LASER SQUAD-II (part 1). .NOVELLA
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│LASER SQUAD-II│
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DARK CATACOMBS "0KEAHCKUX PROSTOP0B"
***
...The commander of the entire laser corps with doubt
looked through Captain IRON's report on the operation on the planet
"DRINK TO DEATH - 15.b." Something in this report resonated strongly with him.
I didn’t like it, but what?.. Yeah, that’s where the dog is buried:
"...Private STONE was awarded the rank of corporal for the capture of three
prisoners..."
"...RESULTS: the task is completed - the base is freed, in the process
liberation destroyed: ...(list of 10 sheets). Not destroyed
less than three hundred terrorists, prisoners were unfortunately captured
weren't..."
The commander pressed the selector button: "Captain IRON to
me!..” ...The gallant captain IRON, his medals gleaming, entered the office
boss.
-IRON, motherfucker, where are the prisoners your guys captured in
last operation?!.
-Uh-uh-uh..., hanged yourself with your own shoelaces, sir!..
-Every single one?..
- That's right, sir!.. Here are stereophotographs of these suicides... On
recent stereophotographs depicted about a dozen
brutally shot corpses, hanged on something very
resembling a mooring cable from a space cruiser...
“Somehow I don’t like this...” muttered the commander, looking around
glance at a headless corpse, hanged for lack of this
an important part of the body behind the leg...
-And this one hanged himself too?
- Yes, sir, he was the one who hanged himself first, he’s still like that
lamented: “How can I live without a head right now?! No, I’ll hang myself
anyway!..”
But a vile thought kept haunting the commander: “Something,
It’s still not like that here!..” And since there are still no other thoughts
it was, he nevertheless looked more closely at the image... and... then
he understood everything...“So you got caught, you vile swindler!” declared the commander,
looking straight into the angelic clear blue eyes of his
subordinate.- These bandits are wearing magnetic boots.
clasps!!! And they don't have laces!..
-Of course not!.. And how can there be laces there if the pirates are on
hanged them?..
Now the commander-in-chief deeply repented for doubting,
which arose in his soul in relation to this most honest
to a person. And to make amends, he decided to reward the captain
and his squad on another military operation...
***
...Head of the police department of the planet "0KEAHCKUE PRO-
STORY" has been awaiting the arrival of an elite
units of the laser corps to the capital, wearing proud
name "UNINHABITABLE 0CTP0B"...
The trouble started when the previous laser platoon,
sent by the department to fight the organized
crime, was captured by a gang of metalheads (METTALIX
C0RP0RATI0N ). And now alsothe president threatens to expel
work... And this after so many years of faithful service? Yes and boss
Mafia-Don Carlos threatens that he will stop appeasing quite
demanding "paw" of the chief of police... And then there's this one
special forces squad... God knows what! I'll have to get them right
substitute... All these restless thoughts gave me no rest
to the unfortunate policeman. Well, how can you not drink out of grief? However
He started drinking a long time ago, and not at all out of grief...
...The newly arrived detachment was not impressive
spectacle - in front stood an elderly soldier, covered with a bunch of
metal trinkets (“A metalhead, probably...” - I thought about
silent chief of police), behind the elderly metal worker stood a strange
looking like a corporal holding a dozen packages of diapers in his hands,
the rest of the detachment was no less an ordinary sight, and
the policeman didn’t even notice how predatory his gaze
The hefty android, standing last, examines him.
“So your task is...” he finally began.
policeman - that you must release the hostages, parallel
The task is to destroy enemy fighters. Hostages
are kept in the catacombs, in this part of the city... (here he is
pointed at the map hanging on the wall, the planet was
depicted in full andaccordingly the city itself
depicted a red dot with a signature. ) Tomorrow exactly 7:14 is yours
transport will arrive. Any questions?..
-Why is there a map of the planet hanging on the wall, and not a map
galaxies?..- asked Corporal STONE.
-There wasn't enough money...
“What does “parallel” mean?” asked the “metal worker” (as later
turned out to be Captain IRON), who managed to record the entire speech in
Lyceum in your notebook.
-I don’t know myself, but that’s what they say...
- Let's write it down...
“Where can I buy diapers here?!” asked the brave
Corporal JONLAN.
-In the department store, around the corner.
-Why is your planet called “0KEAHCKUE SPACE”, and why
no oceans?! Have they really already managed to drink them?! - this is an important
the question was asked by an inquisitive newcomer to the laser platoon - private
TOURNER ("a walking dead man" - according to DZHONLAN, a veteran
units, he certainly knew - too curious and too
brave people do not live long in a detachment).
