers meet:
- Why are you so sad?
- Yes... there are problems with the dos...
- What, the computer won’t boot?
- Yes, kids, snot! Dasmork is in trouble!!!
A programmer is walking down the street and sees him
friend-colleague on hobehbkom red
"Ferrari 512TR".
-Where does such a car come from?!
- Yes, I tore it out of NFS with a debugger!
Microsoft has released a new
operating system version. Now in
Each program window contains more than one,
a three help commands: When performing co-
"HELP" command opens help information
formation for working with the program. When on-
pressing the command "HELP!!!" appears
information on additional settings and
troubleshooting. When you click on the
mandu "That's it, fucked up!" the little one crawls out
window with the inscription: "Don't despair! B
There are still so many little joys in life..."
- Hello! Is this the provider? Impossible before you
reach out! Constant crashes! Speak
directly - is there any hope for communication?
- No need to shout like that. Hope for connection
there is always. And we haven't had any problems for a long time. We
you are not some vulgar Internet pro-
Weider, we are a reputable brothel.
The programmer came up with a program that
will make life easier for the whole world.Sits, writes.
He writes for a day, a week, a month, doesn’t eat, doesn’t
sleeps - writes. There's just a little bit left
there's a doorbell. It opens - there is ma-
such a lazy death. He says to her:
- Well, wait a minute, I’ll finish it right now and forget it -
heaven!
She:
- Don't be afraid, man, I'm behind your Winchester -
rum
The merger between Microsoft and
Linux. The emblem of the new system was chosen
penguin falling out of the window.
If your mother is a woman, if Klava is
name for you, and a mouse is a rodent, then you
"lamer"!!!
A hacker reads a fairy tale to his grandson:
- ... he began to click on the goldfish.
- Why fish?
- And because, my friend, there were still mice
there wasn't.
Two neighbors meet on the staircase
site. One is indignant:
- From your apartment yesterday you heard the...
What screams, as if you were slaughtering a pig!- No, it’s me Kaspersky antivirus for-
let...
Yunga is solving a crossword puzzle on the ship.
Asks the navigator:
- What types of explosives are there?
- Ask YANDEX!
Young climbs into the computer. Dials at the directory
nom site keyword and clicks on
ENTER. At this time the ship hackakubaet on
old mine. Explosion, stench, fire. Young you-
dives out of the water and madly mutters:
- For fuck's sake, I asked Yandex!
"In the animal world"
One programmer would have a screensaver
whether fish. The cat was hospitalized with dia-
gnosis "General exhaustion of the body and social
dangerous behavior."
Two programmers are sitting in a cafe. Past you
lit heifer.
“Her properties are great,” he says.
one.
- Yesterday I checked... All read only, - s
The other one answers sadly.
Dialogue between a programmer and his wife
in the evening, after work.
Husband came home: Good evening dear, I'm
now logged in.
Wife: Did you buy bread?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I asked you this morning.
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abortion?
Wife: How about a new TV?
Husband: Variable not found...
Wife: At least give me your cre-
baby, I want to go to the store...
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife: Do you love me or do you love only
computers or are you just kidding me
by me?
Husband: Too many parameters...
Wife: I shouldn’t have married you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are completely clueless...
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife: How about your salary?
Husband: File in use... Try after some time.
Wife: What is my position in our
family?
Husband: Unknown Virus
What is the difference between a programmer and a normal
new person?
The programmer believes that in a kilometer
1024 meters, and a person is what is in a megabyte
1000 bytes.
Russian hackers hacked the on-board
computer of the Russian fighter SU-27,
now the aircraft has an infinite number of
rockets.
A young pregnant program is crying
muctka, bursts into tears. Hangs above her
mother:
- How could you? How dare you?
Where were your eyes?
Programmer:
- And he promised to become registered
user...
How America works:
If a woman scalds her thighs,
hot coffee, which she put on the boiler
denier betweenlegs while at the same time controlling
car and talking on a cell phone, she accused
No restaurant.
If your son commits suicide
wow, are you blaming rock and roll or its lovers?
a great musician.
If you smoke three packs a day
for 40 years, you die from lung cancer
Okay, your family blames the tobacco company
nu.
If your daughter gets pregnant from the captain
school football team, you blame
school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashed into a tree when
I was driving home drunk - the bartender is to blame.
If your relative has contracted AIDS,
because he injected himself with heroin with a dirty squirt
overall - the government is to blame for not supplying
his neck is sterile.
If your grandchildren are idiots who don’t know how
behave - television is to blame.
If your friend was shot by a crazy person
crazy - the weapon manufacturer is to blame.
If another psycho breaks into the cabin
plane and tries to kill the pilot on high
cote 10,000m, and instead passengers
they kill him, the mother of the deceased accuses
accepts the airline. I have lived long enough to
to understand what the world is and what it is like.
So if I die sitting on my sta-
rum, wrinkled ass in front of this computer-
rum, I want you to blame it on
Bill Gates.
One programmer comes to visit another
Gomu, and that one in the bathroom is a mouse pad
erases.
The first one asks him:
- Why are you doing this?
- I wash the mouse pad.
- Why?
- Yes, I wanted to install Windows 2000 for myself,
I just started, and the mouse vomited...
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