to ALEX from me. .SO SIMPLE
* * *
...AK looked through the still "fresh" "HAKER" a little, found it
he is quite cute (whoever guesses why can take
candy). But the whole impression was spoiled by one article... Not that
AK did not like healthy criticism... But when criticism is aimed at
himself... AK simply could not remain in debt... But still
Yesterday ALEX helped him with the keyboard... Feeling like a pig, AK
sat down at this very keyboard...
“And here is my first non-alcoholic novel!” he thought to himself.
last thing...
* * *
...Tired of righteous labors (hacking programs), completely
sober ALEX took out a disk with LASER SQUAD and loaded PLAT00N
started messing around with the computer... Well, as usual: he’s so
imbued with the spirit of strategy and the fantastic plot that the world of LASER
SQUAD became an existing reality for him...
...Woke upALEX in a gloomy room with many
video screens and dismantled equipment. His neck bent under
with the weight of a heavy machine gun, a new girl was hanging behind her back
chainsaw. After wandering around the base for an hour, ALEX did not find any
living soul, it seemed the base had died out... Of course I didn’t notice
carefully sneaking behind him a completely sober armored
robot...It was no wonder - after all, the robot was a professional (years
about 150 ago).
...STBP (see above), thunderously thundering with armored legs
on the cast floor slabs, quietly creeping up to the stranger
soldier As luck would have it, the poorly lubricated hinges creaked annoyingly, and
the (once) powerful engine howled like a pack of hungry demons...
...ALEX turned... The robot froze in place...
-0, God! - ALEX muttered. - UFO guy!..
Truly a spectacle presented to ALEX one to one
looked like one of the evil "plate makers" bulky
a figure made of riveted armor, jointed legs, dumbfounded loops and
large emblem of LASER PLATOON...
- No luck! - flashed through the STBR microprocessor. - But to your
I must admit with honor: the fact that he discovered me is the purest
accident!..
Having tested yourmemory, ALEX remembered how much he
UFO workers owe a debt for burned LEDs...
-Hey, ufoshnik, why don't you chase eight oblique bucks!.. I forgot,
scoundrel, how did you burn out my LEDs?!.
A light smoke came out of the microprocessor of the "ufoshnik".
- Yes, you’re injecting yourself with a drug... Where are the other speech therapists, for example?..
The smoke began to rise stronger...
-Where are the other 50 plates?.. I have irrefutable
evidence...
Then ALEX pulled out the burnt LEDs from his bosom and threw them
in the face of the "ufoshnik". Then he pulled out a crumpled cutting from the same place.
"TAGIL WORKER" (just don't think that CRAZY ALEX
dissects people in the literal sense, here TR is a newspaper). Nice
unfolding the sheet of paper, ALEX began to read... After twenty
minutes of continuous presentation of newspaper material by ALEX out loud,
The "Ufoshnik's" legs slightly bent...
-Well, tell me, which UFO did you fly on?!
Thick black smoke poured out of the robot's ears...
-You don’t want to talk, you bastard?! Well then, pray to your Great One and
Terrible...
Before ALEX could finish his sentence, a dead man fell at his feet
robot Then ALEXI demonstrate my hatred for the "Ufoshniks"
carefully dismembered the robot with a chainsaw, all that was left of
The robot is now hanging by a thread in ALEX's room...
* * *
...But seriously, I'm only glad for the justified criticism.
Indeed, the heroes of my short stories often adapt to
interstellar fuel... Although, to be honest, I don’t drink
(tried it, didn’t like it, quit), but ALEX, think for yourself,
what the hell (I apologize for the expression) is a sober person (hmm...
rather a hero...) will perform such tricks as for example HEYC
or DIZZY??? And you’re wrong about DIZZY - something often happens even in
in branded versions it goes well with liqueur and rum, empty
there are bottles there at every turn and it’s still unknown for something he’s there
produces in the first part in that very, very suspicious
cauldron!.. And by the way, the heroes of "ARTHUR DENT" are teetotalers
prevented from becoming a harmful addiction to pontoblaster
rinse. Also note that in this way my heroes
support their role, well, since I created them this way
alcoholics... For example, in the second part of "LASER SQUAD" the role
the drunkard only savesANDERSON. It is quite possible that in such
frequent use of fuel on the “pages” of my short stories partially
psychological conflict on family grounds is to blame, about which
I wouldn’t like to spread the word... Well, in the end, not
I'm the only one... (let's take Winnie the Pooh from the same
"HACKER" numbers...) Of course I will try to improve, but
I warn you - DIZZY, HEYC and ANDERSON - they drank, they drink and will drink.
As for mistakes, I never hid that teachers
Russian language at school they gave me a C (not 38b...), and
only out of pity... But as for misses on the keys, then here
a significant shift is underway. Finally I have
passable monitor... So what's the connection? - you ask. And the thing is
Actually, the fact is that on a wrecked car sent to a landfill
it was almost impossible to distinguish the characters - try here
understand...
And lastly, don’t be offended by the above-written short story,
take it as a friendly cartoon... Thanks for the criticism!..
──────────────────────────────── ────────────────────────────────
to meI'm ashamed to sign up for this.
N. Tagil 1997
****************************************************************
Hi AK-47! This is cool!!! I don't understand why you wrote "to me"
I’m ashamed to sign up for this,” I personally haven’t come across anything here
something you should be ashamed of. Then, for the first time in my life
life said "thank you for the criticism"!!! (you know what I'm like
cruel critic). Now, if only ZF responded to my criticism in the same way,
I would be only too glad. As for your mistakes, they were more likely
not errors, but typos, if you take all my mistakes, then you can
write a book "The History of the Development of Errors in Russia."