- Absolutely accurate information has been preserved on this score. Happened
this is when there are endless spacesroamed the desert space
brave pioneers - when they finally reached the planet on
their prehistoric hammer drill ships, then loaded five
years of the landing program and after that they took samples of the atmosphere and
soil... And then depending on your luck... They were not lucky often. But this
the discoverers were lucky, they discovered a planet with suitable
atmosphere. Well, naturally, how this planet was discovered was
the matter was well noted... Well, they crawled out of the ship, and then...
since there was a big puddle, they crawled and crawled around it and that’s it
time they ran into its five-meter expanses... The next day
they broadcast smoke signals: “We have discovered a planet suitable for
life. First of all, we landed on an uninhabited island, all around
endless ocean expanses, an average of about 5 and
1/3 sunshine, green little devils fly in flocks... nothing to drink,
there’s nothing to eat either, the ship has disappeared somewhere... but here it is
he's hiding behind his back, little sneak, wow, he's multiplied..." ... Here with
Since then, our planet and its capital have been so strange
names... Any other questions?..
“Listen, are there a lot of these bandits there?” asked the big guy.
android.
-Not so much...
The Android swore dirty andcommented:
-Again, I suppose, a pitiful handful of brats - there is no one to destroy! A
Do you really need the catacombs themselves?
-...Of course, a cultural relic - the first wine and vodka warehouse
products on the planet...
“BARKER, just try it!” ANDERSON suddenly became furious.
-Tell me, is it possible that interstellar fuel flows through this pipe?
***
...Exactly at 8:28:51 to the building where the laser platoon was located
A Cossack landing force rolled up. Driver, angry and not drunk
signaled 5b9 times before the doors of the shack opened and
Private TYPHEP appeared on the threshold, stretching in pajamas and
machine gun over the shoulder.
“Hey, where are the other laser donkeys?” the driver roared.
At the last saying, a grenade flew out of the shack window without
checks and galloped along the ground and rolled under the “conveyor”...
The block resounded with an explosion, and then the windows of nearby houses
reflected the flames of a small fire - all that was left of
"transporter"...
-Will know how to interfere with honestperson to sleep after
drinking... ANDERSON muttered, falling back into bed.
...Exactly at 15:3b:48 laser unit, in full force
left the premises of the city pigsty, where, for lack of
another living space, the fighters were accommodated by the city municipality...
“Where is this damn jalopy?!” ANDERSON swore, after
hours of waiting.
-Can we catch a taxi? Or by bus?
-Have you spent your money on a taxi yet?
“I drank it away...” ANDERSON sighed. After being silent for a while, he split.
-And by the way, I also drank yours, and put the ammunition of the entire platoon in
lambard... The soldiers, who only now noticed that
the ammunition had disappeared somewhere, they desperately rummaged through their pockets for money
Naturally it wasn’t, even the TYPHEPA stash, hardwired into
the lining of their panties... Turning towards ANDERSON, the fighters predatorily
bared their teeth...
ANDERSON, realizing that he had shaken too much, slowly
backed away...
...The municipality, stingy on housing, was forced
fork out to buy back the ammunition of a laser platoon from a lambshop,
where she was sold by unknown kidnappers...
...A “new guy” drove up to the hut (as far asonly Cossack
maybe a “new one”) landing Cossack. Loading completely
equipped laser platoon was carried out quickly and did not take up
a lot of time, about three hours of pushing, pounding with a sledgehammer
and pressing and now the Cossack, snorting with his fetid
takes away six tightly compacted fighters and a driver in cesspools
away from the pleasant smells of the city pigsty...
...Squealing with its worn treads, the tarantay stopped at
buildings of the city catacombs... The door fell off and the android's hand,
armed with a laser, she carefully opened the roof of the unfortunate car.
One by one, the team landed on the dangerous streets.
cities. Having welded the doors into place, the soldiers wished the driver
Have a nice trip... The driver pressed the gas, the car became fast
move away, but not fast enough to get away from the android
BARKER... A laser beam flashed and another one painted the city
fireworks...
***
...A healthy toad with a gun in its webbed feet ran past.
“A toad with a gun?” thought ANDERSON, rubbing his bruise after
conversation with comrades sideways. - And what is the usual thing?not like that
seen! It's strange that there aren't three of them in a row..."
A crowd of skinny bearded men was chasing the toad, hooting loudly.
in scuba gear, at times they fired from disruptors at
side of the unlucky amphibian, resulting in
the block through which they ran were left alone, burnt
ruins. BARKER sighed enviously...
“Again, ufologists don’t get paid!” guessed the experienced corporal
DZHONLAN.- They are starting to drive “meat” again... And go ahead and
disruptors will blur after the battle...
...Soon the scuba divers caught up with the laser platoon...
“Guys, is there a light for a smoke?” asked the commander.
aquanauts who wore general's stripes on his suit.
Private HARRIS reluctantly took out a pack of White Sea Canal...
-Help yourself!..
The pack was instantly empty...
-Is there any more smoking?
-No! Why the hell do you need so much smoking?
-We’ll sell it to the aquatoid, they have everything in their colonies, but the drugs
no! There this "Belomor" costs a lot of money - after all
hallucinoid drug with psychoneuropathic effects on
metoplasmic ion channels of the cerebral cortex...-Why are you driving the poor guy around like that?
-For show, of course! How else can we prove that it really is
liberated the city if we don’t destroy it?..
-What about meat?
- Yes, we just killed three lobsters, I think - until next time
flight is enough...
Those ufologists were funny...
***
...The city catacombs had no less than fifteen official
entrances and at least twenty, dug by the thirsty population back in
the era when a warehouse was located in the catacomb building
wine and vodka products...
Where should we go? And on that door there hangs a sign:
"ATTENTION! PRISONED COPS ARE CONTAINED HERE! POSTOP0HHUM ENTRANCE
FORBIDDEN!"
Naturally, the soldiers of the laser platoon had no idea that
the prudent police chief disguised such
a transparent hint under a completely harmless inscription, in the hope that
the soldiers of the laser platoon, not sensing a trap, will go straight into
thispre-mined door...
“Let’s go there!” ordered Corporal DZHONLAN, pointing completely
the opposite direction.
-Boss, but the hostages are kept here! - TUR balked -
NER.
-What, you dumbass, can’t read?! It is written in black and white:
"...No outsiders allowed!" Cretin!..
“Yeah!” confirmed ANDERSON. “It’s written three times!”
...Having adjusted his diapers, JONLAN hit the doors with his foot,
after the fifteenth time, it finally dawned on the corporal that the doors
open towards themselves...
The squad split up and the giant dark catacombs "M0PCKUX PROS-
T0P0B" became the arena of action for the next operation of the fearless
fighters of the elite unit of the laser corps. Bloodbath
began...
***
...Corporal DZHONLAN got a bad partner - TYPHEP was
too curious, upon arrival at the military base after his training
for example, I was interested in what would happen if you pulled the ring
grenades, butThe strangest thing is that after that he remained alive, but
here is the barracks... Then, he suddenly wanted to find out how
"this thing" works. “This thing” turned out to be a large-caliber
light machine gun of the "Vulkan-5bZ" system with explosive bullets, platoon
Having already had time to get to know the newcomer, he lay down in the trenches in advance. And that's if
do not consider: “What will happen if you open this tap and bring
a match?..”, “Will there be fireworks if I take these two
wiring?..”, “Sir, can I try this one... well, what’s it called...
Well, in general, baby... is this one good for the teeth?.."
And now...
-Sir, what’s behind that door?..
-Don’t you dare open it!..
But it was already too late... Fortunately, the corporal wet his diapers in vain,
behind the door there was only a toilet...
...-Sir, can I shoot at that balloon over there?
-TYPHEP! I’ve never killed anyone in my life, but one more question, and!..
-Okay, sir, there will be no more questions!..
...There really were no more questions - about the next balloon
TYPHEP was already shooting without asking...
A powerful explosion blew the corporal and his careless subordinate to
opposite wall...
Coming to his senses JONLANlooked around the room with a dull glance, groping for
Having also managed to recover from TYPHEPA, the corporal pulled the bolt
automatic...
The life of an inquisitive private was saved by a bandit who showed up at
the hall was torn apart by the sound of an explosion. Noticing him, another corporal
once he wet his diapers... Bandit too...
Throwing their entire numerous arsenal onto the floor, all three warriors
knelt down, filling the hall with exclamations something like:
-Don’t kill, for God’s sake!..
-I have ten wives and 38 children!..
-I am a disabled person of the first group! At least have pity on the unfortunate cripple!