And by the way, this is the FIRST definite answer to a definite
article in our newspaper. And thanks to you, the whole Tagil will know
now how much do UFOs owe me for burning LEDs +
burnt interest, but the number of flying saucers was you
somewhat overestimated, there were not 50 of them, but 25, and with all this
one of them was a flagship of awesome length... Full text on
ANDY has this problem in the form of a clipping (cut with a chainsaw) from
TR and I wouldn’t like to repeat myself, otherwise I’ll specifically get
all readers.As for your text, you started writing normally, now it’s yours
the text is formatted 0.K. Not really though. The point is that the sign
"-", if this is not a hyphen, you need to highlight it with spaces, otherwise it’s a nuisance
in which I write texts, understands this as a transfer, and if this
transfer, then there is no need to highlight it with spaces, for example:
UFO2 is a cool game about speech therapists. ; this is how it should be
UFO2 is a cool game about speech therapists. ; and that's what you do
After formatting the text we get:
UFO2 is a cool game about speech therapists.
What is written here is not criticism (God forbid), it’s just
advice on how to make my life easier, and if I really give advice ;-) then
change from vraitik to vordische, you won’t regret it.
But I would write a little about the droid’s battle with me in
different style:ALEX whipped out his trusty doom-shaped chainsaw and screamed
"death to UFOs, speech therapists (?!) and Copperfield" rushed at
droid, the droid, seeing ALEX's terrible grin, rolled
eyeballs on your sloping forehead in horror. Steel microcircuits
leaving the UFO, who was freaked out with fear, running away to different
On the other hand, the droid tried to escape, but it was too late. Base
was announced by a terrible scream and the screech of a chainsaw tearing apart the armor.
A bloody sunset illuminated the terrible face of CRAZY ALEX, he snatched
from the still twitching body of the droid microprocessor and before our eyes
which the red fire had already begun to go out, ate it up and spat it out
chewed remains on the droid's corpse, then he tore it out of the body
droid's eyeballs to convert them into LEDs...
Or let's say this:
In the depths of the sea, where even fish cannot swim,
a colony of UFOs was at rest, they were engaged in peaceful
activities, did not harm anyone, in short, they lived without knowing grief.
But all good things must come to an end, the human race has discovered
UFO constructions and the great genocide against them began.
The poor UFOs had no choice but to defend themselves.by people
punitive detachments of super warriors were formed, weapons
which were so perfect that a squad of 5 such monsters
I could jokingly cut out an entire database full of poor UFOs.
A strange-looking UFO landed on one of the UFO convoys
fighter, and upon landing it crushed a couple of aquatoids. By
The alarm was raised by the Lobster special squad. Lobsters surrounded
fighter, they were expecting five aquanauts and their claws were not
they would have flinched on the triggers if the aquanaut had gotten into the sights. But
the result exceeded all their expectations...
The door began to open slowly... The lobsters raised waves
guns... And suddenly the chord of “Corrosion” rang out from the opened door
Metal", Borov sang in a terrible voice "... and a hellish bulldozer
crawling over corpses..." UFO members did not expect such a terrible trick,
it was a new psychological weapon that had a terrible
effect on UFO members (and some representatives
humanity). The lobsters started screaming and throwing down their weapons,
pinched their ear openings with their claws, but there were many holes, and
few claws...
And then a terrible shadow obscured the light. The UFO guys turned and
saw a nightmare. The most terrible enemy cast a shadow over them
UFO'shnikov - CRAZY ALEX. In one hand he had a chainsaw, and inanother c-di-met, he directed it at the unfortunate UFO guys
ALEX. A cloud of CD discs sharpened with a rasp flew to the side
UFO'shnikov and on each disc a license was recorded
WINDOWS'95...
ALEX hated the UFOs because they burned his family (4)
LED. The cruel burning of which gave rise to such a terrible
hatred. UFO people brutally abused LEDs...
... hanging on ALEX's side (where the thermal shock should be)
there is a gigantic file in the sheath. The compacts will soon run out because
in Tagil it was very difficult to get licensed ammunition, but
This didn’t stop ALEX, he grabbed his trusty file and started
chainsaw. Shouting “IDDQD motherfucker,” ALEX rushed into the crowd.
And it's strange that the Lobsters' blows didn't cause any harm
ALEX. The chainsaw screeched ominously, after a while
UFO members screamed. The file whistled, the saw squealed, CRAZY ALEX
went on the warpath against the UFOs.
An hour later, ALEX drove all the surviving UFOs to
strange building in the center of the colony and prepared for them brutally
to deal with it, but suddenly... the door opened and he came out of the building
a strange-looking UFO guy, in appearance he was an ordinary person, but
he wore huge COPPER bast shoes on his feet, and on his T-shirtthere was a sign "C"...
Yes, I started writing all sorts of nasty things to myself,
It's time to call it a day.
As for interstellar fuel, it’s not for me to teach you how
write short stories, write as best you can, and “correct”
don’t try too hard, as it won’t benefit your
articles.
The UFO people screamed. The file whistled, the saw squealed, CRAZY ALEX
went on the warpath against the UFOs.
An hour later, ALEX drove all the surviving UFOs to
strange building in the center of the colony and prepared for them brutally
to deal with it, but suddenly... the door opened and he came out of the building
a strange-looking UFO guy, in appearance he was an ordinary person, but
he wore huge COPPER bast shoes on his feet, and on his T-shirt
there was a sign "C"...
Yes, I started writing all sorts of nasty things to myself,
It's time to call it a day.
What's upinterstellar fuel, so it’s not for me to teach you how
write short stories, write as best you can, and “correct”
don’t try too hard, as it won’t benefit your
articles.
So everything is fine. And I say again, I WAS NOT OFFENDED!
CRAZY ALEX
02/04/97
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