-I’ll tell you everything, just don’t kill me!..
And so on. The cacophony of screams continued for half an hour:
-I cut myself today while shaving!.. It’s me, the unfortunate cripple!.
- No, I am! I broke my finger!.. I’m even more unhappy!..
-And my leg was torn off in the last operation!.. I’m disabled-
-I can’t even walk!!!
-I haven’t yet said that I cut myself while shaving...
-I didn’t tell you which finger I broke...
-In the operation before last, my head was torn off... Somehow they reattached it
in place!..
The debaters were interrupted by the androidBARKER... Interrupted by the most impudent
way... The remains of the metalhead smoked on the floor for a long time... And
TYPHEP argued for a long time with the corporal which of them was the most unfortunate...
TYPHEP bet when the corporal said that the finger that TUR-
NER broke, the corporal himself suffered five more operations ago, and
he forgot about it only because he hit his head hard against the wall
in the operation before last led to partial amnesia and not uncommon
attacks of sclerosis...
***
...A loud obscenity, echoing throughout the catacombs, was heard
from one of the darkest halls. It's poor Corporal STONE,
was looking for the ill-fated helmet that had meanly flown off the hero’s head
last battle after an elastic collision with a water pipe
pipe. To top it all off, a flashlight attached to the helmet
went out, plunging the already dark labyrinth into the abyss of darkness...
Private HARRIS was crawling nearby, cursing no less flowerily, he
tried to help the corporal find his helmet. While his help was running out
only because both fighters collided head-on, and these collisions
ended with new outbreaks of loud swearing...
Finally HARRIS got fed up with it.a useless exercise and sitting down on
Some log he began to whistle a simple tune.
The restless corporal continued his search...
“Sir...” HARRIS turned to his boss. “Can you, for now?”
Are you looking for a helmet to read a book?
“Go ahead, son...” agreed STONE, searching the floor. “And where is it?”
could she have rolled?..
Flipping the switch on his own helmet, the private began to
reading Rambo...
A bright light suddenly flooded the labyrinth, forcing the corporal
turn around...
-HARRIS!.. -the obscenities coming from that part of the maze became even more
louder...
...The trap was planned flawlessly. In one of the dark
a barricade awaited the corridors of the fighters of the laser unit,
consisting of sandbags. The muzzles of a heavy machine gun and
two lasers completed the overall picture and did not put pressure on the laser fighters
units chance of survival. Will not flinch at the right moment
the hands of fearless metalheads. Death awaited the Laser Squad members...
...Corporal STONE, clutching a heavy machine gun in his hands, slowly
dragged along the corridor. A private trudged after his boss
HARRIS, dragging a sniper's rifle behind himrifle... Attention corporal
attracted by the sandbags piled across the road and the backs of
half a dozen bandits peering intensely into the darkness
the opposite end of the corridor...
...-Who are you looking for?..- asked the corporal, approaching
closer.
“Yes, these damn laser squad members!” the leader answered him. “Here
they will appear at that end of the corridor and khan to them!
“I don’t like this silence!..” remarked Corporal STONE.
The corporal was right as always - some movement was unexpected
started at the opposite end of the corridor...
...The roar of the machine gun drowned out both the dry crackle of lasers and the firing from
a sniper rifle and even the sound of bursts from a heavy machine gun
STONE. The shooting stopped only when the
an almost inexhaustible supply of clips. Deathly silence hung in
half a dozen bandits peering intently into the darkness
the opposite end of the corridor...
...-Who are you looking for?..- asked the corporal, approaching
closer.
“Yes, these damn laser squad members!” the leader answered him. “Here
they will appear at that end of the corridor and khan to them!
“I don’t like this silence!..” remarkedCorporal STONE.
The corporal was right as always - some movement was unexpected
started at the opposite end of the corridor...
...The roar of the machine gun drowned out both the dry crackle of lasers and the firing from
a sniper rifle and even the sound of bursts from a heavy machine gun
STONE. The shooting stopped only when the
an almost inexhaustible supply of clips. Deathly silence hung in
corridor. Finally, when the smoke had cleared slightly, both groups
got out from under a pile of used cartridges and empty clips, and
After saying goodbye cordially, we went about our business...
...At the far end of the corridor, on the floor lay a destroyed, simply
a robot scavenger blown to pieces. Passing by him
Private HARRIS noted:
-I didn’t even know that scavenger robots serve in the laser platoon...
then we continued...
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